Is PIV sex the only way to have sex?

Eva Sless Eva Sless on 24 November 2019    36 comments
Woman in black lingerie sharing an intimate moment with her partner while he sits on the floor

There is far more to sex than just putting a penis inside a vagina, and, to be blunt, if you’re the sort of person who thinks that’s all there is to it then you are doing both yourself and the people you sleep with a great disservice.

Your entire body is a smorgasbord of sensation and eroticism and reducing it to just two tiny little parts is just ridiculous.

Intimacy isn’t just about penetration

The thing is, for many people, for myriad reasons be it personal, physical, medical, or any number of other reasons, penetrative sex just isn’t on the cards. The other thing is that we really need to stop framing sex as default Penis In Vagina (PIV), and understand the many varied and amazing ways people share sexual intimacy that has nothing to do with PIV at all.

Have a sexy make out session 

Oh, kissing, how wonderful you are. The sizzle in the air between you both. The eye contact and breathlessness as you feel what’s about to happen. The slow lean in. The first touch of soft lip on soft lip. The fire and tingle throughout your body and along your skin as the desire creeps through you. Lips brushing, tongues dancing, little nibbles, little sucks. Oh yeah, there is something so unbelievably sexy about kissing. It really is just a main event on its own. Whether it’s slow and sensual or desperate and needing, or anything in between, kissing is totally sex and we should all be doing more of it.

Dry humping & grinding can be very sexy

Not just the practice of horny teenagers, dry humping or grinding can be a really fun and sexy way of playing and stimulating yourself and your partner without anything having to be inside anything else. From fully clothed to totally naked, the act of rubbing your genitals and body together is one of super pleasurable sensations and one that can also achieve that intimate closeness that lovers crave. If fully naked we would recommend that penis owners wear a condom just in case (semen on the outside of a vagina can still make its way inside and create pregnancies etc), and if you want to make your bodies super slippery together, which is a really awesome and fun way to take the “dry” out of “dry humping”, silicone lube is a far better option than any sort of massage oil as oils can degrade condoms made of latex.

Oral sex isn’t just a prelude to sex

Sexually stimulating someone’s genitals with your mouth has always been, and always will be, one of the most sensual and erotic acts you can share with someone else. There is often a special kind of an intimacy and trust that comes with doing it. It is important to note in our “no penetration” piece, that there really is no need for oral sex on the vulva and labia to also include vaginal penetration and, on the other side, if you get a little creative, like using your hands and sleeves and other implements as well as your tongue and lips and mouth to play with a penis, it doesn’t have to include oral penetration either. Mmm yes, oral sex... All that licking, sucking, slurping, tasting… It truly is the dessert platter of sex and you can even add strawberries and cream (flavoured lubes… we wouldn’t recommend real food as it can totally stuff up your bits)

Mutual masturbation can be very intimate

Just think of it… Lying next to your partner, your bodies close together, maybe your legs are entwined, your skin against theirs… Your hands on your own body. Hands that know exactly what you like. Hands that touch exactly where you need… While you watch your partner doing the same. Their little moans, the way they move under their own fingertips, their breath changing, their pleasure matching yours. Oh yeah, touching yourself and sharing that with a lover is just as intimate and just as sexy as any sort of coupled penetration and is a great way to fuck without fucking.

Get creative about how you play

Use your body, your mind, your senses, your passion, and your creativity to come up with fun, sexy new ways to play, fuck, tease and please. Learn about and discover all of your erogenous zones and those of your partners. Experiment, test out, explore, and play. Buy toys, try out tantra, experiment with massage, read erotica to each other, indulge in some sexy role play, give kinky spanking a try. There really are so many ways to enjoy intimacy and love-making with your partner that don’t require genital penetration of any sort and all you have to do is go out (or stay in as the case may be) and find them. The more you discover and play and learn and grow the more your sexual experience and sexual skill set will go up and the more pleasure and sexual satisfaction and orgasmic bliss you and the people you do it all with will enjoy.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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Comments (36)

