Learn how to love your vagina
Eva Sless
on 11 February 2021
27 comments
Even if you've never seen one in the flesh before, most of us know what a dick looks like. We know because if you've ever sat at a wooden desk in high school, or have ventured into a public toilet or walked past a graffiti scrawled wall you've seen a picture of one. We know because of eggplant emojis and man-made phallic monuments and, of course, sex toys. We know because dicks are, for the most part, an acceptable body bit to talk about, look at, and understand.
Their counterpart though? The humble vagina and vulva and all their associated bits? Not so much. Partly because they're all tucked up and hidden away and not waving about in the wind like penises are, but mostly because, for the better part of history, they've been deemed as "rude" or "pornographic" and an unmentionable topic of conversation, sometimes even in sex education!
Well I think that's bullshit. The vag, and all the flaps and folds and fun bits surrounding it, is an amazing organ. It brings life and pleasure into this world and, like fingerprints, is absolutely beautiful and unique to every person who owns one.
Who Doesn't Love Flowers?
Forget about comparisons to oysters and mussels and other briney molluscs. While they are absolutely correct and I have no qualms comparing them to their uncanny doppelgangers of the sea, unfortunately the connotations of "gross, smelly fish" has made it so that the average person, when confronted with these images or comments, usually goes to the "Ew, gross" side of things. Which is crap, but understandable in the great scheme of things... But what about flowers?
Have you ever looked up close at a lily or orchid as it blooms? Or at the centre of a rose in all its unfolded, petalled beauty? Soft and sweet and oh so touchable... Yes, there is a reason some people call it their "flower", and even though I have a big issue with people not calling their body parts by their proper names, I have to admit it's definitely one of the nicer terms used. Don't be fooled, though. No matter what anyone says, that area, while fine to look a bit like one, is NOT supposed to smell like a flower. It is supposed to smell like a vagina and anyone trying to sell you something to make it smell un-vagina-ish is conning you and definitely does not have your vagina's best interests at heart.
Vulva Is Not A Dirty Word
Back in the old days, you know, the heady days of the early 90s, my sex education teacher (who I've spoken about before in these blogs) was absolutely amazing and super progressive for the time. She taught me about things I didn't hear about again until I was much older and doing my own research. About things like the different kinds of discharge and vaginal lubrication. And about how shit it was that she was required to teach us the "rhythm method" even though it didn't work and was very risky to use as a form of contraception. And I also remember her getting into a bit of strife with the principal because she had dared utter the word "vulva" to our year nine science class. There we were, literally learning about certain parts of the body, and she was told off for using a proper name. It wasn't like she said cunt or something! All she had said was that the vagina was the inside bit and the vulva was the outside bit but someone must have gone home and told their parents, who then complained to the school.
Insanity! But, would you believe, this is something that still happens to this day! The thing is "vulva" is not only a perfectly normal word to say to anyone of any age, it truly is a completely different part to the vagina and needs to be differentiated. What happens, for example, if you go to a doctor telling him you have a sore vagina when you mean vulva? You may not get the right advice or treatment which could lead to a whole lot of other issues down the road. And regardless of that, IT'S LITERALLY WHAT IT'S CALLED!
Mirror Mirror
For millions of cis, heterosexual women out there the VJ (which I shall use henceforth as a phrase to incorporate the entire area) is a mystery. They have one, yes they also touch it daily with either wiping, or cleaning, or dealing with periods, or yes, even masturbating, but it is still a mystery.
Like men, it's not uncommon for women to be naked in a room together (Calm down, I'm talking locker rooms and stuff, not porn-esque sleepovers with pillow fights and truth or dare) but, unlike men, it's not like we can easily see what other people's bits look like. We can't just casually glance over at the urinal or see it as they walk past us on the way to the showers. In fact, unless we watch porn or something, its unlikely that we get a good look at what it's all about and, for the most part, mainstream porn isn't really known for its portrayal of anything but one "neatly tucked up and trim" VJ aesthetic.
Well now it's time to change that. Every vagina owner needs a good hand held mirror at their disposal, and a nice private spot to get their pants off and have a good ol' look and explore with the mirror.
