How To Go Down on a Woman
Eva Sless
on 13 July 2019
51 comments
Oral sex is awesome. Whether you’re giving or receiving it can be one of the hottest, sexiest sex acts you can do. It can be done as a lead-up to penetrative sex, or it can be the whole show itself. It’s a gorgeously intimate way to enjoy your partner and be enjoyed by them, and we’re going to give you some tips to make sure that your trip down to Pussy Town is one of delicious, mutual satisfaction and orgasmic bliss.
Warm Up
Like all sex and sex acts, being aroused and ready for action is the key to an enjoyable time. Touching her body and kissing her skin are perfect ways to get her body to start warming up to the next steps, as is telling her not only how beautiful and sexy she is in that moment, but also how much you can’t wait to taste and smell and experience her body. You may think (and I’m so glad many of you do) that that is almost a redundant comment; Of course you can’t wait to taste and smell and touch her isn’t that, like, the point of going down on her?
Yes, my switched on and sexually mature friend, that IS the point, but let me explain why it needs to be said.
Shame Shame Shame
If you’ve been a regular reader of my blogs you will know that not only am I a bit of a rampant feminist (yes, just a bit, shhh), I am also a huge believer in positive sex education and open conversations because for so long women especially have been shamed and cursed for their sexual escapades and told their bits, and what they do with them, are gross and dirty and rude. With this sort of shaming comes words, phrases and inferences that have created not only generations of women who are ashamed of their vaginas and its natural functions, but also an entire industry created around “fixing” these non-existent “problems”.
Smelly, fishy, gross, dirty, ugly, too much hair, fat lips, thin lips, droopy, dead possum, tight, loose, floppy, saggy, ewwwwww… Just to name a few.
Now you and I, my sexually mature friend, know that this is nothing but a lump of bullshit set in place purely for the purpose of keeping women in their rightful “virginal” spots, as well as making the cosmetic industry a fuck-load of money, but for so many women – even the ones who deep down in their hearts of hearts know this – this niggling little voice sits there and taunts us that we don’t look, taste or smell “right” and that letting you down there will cause deep embarrassment and shame and the idea that you probably absolutely hate it and are only doing it because you think you have to but omg you’re probably so turned off and disgusted by my vagina you’ll never want to see me again…. So it’s probably best if you don’t do it.
To all the men who write to me and ask me why their girlfriends won’t let them go down on them, this is most likely the reason. Even if she tells you it isn’t. That she “just doesn’t really like oral sex” which could be the case, not everyone is into the same things… But in my experience… Even if that IS the case… It quite often stems from a lifetime of shame and “grossness” that surrounds our conversations about vaginas.
So yes, it is VITALLY important you tell her that the smells and tastes and look of her beautiful vagina and all the gorgeous folds and flaps on the outside of it are the reason you want to do it.
The Scent Of A Woman
The scent of vagina is truly a unique one. It is a deep, musky-sweet smell, laden with pheromones and other intoxicating odours, and will change depending on a few different things including what part of her cycle she is at, how aroused she is, and even what she may have eaten over the last few days. Make your way slowly down her body, your hands trailing along her skin, your lips kissing their way towards her sweet spots and when you get there, pause in the moment, breathe her in, let the aroma of her arousal fill your senses and tell her just how amazing she looks and smells, how much your mouth wants her, how much you want to drink her in.
Trace your fingers along the outer lips and let your mouth follow with gentle kisses and licks. If she has pubic hair just gently push it aside to get to the soft, pink areas, and start with some slow, deliberate licks up and around the vulva and against the labia. Listen to her breathing and feel for the subtle (or sometimes not so subtle) movement of her hips and pelvis which can help guide you to what she likes (when she pushes towards you or circles her hips around) and doesn’t like (moving her body away from where you’re playing, even perhaps jerking away if you hit a sensitive spot too early). Use this guidance to both reassure yourself that she’s enjoying it, and to reassure her that you are paying attention (for example moving away immediately from the spot when she jerks away and going back to a spot where she’s enjoyed).
Wet Wet Wet
Yes, she is probably getting nice and aroused and wet down there, but it is super important to make sure your mouth is also nice and wet and lubricated because, and I say this with years of experience, a scratchy, sandpaper tongue roughly scraping up your bits is one of the most unpleasant, unsexy, un-arousing feelings on the planet. Seriously. So keep a bottle of water handy and make sure your tongue and lips are nice and slippery and glossy. The wetter your mouth is the wetter her pussy will get. Don’t be afraid to squirt a nice dose of water-based lubricant down there too just to help things along. Most lubes have very little flavour, and you can always get flavoured ones too, but I know a few people who don’t love them because it means you can’t taste the actual vagina any more. It’s personal preference really, but do make sure whatever lube you use is water-based. It’s just much nicer for oral sex and won’t stain or leave oily marks and is way safer for sex toys if you use them and super easy to clean up later.
Explore, Discover, and Learn
Just like the different parts of the penis, each different area of the vagina feels and reacts differently to different stimulus and figuring it all out is part of the fun and exploration of sexual enjoyment. Savour each area and discover the best ways to get the best reactions out of her. Just because the last vagina you licked liked one thing, it doesn’t necessarily mean the next one will like the same so take your time to get to know the individual vagina in front of you. Does she like her labia and vulva being sucked? Would she prefer you to use your fingers to open the vulva and labia and expose the whole beautiful area to your tongue, or does she perhaps want you to use your fingers to gently pinch the lips together and lick along the closed slit. Experiment and play with the combination of finger strokes and tongue strokes and don’t forget the beauty of those subtle little kisses and your sounds of enjoyment (which can, in turn, create rather lovely little vibrations against her delicate skin), and the importance of listening to and feeling her cues.
