How do you Know if You're Ready to Swing?
Chantelle Austin
on 11 May 2016
16 comments
One question I get asked repeatedly is “how do we know if we’re ready?” Unfortunately it’s not as easy as going for it when you see a pop up like the indicator for a nicely cooked turkey, or an alarm that goes off saying “it’s time” so you know it’s time to strip off naked and join in the fun.
Also important to note is sometimes “mostly ready” is ready enough; if I waited to do things until I was 100% certain, then there is long list of things I would never have attempted and a lot I would have missed out on. Mr Wonderful wasn’t 100% about swinging, but when we got into it he became ready and it is now a part of our regular (if you can call it that) lives.
So while it’s not a cut and dry “yes we’re ready”, there are signs that let you know you can at least start dipping your toes in the shallow end of the swinging pool. While these aren’t the only signs, they are the more important ones and should be present before you make the final decision to go for it.
- You’re BOTH curious! Let’s face it, if only one of you is keen to check it out then you as a couple, are not ready. Entering this lifestyle for someone else, or dragging your partner into it (potentially kicking and screaming) is more likely to bring up additional issues rather than keep everyone happy. Sometimes it just takes a little while for the second partner to come around but if you are patient, and allow them to do what they need to do to become comfortable with the idea of trying it, then when they are ready, you’re both good to go (provided the next two signs are present that is).
- You are able to effectively communicate your thoughts AND feelings, and you both actively work through problems as they come up. You are about to take your relationship into new territory and you will never know how you’re going to react until you are in the situation. You can’t account for everything that might make you feel frustrated, uncomfortable or even jealous (trust me, even those who aren’t normally jealous types have had it come up for one reason or another). If you have great communication skills and strategies together, it won’t matter what comes up you will be able to work through it, even having each experience strengthen your relationship instead of damaging it.
- You can read your partner! If you have been together long enough, after a while you are able to tell what mood your partner is in by looking at them or watching their behaviour. Being able to read each other can be a serious relationship saver when engaged in a swinging situation if one of you is not ok. I find this is the criteria new couples are often lacking because they haven’t been together long enough to know each other’s signs or behaviours. It’s not enough to ask your partner if they’re ok and to keep going if they answer “yes” because sometimes they aren’t. It takes maturity to pick up on your partners un-okness and to make the decision to leave the party and address their needs. Trust me, it can be hard to pull yourself away from the hot, wild and raunchy fun, and equally as hard to tell your partner you aren’t ok, so it’s being able to read your partner and act on what you know to be the truth over what they say which will make all the difference.
Swinging is the ideal relationship builder when you have all the basic foundations, but at the end of the day your relationship has to be the number one priority as well as your partner, their needs and wants. You are a team as you go into this and as a team you deal with anything that comes up, so keeping that in mind as you wander into new and exciting territory will be a saving grace in those moments where you have to choose between new fun and stepping back to help your partner overcome stuff that has come up for them.
There is a more comprehensive relationship readiness test in "The Essential Guide for Adventurous Couples" who want to explore threesome sex, if you are serious about being prepared to take this step. It goes into detail about how-to get started, and answers many of the “what if” questions many new couples have about their relationship, changes and what to expect. Being informed is what takes away fears and concerns and arms you with the tools you need to make the transition as smooth as possible.
As long as you are both keen and open to it, can communicate and read each other then you will have the most important elements to cope with the transition from vanilla to swinger! Are you ready?
16 comments
bruce132
More than a month agohow do I buy a paper back of the article/book mentioned? Thanks Bruce
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ReplyAMM.Editor
More than a month agoClick on the link in the article but it's only available in a Kindle version which you can read on a Kindle, iPad or similar. You can't buy a print copy.
loverlover1974
More than a month agoFor couples wanting to explore swinging, I would suggest downloading a few episodes of Playboys "Swing" series. My ex and I started watching this show before attending any parties and we found it essential to start the communication about it. You will find lots of different scenarios in the show where you can discuss what you would have done. I takes away any surprises you may encounter at the parties that you may not have thought about discussing.
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoWe have dabbled in the "Lifestyle"on and off for a couple of years. Mainly using dating sites but since discovering the "Swing"series She is now very keen to experience the club/ party type avenues so can definitely recommend. Its even been a great ice breaker for our Vanilla friends!! Thoroughly recommend
joe2442
More than a month agoSwinging takes a lot of honesty, I reckon.
1)To admit to your partner you have sexual thoughts about other people, as it's impossible to get attracted to just 1 person, but it's hard to admit that to your partner.
2)Other question is: Is swinging a symptom of something majorly missing in your relationship or is your relationship "pretty good" you just want to develop/expand it.
Some like it others don't, you'll never know unless you try(at least once or twice). Some will like the lifestyle others won't, simple as that.
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoI agree my partner and i have great sex, but he introduced me to swinging and i must say i love it and he is involved every step, but i was older and find i need to try different things which comes from different partners
abcplus1
More than a month agoSomething we have considered, but not explored too far.
The Brisbane Sensual Ball 'play room' did help expose us to that 'dipping the toes in' moment though :-)
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Replysensualball
More than a month agoGlad you enjoyed a sexy evening, perhaps you should come to Sydney on the June long weekend for our next event, this one is likely to have nearly 500 couples.
Ontherocks72
More than a month agoYes the ball had a great party vibe we really enjoyed the acrobatic show .it was just incredible!
matblack69
More than a month agoBrissy sensual ball playroom was quite a lot of fun that was for sure
Cob1958
More than a month agoHmmm. Interesting how this article concentrates on couples. What about single people?
For example, I am a widow and I still have needs but do not want a relationship again. You can't improve on perfection I say. And I was one of the lucky ones to have that with my wonderful husband (RIP Peter).
I think the heading should have mentioned the word couple in the heading, so that I did not have to waste time perusing this article.
Mary
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoI'm with you there... Single and curious about it. It would be good if there was a corresponding article on sexual exploration for single women...
AMM.Editor
More than a month ago@Singlegirl5015 look up blog articles Swingers are a Girl’s Best Friend and Why You Should Embrace Your Inner Slut as a starting point.
Account Closed
More than a month agoI appreciate its hard as a single woman but as a single bloke ,to quote an Aussie movie "TELL HIM HE'S DREAMING" we have no hope
Covjag62
More than a month agoGood Blog lots of couples out there get excited about swinging but very few go to the next step. Its difficult to take that plunge just in case, the what iffs come to minf\d what if she only wants him from now on and what if he wants to do it all the time, the key is communication with each other talk about what ifs talk about what you did with the othee person what you liked and didnt like, if you find it a turn on then you will have great sex claiming each other back. Go to the parties talk to people you will not be put under any pressure, and it does the ego good to know that some one else fancies you .
ReplyBlackntite
More than a month agoGreat article Chantelle beautiful and smart ,
ReplyBecca