Watching Porn with your Partner for the First Time
Although still considered taboo in many areas, porn is one of the most popular ways to enhance your sex life. Whether you're a solo viewer using it to fantasise your way to climax, or a couple who regularly indulge together, watching other people perform delicious and debauched acts on the screen can be a fabulous addition to your playtime. But how do you bring it up in a new relationship or even an old one? It can be a bit scary opening up like that for the first time, so let us help take some of that pressure off and offer you some suggestions to make it a slightly easier and less nerve-wracking conversation to have when you want to watch porn with your partner for the first time.
Communication and Consent is important
Before you press play it's really important that you have the full consent of your partner because, like any sex act, porn can be incredibly confronting and offensive to someone who isn't interested in it at all. Even if watching porn is something they are into, or are curious about, just chucking on a clip without even asking your partner if it's okay, let alone something they might find arousing, could lead to all sorts of awkwardness, and even anxiety, arguments and anger, which is the last thing you want when you're supposed to be in an erotic mood. When bringing up the conversation it's really important to make it about the both of you, rather than something you want to do for just you alone. Using words like "we" and "you" instead of "I" can make your partner feel at ease as will making it absolutely clear that this is something you want to try together as an "enhancement" to your already awesome sex life rather than something you want to do just for your own pleasure. Try bringing it up like "You know something we've never tried before...?" or the subtle "Have you ever thought about watching porn?" Or even more straight to the point "How would you feel about us watching porn together?" If you're really, really nervous about bringing it up you could always frame the topic in a slightly different way like "Jamie at work told me their partner put on a porno the other night..." or "omg I had a dream we were watching porn last night!" This is a good, and slightly subtle way, of gauging their reactions and interest or lack thereof and, if they react in a positive or curious way, allows you to segue into a slightly more specific question about bringing it into your own sex lives.
How do you choose what Porn to watch?
So you've had the chat, you're both keen and it's time to pick some clips... And that's when you realise, even if you had some sort of idea before, just how much porn is out there and how much of it is stuff you have absolutely no interest in whatsoever. Not just that either, some of the stuff you see might turn you off so much that you decide to give up on sex for the night, if not for a while, and just play Monopoly instead. So the best thing to do is start off with clips and films that portray stuff you know you're both into. Simple things like "oral sex", "doggy style" to start off with won't be too confronting or out of your comfort zone and can give you the ideas and confidence to look further down the rabbit hole within that genre.
Take turns with your partner choosing Porn to watch
While couples are most often together because they are compatible in the really important ways, like political leanings and sexual preferences, there will always be slightly different focuses and things that appeal within that. While he may get incredibly turned on watching penetrative sex on screen, she may find watching someone perform oral sex far sexier for her internal eroticism, so it's important to take turns choosing what you want to watch to keep it equal and fair and both parties engaged and involved. I also suggest that the person who brought up watching porn takes the backseat and gets to choose second. This will help show that this is something you're wanting to do for both of your pleasure rather than just yours.
Porn is not Sex Education
Please remember that porn is not sex education. It is purely there for entertainment purposes and should be watched with that in mind. That's not to say that you can't pick up tricks and tips and ideas of things to try from watching it, but be aware that the people on the screen are professional sex havers. It's their job. They are flexible and fit and are made to look like they can fuck for hours without taking a breath, or needing lube, or a toilet break. They come loud and hard and often and never seem to lose their erections. Honestly, if you take it too seriously, it can make you feel exhausted, inadequate, and unsexy which is the complete opposite of what it's supposed to do
Porn can be funny to watch
I'm not going to lie. As sexy and fun and erotic as porn can be, it can also be hilarious. While yes, the performers on screen are professional performers, they're not necessarily actors and so, if you're watching anything that has any sort of plot or storyline involved it really can be most amusing, which can sometimes take away from any in-the-moment horniness. There are some porn films that are designed to be a bit funny (the parody ones are great at that) and they could be a good way to break the porno ice in your relationship, but for the most part even the most "serious" of pornos can be amusing in some way or another so just be aware that if your partner has a bit of a giggle they're probably not laughing at you, but more likely laughing at the action happening in front of them.
Pay for your Porn
This is so important!! Like I've said in previous articles, porn performers are doing a job and just like anybody who does any job, they deserve to be paid for it. Popular websites that offer free porn often do so at a loss to the performer. The clips are often stolen and/or put up without the consent of the performers and the only people who benefit and profit from it are the people who own the sites. Heaps of websites offer subscription services which can be really affordable, and every porn star out there will have a website or a subscription service like OnlyFans that you can pay for and access. The more free porn there is out there the more dangerous and exploitative the industry gets so please do your research and find good, reputable (preferably women owned) websites and porn companies for your viewing pleasure. I say "preferably women" because women-focused and women-produced porn is not only as hot and sexy and deliciously debauched as any other sort of porn, it is almost always far more ethically produced.
It's OK not to like Porn
So you tried it and you didn't like it. That's okay! That's more than okay! Not everything is for everyone and there is nothing wrong with you if it turns out you're not as into it as you thought you might be. The important thing to remember though is it goes both ways. As in just as it is perfectly okay and normal for you not to like it, so too is it perfectly okay and normal if your partner does. There will obviously have to be further conversations about it in that case, like any conversation about sex and sexual boundaries, but please remember it is never okay to shame or ridicule or pressure your partner because they want to, or don't want to, do something.
Overall bringing porn into the relationship is as normal and as common as couples adding sex toys, or other people, or anything else that people do out there to enhance and level up their sex lives. There is nothing perverted or sick about wanting to indulge in a little extra eroticism, and it can often have really positive effects on the relationship in general with the close bonding and connection that sharing intimate secrets with your lover can bring... So what are you waiting for?
Why not give it a go tonight!
1 comment
Fuckudeep129
More than a month agoi don't think there's anything thing wrong with it, just pick the right category for both and enjoy, it can give ideas and if agreeable act out, but personally i don't need it to get me worked up
Reply