I'm falling for my fuckbuddy!

Amie Wee Amie Wee on 14 October 2018    40 comments
Woman in background with glasses and large earings holding a red heart to the camera

Dear Amie: I’ve had a fuckbuddy for a while and it’s great but I think I have feelings and I don’t know if he feels the same. I turned down a date with a really nice guy the other night and waited at home for him to call. What should I do?

Oh no. Abort mission! You’re treading into dangerous emotional territory, my friend.

The thing is, friends with benefits situations tend to work best when the emphasis is on the “fuck buddy” part of “fuck buddy”. By bringing romantic feelings into the equation and wanting more than a shag, you’re changing up the game and it’s no longer buddies who just fuck.

The fact that you’re turning down dates for this dude is a red flag. It’s time for you to fess up to your fuck buddy. Not only should you be honest with him that your feelings have changed, you owe it to yourself to not settle for a friends with benefits arrangement with someone you actually want to pursue a relationship with – otherwise it’s like settling for leftovers and it’ll just make you feel resentful and used in the long run.

Obviously I can’t tell you how your fuckbuddy feels. The only way to know is to be upfront and ask him (ideally when you’re both sober and fully clothed). Worst case scenario, your fuckbuddy freaks out and you dodge a potentially shitty emotional bullet. Best case scenario, he’s caught the feels too… Hey, you never know until you ask, right?

With fuckbuddies, if you don’t take active steps to manage the relationship like a strict friends with benefits, it can be easy to fall into a routine and end up as something more than you planned for… which can be great, if both parties feel the same way…

For anyone else reading this who might have fuckbuddy anxiety, here’s a few of my tips for keeping a fuckbuddy relationship out of the emotional zone. After all, the goal with a fuckbuddy is to keep it sexually alive, not emotionally involved. In some ways, you have to treat a fuck buddy situation with the same seriousness you’d treat a relationship. Always keep your encounters spontaneous – avoid routines. Always communicate and be upfront about what you want and where you’re at – you’ve both got to be on the same page if it’s going to work. If things take a turn for the sentimental or emotional – take a break from each other. Never play stupid mind games or have ulterior motives – just fuck and hang out!

Read Next Article

Likes & Comments

Comments (40)

  • EroticTouch25

    EroticTouch25
    54M Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    Yes, it is an emergency. When you fall for the fuckbuddy two things happen; the fucking will drop off as you will eventually replace fucking-time with trips to the markets, meeting friends (together), watching a movie.....you get my drift. The second point, you won't be allowed to fuck anyone else and if you do or want to, then it will be a huge guilt trip. It's a slippery slope. My tip - detach emotionally and engage sexually.....it is possible.
    >4w
    Reply
  • The comment has been hidden or removed!
    • KinkyGirl101

      KinkyGirl101
      50F QLD,
       AU

      What's the relevance of the length of time they've been on the site? Is a woman a slut if she's been on here for more than a month, more than a year? Sheesh I know couples who have married after hooking up on AMM.
      >4w
  • TremorsWithin

    TremorsWithin
    53F Gold Coast, QLD,
     AU

    A fuckbuddy is a fuckbuddy for a reason, u can’t fall for them as they would never be trust worthy in the real world if they fucking other people also so just enjoy the sex, what u are looking for in them u will never get, I had a fwb for nearly 3yrs and although we are best friends we both have our feelings incheck and still never get bored of the sex because the feelings aren’t involved, maybe time to get a new fuckbuddy :)
    >4w
    • KinkyGirl101

      KinkyGirl101
      50F QLD,
       AU

      Good point. Time to get a new fuckbuddy or a couple of them. Women do get emotionally attached when you're just fucking the one person.
      >4w
    Reply
  • TopShelf.

    TopShelf.
    Account closed

    Its how women are wired... if they see potential in something that rocks their world, they're not going to be able to keep it unemotionally charged for long. If their Male fuckbuddy doesn't roll/jump on their emotional rollercoaster it'll be goodbye Miss freelove 69 and the sex will take the downward slope of a rollercoaster quicker than a man can say..'What tha'
    >4w
    • xFunlovingx

      xFunlovingx
      64F Cairnlea, VIC,
       AU

      I don't agree. There are many women like me who aren't "wired" like that. Men get offended when we don't fall head over heels. They like to refer to us as sluts so it doesn't hurt their egos when we can and do move on with ease. I've had fuck buddies for over 2 years and have never fallen once.
      >4w
    • devilsangel77

      devilsangel77
      Account closed

      agree Xfun to the point that they’ve almost got offended when we as the women as I think this thing has run the course.
      Yes a lot of women have sex to fall in love but not all. Same as not all men are emotional voids who just want to fuck.
      >4w
    • uneventful

      uneventful
      67F Horningsea Park, NSW,
       AU

      I disagree. And it’s not far to log all women under the same banner
      I have had a FWB now for 6 yrs. there is no romance in it. Only friendship sexuality and sensuality
      And we intend to keep it that way
      >4w
    • allinmymind

      allinmymind
      61F Wodonga, VIC,
       AU

      Or the bloke doesn't like the talk, or wonders why you had sex in the first place ie wonders about your character.
      >4w
    Reply
  • xFunlovingx

