How to Entice your Partner to Explore Swinging!

Chantelle Austin Chantelle Austin on 13 June 2016    21 comments
Woman in burgundy lingerie holding a green apple whilst her partner is in bed

Well, it was me who was the first to suggest the idea, which shouldn’t be a surprise! I’ll share how I started it but I’ll also give you a few other suggestions because the way I did it isn’t necessarily the most practical nor easiest method to use.

Basically I gave him a threesome with another girl first (and what man is going to say no to that?) so my theory was that he “owed” me one. Can we see the logic? We did that early on in the relationship and it was a few years before we decided to see if we could find a second guy to play with. First time around we found this to be quite challenging and I had performance anxiety (that’s a whole other article) so it didn’t happen then.

It has been an evolution of both our relationship and our level of comfort to get to this point. Some start at the beginning of their relationship, others take years to warm up, and I’m all for getting warm! Hot even… naked?

Getting your partner on board with the idea of swinging is like doing a sales pitch really; your job is to sell them on the idea by painting a picture of all the benefits for them. Telling them how awesome it will be for you to have sex with other people is not going to having them jumping up and saying “right honey, let’s go find some playmates!”

I asked my husband what sold him on the idea of swinging or at least a threesome with another guy involved and he said “Ummm… I figured I owed you one. But I was also aware that potentially I would get to shag other girls too.” SOLD!

So what are the benefits you think you’re partner would go for? Think about the benefits for them as an individual but also for you both as a couple. For us it has only strengthened our relationship by allowing each other to have fun. I actually like seeing him with other people! I get to see how much he’s enjoying the moment, which I don’t get to see when he’s having sex with me. It’s a whole new perspective!

Here are my handy tips and hints for enticing your partner to join the swinging scene:

  • Discuss the idea of trying something new; something very benign to start with such as sex in the same room with another couple, or having a threesome for them, just to “spice things up”.
  • Start slowly; baby steps! Plant the seed so to speak… by this I mean throwing in the odd comment or question over time, such as “have you ever wondered what it’d be like to have a threesome?” or “I read a book the other day and they were talking about how swinging really enhanced their relationship”… You could just leave it on the coffee table by “accident”, ha ha!
  • Reaffirm the depth of feeling you have for them before suggesting some swinging fun. Make sure they feel completely loved and that this idea is in no way about you not loving them as much anymore.
  • Reiterate that there is no pressure at anytime and that you’ll only do what they are comfortable with.
  • Give them the “temporary” option… “Let’s try this for a little while and see if we like it, and if not, we can stop”… The biggest thing is making it known they are not locked into anything, and you respecting their decision.
  • The key here is affirming your feelings for them, suggesting the idea and to start slow. Make sure you listen to them and their concerns and address each one, keeping in mind the benefits you need to express for them.

If after all that the answer is still a flat out “NO”, think of it as only “no for now…” leave it for a while and try broaching the subject again at a later date. It took my husband a couple of years to be comfortable with having another male in the room (which is a funny thought based on what he does with men now!!)

Sometimes people need time to adjust to the idea but there is hope yet! Make a point to build a strong trust and love between you so that the idea of losing you is the last thing they think is happening. It makes a difference.

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Comments (21)

  • 2sexymen4u

    2sexymen4u
    Account closed

    Great article and so really where there's a will there's a way!
    Agree that only a soft friendly thoughtful approach always the best way forward & particularly when introducing a new lady looking for her first erotic experience wth a 3 some with 2 men & our most favourite.
    We also found once they try there is no looking back.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Pleasuremywife2

    Pleasuremywife2
    78M 76F Gold Coast, QLD,
     AU

    It’s natural to be apprehensive to try new things. It took me ages to convince my partner to have sex with other men. Now she’s really into it and wonders what took us so long to cross that boundary.
    >4w
    • hauman2u

      hauman2u
      64M Tauranga, BOP,
       NZ

      Can you explain to me hows your first time swinging with another couple.. seeing your wife fucking another man.
      >4w
    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor
      Staff Account

      @hauman2U search for "jealousy" on the blog using the search feature and there are articles which cover this. Basically everyone is different but it all comes down to you both being equally keen on exploring swinging and communicating and agreeing boundaries.
      >4w
    • Pleasuremywife2

      Pleasuremywife2
      78M 76F Gold Coast, QLD,
       AU

      Thank you editor for stepping in.
      There has to be no jealousy at all ie your relationship has to be rock solid.
      Then it's like giving her a present that no one else can give.
      To share her with others is a truly erotic and satisfying experience.
      By the way, there's a lot more to sex than fucking.
      >4w
    Reply
  • joe2442

    joe2442
    Account closed

    What often confuses me about "swinging" is when couples who are new to the scene often it seems the first threesome they have is mff as opposed to mmf. It's like it's more easy or less stressful/less akward if it's 2 girls and a guy as opposed to 2 guys and a girl. I sometimes wonder that how is that any easier for the girl presuming she is straight and not BI etc, and same applies to men. But it seems more people who I hear about who swing, there's actually alot who only do mff threesomes and no 2nd man eg mmf or mmff. And it seems if there's gonna be 2 men, many couples prefer then another couple than a single male, but seem quite happy to have a single female. It's confusing what some couples do as opposed to other couples.
    >4w
    • allinmymind

      allinmymind
      61F Wodonga, VIC,
       AU

      It is pretty simple really. You look at couples profiles and most of the time the female is bisexual.
      >4w
    • Fantasywife

