Hook-ups aren't just for millennials
Georgie Wolf
on 7 February 2020
16 comments
Love it or hate it, hook-up culture is huge right now. The days of the shameful one-night stand are over, and thousands of us are happily exploring our sexual desires. Now that we’ve put a name to the practice of short-term or one-off sexual encounters, it’s a common topic in the media.
Much of this visibility is due to the popularity of online adult dating. Surveys have shown that over a third of Aussies have used the internet to find dates or hook-ups. But when it comes to the news and TV, there’s a problem: most of the time, the people we see and read about are under 30, single and conventionally attractive. Conversations about booty calls and or having a fuck buddy almost always refer to millennials. Is casual sex solely the domain of the young?
I don’t think so.
When I first got into the swinging scene in Sydney a while back, it was a real eye-opener. The parties I attended were populated with people of all ages. I swapped stories with hot thirty-year-olds…I picked up hot forty-year-olds…I even had a hot threesome with a very sexy sixty-year-old couple. When it comes to good sex, there’s no age limit for being great in bed – it’s just a matter of making the right connections.
Nowadays, my Gen-X and baby boomer friends are just as enthusiastic about their hook-up adventures. Thanks to modern technology, my older mates are moving online, using dating sites and apps to find their people.
My friend Samantha has a busy career and little interest in long-term dating. She’s looking for a particular type of partner: "Young hot guys," she says with a smile. Her hook-up partners find her sense of style, unapologetic confidence and years of experience irresistible. "I look for hot, safe fun with younger buff guys. No strings. I love the freedom.”
Freedom is a compelling motivation for some older folks, many of whom have the life experience to know exactly what they like. They may have tried romantic relationships in the past, and now prefer to hook up. Sarah, 42, says, "I’ve met amazing people…[my] last three first dates all resulted in mind-blowing sex."
Not everyone enjoys finding partners online. Tom, 46, prefers in-person connection: "Meetups and events help me find social events where I can meet people, connecting with them in person." Simon, 40, agrees, "Meetups - where you hang with people of the same interest, without expectation, and get to talk to people and work out if you like them enough to befriend or be-date, are great. Better than a bar too. I never got the hang of bar pickups."
Other friends prefer online dating for its convenience and the ability to focus on exactly the kinds of partners in whom they’re interested. Vanessa, 51, says, “I know what I’m looking for: highly literate, well written profiles. Something that explains why they’re seeking to hook up.”
I’ve learned a lot from speaking with my older friends about their hook-ups. If dating as an older person is different in any way, I reckon it’s the fact they know what they want - and they won’t compromise their standards. Jay, 50, tells me, "In an ideal hook up partner I look for knowledge of consent, directness, someone who does what they say they’re going to do. So I can gauge trustworthiness." Having criteria - and only settling for people who fit them - is the perfect recipe for a good hook-up.
Safer sex standards are crucial too. Lima, 40, says "If you can't commit to condoms because you're out of practice, been married for 20 years, just straight up scared of them, or can't maintain an erection around them, then you shouldn't be chasing up hook-ups." She recommends men practice using condoms at home, including rolling them on with the lights out - an essential sex skill!
She also recommends STI check-ups for anyone playing the field. "Best of all, whilst you're in the waiting room, reduce your capture radius to see who else is in the same building. I would definitely want to hook-up with someone else who values their sexual health as much as I do! When we have these conversations around safer sex, we demonstrate to our fellow singles that we're capable, mature and caring people. After 22 years in the hook-up scene, those are the sort of people I’ve enjoyed casual sex with the most.”
Don’t fall for the stereotype - hook-ups aren’t just for millennials! Regardless of your age, if you’re looking to have a sexual adventure, there’s every reason to get out there and find others who feel the same way. Just as my friends have learned to thrive in modern hook-up culture, you can too.
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