Same Same But Different
Like mentioned above, each VJ is completely different and unique to its owner, and while there are certain similarities you'll never find two that are identical.
You may have fleshy vulva lips and thin, tucked away labia, or maybe your vulva is thinner but the labia hang down. Is it long? Short? How does it look shaved versus unshaved? What about your clitoris? Can you see it or does it mostly hide away until stimulated? Does the area change colour or shape as your get turned on? Do you know where your urethra is?
Have you had a baby? Does it look different now?
Getting to know the what, where and how of your bits is so important for a bunch of reasons, both health and pleasure wise. Knowing what it looks like and recognising any changes in look, odour or sensations is important for knowing things like the difference between thrush and general itchiness or something even more serious. About knowing your menstrual cycle. About knowing what it likes and wants sex wise so you can enjoy shared sexual experiences with as much satisfaction as possible
Just as you know about all the things your mouth needs and wants, from food to hygiene and when you need to go to the dentist, so should you know the same about your VJ.
VJ BFF
Basically what I'm saying is that you should love your VJ like you love your bestest friend in the world. You should honour and protect it by making sure it is clean, healthy, happy and content. You don't need to douche or spritz or add anything to it to make it "better" or "nicer" or "prettier" (piercings excluded, you can totally pierce it if you wanna). You should know what it likes and treat it frequently and never, ever feel shamed or ashamed of it.
We are often told in this world of commercialism, with the constant barrage of "not good enough" vibes thrown our way, that loving yourself is a revolutionary act... Well let's take that to a whole new level and embrace every single bit, and fold and flap and hole.... In other words VJ La Revolution, baby, VJ La Revolution!
27 comments
TransguyFTM
More than a month agoAlways adore seeing writing demystifying sex and body parts. I’ve done a fair bit of sex ed for queer youth across the years.
One small point, I respectfully suggest checking stereotyping in the writing. Doctors are not always “he”. Women make up 53% of medical school graduates, so slightly in the majority.
I’m in health and even there we still see it written as nurses = she and doctors = he, even in our own industry.
Enjoyed the writing thank you.
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ReplyAMM.Editor
More than a month agoBoth Eva and I try very hard, like very hard, not to generalise or fall back into heteronormative language. Sorry we missed this one. Something to watch for in future posts. Glad you enjoyed the article.
DeeJayBee
More than a month agoA vulva is a vulva a vagina is a vagina. VV would be so much more appropriate than VJ. Because what does the J stand for? Just get sick of people using vagina when what they are talking about is the vulva. Especially in sex education in 2021. Sorry pet hate.
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoVJ is a fun, slightly phonetic, initial set to use instead of the word cunt which can offend.
I mean... if you read it properly you'd notice I use a the correct terms for all of the individual parts, however when speaking of the area as a whole there isn't really a word to use.
I mean, you're right. Vagina is not the word to use. So I didn't use it.
And I literally explain why.
As for what else to use..
Well, there's "genitals" too clinical. There's "private parts" which is just silly, and then there's the C word that I love but I rarely use in these articles because there's always someone with something to say...
As a quick question, what would you call the entire area?
I mean VV is okay... however, it leaves out the C, both the Ls, the U... And just doesn't roll off the tongue as nicely as VJ does... pun intended
DeeJayBee
More than a month agoI'd use the word genitals or genitalia for both men and women in describing the whole lot. And use whatever names you like in private conversation. Would be a shame if women and girls only think their vagina is the only thing important in their pubic area. Be good if educators and folk knew that vulva is correct word for all those very pleasurable bits.
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoI'm not sure what your beef is to be honest.
The only shame here is the fact not only have you obviously not read a word I've written, you're also trying to school me by weirdly repeating my own words back to me and arguing for something I not only do constantly (including in this piece) but also arguing against my usage of a fun phrase/word that is so incredibly common among women and girls it's like saying pussy. Or cunt. Or your bits. It's the word I use. This is not PubMed. It's a sex blog.
Also, you're very heavily focussed on the vulva being the source of all pleasure... But, actually (I can say actually, because I am a literal expert), its primary purpose is protection... Not pleasure, even though it can certainly get a lot of pleasure out of it...