      Fantasywife
      57F 60M Coimadai, VIC,
       AU

      We seem to be an exception to your rule, Mrs F is not bi or even remotely curious and the chick on chick thing doesn't do much for me to be honest. It still has been a gradual process for us and we can afford to be selective, something a lot of single guys don't appreciate, but we have been fortunate enough to have some MFM fun and hope to continue this into the future. Mr F
      >4w
    • Leolady727

      Leolady727
      Account closed

      Probably because a lot of single males are sleazy or pushy - I've NEVER had a really good MMF threesome, but have had many good MFF threesomes.
      >4w
    • joe2442

      joe2442
      Account closed

      Well "allinmymind" why do more couple accept a single-female into the threesome than the single-male. Is it just more females are Bi or is it something more. 2 female stangers are more relaxed and less akward seeing each other nude etc, or less jealous I don't know.
      >4w
    • Fantasywife

      Fantasywife
      57F 60M Coimadai, VIC,
       AU

      Joe2442 , good luck trying to understand why people have a personal preference, it is just that ... A personal preference.
      >4w
    • Leolady727

      Leolady727
      Account closed

      Joe - I think it may be because women are more open to the idea of exploring their sexuality - every REALLY sexual woman I know has at least had the fantasy of another woman, whereas men are a bit scared about experimenting. I honestly think that any woman who says she is NOT at all interested in the idea of another woman is not really sexually awakened.
      >4w
    • DynamicCouple

      DynamicCouple
      Account closed

      Probably because, for a female, a FMF 3 some seems less "invasive" and much "safer" for them? And because so many males can be very pushy, selfish and sleazy, often not following the rules nor respecting the female's boundaries.
      >4w
    • joe2442

      joe2442
      Account closed

      LeoLady727 I agree in my experience more women are certainly open to Bisexual fantasies or experiencing the lesbian/homosexual side than man. But then again I'm a guy so I don't talk to other guys about sexual fantasies just women, so maybe men are far more open and less respressed about there sexual desired and fantasies around women. As being a straight men, me and most straight men I know almost never open up about there sex life with other straight men, just women they talk too about this sex-stuff. I asked a sex therapist who was male and he said none of his clients were straight male. He had some gay male clients, and women who were Bi/lesbian/straight. He was a straight man himself. I've spoken to some other middle aged men I know in daily life and they say when they had some medical problems and had to see a male Uroligist(for problems down there) it was awful and uncomfortably intimate and they only saw a male Urologist as there were not any female. Why there are more male Gynecologists than there are female Urologists I don't know. But maybe it's linked to the point that most straight men don't like talking about sex or exposing any vulnerabilities to other adult men,plus the feelings of getting awkward/embarrassed. I know many straight men, who only see a female Doctor as there GP. But I know many women who only see a female GP, in preference to a male GP.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Leolady727

    Leolady727
    Account closed

    My partner didn't have to entice me into swinging! When we got together, we were both coming out of bad relationships - in my case one that had been sexless for about 4 years. When he asked if I would be interested in swinging, my answer was a resounding "Hell yeah" - also allowed me to explore my bi side.
    >4w
    Reply
  • DynamicCouple

    DynamicCouple
    Account closed

    Normally it is the male half , of a couple, that wishes to bring swinging into the relationship.
    Problems, and resentment, often arise when one party (normally the female ) feels pressurised and coerced into swinging.
    One should not have to coerce, pressurise, push, force or "entice" ones partner to engage in swinging and or share their body with another person.
    >4w
    • joe2442

      joe2442
      Account closed

      "DynamicCouple"
      I reckon jealousy may happen in swinging. And expressed after the event or meeting in private(e.g. at home). As the man might get jealous if his wife/or girlfriend appeared to get more sexual pleasure from the other guy that had a bigger dick then her hubby/boyfriend. Often swinging can lead to jealousy.
      >4w
    • DynamicCouple

