How to Marie Kondo Your Sex Life
Eva Sless
on 6 January 2020
2 comments
Not long ago a tiny little Japanese woman blew into our lives in a sweet and gentle hurricane of neatness and order and pretty much changed the way we store, keep, hoard, and let go of items we probably don’t need in our lives. Yes, I am talking about the queen of order and joy, the Mistress of folding and putting things into little boxes, the one and only Marie Kondo.
If you haven’t heard of her (seriously… how have you not heard of her?) Marie Kondo is a Japanese de-cluttering guru who enters people’s lives and homes and helps them sort through all the junk and trinkets and clothes and crap they have accumulated over the years, creating a neater, more ordered, more happy and joyful space in which to live or work.
Does it spark joy?
Marie Kondo’s basic premise is actually one of pure simplicity… If it doesn’t bring you joy, there is no reason to keep it around. Joy. What a wonderful word and feeling it is, and a concept we should be putting into all aspects of our lives, not just in the things we have around us. Of course I understand there are jobs and chores and crap we all have to do that don’t spark anything even close to joy in our lives, but that is also kind of the point. For the things we are able to choose freely, whether it’s the things we do, the things we have, or even the people we have in our lives, if they aren’t “sparking joy” then really, considering all those crappy things we HAVE to do, what’s the point?
The Joy Of Sex
I’ve always wanted to be able to write that as a headline, and now I have I feel a little sense of joy… So in the name of Marie Kondo I’m totally keeping it in, but I digress…
Sex is supposed to be one of the most fun, joyful, and satisfying things you can do with another person (or just yourself… Or people plural…) and yet for so many of us, for whatever reasons, we stick around in situations or with things or people that drain us far more than they fill us. This can be detrimental to all aspects of your life and create all sorts of problems you may not have even thought of. While sure, we are taking a bit of a simplistic approach to the complex nature of human relationships and sexual interactions, the overall lesson we need to learn and take from it really is that simple. Find what sparks your joy and keep it, and get rid of everything else that doesn’t.
Get started by starting small
Before you go overboard and start filing for divorce because your spouse didn't make you a coffee and you’re feeling less than joyful about it, it’s probably best to start small and simple and work yourself up to the bigger things. This is for a few reasons but the main one being that sometimes just the smallest changes can create a bigger movement and change and sometimes that’s all you may need to do to effect greater joy and change in other parts of your life.
Let’s start with Sexy Clothes and Lingerie
Put all of your sexy gear onto the bed and start the MK process of sorting. Basically you hold it in your hands and see whether or not it “sparks joy” inside you. If it does, you keep it, if it doesn’t you thank it for the time you had it in your life and then it goes in either the give away pile, or the rubbish pile, and then you start all over again with the next item. It does get easier as it goes on, I promise you.
So, that little black dress you only wore once in your 20s but might totally wear again now in your 40s maybe one day because it made your butt look great that one time… Chuck it. Hold it in your arms, thank it for that time it made your butt rival Kim K’s and put it in the Goodwill bag for someone else to enjoy. That pair of fishnets with the holes in them? Thank them for their service and chuck them in the bin. Bra too small? Crotchless undies you have never worn but may do one day? That sexy pilot costume you wore for Halloween but got that wine stain on it? Anything you’ve never or hardly ever worn needs to go through the Marie Kondo test of holding it in your arms and seeing if it “sparks joy” and then thanking it for it’s time with you and letting it go if it doesn’t. Remember nostalgia and good memories are not necessarily “joy sparking” and, if you need to, you can always make yourself an extra “not sure yet” pile to get to once you’ve gone though everything else and try the process again.
Not only will you start to de-clutter and neaten your space, you will find a new-found appreciation for the things you own, and it can be a wonderfully nostalgic trip down memory lane at the same time.
Does your sex toy drawer spark orgasms?
Half empty bottles of lube. Sex toys you’ve only ever used once. Old condoms at the bottom of the drawer from three relationships ago. That novelty cock-ring you got at that hens party last summer. Chuck. It. All. Out. If you’re worried about waste, try and pour all the half lubes into one bottle (don’t mix silicone and water-based together), but really, lubricant is not expensive, and a new fresh bottle is always a good idea for a new, fresh beginning. Clear it all out. You will feel so much better when the sex drawer is neater, more ordered, and only has things you actually use in there.
Hook-up Apps and People
This is a little bit different and can be a little bit harder but essentially the process is the same. The adult dating website you joined up to three years ago but never got a single hook up from? Delete it. That dating app that you only ever get dick pics and sleaze from? Delete it. If you don’t want to get rid of the whole app that’s okay, you can also go through them and Marie Kondo it from within. That contact who winked you but never replied to your reply? Wipe it. That message from the dude who kept you on “read” for a month before asking “You DTF?” some random night at 3am? Delete him. That hook-up date you thought you might see again but it’s been six weeks and you’ve not heard a word? Out they go!
Neatening up your inbox and message requests etc can be a cathartic and therapeutic activity in itself and can show you just how long you hold on to shit like “what ifs and maybes” and can also give you an empowering sense of “not today, Satan, I’m looking after me now.”
After you’ve done this it’s time to go through your phone and do the same with those random contacts and people who have managed to make it through to your personal phone and email box. Do they spark joy? Nope? Thank them for the moment in time and whatever lesson or moment they brought to your life (hey not all lessons are good, but they all help us grow) and delete them from your world.
Can tidying up change your life?
Once you begin to look at things in your life in the Marie Kondo way, and you begin the process of finding and keeping joy and removing things that aren’t, you will be surprised at how it translates into other things in your world.
Being more assertive and understanding of your own boundaries and limits can only have positive effects on the world around you, and you really do begin to take that into account whenever you start thinking of bringing something new, whether inanimate or not, into your life. Like mentioned in the beginning, life is full of crap we have to do but don’t necessarily want to.
Dealing with work, bosses, customers and clients. Cleaning the car, washing the floors, telling your kids for the tenth time this morning to put their bloody towels away omg what is wrong with your ears!!! All of that real life shit is enough to send us a bit mad sometimes, so when we get to have the choice and freedom of what and whom we allow in our worlds it should always be because it is something or someone who brings us joy. So get Marie Kondo-ing, get joyful, and enjoy all the wonder and happiness it will make room for.
2 comments
BareNakedLady73
More than a month agoI really do need to go through my collection of sex toys and 'declutter' lol
ReplyGood read, thanks!
Candygirl20
More than a month agoGreat ideas for decluttering your life. Now to begin. That's going to be hard. Baby steps. New year new beginnings. Out with the old in with the new. So many cliches. I am procrastinating.
Reply