How can I get my best friend to move on after her breakup?

Amie Wee Amie Wee on 5 June 2019    9 comments
Young woman sitting cross legged in bed looking broken hearted

Dear Amie, my best friend got dumped by her long-term boyfriend about six months ago. I totally understand that it broke her heart and I was there for all the tears and long conversations. But it seems that’s all we still talk about. She hasn’t moved on and, to be honest, I didn’t even think he was the love of her life. How can I be supportive but tell her she needs to put on her big girl pants and move on?

Breakups are notoriously painful and heartbreak is a bitch. Anyone who’s been through a shitty breakup will tell you they’d probably rather be hit by a car than go through that again… me included. 

And while you can be proactive about trying to get over a breakup, you can’t rush them – the heart heals when it's ready to heal. 

With that being said, I reckon best friends are entitled to one solid month of wallowing, before they have to scale it back. The fact that your friend’s breakup has dominated your friendship for months on end is hardly fair to you. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a friendship and makes it all very one-sided. If your friend isn’t careful, she might be experiencing a breakup with your friendship next. 

Here’s what I’d do. 

Tell her to shut up… nicely. No seriously. Enough is enough. Ban your mate from mentioning her ex’s name. Make her agree to a pact that he won’t be spoken about again. The only way she’s going to be able to get over him is to look beyond him. Tell her he’s taken up enough space in your friendship and it’s time she widen her world view. He was clearly not a keeper – or he’d still be around. And she’s hardly going to be open to meeting new people if she’s still clinging onto the past. 

If your friend still feels she has a lot of emotional unpacking to do about the break up, suggest she talk to a professional. She might get the shits with you for suggesting that, but if she’s slipped into a state of sadness that she can’t seem to break out of, a therapist might be able to help her get some closure. Shit – that’s what they’re paid to do! Plus, if she doesn’t want to do the work and just wants to keep talking about the ex endlessly, then at least she’s doing that to… someone who isn’t you.

One of the most proactive ways to get over a relationship is to stay busy. Your friend is consumed by the break up – she needs to divert her energy elsewhere. I’d say she needs a passion beyond obsessing over the ex. Why not suggest a new hobby or activity you can both commit to doing together? 

As a last resort - they say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Maybe suggest your friend sign up to Adult Match Maker…

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Comments (9)

  • prettyg123

    prettyg123
    41T Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    It will take time. It’s hard for you to tell him/her to move on. Some people stuck for a while and some don’t. The head wants to move on doesn’t mean the heart is ready. That’s why there’s something called rebound.
    >4w
    Reply
  • 88Goddess88

    88Goddess88
    46F Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    I've been hit by a car. I was on life support with no chance to live a normal life so the Doctors informed my family to switch the machine off. I hobbled out of the hospital 3 days later. If I had to choose between being hit by a car again or a broken heart, I would choose being hit by a car first, without any hesitation!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Steve0112

    Steve0112
    64M Mooloolah Valley, QLD,
     AU

    The important thing to remember is the person who hurt you is not moping around thinking about you so don’t give them the satisfaction of letting them affect your life more than they already have..
    Stay positive, spend time with your friends and live for now...be positive :)
    Cheers,
    Steve
    >4w
    Reply
  • aPussyLicker4U

    aPussyLicker4U
    Account closed

    A great article. Thank you Aime.
    From my experience a diversion is the bet solution.
    When in my mid 20's and after 4 years together I broke up with what I thought was the love of my life.
    After a couple of months moping around an old school mate suggested I join the then NSW Bushfire Brigades. (now Rural Fire Services)
    It was the best thing I ever did.
    I met lots of new people, experienced many new activities and found things to keep me busy and my mind diverted from the ex.
    It was the best therapy ever and now over 30 years later I am still involved in the RFS.
    There are many activities, charities, sports etc that one can get involved in to divert their attention fom an ex.
    >4w
    Reply
  • funguyatbyron

    funguyatbyron
    Account closed

    don't worry get out & meet some one else as they say time heals all wounds believe me it's worse when kids are involved as you are always involved some way or another just keep positive Jayney
    >4w
    Reply
  • Jayney2010

    Jayney2010
    Account closed

    I’m going through it at the moment - yes I’d rather be hit by a car......or maybe even a bus!
    >4w
    Reply
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