  • goodknight1

    goodknight1
    Account closed

    I loved this article, Eva!
    It reminded me of a time when a lovely woman invited me to her bathtub...
    Oh, the candles, the warmth, the scent of her skin. Sigh...
    She was in front of me ...I gently stroked her hair, kissed her neck a thousand butterflies and cuddled her in my arms.
    My fingers wandered across her wet skin.
    We were as one...
    Easily - in complete silence but for her tiny moans - an hour glided by.
    Wonderful, sensual, loving 'sex'.
    So memorable.
    Bill
    xx
    >4w
    • MandyMaree2909

      MandyMaree2909
      Account closed

      Sounds rather lovely :)
      >4w
    • DDdelite

      DDdelite
      Account closed

      Heaven.
      >4w
    • Kel1418

      Kel1418
      63M 62F Brisbane, QLD,
       AU

      Yummo xxx
      >4w
    • MissThatTouch

      MissThatTouch
      Account closed

      I had the most intimate, so very memorable all these years later, experience like this...one Sunday mid morning I put it to my partner at the time, with no idea of what was about to unfold (or for how long)....lets try something - no talking, just touching, stroking, light kissing (no intense/hard passion behind it, more 'soft sensuality') - but there is one rule - no touching (as I told him at the time, with a cheeky grin) "naughty bits" (genitals).
      We got so completely lost in each other, locking eyes every so often with a gaze from him that felt so deep, just softly touching, stroking skin ever so lightly, running our hands/fingers over each other - coming ever so teasingly close to those 'naughty bits' but not touching them, in complete silence. Just us, in our own little world...for 4 blissful hours. We had lost all concept of time, and our world around us - nothing else mattered except each other and our bodies. The actual penetrative sex that then occurred between us was so intense...but the memory I have wasnt about that...it was those 4hrs leading up to it. Have had other wonderful, and memorable sexual experience since...but this....this was something very special indeed.
      >4w
    • KinkyGirl101

      KinkyGirl101
      50F QLD,
       AU

      @MissThatTouch I did a wonderful workshop where you weren't allowed to touch but had to look into your partner's eyes. I could feel my breathing change and my pulse quicken as the anticipation and emotion grew. If you're just into wham bam you're missing out on experiencing true connection.
      >4w
    • MissThatTouch

      MissThatTouch
      Account closed

      KinkyGirl01....that gaze from him is something I'll never forget...
      Theres a time and place for wham bam, in fact one of my other 'most memorable' was when the guy I was seeing at the time, barely made it through the front door before it was on....and over quickly lol, but with so much passion. I much prefer 'slow and sensual' than this...but it was so much fun lol.
      It wasnt so much the 'emotion' behind our sensual experience we had - it was the intense feeling of true connection (not of love which we shared anyway, not of being connected in our lives or anything like that), but a true 'coming *not cumming lol* together as one' during that experience. I also feel you dont need 'love' to have this kind of sensual, connecting experience - you just need to both want to share this, together.
      >4w
    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor
      Staff Account

      @MissThatTouch connection is the one thing we crave and it is missing in so many people's lives. You can be surrounded by people but without that connection and touch you can feel very lonely. This came across in the interview we did with Jo Balmforth from Celebrating Sexuality. If you haven't read it, it's worth a read.
      >4w
    • MissThatTouch

      MissThatTouch
      Account closed

      AMM.Editor yes I saw your article/interview with Jo, and the Festival - the Festival sounds like a very interesting experience, I wish I had the opportunity to attend it!
      Thank you all at AMM for creating this avenue for people to connect, in the ways they want/need to in their lives - we all have our own reasons for being here - and our own ways we want to feel connected to others. Also thank you Eva, for writing yet another brilliant article which, personally, spoke to me so strongly :)
      >4w
    Reply
  • AliGirl443