      DynamicCouple
      Account closed

      Joe,
      Yes jealousy & insecurity may creep in, if both partners are not fully into all of this. Which is why good communication before the event, is vital, and why it is important not to push ones partner into all of this.
      And, not its not about penis size at all....
      >4w
    Reply
  • kinkcock

    kinkcock
    67M Greenbank, QLD,
     AU

    Hi, I read this blog early this morning but had to head off to work so did not have time to reply. Ok, I have been married twice, the first when young. She was my first love, to keep it short she was diagnosed with a severe mental illness, many years of heartache ensued. My second love, marriage lasted for 15 years then we separated in 2003, we are still good friends. Anyway, after the second marriage failure I decided to work out for myself what I wanted. So for 2 years I concentrated solely on work, bought a small house, no internet, just working out things, what I wanted in a relationship, and a partner, keeping to myself. T
    Then late one night I saw an advert on TV for AMM, and thought why stay being a hermit. This was around 2005. Had a wonderful time, met some very sexy people, went out to rsvp dancing all night at the Pig And Whistle, don't know whether they still are a thing. Took me back to younger years, reminded me of who I was in a way. It reminded me of my sexuality, my outlook on life. I am not a judgemental person, I believe unless you are a supreme deity who has lived a thousands of lives you have no right to judge anothers sexual kinks, unless they do harm to others. There I go again, off on a tangent, I often do :).
    Anyway, through rsvp, I met a very sexual and sensual woman, who has now been my soulmate and partner for 9 years, she had recently separated from her husband of 24 years. I think it was her green eyes and resemblance of Susan Sarandon which caused me to answer her chat request. When we met we were upfront with each other in our desires. My love also said that she is adventurous in sex, she told me of her sexploits, her wishing to explore more adventure. So our partnership began, she moved in with me after 12 months. I do not know if any of you remember Any webcam?, it was one of the first Aussie cam sites, we cammed as a couple there, it was a great deal of fun, yet, fell short of real life interaction :)
    My love began doing a six year Uni course, which she completed with high distinction (she is very clever, although she does not give herself enough credit). Has a reasonably high profile job. She has 5 boys from her marriage, our relationship was a little strained at times with their baggage...but we got here.
    During the changes though, she either lost her want for adventure, or the lust for adventure. She now has 9 grandbabies, I have myself 7. She once had her own business as a dressmaker, so now it's making clothes for the grandchillies:) I adore this stuff...I digress again.
    She is a highly sexed individual, she is always wanting to fuck, I have lost count of the vibrators we have bought together, and the bottles of lube.....yet, for me, sex is one thing, exploration, adventure is another. Kind of like the lure of the sea. I visit our private little sex shop at Chaple Hill and enjoy buying the odd little bits and pieces which we enjoy using together. Also I have been a member of a site lpsg since 2007, she knows about it, even answers and takes pics and posts with me. She only becomes funny when females contact us, as has been the previous problem.
    Before I met my love I visited a couple of BrizzyBanger doos, I did not participate in the action, I wanted the experience to be able to have a personal view on sexuality. I even took my love to one of the functions at Diversions for one of her birthdays, she knew we were going so it was not a surprise, there was no objection, I am pretty sure she enjoyed the time there. We did not participate there either, more a see what the other side does. Played a couple of games of pool and encouraged her to explore the rooms, peering in etc.
    She is concerned I will meet someone and reject her, that is what it basically boils down too. She knows my mind, I always search for a better way to orgasm, for both. She knows I am totally loyal and honest. Yes I am here without her knowing, but I am trying to find compatibility, a couple similar to us that is not a threat. Yet, there is a culture, as there was back then that all guys are only after one thing.
    I'm just in a place of how to get past this place. I know my love has confidence issues, she has a great body, yes, a little battle scared, yet to me battle scars of life are one of the most sexy things. It shows you have experienced life. Yet instilling confidence in another can wear one down. I love this woman, I know she loves sex, she loves cock. Yet I am sure there are many guys, and gals who find themselves in a similar spot. I have waffled enough. I usually do not go on, actually am pretty quiet. Just that we are all mortal. Any good advice, experience is welcome, as mentioned earlier, keep judgements to yourself.
    I am here not so much to meet people, but to see if there are compatible people our age, with similar physical build etcetera, the username I have is more to put people off than anything :)
    I hope I have made a little sense in the condensed version here.
    >4w
    Reply
  • playtime2255

    playtime2255
    69M Mermaid Beach, QLD,
     AU

    I'd been bi for a long time and had the experience of threesome (mmm and mfm) and also meeting couples with my ex and also with a fb female,the hardest part is to meet someone that makes everyone comfortable! We had a couple of bad experiences with my ex after taking such a long time of convincing her of the 'benefits' of meeting another couple,we decided in a couple not to far away that could host,we met them and both were happy to take it to another level! The day arrived and both were very excited of the thought of the naughtiness,well..we played in the same room as we agreed to,I had a good time but my wife's playmate couldn't 'rise' to the occasion, found out later that we were the first time they played with a couple as he was gay not bi! Second experience was of a similar disappointment as the lady never played with another man,just with other females! so....that was the end of our fantasies!
    I'm on my own now and had the opportunity of meeting couples needing a third person,it works better if the other male is also bi I find it's more relaxing.
    Just take your time in 'selecting' a third person or a couple specially if? is your first time. Cheers!
    >4w
    Reply
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