    xFunlovingx
    64F Cairnlea, VIC,
     AU

    Never fall for a FB or a FWB. I think that she has mistaken lust for feelings. I have had fuck buddies fall for me in the past. I prefer only attached men because they understand that it's all about the sex and satisfying each others primal needs. I have a phobia of commitment!
    >4w
    Reply
  • brazenhotlips

    brazenhotlips
    55F Monash, ACT,
     AU

    Definitely need to deal with it ASAP! Preferably by telling them and probably by ending it (before you get hurt).
    It's not an easy situation but honesty is the best way to protect yourself.
    >4w
    Reply
  • happylady398

    happylady398
    61F Brisbane, QLD,
     AU

    I have been speaking to this guy for a couple months now and i am ready for him to come and have some love making and i know he is married and he keeps on telling me he loves his wife. But i know that he wants me for sex and i am falling for him
    >4w
    Reply
  • Niceguy59

    Niceguy59
    65M Elimbah, QLD,
     AU

    I am so lucky to have had a really nice lady that I met thru this site, as a friend with benefits, the same thing happened to our relationship. The friendship started to get serious, but lucky for us, we chatted and worked out, we are still great friends, but that is all now. Some beautiful memories.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Rockychap87

    Rockychap87
    Account closed

    This got me thinking... I am in a similar situation, but it's a bit complicated. Not sure if this is the right thread, but would love to hear your thoughts.
    I recently matched with a girl online and we found out that we both have been in the swinging scene and have had fwb. I have seen this girl a few times now and we both matched with the intension of getting into something long term and meaningful. We both have been single for a long period of time and we both have had fwb. Our meetups have been nothing but fun, banter and laughs so far. Today she suddenly said that she didn't want to get into anything serious and would still like to hangout with me and do the same fun things. Because of our swinging history, we are both open to the idea of open relationships and she had told me that she has had a fwb in the past and that she put up barriers to make sure it didn't get serious from the very beginning. I am not sure why she would say that she didn't want to get into anything serious with me. I am not sure the fact that knowing that I am in the swinging scene and that I have had fwb in the past as well, if her head is clouded and thinking that I would be a fwb just like the guy before and putting barriers to stop herself from getting hurt. Help!
    >4w
    Reply
  • barkly48

    barkly48
    67M Bendigo, VIC,
     AU

    I've had 2 different experiences dealing with FWB... I've always been very clear to any/all prospective partners that it is just FWB... Very clear there wont be anything more... The first developed into what is described in "Dear Amie" and only finished with her being VERY disappointed that she couldn't get me to change to her way of thinking... It was almost my "fault" when I finally ended it, because it was getting too serious... The second time she actually contacted me after one of our sessions and admitted she was falling for me, but also admitted she knew the ground rules. At least I knew where I stood with her... I haven't heard from the first and am still good friends with the second.. There's a lesson there..
    >4w
    Reply
  • nytewyng3571

    nytewyng3571
    53M Girrawheen, WA,
     AU

    I'm not sure why it's a case of "Worst case scenario, your fuckbuddy freaks out and you dodge a potentially shitty emotional bullet"... the reality is, these two started out as FB/FWB, her feelings changed and it's a pretty big changing of the goal posts to go from FWB to relationship.
    I met a woman on this site, and we had the usual chat before our first meeting over coffee to suss each other out. We went on to a second meet at the pub and there was a great spark which took us into the bedroom that night. Next morning she asked that our next date (i.e. date date, not another all night shagfest) be one where she could bring her kids. I was like "WTF!!" Needless to say, I politely excused myself after reminding her of our initial chat around "nothing serious" and I haven't heard from her since.... disappointing as the sex was phenomenal...
    >4w
    Reply
  • cupidsbow68

    cupidsbow68
    51F Black Rock, VIC,
     AU

    It is clear to me that there are different interpretations of fbs or fwbs. Means different things to different folks. Ok non exclusivity, one sex partner only (yet casual) etc etc. Mature adults work it out.
    Emotions are real, and should be respected, even with friends. Respect to be sought always. I would personally avoid a non intelligent, low EQ man to engage in sex with. Cold detachment is a turn off and robotic. The type of evolved man he would be, could manage a sexually charged arrangement.
    Just my two cents worth
    >4w
    Reply
  • Zamboon

    Zamboon
    66M Bridgeman Downs, QLD,
     AU

    Best to tell the fb as soon as you start with those feelings- mainly because it’s not fair on the other party - it’s not what they signed up for and should be totally taboo..
    >4w
    Reply
  • Wildewillsy76

    Wildewillsy76
    48M Largs North, SA,
     AU

    Something like falling in love with each has never entered our minds. We have sex when we can catch up and one of us goes home.
    >4w
    Reply
  • justagal32

    justagal32
    Account closed

    I've had FWB for like 5 years lol. I think the key is to never be exclusive because then it's not all about that person and then you tend to not catch feelings. In saying that it has happened to me before. We talked about, then got on with things the way they were before lol.
    >4w
    • AmyF2016

