Love it or hate it, your guide to 69s
Eva Sless
on 12 February 2020
47 comments
We've done the sums and a LOT of Adult Match Maker members mention 69ing as their fave sex position (more than doggy and cowgirl combined) but for others it’s just not their thing. So here’s what to love and hate about the good old 69 and how you can learn to love it.
If you’re anything like me (a Gen X-er who watched alllll the pop culture in the late 80s and early 90s) probably the first time the number 69 came into your understanding as something other than “just a number” was when Bill and Ted smirked it out to their past selves in their Excellent Adventure… It wasn’t long after when I learnt exactly what it meant and why the cinema erupted into giggles when they said it, and I became absolutely fascinated by the idea of it for many years…
Well that is until I tried it.
69 Duuuude
Wow. Talk about a mess of elbows and wobbled balance and choking on pubes and nah, wait, stop, that’s the wrong angle, and fuck I’m choking… And omg is my butt-hole right on his nose?? And am I gonna suffocate him?? And where the fuck do I put my body weight, and keep balance, and still concentrate on not only enjoying what they’re doing to me, but making sure they enjoy what I’m doing to them…. And you know what… This isn’t working, let’s do something else.
Yeah, 69s, for the most part, are not always easy. While they are often a staple in porn and erotic stories, in reality they can be really tricky to work out and maintain and, to a lot of people, sometimes seem to be not really worth the effort… But they really can be, you just have to improvise and play around until you get it right, and follow some of the following tips.
Forget Porn
Look, as we say a lot in this blog, porn is an amazing art form and sex accessory, but it should never really be looked at as educative or as a how-to manual. The sex you see performed on screen is done for its visual appeal which often doesn’t translate well into real actions. For example, continually deep, hard, thrusting penetrative sex is awesome to watch… But is not always awesome to experience or keep up with, and the same goes for a lot of the visual depictions of positions like the 69. The angles and movements are all done to make sure the camera gets the best view of the action, and they are often super awkward and uncomfortable to hold in real life, so stop trying to emulate what you see, and start making it all about how it feels.
Forget Shame
This is mostly for the women out there. The “oh I’m too heavy” women. The “ew my butt’s on his nose” women. The “69ing is dirty” women… No. Stop. Shh. Shame has no place in sex! The person asking you to put your genitals on their face wants you to do that. They are thinking of nothing but your deliciousness and your scent and the mutuality and sexiness of the act. You will not suffocate them. They don’t care about your butt-hole (or they may want to eat that too), and while it may be considered a little bit “dirty” in the sexy sense… It is most definitely not “dirty” in any bad or shameful ways. Letting go of our internalised shame and self doubt is definitely not an easy thing to do, but understanding that your lover wants nothing more than to be immersed in your sexiness is a really great first step.
Get Up Close And Personal
One of the most uncomfortable things about 69ing is maintaining the position, especially when you’re the one on “top”. Your knees and back can get a bit strained and there’s always the risk of an elbow slipping and you falling face first into their crotch…. But so much of that comes from being a bit tense and unable to properly relax (see above issues), so it really is time to just let go. Sink your body into them and let them pull you close and take that balancing strain off your body. Trust me they love it, and they will absolutely let you know if it’s too much or not the right position for them.
Side By Side And Up And Down
As above, the positioning of a 69 can be one of the things that turns people off trying or doing it for a longer amount of time, but there are actually so many different ways you can achieve this position without anyone having to get uncomfortable. Lying side by side and just moving a leg a little bit over their shoulder can be one way to achieve a more comfortable position, as is the creative use of pillows. Having the “bottom” person’s head and shoulders raised can also give whole new angles and sensations too. Experimentation and practice and having a bit of a laugh about it all are all conducive to a good, healthy sex life so don’t worry that you’re a bit clumsy and awkward working it out… It’s all part of the fun!
Accessorise
Distraction is, unfortunately, a super big part of 69ing, meaning, if what they are doing to you feels amazing and orgasmic and oh so good, you often get a little bit caught up in that sensation and moment and forget you are also supposed to be sucking, or licking, or playing there too. While it’s awesome, and a hell of a compliment, it can also be a little frustrating to be right into something and it suddenly stop in the midst of incredible pleasure…. So why not add a little sex toy or accessory into the mix. Things like cock rings or tight oral sex sleeves for penises, vibrators or dildos for clits and vaginas, and butt plugs or beads for butts. Having a little extra something down there during those times of (albeit a complimentary) lack of action can really help. Insertable toys with remotes are excellent as you can play without having to get your hands down there in the way of their mouth, and some clitoral toys (like the We-Vibe) also work super well hands-free.
Stop worrying and have fun!
Like with all sex and sexual fun, the most important part of it all is the enjoyment. How it feels, how you feel, and how your partner feels. Having fun playing around and working it all out really is all part of that fun, and the more you can laugh and trust each other with things like intimacy and butt-holes in your nose, the stronger and more satisfying your whole life will be.
But on the other hand, if it turns out in the end that this position is one you or a partner just can’t enjoy or get into then that is okay! Like, more than okay! There are heaps and heaps of other things you can do to enjoy yourselves. Yeah it can suck a bit if you want to do something your partner doesn’t, but in the great scheme of stuff, let it go. Find something else to do and continue the fun and orgasmic bliss.
And as always, we would love to hear from you… What are your tips for the best 69ing?
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