How Many Women Fake Orgasms?
It’s hardly a well kept secret that women (and to a lesser extent men) fake orgasms. But it’s usually a well kept secret from their partners. It's not something we talk about. And according to researchers that’s exactly what we should be doing - talking about it!
Ask a group of female friends if they’ve ever faked having an orgasm and you will probably get a unanimous response. Even the infamous scene from When Harry Met Sally in the New York deli (which I’ve been to and was very tempted to re-enact) still has women smiling, and only 20% of men willing to admit that perhaps, maybe, sometimes their partners might fake it.
Given that only 8% of hetero women report reliably having orgasms purely via PIV the figures are probably a lot higher than guys would be willing to estimate. Which is a shame because another study found that 90% of men said they care about their partner having an orgasm. And that, in itself, is a lot of pressure on the women they have sex with.
So why do women fake orgasms?
There are multiple reasons why your partner might fake an orgasm:
- They don’t want to hurt your feelings.
- Some women don’t prioritise their own sexual pleasure or find it difficult to talk openly about what they want or need in bed.
- We've been conditioned to believe sex has to end in an orgasm to be good.
- They can’t relax enough to enjoy sex.
- They think men need to satisfy their partner in order to be sexually satisfied themselves.
- They fake it to keep their partner especially if they worry about their partner cheating.
- They’re tired and just want to get to sleep.
- They’re distracted and it’s just not going to happen.
- Their libido has taken a nose dive but they have sex because they feel they should even though they’re not in the mood.
- Medication, stress or medical issues are affecting their arousal or their ability to orgasm.
- The kids have woken up; the flatmate just came home; your parents just came home; their phone beeped and they’re no longer “in the moment”.
How often do women fake orgasms?
A study published in 2019 in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour found that from a sample of 1008 women 59% reported that at one time they’d fake an orgasm. Women who continued to fake orgasms were more likely to be embarrassed about talking explicity about sex with their partner. 55% reported they had wanted to communicate with a partner regarding sex but decided not to and the most common reasons were not wanting to hurt a partner's feelings (42%), not feeling comfortable going into detail (40%), and embarrassment (38%). Greater sexual satisfaction was definitely associated with a higher level of being comfortable discussing what makes sex pleasurable for them. Women aged 18 to 24 were more likely to say they didn't know how to ask for what they wanted.
What we found interesting was that 67% of women who had ever faked orgasm said they no longer did. Here’s what the research found:
- 46% said they felt more comfortable now with sex regardless of whether they achieve an orgasm
- 35% said they felt more confident with themselves as a woman, and
- 34% said they feel their partner accepts them and is happy with them, even if they don't have an orgasm.
So, what do these studies tell us?
- Men care about their partners and want to see them enjoy sex but there needs to be less focus on an achieving an orgasm and more on the enjoyment around intimacy and connection. Don’t make an orgasm the only goal. A famous motorcycle rider quote says, “It's the journey, not the destination that is the best thing about riding!” It could almost be a metaphor for sex!
- Most women have faked an orgasm at one time but that doesn’t necessarily reflect on you as their partner or on your sexual prowess. Women’s arousal isn’t one size fits all and you need to learn how to make her purr.
- Don’t be too quick to judge your partner if it happens or make your goal in life to “get her off” the next time - there could be plenty of reasons as we’ve explained and some of them may require seeking medical advice.
- Open and clear communication really is key - talk to your partner about what you like, and what you need. Your partner is not a mind reader.
And finally the researchers found that women who strongly agreed with the statement "I feel comfortable using the word clitoris" reported significantly higher levels of sexual satisfaction and were also less likely to still fake orgasms.
Life is short and you should be having the best sex of your life every damn day of your life. So all hail the clitoris and let’s go forth and be honest with our partners - your sex life is relying on you.
4 comments
sexbyday
More than a month agoI, once, always could orgasm with my partner touching me, but then I developed a medical illness and lost the ability to orgasm. It was just a case of having to do it to keep the man, there was no enjoyment for either of us. Eventually he ended the relationship, but having been visited by him a couple of times after that, and having sex (to see if I had recovered I suspect), he moved on. I have always felt that if the sex had still been good, we might still be together. I could not fake an orgasm, he knew how my body reacted when I climaxed.
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Surrendertome
More than a month agoMen, lead your woman's mind with dominant filthy dirty talk, then give her the command to orgasm (maybe tease her a bit when she is right on the edge and make her beg for it <evil laugh>) - my women are only allowed to cum when I give them permission.
ReplyIfuwannadome
More than a month agoif you not getting off, tell the poor guy to do whatever, or take over lol
ReplyMindfood2
More than a month agoIts hard to fake orgasm..as a woman I rather enjoy that passion or nothing at All..As to how many woman fake orgasm...im assuming 1 out of 10 to make their partner feel better..:)
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