      AmyF2016
      50F Sydney, NSW,
       AU

      I pick guys who are fun yet genuine, but usually have some personality traits that ensure my feelings keep in check and I only ever see them as a fwb
      >4w
    Reply
  • oldermale58s

    oldermale58s
    Account closed

    hi
    I had an odd experience with the FWB thing. I had moved to a new place for a time and really didn't know how long i would be there. I sent a message to a local woman who said on here profile she was looking for a fWB. That was the very clear arrangement when we ended up fucking after a couple of weeks. A couple of months later we were still meeting up, for sex , dinner , movies etc. We always also had a vey clear agreement that this wasn't to be monogamous. There was definitely no romance as far as I was concerned and seems so from her side too. Anyway i had to go away for a while and during that time i meet someone who i felt i had real feelings. I told my FWB that i really felt this about the other woman and that i felt i couldn't have sex with her because of the other woman who was really clear about needing monogamy. I felt this was fair and honest. I told her I was happy to still maintain the friendship and said thought so too. It seemed at first my then former FWB was fine about it. However the next day she sent me some really abusive texts. They were very personal and very cutting and also really really angry. All stuff about how I had used her and I was just like all other bastard men that had fucked her over etc. She was someone who enjoyed a few drinks , maybe even a few too many. She may have been a bit pissed but ir was very very abusive language that she used. I had to block her because she was sending me texts at work and couldn't stop to call her to see if she was 'just pissed ' or upset about something else. It was most definitely not a good experience in the end. I am not sure if i was totally naive, or somehow she had started to think of it more than just FWB stuff. I have still no idea. It was nearly a year ago now, i still feel really wary of entering something similar. Meantime the actually romance never really blossomed and i am now single and sexless and vary wary of the whole FWB thing.
    >4w
    • AmyF2016

      AmyF2016
      50F Sydney, NSW,
       AU

      She may have had feelings develop for you. And its an occupational hazard on sites like this too..sometimes a womans emotions can get tangled up. And while most of the guys on here are respectful there is a percentage that treat women purely as a piece of meat and not worthy to be considered as anything else other than someone to have fun with and not relationship material. My point is..maybe your fwb did develop feelings for you and was hurt that you didnt consider her as potential relationship material?
      >4w
    Reply
  • wildtotally

    wildtotally
    Account closed

    Can happen, I'm available might change your mind..u never know! .x
    >4w
    Reply
  • Darkstud

    Darkstud
    53M Brisbane, QLD,
     AU

    Is a fuckbuddy and Friends With Benefits different or mean the same?
    >4w
    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor
      Staff Account

      My take on it is that with a fuckbuddy you've prioritised sex over friendship. You like fucking each other but that's really as far as it goes. Friends with benefits infers you are friends, who happen to enjoy sleeping together sometimes. You might be part of a group of friends or just hang out but there is a relationship other than the time you spend in bed together.
      >4w
    • Darkstud

      Darkstud
      53M Brisbane, QLD,
       AU

      Thanks for your clarification.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Jumpindick

    Jumpindick
    26M Colebee, NSW,
     AU

    Fuckbuddys idk
    >4w
    Reply
  • beachbabe000

    beachbabe000
    Account closed

    I've had a fwb for some time it turned emotional and got a bit ugly and out there. We turned things around and stayed fwb. However just recently he's turned unto jekle n Hyde. Stringing me on and I have seen txt msgs from sites and other woman. When I confronted him it all was dismissed. Are we both trying to hide our true feelings? SOS
    >4w
    • AmyF2016

      AmyF2016
      50F Sydney, NSW,
       AU

      Walk away. It sounds like youve feelings for him and he knows this. Also if he wanted just one on one and more than a fwb scenario..he wouldnt be on other sites chatting to other women. Just my two cents worth.
      >4w
    • beachbabe000

      beachbabe000
      Account closed

      Thanks for the return message.
      I appreciate the feed back.
      And these boots weren't just made for walking in. Ca sera sera
      >4w
    Reply
  • Jadecoco

    Jadecoco
    57F Caversham, WA,
     AU

    I started falling for my fuck buddy off 6 years too i told him he said he though so we had good chat then i left him at that he contacted me again after about 12 month we hooked up few months later we was supposed to hook up again never happened now i just leave it to him as sex is bloody awesome when we do get together
    >4w
    Reply
  • prettyg123

    prettyg123
    41T Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    Well. Fuckbuddy is a fuckbuddy. Great sex. But if someone starting to feel that is a nice guy simply because of great sex, than it can bring heartache.
    Friends with benefits are different. You guys like each other companys but also enjoy having sex. But there’s still something missing is that he/she might not be the ONE. So, just enjoy the physical part and don’t think about it too much.
    >4w
    Reply
Copyright © 2025 Amie Wee It is illegal to use any or all of this article without the expressed, written permission from Adult Match Maker and the author. If you wish to use it you must publish the article in its entirety and include the original author, plus links, so that it is clear where the content originated. Failure to do so will result in legal action being taken.
The content posted on this blog is intended for informational purposes only and the opinions or views within each article are not intended to replace professional advice. If you require professional relationship or sexual health advice you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist.