Do I have a fetish or am I just kinky?
MisKnickers
on 16 October 2019
26 comments
Often there’s some confusion for those beginning their kink journey – are they a kinkster or a fetishist? This is no real surprise when you see how often these terms are used interchangeably, even among active kinksters!
What does Kink mean?
Kink is a general term for anything existing outside the mainstream. In literal terms, a kink is ‘a bend in something that is otherwise straight’. As the word ‘straight’ became synonymous with normality, so too the word ‘kinky’ became connected to ‘abnormal’, but now our more enlightened minds accept kink as another form of sex positive expression.
What does having a Kink involve?
Kink is inclusive of any alternative sexual and sensual interests, practices, or fantasies in which consenting adults might participate. Kink without consent is abuse. Kinky activities do not have to include fetishes. The more common kink activities include roleplay, dress-ups, impact play, and sensation play, and it’s often associated with BDSM.
Is Kink about sex?
Kink does not need to be indulged for sexual satisfaction. Although kinky activities are often used to enhance sexual connections, they can also be satisfying sensual experiences in and of themselves.
What does Fetish mean?
Having a fetish is defined as a connection to a specific object or act that is absolutely necessary for sexual arousal and/or gratification. It suggests having a psychological need – either real or fantasised - for the object or act that is fetishised. Once considered as a form of mental illness, today a fetish is only considered pathological if illegal, or causing the fetishist dysfunction.
What does having a Fetish involve?
Having a fetish can be associated with almost anything, but is generally focused on:
- non-genital body parts such as feet, body fluids, and body modifications
- objects; shoes, corsets, trees, balloons, cars
- activities; bondage, sploshing, public sex, watersports
- materials; leather, latex, metal, fur
- environments; showers, outdoors, workplace
Is having a Fetish about sex?
Sexual gratification is the main purpose of a fetish. Although the vast majority of fetishes are exercised consensually, by definition some fetishes rely on unknowing participants as part of the thrill, eg, frottage, some forms of voyeurism and exhibitionism so it’s not always consensual.
So basically, any (consensual) fetishistic practice will fall outside the mainstream – or ‘vanilla’ – idea of sexuality, and is therefore covered by the umbrella term that is kink. Kink occurs for many reasons, and people are drawn to particular activities and objects that give them delight, but these behaviours are not part of a fetish unless required for sexual fulfillment. But kink and fetish have much in common – both are valid expressions of an individual’s sexuality; both are creating supportive communities where people can explore these ideas more such as on Adult Match Maker where you can search for members who share your kinks and fetishes and both can challenge the mainstream idea of ‘normal’.
Each year the numbers of kink and fetish enthusiasts rise, evidenced by the continued growth of BDSM social media sites and kink events & workshops such as Oz Kink Fest, and references in mainstream popular culture. Imagine if we get to critical mass, and kinky becomes the new normal?!
‘Vanilla’, ‘kink’, or ‘fetish’…? The right answer is yours. Be real, be safe, be YOU.
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