How to know if your date will be good in bed

Georgie Wolf Georgie Wolf on 29 November 2019    25 comments
Young couple sharing an intimate moment while sharing a coffee

Hooking up can be rewarding, but it takes effort. We scroll through profiles on adult dating websites, check out photos, and agonise over what to say in our first message. Then there’s the date itself; by the time we’ve chosen our outfit, turned up to the venue, and spent money on drinks, we’ve already invested a lot of time and energy. 

After all this work, there’s nothing worse than going home with your new catch only to discover that they’re terrible in bed. It’s an awkward situation; should you stop mid-coitus and send them home? Let them sleep over, and break the news to them in the morning that there won’t be a second play session? 

When you invite someone into your sex life, you want to be sure that it’s worth it. By watching out for the signs, you can ensure you’re in for a fun ride – or simply call it off before the bar calls for last drinks. Here’s how to work out if your date will be a sexual superstar. 

Do they care about you as a person?

Nobody likes a selfish lover. Luckily, those personality traits that lead someone to give great head are often the same that motivate them to buy you a drink. Generosity and consideration aren’t just about sex; they’re evident in every interaction. If your potential partner shows interest in what you have to say, it’s likely they’ll also care about your needs in the bedroom.

Is there sexual chemistry?

How well you connect with your date makes a difference. Connection is the process of getting to know someone, and it's crucial to great sex - when you’re both on the same wavelength, it’s easier to pick up on the subtle signals that help you satisfy each other in bed.

If you’re leaning towards each other, making eye contact, and having comfortable, intimate silences, that’s a good sign. If one or both of you is feeling distracted, staring into the distance, or turning away … not so much.

Do you have the same kinks, desires, and expectations?

You and your partner both need to want the same things in bed. It doesn’t matter how well you get along, if one of you is into heavy kink and the other is hoping for a romantic make-out session. Similarly, relationship expectations can sour the mood – if you’re looking for a hook-up and your date wants an ongoing partner, those competing priorities are going to get in the way of having good sex.

Meeting someone for drinks or coffee is a great opportunity to talk about what you’re both hoping to get up to in the bedroom. I like to ask, “What are you into?” or “What sort of connection are you looking for?” If you take them home and discover they want a sexual activity that you’re just not interested in, that’s a mighty awkward situation.

Are they a good kisser?

At the end of the night, you may be ready to hop in a cab and head back to their place….but I always recommend a pre-Uber make-out session first. A good kisser is often also a good playmate! Kissing uses the same skills as great sex – the ability to slow down, tune in, and respond to your partner. If you have good chemistry, kissing should feel natural – if the connection isn’t there, going in for a pash will make it painfully obvious. If their kissing isn’t working for you, there’s a good chance that the sex will also leave you cold.

When it comes to a good hook-up, it’s worth finding the right people. By paying attention to these details during your date, you’ll be able to predict the likelihood of sexual fireworks. And if you feel there’s no chance you can call it a night, rather than wasting your time and energy.

There’s always another day, another date! By watching out for the signs, you’re much more likely to have an incredible experience.

Georgie's book 'The Art of the Hook-Up' is your guide to a Successful sex life, with practical, ethical skills for casual sex and online dating. The book has a 5 star rating on Amazon and reached #1 in the Sexuality category the week it launched. Want to grab a copy? Click here to find out more!

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Comments (25)

  • estravan

    estravan
    Account closed

    Yes nothing worse than incompatibility in the bedroom. Sometimes it is very hard to tell even after a number dates leading up to the first physical encounter. Kissing is definitely one of the key signs though. If they can't snog nicely and show that sensuality then it's going to follow that the rest will be awkward and unfulfilling. Eye contact, gentle touch in conversation and intellectual stimulation. Then there are women who have just got it and I can tell straight away. :)
    >4w
    Reply
  • Blue262

    Blue262
    55M Hunters Hill, NSW,
     AU

    Hey, you know who can really tell you in detail about human interactions that overlap with bodily functions?
    Intelligent people who are either narcissists, moderately autistic or both. They bump up against the ways that people react to their awkward selfishness and develop techniques to work around what makes them repellent.
    With a complex, transactional approach they work out which buttons to press in order to appear to be meeting your needs while convincing you to meet theirs. Some have been doing it since they were toddlers and it's possible to get years into a relationship before you see how empty they are.
    You might have some enjoyable sex and fun times at first, but it's under pressure that we reveal who we are. Someone who can get into an argument with you without lashing out, raging or devaluing you, one who forgets it all immediately after is a keeper, because they 'see' and value you. Details about eye-contact, tone of voice and body language are all part of the manipulative array of technician's tricks.
    Not saying they make great partners in any adventure, but if you meet someone who operates people it can be rewarding to learn from them and about them.
    >4w
    • cloudnineteen82

      cloudnineteen82
      Account closed

      I've been dealing with exactly what you've explained for the past 3.5years..
      Check out Richard Grannon - SPARTAN LIFE COACH on YouTube, I think you will find him interesting.
      >4w
    • sweetazhunny40

      sweetazhunny40
      46F Australind, WA,
       AU

      This is what I've been thinking about lately. That if you send pics or send dirty messages then you are put under pressure and unreasonable expectations that you live up to them. And you feel you HAVE TO have sex just so you don't lose that person's interest. You might really like them for reasons that have nothing to do with sex - but that is all THEY are focussed on. I'm not going to feel pressured to have sex with anyone just because I send a naughty pic or two and he instigates the dirty chat in the first place. I want to know I am not being sucked in and not going to be ditched as soon as they get their "piece" of me
      >4w
    • Blue262

      Blue262
      55M Hunters Hill, NSW,
       AU

      I've seen a couple meet at the first class of a typing course at tech and within the hour they'd run off together, not to be seen again that day. At a share house, i watched two nerds spend most of a fortnight sitting closer and closer together on the couch until they disappeared for the winter, surfacing only for work, takeaways and coffee. The first couple would laugh at the second, the second might think the first reckless or stupid.
      Seems everybody knows within seconds if they'd do a person, but there's some hoops to jump through first. The dream of the selfish idiot is someone who's attractive, available and immediately into it. Then they wonder why they feel so empty.
      No judgement from me, if you're wired for shallow interactions, go for it. If there's pressure at any time, i'd recommend caution, trust your gut, it's usually pretty accurate.
      >4w
    Reply
  • gypsyprincess86

    gypsyprincess86
    Account closed

    Unfortunately I have had a couple of dates from here that did not go so well. And usually I find the reason for this is because the guy oversells himself or lies to you/stretches the truth. If you tell me that you can last all night and in reality your done before I've even had a chance to enjoy it, thats not fun and definitely not the reason I have invited you over. Selfish lovers also agreed, if you don't care about my needs then you aren't worth my time.
    >4w
    • DDdelite

      DDdelite
      Account closed

      I'm hearing you loud and clear sister. Well said!
      >4w
    • ozmelbcpl4cpl

      ozmelbcpl4cpl
      53M 53F Ringwood East, VIC,
       AU

      Men tend to do that alot i find they can spoil the night so much after i have taken the time to dressup look great for him spent money and time on a mitel to have him last under 39minutes and not having made me cum yet thats pathetic and unethical to a womans needs ..that worst part is they ask how was it lol like they set the next guys up for failure lmao..i really want to say are you serious but I just grin and bare it and say what do you think lol and know there's never going to be a next time ever..
      Ps. Guys should come with references haha
      >4w
    Reply
  • friskypuz

    friskypuz
    Account closed

    If there's no connection when you first meet, it's probably a good sign to not go any further.
    I usually find those who state how good they are, aren't what they think they are..
    >4w
    Reply
  • Ifuwannadome

    Ifuwannadome
    61F Hobart, TAS,
     AU

    If they send dick pictures i wouldnt leave home to find out
    >4w
    Reply
  • Kabooom.

    Kabooom.
    Account closed

    I don't understand the bragging bit and why people do it.
    >4w
    Reply
  • 1966Rani

    1966Rani
    63M 58F Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    I think all of the above is great advice, and being able to become close physically and comfortably is the real secret. The kiss and touch at the early stage will more than likely set the pace for what will follow. Awkward fumbling. cold kissing and no sparks introduction will probably not end well in bed. In summary a confident person will be an exciting and confident lover.
    >4w
    Reply
  • DirtyGirl0626

    DirtyGirl0626
    52F Seaford, VIC,
     AU

    The kiss tells me everything. If they ask a lot of questions about me. If they don't just talk the whole time about themselves. If they smile while I'm talking. Eye contact. Even have a laugh. All signs we can work together in the bedroom, because they are willing to give & take, listen & read the situation & my body. ...
    >4w
    Reply
  • BareNakedLady73

    BareNakedLady73
    Account closed

    Not to be ruled out is the lover who performs brilliantly that 1st time and then it's all downhill after that.
    This one sucks a bit because normally some time has been invested by then.
    >4w
    Reply
  • ispywithmy

    ispywithmy
    40M Footscray, VIC,
     AU

    I think a more basic problem is showing ladies that you’re a reasonable person ( I say ladies because they’re spoiled for choice, where as guys well, are lucky just to get a ‘no’ reply). How do you stand out? How do you show that you’re genuine?
    It seems like the easiest way is the lie, which of course only gets you so far, and this article sort of mentions (along with comments). But isn’t that all part of the game? Doesn’t matter what you’re selling, you have to meet the market!
    >4w
    Reply
  • ozmelbcpl4cpl

    ozmelbcpl4cpl
    53M 53F Ringwood East, VIC,
     AU

    I agree to pretty much all of that.I find most men have a defeated attitude way before they turn up they tend to send off vibes like i hope i don't disappoint ..we women prefer the i can do attitude confidence in a guy is rather sexy .cockiness is not impressive at all
    >4w
    Reply
  • ausguysyd1992

    ausguysyd1992
    Account closed

    this is another great article - and I agree - when the chemistry/energy “feels” right a great connection and great sex usually follows - but as already mentioned - it’s about sharing that first moment you meet, listening attentively, connecting and understanding each other (and picking up on those subtle sexual messages we all send) - if this process is done calmly and naturally (sorry guys/girls it cannot be faked) and attentively enough - you probably won’t need to ask “what are you into” (this can be a mood killer for some people anyway) - because (I think) that you will already start to get a real sense of what that might be - and besides - most people are fairly willing even to try new things with the “right people” (you know - the ones that make them feel safe, secure and respected) - and yes - even the dom/sub play has a healthy dose of respect and care at its core
    >4w
    Reply
  • sweetazhunny40

    sweetazhunny40
    46F Australind, WA,
     AU

    I read this article and while it all makes sense, I want to know do you really think it's safe to jump into bed with someone who you have only just met?. Sure you might have spent hours texting or chatting either online or on the phone but does that really mean you know them?. I just don't know why people rush into having sex on the first date. I've done it before and I ended up feeling like a cheap tart. And after I've put in the effort and trusted them enough to give them my body they turn around and give me the flick. I just want to know how do I have a good time and keep the guy's interest without jumping into bed on the first date?
    >4w
    Reply
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