Do Nice Guys Always Finish Last?

Amie Wee Amie Wee on 2 August 2019    32 comments
Geeky man in a pink shirt and bowtie holding a bunch of red roses

Dear Amie, My mate is a ripped gym junkie and women swoon all over him whenever we go out, he generally treats them like shit... I try and be the nice guy and end up being friend zoned or treated like the gay best friend... do I have to pretend to be a dickhead and start downing protein powder and taking gym selfies just to meet a woman?

Oh god please don’t!

Firstly, yes, some women are drawn to “bad boys”. They’re all about the dark and sexy, charismatic, overly confident rebels. Why? Because “bad boys” are fucking exciting and out there. You never know what you’re going to get, and they possess traits that are extremely desirable to some women. 

Blame science! As some studies do actually point to hormones being responsible for some women being like moths drawn to the “bad boy” flame. One study showed that women who were ovulating were shown fake online dating profiles of different men, and tended to prefer the more traditionally attractive “bad boys” over the chill, average-looking “nice guys”. However, most of the studies on this topic tend to focus on people in their early twenties, so it’s possible that younger women are more likely to be hypnotised by a hot heartbreaker over a reliable “nice guy” because they’re thinking about a short term shag over a long term love affair.

The Australian Sex Survey conducted by the Queensland University of Technology, in which Adult Match Maker members participated, revealed that one of the key attributes that women found attractive in men was agreeableness. So being positive, respectful and, dare we say it, “nice” goes a long way if you’re wanting to hook up.

Everyone’s heard of the saying “nice guys finish last”, but they don’t have to. Women aren’t inherently and exclusively attracted to assholes. It’s not the “bad” part that makes “bad boys” attractive, it’s that they’re doing what nice guys don’t.

Honestly, your mate’s luck with the ladies is less likely about the fact that he lifts or that he “treats them like shit”, and more about that fact that women are more likely attracted to his confidence. Self confidence is sexy! We’re attracted to men who are comfortable in their own skin and know their worth.

If you’re not getting a look in when you and your mate go out together, it’s probably because women see you standing in his shadow watching his success in awe. That’s hardly a panty-dropper. You need to work on your confidence and get your own game happening. The next time you and your mate go out together – disperse! You need to be your own wingman from now on.

The problem with a lot of “nice guys” is that they’re afraid of rejection. They refuse to approach women if they’re not 110% sure they’ll succeed. But the thing is, of course you’ll get rejections. We all do. Just move on and chalk it up to practice. It’s a numbers game, and if you keep playing, you’re bound to win sometime.

At the end of the day, it’s not all about having a buff gym bod though. I know heaps of babes who’d prefer two love handles over a six pack any day.

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Comments (32)

  • willinged666

    willinged666
    59M Sunshine, VIC,
     AU

    you should live in the real world
    >4w
    • SingleGUY522

      SingleGUY522
      Account closed

      Of course we always finish last Too many Fussy woman and couples on here they want perfect But News Flash No One is Perfect!
      >4w
    • Casualhappyxo

      Casualhappyxo
      Account closed

      Propaganda, 'image,' marketing perception & fantasies, all appeal to the fancifool & ignorant, especially if all they know is from 'populist culture,' in predominately commercial media, which reflects the most broadest common denominator what captures/retains interest/entertainment, in most cases to ultimately flog useless merchandise.
      The 'bad boi' image is prevalent is so much material, 'nice guys,' are simply not as 'interesting,' even if they are well informed individuals, that can contribute critical thought learned by life, not 'politically correct,' mediocre crap reinforced/broadcast within/for promulgating boring mediocrity that requires buggerall effort, gradually 'dumbing society down,' compared to our ancestors. Maybe that is what the ruling influencers want, compliant docile breeding stock, but that is another story, where maybe the 'bad boi'/rebel/acute subordination may have a deep-rooted appeal against all the repressive 'norms.'
      In my life's experience, most times the arrogant selfish 'peacocking'/twat gets 'the girl,' not necessarily the fully formed independent thinking 'woman.' Unfortunately for many, its 'too late' when folks 'wake up.'
      Good luck to whatever happens, enjoy life if you can, its only temporary.
      >4w
    Reply
  • AugustusSeizer

    AugustusSeizer
    Account closed

    Or learn to dance. Simple, direct ballroom. Then progress to tango.
    I saw a documentary once - something to do with bio-diversity in the Congo. In passing we saw the researchers (some Europeans, Canadians, South Americans and their local university hosts) hanging out after a long day of field work. Some of the visitors were demonstrating tango moves. They collected an audience of swooning, almost drooling onlookers. We're talking about a village in the middle of Nowhere, the Congo equivalent of Kickakanalong, right? Waaaay beyond the Black Stump. And the local girls were mesmerised by these South American dancers. They were falling over themselves to get a turn - with a balding middle aged scientist with a paunch who could move like a god.
    My hypothesis is that being able to offer to teach a woman proper tango dancing will pull anywhere in the world. Inuit (Eskimo) winter clothing may make it awkward but I have no doubt tango would pull above the Arctic Circle too. Ladies, disabuse me of my theory if you think I'm wrong.
    But it takes work. It takes the same kind of determination that training for hard sport takes. Do you *want* the Pulling Secret Weapon? How much will you work for it? *grin*
    >4w
    Reply
  • AGivingSpirit