    AliGirl443
    Account closed

    But what if you DON'T like kissing? As in, AT ALL? So many people on this site rate a good kisser as a "must have/non negotiable" so l guess that leaves me to be the only one who doesn't find it a turn on or pleasurable :(
    >4w
    • Ifuwannadome

      Ifuwannadome
      61F Hobart, TAS,
       AU

      Well we dont kiss other couples my guy wouldnt dream of it and i certainly wont.... each to their own though
      >4w
    • DeliciousEva

      DeliciousEva
      48F Reservoir, VIC,
       AU

      ... So don't kiss.
      I'm not sure what is confusing.
      >4w
    • MandyMaree2909

      MandyMaree2909
      Account closed

      Clearly you haven’t kissed anyone that’s blown your mind, it’s amazing and honestly you should put more emphasis on it :), I’ve no time for average kissing, if it doesn’t ‘ move ‘ me, no thanks :)
      >4w
    • Blue262

      Blue262
      55M Hunters Hill, NSW,
       AU

      As well as being a personal preference, it's also a cultural thing, isn't it?
      Most places in the world public displays of affection aren't really done and kissing is seen in some regions as kinda perverse.
      Just as it's a good idea to know what's locally acceptable, a person is like a foreign country, you have to communicate bravely and gently.
      For those of us who can't manage that, there's always alcohol.
      >4w
    • Sissymilf

      Sissymilf
      56NB Hurstville, NSW,
       AU

      I so agree. Everything said in the article is disgusting to me.
      All i want is a cock in my boi pussy followed by being filled with cum. Anything else is a waste of time
      >4w
    • Exotic.Sissy

      Exotic.Sissy
      40M St Kilda West, VIC,
       AU

      @Sillymilf For you. A waste of time for you, jackass. Nobody who was making positive comments was saying anything about stuff they don't like or things they hate. Propaganda is often a word used in the context of conflict, you're one of the few people here being overtly belligerent. I do believe Eva's and other staff who write here usually have the words "each to their own" or "everyone is different so take the time to find out" in there. It goes without saying. And also, what's being expressed, I'd say, is true for the majority of people out there. I'd say you're in a minority or just to be lumped into the legion of fuckwits out there who make up everyone else's shit encounters and horror stories.
      If you don't agree with a bunch of people discussing something they all like, in future try the underrated strategem of shutting the fuck up and minding your own business, you'll probably find doing so has an almost identical impact on what you like and don't like without making yourself an arse of yourself.
      Lastly, my god, sex with you sounds as boring as porno-by-numbers. God damn. Why even bother dressing up, it's all just comin off anyway, right?
      >4w
    Reply
  • DV8Grrl

    DV8Grrl
    53M 49F Hobart, TAS,
     AU

    I dont understand the no kissing or not liking. Get kissing right, the rest follows. I wont be intimate with anyone without kissing them and found if they are clueless at kissing, they are clueless at many other things.
    >4w
    • DDdelite

      DDdelite
      Account closed

      You are absolutely correct lovely. No kissing is a sin in itself! Great kissing is something to be savoured and enjoyed. Highly erotic if done right.
      >4w
    Reply
  • LuluandHarry

    LuluandHarry
    58M 58F VIC,
     AU

    Awesome article! So true. There are many enjoyable ways to be intimate other than PIV.
    >4w
    Reply
  • qick-e

    qick-e
    70M Tullamarine, VIC,
     AU

    i just love the licking and the sucking , nothing nicer than performing that on a lovely smooth pussy one that is waxed/shaved or well manicured , just keep doing it till my partner cums and cums ,, and to squirt is even better ,,
    i also love licking out a pussy when its full of both our juices , that is so Yummy , and yes penetration is only one part of sex
    >4w
    Reply
  • DreamingLovers

    DreamingLovers
    Account closed

    This is so, so true... and so many claim to subscribe to the theory and practice yet, particularly males, fail miserably when it comes to fulfilling the promise. It seems that primal instinct overcomes sophisticated and creative thoughts and actions. Thankfully, though, not everyone succumbs and there are patient devotees and your wonderful article may persuade others to explore all of the possibilities. Such a sublime message!
    Thank you!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Sissymilf

