Do I have a fetish or am I just kinky?
MisKnickers
on 16 October 2019
26 comments
Often there’s some confusion for those beginning their kink journey – are they a kinkster or a fetishist? This is no real surprise when you see how often these terms are used interchangeably, even among active kinksters!
What does Kink mean?
Kink is a general term for anything existing outside the mainstream. In literal terms, a kink is ‘a bend in something that is otherwise straight’. As the word ‘straight’ became synonymous with normality, so too the word ‘kinky’ became connected to ‘abnormal’, but now our more enlightened minds accept kink as another form of sex positive expression.
What does having a Kink involve?
Kink is inclusive of any alternative sexual and sensual interests, practices, or fantasies in which consenting adults might participate. Kink without consent is abuse. Kinky activities do not have to include fetishes. The more common kink activities include roleplay, dress-ups, impact play, and sensation play, and it’s often associated with BDSM.
Is Kink about sex?
Kink does not need to be indulged for sexual satisfaction. Although kinky activities are often used to enhance sexual connections, they can also be satisfying sensual experiences in and of themselves.
What does Fetish mean?
Having a fetish is defined as a connection to a specific object or act that is absolutely necessary for sexual arousal and/or gratification. It suggests having a psychological need – either real or fantasised - for the object or act that is fetishised. Once considered as a form of mental illness, today a fetish is only considered pathological if illegal, or causing the fetishist dysfunction.
What does having a Fetish involve?
Having a fetish can be associated with almost anything, but is generally focused on:
- non-genital body parts such as feet, body fluids, and body modifications
- objects; shoes, corsets, trees, balloons, cars
- activities; bondage, sploshing, public sex, watersports
- materials; leather, latex, metal, fur
- environments; showers, outdoors, workplace
Is having a Fetish about sex?
Sexual gratification is the main purpose of a fetish. Although the vast majority of fetishes are exercised consensually, by definition some fetishes rely on unknowing participants as part of the thrill, eg, frottage, some forms of voyeurism and exhibitionism so it’s not always consensual.
So basically, any (consensual) fetishistic practice will fall outside the mainstream – or ‘vanilla’ – idea of sexuality, and is therefore covered by the umbrella term that is kink. Kink occurs for many reasons, and people are drawn to particular activities and objects that give them delight, but these behaviours are not part of a fetish unless required for sexual fulfillment. But kink and fetish have much in common – both are valid expressions of an individual’s sexuality; both are creating supportive communities where people can explore these ideas more such as on Adult Match Maker where you can search for members who share your kinks and fetishes and both can challenge the mainstream idea of ‘normal’.
Each year the numbers of kink and fetish enthusiasts rise, evidenced by the continued growth of BDSM social media sites and kink events & workshops such as Oz Kink Fest, and references in mainstream popular culture. Imagine if we get to critical mass, and kinky becomes the new normal?!
‘Vanilla’, ‘kink’, or ‘fetish’…? The right answer is yours. Be real, be safe, be YOU.
26 comments
Zacd86
More than a month agoThanks for the article it has helped a lot. Although I am still finding it hard to express my kinks and fetishes as my partner is not into exploring more than just missionary sex. Also she does not believe in kinks or fetishes. Where as I am up for exploring to find that dressing up as a dare in one of my partners dresses has now made me feel more comfortable in wearing dresses (of any material) and heels make me feel good. Also I do have a thing for being collared with a chain. I also feel the need to have a non sexual partner to be a dom/mistress.
ReplyWantkinkygrl
More than a month agoIs my fetish gay I want a women to top me with a strapon is this gay because I find it really sexy watching pegging porn
Replyynot70today
More than a month agoMany gentlemen suck on my feet and toes & work there way up my legs for ages interesting how kinky men can be.
ReplySexyspy181
More than a month agoI’m just looking for some girls or a girl that’s interested in watersports it is a fantastic feeling to receive but I’d also like to be able to give
ReplyORALFUN33
More than a month agoI love kissing feet and sucking toes i love female Feet !!!