It is very interesting to me that in your rush to "school me on things I literally school people in" you seem to be forgetting the clitoris?
(And both the labia majora and minora, and the urethra... plus the pubis, the perineum, the crease between vulva and inner thigh...) what a shame!
Yep... There's actually FAR MORE to your VJ than just the vulva and vagina. Perhaps I could recommend my book.
:)
KinkyGirl101
More than a month agoLearn to love your genitals just doesn't sound right to me. Personally I love the word cunt.
DeeJayBee
More than a month agoI use cunt most of the time. But hey i know the correct word for all parts of my genitals and what they do. Shame many men & women dont.
DeeJayBee
More than a month agoAs I wrote earlier its a pet hate of mine. Sorry you took it personally. Id just prefer that people would use the term vulva more often, rather than vagina for referal context. And it would be nice if more people were educated about the word.
Zamboon
More than a month agoCelebrate your Vagina ( I cant say Vulva - doesnt sound right..) look after it be kind to it Use it enjoy it - be open to things and communicate your wants and wishes to your partner/s its yours and you know what you like...
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ReplyDeeJayBee
More than a month agoSay vulva because its the main pleasure zone not the vagina.
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoSay vulva.
Be a grown up.
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoActually the clitoris is the main pleasure zone.
Sure it extends throughout the vulva... but it also extends into the vagina too.
So to say one is more or better than the other is just not true and is actually really bad sex education.
All vulvae and vaginas and clitorises are different and respond differently.
You can speak of your own experiences, but you cannot make a blanket statement like that because it is simply not true.
Some people get more pleasure out of one than the other but thats about the depths of nerve endings more than anything else.
But we get it
You love your vulva.
Woo hoo!
Wouldbanng
More than a month agoOh stoppit ladies...gee Jay very similar sounds even cunt an old pagan term fer kingly or queenly thank the gods yer gottem cos there bloody marvelous
Zamboon
More than a month agoIm ok with that - Im also amazed at the number of ladies who use the word cunt ...! I like it but would never presume..
triXXXi66
More than a month agoGreat article.. as a woman who definitely knows what her vulva looks like I'm proud to say that I recognise subtle changes in her and her health and happiness. And as for the piercings....I like the idea that I have an octopussy....giggle..and that commando is the best for her comfort and well being.
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ReplyWouldbanng
More than a month agohubba hubba
CopperTop111
More than a month agoI loved the article.. and agree with all the comments.. Love the V n V... mmmm ...and the woman as a whole... dont forget that...
ReplyWouldbanng
More than a month agoI will when I find a nice one
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoWTF- they're ALL 'nice'! In fact, they're all f***ing fantastic! They are more subtle, beautiful and hardworking than any cock
Totals
More than a month agoI’m glad you wrote this article, as I think they are the most beautiful and complex part of the female body and I have made it a lifetime ambition to learn more and more about this beautifully created pleasure strip. Thankyou giving that enlightenment to others.
ReplyBoldpromise
More than a month agoI have loved eating,nibbling and teasing pussy orally since first going down on a girl at school.I just love the the feeling of getting a woman off and derive my greatest pleasure from giving pleasure orally.
ReplyBeachbunn
More than a month agoWhat's not to like about it, but I have known a rare few men who don't like pussy and have no idea what they are doing. Yet expect a BJ
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ReplyWouldbanng
More than a month agoOn behalf o those rare few men I'd like to say poor basterds
2HotHearts88
More than a month agoI need to eat pussy as much as my wife lets me, i real want my wife to use my face as a seat so i can more of her vag, because i really want to lick, suck and eat that awesome spot as long as my milfy wife can take.
ReplyaPussyLicker4U
More than a month agoDear Eva, A great article well written.
As a guy I dont own either a vulva or vagina but as a pussy worshiper I have seen all shapes and sizes up close and personal and they are all beautiful......the source of lifes greatest pleasures.
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ReplyIVAONE60
More than a month agoTotally agree mate I like you worship the pussy and love everything about it.