    Sissymilf
    56NB Hurstville, NSW,
     AU

    I hate these things. If i dont get fuckefd by a nice cock and treated to a nice warm load in me i am very disappointed. Please dont even touch my clitty. Penetration is all i need and want. As for kissing no thanks. Most guys cant kiss and it becomes very off putting
    >4w
    Reply
  • nightowl83

    nightowl83
    Account closed

    What bulshit, sex is described as a male penis is inserted Into a woman's vagina, didn't we all learn that at school? What this artical is about is pleasure more then just sex. Cannot belive Eva award winning. You need to speak to the common people and not your head up yourself as most of your articles are. Your last reply to another member who disagree was very rude also reading more replies from Eva on this she is very one sided mind
    >4w
    • KinkyGirl101

      KinkyGirl101
      50F QLD,
       AU

      Nuh! Your comment is bullshit. So you're saying that if a girl has anal sex she's a virgin because she hasn't had sex. What about lesbians, are they virgins because they haven't had the pleasure of your penis. What about trans men or women. What about inter-sex whose genitals may not work like yours. What about people who can't have PIV sex for medical reasons. Grow up.
      >4w
    • DeliciousEva

      DeliciousEva
      48F Reservoir, VIC,
       AU

      Here... Have a snickers, dude.
      And go read a text book beyond what you learnt in high school sex education.
      :)
      >4w
    • nightowl83

      nightowl83
      Account closed

      Your very right, I never thought about that and very sorry. Theses days with lesbians, trans and anal I never put into prospect ,Eva comments still stand, very quick to make stupid comments instead of explaining more
      >4w
    • Demonpair975

      Demonpair975
      Account closed

      Your actually an very uneducated human being.
      FFS Grow up, I think it was a fantastic article and perfectly written regarding sex as a whole range of interactions.
      >4w
    • SweetestSins

      SweetestSins
      Account closed

      There is no “fact” when it comes to sex/pleasure. The options are endless.
      You don’t agree with what she’s said and your comments are showing, so that’s a bit of a false statement in itself.
      I swear people comment purely to be negative and put Eva down, it’s on nearly every article and blog she posts. Some of you should have a crack at writing an articulate and grammatically legible article - I’d put money on it being nowhere near the standard that Eva’s are.
      Keep up the good work Eva, love your work girl xx
      >4w
    • MissThatTouch

      MissThatTouch
      Account closed

      You dont agree with, or like Eva's style of writing....yet you still read her articles - and then take the time to post your negative comments on them, and towards Eva herself? Thats on you...no one else (the authors name is right below the articles title on this sites front page, so you know its one of her articles even before you choose to open it).
      >4w
    • bestperson

      bestperson
      63M Sydney Central Business District, NSW,
       AU

      good articles you write eva dont get put off by negative critism keep up the good work
      >4w
    Reply
  • nightowl83

    nightowl83
    Account closed

    Oh Eva change her comments the first . I respect what you do but what you say to me is abuse
    >4w
    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor
      Staff Account

      Sorry your comment makes no sense. No comments have been changed or edited. You didn't agree with the article, you're all about PIV, we get it. This is the end of the discussion and we won't be approving any more replies to your comments.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Adel58

    Adel58
    Account closed

    Couldn't agree more with this article
    >4w
    Reply
  • BareNakedLady73

    BareNakedLady73
    Account closed

    I'd really hope that for the sake of quadriplegic and paraplegic people the world over that PIV isn't seen as the ONLY way to have sex...
    >4w
    Reply
  • Missplayful55

    Missplayful55
    65F WA,
     AU

    I totally agree with this article , iv been seeing someone for 5 months now ,, and penetration hasn’t happened as yet, we have learnt the art of given pleasure and it is very erotic , just need to learn the art.
    >4w
    Reply
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