The Magic Button
Ah the clitoris. The amazing magic button (disclaimer, it is not actually a button, it is a long wishbone shaped organ that attaches to the spine and runs down the length of her vulva and pokes its little head out at the top) that is designed for nothing else in this world but pleasure. Every single one is amazing and each has its own individual likes and dislikes (which, again, depending on her state of arousal, how many times she may have already come, and a whole bunch of other factors, could possibly change) and it is important to work out exactly what this particular clitoris wants and needs at that particular time.
Because of its sensitivity (there are over 8000 nerve endings in that tiny tip alone) it’s important to take it gently and slowly at first. Yes, some clitorises want far more direct touching than others, but if you directly touch or suck or stroke one that doesn’t (or hasn’t warmed up enough for it yet), it can act like an electric charge to the area and actually hurt, and as a result possibly stop all further action, so just be aware and gentle and, if you’re listening and watching for her cues, you will know when and if she wants harder or more direct action by the way her hips and body will move towards you rather than the often involuntary jerk away when you accidentally touch a too-sensitive spot.
Co-ordination
In the same way that patting your head and rubbing your tummy at the same time can get away from you, so too can the co-ordinating of mouth and fingers and the knowing of what to do with one while you’re doing something else with the other. Not all women like both either, while some may only want to feel your mouth because they find your fingers are distracting, others want your fingers to stroke them, or fuck them, or just one, or both… and at varying rhythms and intervals and deepness and fullness… Yes I know. We’re confusing sometimes, but totally worth it in the end.
Something we’re often told, and that isn’t necessarily untrue, is that vaginas and their associated areas respond really well to rhythm and consistency but, of course, in standing with the confusing and inconsistent nature of vaginal arousal, that can even mean consistency in no rhythm with the teasing and anticipatory build up of non-rhythmical touching being what takes them over the edge in the end. After years of research and talking to women about their vaginas and orgasms I can safely say that there is no magic formula that will work on all vaginas EXCEPT the knowledge that there is no magic formula and so each new vagina you play with will need discovering and exploring to learn what it likes the best.
Consistency
So now you’ve figured out what gets her vagina motor humming, you’ve worked out that she likes a fast tongue flicking on her clit while two fingers slowly push inside, or perhaps she likes you to draw her whole clit into your mouth and suck on it while your fingertips stroke her vulva, maybe she wants no hands at all except on the inside of her thighs to keep her legs open and long licks up and down… Whatever it is, her body is rocking to your rhythm, her breath is shallow and her moans long, and she starts to build to her orgasm… This is where the consistency matters, no matter if it’s a non-consistent rhythm or not, that pace and what you’re doing is what is working so DO. NOT. STOP. Let her rock and moan and push into you. Her hands may even grab your head and push it towards her so she can grind against you. Just keep going… flicking, licking, stroking, tapping… Until you feel her body shake and her legs close around you (it may get a little hard to breathe through your nose at this point, so make sure you breathe through your mouth… but don’t stop) just keep going until she is done. She will let you know when she’s finished. Either verbally or physically by moving your head or her body away, and just let her lie and enjoy it for a moment. Move slowly up until you’re by her side and hold her through her afterglow, kiss her mouth so she can taste her own sweetness. Tell her she tasted amazing. Tell her how much you enjoyed it and just how incredible and beautiful her pussy is. It may take her a moment to work through the glow and sensitivity of the moment so just let her ride it and guide it to the next stage of play, if indeed it’s going to another stage. While yes, vaginas are capable of multiple or frequent orgasms, they still often need a little recovery time in between and this is the perfect tie to reaffirm to her how sexy and desirable she is.
Accessories and Extras
On its own, oral sex can be incredible, so just imagine what might be possible if you add a little extra spice to the play? These suggestions are all just that, extra little things that may or may not take your fancy, but they can be great little additions to the experience to change it up a bit from time to time.
You know how I suggested keeping a bottle of water handy? Well why not a cup of iced water? Or hot water? Temperature play can be a fantastic way to change the sensations and feelings and is so cheap and easy you can get it from your kitchen tap! Also, while I mentioned flavoured lube earlier, just using it as lube can maybe take away from the natural experience of oral, but so too can creating a strawberry flavoured pussy add a whole other element of fun. These days flavoured lubes are incredibly realistic and delicious tasting and any adult shop will have testers you can go in and taste. Adding sex toys is another way to change up the feeling, whether using a vibrator or dildo or even an anal toy to change the sensations of play, and adding a little bondage play (hands tied above her head or even a spreader bar between her ankles so she can’t close her legs) creates a whole new element to the session.
However you decide to “dine at the Y” the most important things to remember are (as always) consent and communication. If you are the giver always listen and look for your partner’s arousal cues, and if you are the taker be sure to let them know what you like, how you like it, and when you like it… By using your body, your sounds, and your words. All of that, plus a good healthy attitude towards bodies and body positivity is the perfect recipe for the most finger lickin’ good time you can have.
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