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Replyynot70today
More than a month agoi understand that babe, your one of my little boys xxx
Upforit00069
More than a month agoHaving my milky breasts drank from whilst having sex is my thing. Thankfully my husband loves the taste of my breastmilk! I wouldn't still be lactating were it not for his regular attention to them....
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoOkay so not sure why... but exchanging bodily fluids work for me.... mind if i have a taste?....
is he willing to share?
lol
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More than a month agolove breast milk its so sweet
1966Rani
More than a month agoGreat article and cleared a few misconceptions up for us, as we are definitely in to the fetishes. We like the exhibitionism, public play, and fooling around with other people. I’m starting to like these blogs.
ReplyIneedsum12bwith
More than a month agoI have a fetish, as I call it, a twist on things during oral sex. Based on the extremities of some very wild watersports action, I have a fantasy about, as I am down on a woman's pussy during oral sex, I have wanted a woman to, if she is comfortable enough with it and convinced by the fact that her own piss is very harmless, wish that a woman can be completely relaxed about having to piss and be able to drink her piss straight from her pussy. I know that it is not to everyone's taste but, that is my own personal fetish anyway . It would be greatly appreciated if I can find a woman who is comfortable enough with it!!!
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoHi its not uncommon as I have a kitten that loves to Squirt lucky me. While I tease,eat,lick,suck, slap and fist she will explode into a fountain 2 to 6 feet into the air. My thing is to catch it in my mouth some times so much I drink it but I do give it back as a Squirt y Cocktail in a Kiss she has no problem with that. Hope you find that women.
Morgan26
More than a month agoI have an fetish probably more of an obsession with orally pleasing. I love using my mouth.... the dirtier the more it turns me on......
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoIt has to be clean and smell good. just our opinion.
licher3x
More than a month agoDam, I have the same thing, receiving and giving, filthy and dirtier the better and more arousing.
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More than a month agoYup, same here, dirty oral is the best. Love to lick and rim and see how deep I can push my tongue in. So freakin hot!
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More than a month agoI used to literally hate anything to do with a mans asshole... was such a turn off... but met a fk buddy who enjoyed being over me... so my nose was always in his ass eventually with the aid of his hands forcing my face in his ass i ate... and i enjoyed......
its been a fave ever since..... love his cheeks over my face its so submissive to me having being made to lick ass.....
Agrotaz
More than a month agoMorgan26, you sounds like your heaps off fun to be around.
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More than a month agoSo it's kinky and so are all those that answered in the same manner. But there are the pleasure of leather meating the skin or a paddle, riding crop sound on skin be it tantilizing soft or sharp and quick and stinging it . What a high it is for both of us . Kitten is a switch and loves giving and reading your body in response to her every stroke.
Helloyounglover
More than a month agosucking long slender toes is my fetish while she massages her clit until she stiffens and cums wildly
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoHave you ever had her fuck your toes?
stevo4u
More than a month agoYeah I'm a sucker too,love a nice set of painted toes to suck during sex or to Cum all over them is great
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More than a month agoIf she likes her pussy played with and can take a fist she can take your toes/foot. It does need to be manicured and clean.
AlexandraCD
More than a month agoThat's a great explanation of the differences between kink an fetish. Thanks MisKnickers!
Replychesswiseagain
More than a month agoDoes that include 'taboo' ?
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ReplyAMM.Editor
More than a month agoI don't understand your question. Something is either a kink or a fetish. By it's definition a taboo can be anything: "a social or religious custom prohibiting or restricting a particular practice or forbidding association with a particular person, place, or thing". If it's something which turns you on despite it being a taboo it's a fetish, and depending on what it is, if it's something you want to indulge in despite it being prohibited which is outside the definition of being "straight" then it's a kink. Or you just want to do it 'cos someone said you can't! That's neither. Taboo of itself if a bit of a meh term as every culture has different taboos.