    AGivingSpirit
    64M Batemans Bay, NSW,
     AU

    It's the vibe man and be a hot ape humour open posture touch attention proximity eye contact smile be able to dance listen smile kiss
    >4w
    Reply
  • oakentree

    oakentree
    56M Woodcroft, SA,
     AU

    i think be yourself strange and its true i am or was bad yet people that talk to u see you not the bad boy image u look wrong sites or places think this no one is better than you and self confidence is what "bad boy" has u will find girls that are not second best but better than others
    >4w
    Reply
  • ispywithmy

    ispywithmy
    40M Footscray, VIC,
     AU

    Yeah, you’re just slightly off the mark there. It’s about context. In a more public setting, that nice guy might have more of a chance, depending on the type of people around him.
    But on a site like this- as most people are not seeking serious relationships (purely), the bar is raised far higher and if you’re not attractive enough and so on - you just don’t stand a chance. It doesn’t help with the blown out ratio of men to women either.
    But good try to convince people that the saying doesn’t hold in forums like this.
    >4w
    Reply
  • The comment has been hidden or removed!
  • KinkyGirl101

    KinkyGirl101
    50F QLD,
     AU

    I agree with @AugustusSeizer I recall when I wanted to learn Salsa. I went along to a night at Darling Harbour just to see what their social events were like and was fascinated that this one guy had women literally falling over themselves to dance with him. I reckon he could pick and choose who he went home with. Then recently I went with a group to a Latin night at Camelot Lounge in Sydney. There was an older man on the dance floor, short, bald, missing teeth lol but boy could he dance. He had the pick of ladies (including me who was lucky enough to be asked up 3 times) and he charmed us the whole time he was shakin' those hips. So guys learn something to impress her. Amie, is right, it is about confidence. Perhaps have a signature cocktail you can whip up, learn some dance moves, learn once of the romance languages or at least enough to impress in other words make an effort and don't just sit there bemoaning that you're a nice guy who never gets the girl. Also don't be a game player. The old adage "treat her mean and keep her keen" is fucked. Women like men who don't play games.
    >4w
    • Want2trybi69

      Want2trybi69
      Account closed

      "Women like men who don't play games." lol oh the irony!
      >4w
    • willinged666

      willinged666
      59M Sunshine, VIC,
       AU

      hi how do u get confidence when u get blocked for just saying hi
      >4w
    • AmyF2016

      AmyF2016
      50F Sydney, NSW,
       AU

      @willinged666 thats the issue lately..a lot of guys on here just message hi and/or just message with access given to their private gallery...and in that instance my response is always the same...either I dont respond..or I point out it takes a lot more than that to engage me....regardless how "hot" the profile photos are.
      >4w
    • NaughtyDreamz

      NaughtyDreamz
      Account closed

      Getting blocked for saying hi depends on your profile and your manners.
      We will block a guy straight away if his profile says he is only looking for a woman, regardless of how eloquent he may be, we are a couple.
      A guy winking us asking us to message him will result in blocking. We have paid for our membership, cough up and pay for yours.
      Also a pet hate is when we send a polite wink saying no thanks and the guy keeps winking or messaging, that will get you blocked.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Want2trybi69

    Want2trybi69
    Account closed

    Generalisation. Not the case for everyone. If you are ugly, then tough luck! I have been both the nice guy and the buff guy. With most women, looks plays a big role. It doesnt matter how nice you are to them or how much you do for them when you are the ugly duckling. In that case its either, friend zone, or catch ya later zone!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Aloha19

    Aloha19
    49M Melbourne, VIC,
     AU

    Never listen to what a woman says, watch what she does.
    >4w
    Reply
  • 5.Cougars

    5.Cougars
    47F Campbelltown, NSW,
     AU

    dude just do you, the right women are out there. personally im not into your mates style of behaviour and would walk away in a heartbeat, i know my worth. be happy and confident in yourself and you'll be surprised how things change.
    >4w
    Reply
  • InsideVoice

    InsideVoice
    54M Brunswick East, VIC,
     AU

    Nice guys don't finish last: they finish third, right after the arrogant and the wealthy.
    In the same way water finds its own level, nature plays matchmaker.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Call.me.x23

    Call.me.x23
    Account closed

    Just be yourself there are not enough nice guys out there to go around! Above average muscles and inside leg measurements generally only impress other guys!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Zamboon

    Zamboon
    66M Bridgeman Downs, QLD,
     AU

    I strive to cum last I think it’s just good manners ...
    >4w
    Reply
  • prettyg123

    prettyg123
    41T Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    I think nice guys don’t equal ugly or bad looking
    Always believe in there’s someone for everyone. Chemistry is the big thing. Without chemistry, no matter how good looking the guy is, just won’t last for long.
    However, for AMM, probably good looking will have the advantage.
    >4w
    Reply
  • EppingGuy

    EppingGuy
    64M Epping, VIC,
     AU

    Adult Matcher Maker, do know its a visual meduim what about good manned guys who are not so attractive where do they sit
    >4w
    Reply
  • Naturallynormal

    Naturallynormal
    Account closed

    Yes this is a problem for us nice guys. It's a Darwin thing. Women are attracted to the Alpha male and it's a primal thing. As the lady says confidence can overcome a lot of problems. No woman wants a weak man. In our patriarchal society men are the ones expected to approach women and we have to learn to get used to rejection and pick ourselves off the floor and get back on the horse. A woman will never know she is rejected as she just wont be approached. How many of us men send out numerous carefully worded messages to girls on here only to have the message unread or have them immediately leave the conversation. It is was it is and no use complaining. It's a numbers games and the ratio of guys to girls is huge on all sites. The girls have all the choice and a lot of men are abusive and petulant when rejected hence the blocking and ghosting just to be on the safe side. I've found the best approach is to be yourself and I use my intelligence to whoo a lady. After all the brain is the largest sex organ. A lot of those Alpha males are shit in the sack anyway as it's all about them and they are often selfish lovers and full of their own bravado that just doesn't stack up. For the record I've had lots of compliments in the bedroom and had some women say to me how surprised they were and satisfied. So boys roll with that confidence and girls be a little more open to trying something different. You never know you might find something special.
    >4w
    Reply
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