I often get asked in interviews how I deal with jealousy whilst negotiating infidelity. Compare a love where jealousy is acceptable to a love that replaces it with generosity. Which love would you rather have?

Self help books, women’s magazines and traditional therapists extol the virtues of intimacy as the way to improve your relationship and therefore have better sex. But it’s the how, the what and the how much that matters.

The individual is the basic unit and it is only through you that change happens, or doesn’t. It’s up to the individual to find their spiritual connection, their connection to the environment, and their connection to their sexuality.

People often ask me why they don’t have any desire for sex. The answer is simple – you’re too tired. Exhausted, flat, overwhelmed, worn out, drained… None of these states are conducive to a raging libido.

If you are in a long-term relationship, chances are you are running about average! If you introduce a little friendly competition into the mix, large holes of ‘us’ time might suddenly start appearing in your diaries.

Communing is enjoyable and relaxing and connecting. Beforeplay is at least as important as the Foreplay. It’s the way you relate and feel about each other (and therefore about yourself) before you even get to the bedroom.

We love our boxes. We have them around our work, our gender, our ethic grouping, our age, our relationship status. For so many people, their lives are boxes within boxes, constraints within constraints, limitations within limitations.

What are the small things that mean a lot to you and your partner? How can you keep the connection strong through frequent acts of kindness and affection? It can be words, it can be touch, it can be actions, or simply spending time together.

Yes, it’s a play on words, but it’s also an extremely important point. A couple can only have good on-going sex if they both agree to make it good. You both need to agree to ditch the monotony!

Our sexuality is one area where many people aren’t open and honest and true to themselves. No matter how much personal development work they’ve done, if they’ve missed out this crucial part of themselves, then they’re never going to be whole and real.