7 Things Adult Shop Workers are Sick of Hearing
Eva Sless
on 18 July 2019
30 comments
Having worked on and off in adult shops for the past 20 years I can tell you I have heard it all. For some reason the normal decorum and respect that customers display in other shops goes out the window in adult shops and sometimes the things that are said or asked are either rude, inappropriate, or just downright ignorant. Here are seven things you need to stop saying to adult shop staff.
You Must be Horny All The Time Working Here
Oh the sensuality of stocktake! The provocativeness of pricing. The eroticism of end of day settlement. It’s true, nothing gets an adult shop employee hotter under the collar than a full day of retail activities, except maybe a creepy guy asking personal and inappropriate questions to them at their place of work. The thing is, even without that being a super tasteless question to ask a stranger, it’s literally just a job like any other retail job. While the products they are selling are sexy, the actual act of selling them, and labelling them, and merchandising them, and ordering them, and… Well, I am sure you get the point. There is nothing arousing about ITO transfers and KPI targets, even if there’s a picture of Angie White over your computer and your mouse is shaped like a vulva.
What’s Your Personal Favourite?
While it is fine to ask for recommendations and advice from adult shop workers, there are ways to go about it that don’t come off as sleazy or overly personal. Asking someone what they personally use is not only none of your business, it is also irrelevant to your needs. You are there to buy a product for yourself (or for someone else), and that is where your focus and questions should be. So while it is fine to say something like “My girlfriend likes clit stimulation, what’s a toy under $100 you would recommend?” it is not okay to say “Have you used it? Does it make you squirt?”
Ew/Gross/Who Would Even Do That!?
Yes, I get it. Sex shops are full of the weird and wonderful, and the rude and titillating. People who work in them are used to customers coming in and having a bit of a giggle. Whether it’s a young couple coming into a store for their very first time, or the hens night ladies coming in to buy Becky a penis veil and bachelorette sash, as long as you’re actually in there to buy something and not just there to treat it like a gallery of novelty, the staff mostly just roll their eyes at your tittering over blow up granny sex dolls and bigger-than-your-arm butt plugs. What really grinds their gears, however, is the nasty or ridiculing comments that some people make about certain products and the people who may use them. Shame has no place in sex, and adult shops are a melting pot of everything from vanilla novelties like penis straws to the hardcore kink of electro stimulation, and all of it is offered in a positive, non-shaming way. You never know who else is in store with you. Maybe that girl over by the lube stand has finally, after years of shame and self loathing, worked up the courage to buy that gimp mask… Or maybe it’s someone in your group wistfully eyeing off the Mega Butt Plug Extreme, and now you and your shitty friends have just made them feel like a revolting freak. Yes, you’re allowed to have a laugh, sex is pretty funny even without all the trimmings. You can hold up the massive dildo and quip that it would be cheaper to steal a traffic cone on the way home, or check out the whips and chains and shudder at how they may hurt, but please keep the negative and shaming language and inferences out of it. It’s unnecessary, immature, and could very well hurt someone you love without even knowing.
Can I Have Your Phone Number?
Please do not come on to adult shop employees. In fact, don’t come on to anyone while they are doing their job regardless of what they do, it is highly inappropriate and unprofessional. That inappropriateness doubles when it comes to flirting with adult shop staff because of the already highly sexual and intimate nature of the surroundings and your topic of conversation. It doesn’t matter how cute they are or if they smiled at your jokes just don’t do it. Also don’t ask them when they finish work or where they are going out on the weekend, or anything personal about their life, and especially do not hang around outside waiting until they have finished so you can ambush them and ask them out. That shit, especially when you’re as in-tune with your sleaze-bag radar as sex shop workers are, is creepy as fuck and makes you look like a threat.
Do You Offer (S)extras In Your Free Time?
Look, it’s pretty simple, just because someone sells dildos doesn’t mean they also sell sex. Yes, both adult shops and sex workers come under the broad umbrella that is the “sex industry”, but that’s about as far as the connection goes. The person behind the counter is a retail worker, not a sex worker, and is there to sell you products and offer advice on them not to demonstrate them or perform sexual acts on you. Seriously, it is incredibly rude and inappropriate to approach anyone but an advertised sex worker for a session and, in some cases, could be looked at as a form of sexual harassment and even have you up on charges. Some adult shops may have an affiliation with a local brothel or strip club and may have advertising material on the counter for them, but again, don’t ask the shop assistant for any more details. They don’t know. Call the brothel.
I Don’t Like The Toy I Bought, Can I Return It?
Adult shops have very strict return policies and they will be written everywhere around the store so you can’t miss it. No, you cannot bring a toy back because you have changed your mind. If it is faulty or broken then yes, bring it back in and the staff will work out a service or replacement for you, and some of the bigger sex toy companies have brilliant warranties and long-term guarantees, but just not liking it is not enough for a refund and never will be. This is why I suggest you do your research before buying a toy (especially one that will set you back over $100). Check it out in store, touch it with your hands, turn it on and feel its vibrations and settings. Yes, sometimes you’ll buy a toy that promised the world in store and then fell flat on delivery at home, but that’s unfortunately not reason enough for a return and something you just have to deal with.
Nah I don’t Need Lube or Cleaner
While you may think of them as just optional add-ons to your purchase, shop assistants encouraging you to buy them is not just a matter of them reaching sales targets and leeching more of your hard earned dollars. The right lube and cleaner are important to both the usability and longevity of your toy and should always be purchased together. Lube is great for both pleasure and comfort in sex, as well as helping stop condom breakages etc, and cleaner is an essential component for keeping your toys clean and hygienic, and your body healthy, in ways that soap just cannot do. They are an inexpensive, yet vital part of your sex toy experience and should be as much a part of your sexy time as orgasms and turning your phone onto silent.
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