7 Things Pansexuals are Sick of Hearing

Eva Sless Eva Sless on 1 October 2018    31 comments
Handprint using the colours of the rainbow to represent love has no gender

Although it’s always been around, pansexuality is a relatively new term in the sexuality umbrella. Also referred to as omnisexuality it covers those people who find attraction sits outside of gender all together, and is all about the individual.  Male, female, trans, gender fluid… It doesn’t matter, pansexuality is about attraction to people, but not everyone understands that, which can often bring out the ignorant and offensive comments like the ones below.

So You Fuck Saucepans?

*Hyuck hyuck hyuck* This one is as dumb a joke as the “I’m hungry” “Hi, Hungry, I’m Dad” crap but a hundred times more offensive. I mean unless you’re a fucking idiot you would know that, even if you don’t quite understand the term, it probably has very little to do with cookware. Take the time to learn about things you don’t understand rather than ridicule or make snide remarks. It reflects far more on you than anyone you’re trying to insult.

Is That a Kinky Fetish Thing?

Not necessarily. I mean sure, some pansexual people might also be kinky but it’s not a pre-requisite. Just like some straight people can be way into kink and other’s not so, it’s all about the individual. Pansexuality is about attraction which can cover all aspects of the romance spectrum from a simple crush to total immersion into a long term committed relationship.

You’re Just Bisexual, Stop Making Up Words

No, it’s actually very different to bisexuality because the word bi denotes only 2. That’s what bi means. But there are more than just 2 genders, and there are so many fluid forms it takes, so while bisexuality does cover a couple of bases, pansexuality actually covers them all.

You’ll Never Have a Committed Relationship

This is something pan and bi people hear a lot and it’s offensive in the same ways. The idea that because you have attraction to more than one gender means that you’ll cheat and never be satisfied with just one is ridiculous. I mean, by that logic everyone will always cheat because regardless of which gender you’re attracted to, they aren’t the only one in the world and so there’s always that “grass is greener” possibility no matter what.

How Do You Even Know If You’ve Never Dated Anyone?

The same way most gay kids know they are gay, because people aren’t actually idiots for the most part and know their own heads and their own attractions. And, you know what? What does it even matter anyway? Life is a learning experience and it’s perfectly okay to play around and experiment with your likes and dislikes. And that goes for everything, whether it’s food, careers, people… Try it all out! You never know what you might find yourself liking.

If You Don’t Recognise Gender That Must Mean You’re Trans

No, actually it just means you’re slightly more enlightened than the average punter and realise that gender, like sexuality, is often not as clear cut as the binary would have us believe. Science and research shows us that gender and the good old XX and XY chromosomes are far more complex and complicated than the average Joe can comprehend, and that’s okay! Just live and let live, and love and let love. 

You’re Just A Freak

The best way to respond to this is to laugh, wiggle your hips and start singing Super Freak by Rick James. Like honestly. People say these sort of things specifically to hurt and insult, and the best defence against that is to laugh at it. Yeah, mate, we’re all fucking freaks here! Join the party or GTFO! We’re living in the future, how sad you’re still stuck in the past.

Basically it comes down to respect and civility. If someone identifies as something you don’t quite understand it’s totally okay to ask them to elaborate on what they mean by the terms they are using. Education is a life-long thing. Every day we learn new things and the way we can move forwards towards a future of acceptance and tolerance is by understanding that we don’t understand everything, and that’s okay! Be kind. That’s basically all it takes. 

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Comments (31)

  • 42allin

    42allin
    59M Maroochydore, QLD,
     AU

    Yes, that's what happened to me. Now let's work on a world without borders.
    >4w
    Reply
  • bobthebuilder18

    bobthebuilder18
    Account closed

    Yes!, Yes, Yes! If people were more honest about themselves, I think many would be more likely find themselves defined as Pansexuals.
    >4w
    Reply
  • jajainlalaland

    jajainlalaland
    54M Norlane, VIC,
     AU

    I just tell people that I have found my spot on the rainbow.
    >4w
    Reply
  • AdHoC47

    AdHoC47
    Account closed

    Thank You.
    Although Pansexual is just a label I choose to simplify things for others, I actually don't subscribe to any of them.
    Sexuality is a deeply personal thing, just like faith, or who you are voting for in the next election.
    Absolutely no one I have ever met Hetero/Homo/Bi/Pan Sexual ever walks into the room, or up to another person and says...
    "Hi I'm Ben and I'm Straight/Gay/Bi/Pan".
    I'm sure it probably does happen, but it's more about that person and their needs, than those they're introducing themselves to.
    It's why I don't place much weight on "coming out", it's simply not required and certainly shouldn't be expected.
    Simply be respectful and accept everyone else as they are, how they are, where they are and when they are, it really is that simple.
    Thank you for your article, if a lot of our little community read it, then it will certainly save me an explanation when first making contact with others.
    H8deS.
    Xo
    >4w
    Reply
  • Thrilllover

    Thrilllover
    54NB Centennial Park, NSW,
     AU

    As a kinky Domme who often works with kinky newbies, I’d like to make few observations:
    1. You latch on a label to move through but ditch it on the way out. Labels are there for a reason just don’t get hang up on them for too long if your journey isn’t completed (does it ever?)
    2. It isn’t that gender isn’t important to pansexuals. I am pansexual. I’m attracted to masculine men and feminine women. But their physics will not matter as much to me unless I’m attracted to WHO they are first.
    3. Pansexuality doesn’t mean ALL genders or ALL sexual orientation. At least to me it means that people come first, body parts come second, yet important, nevertheless.
    Some pansexuals will only be attracted to personalities regardless gender, body type, race, colour, or any other physics. They are pansexuals too ofcourse, just different to how I see mine. We also want to make that distinction between gender and physics as for some it IS about body parts and for others it’s a more socio / behavioral term. Best, as Eva suggested, is to ask what does it mean to the person you’re talking to, humans will always come in more variations and colours than labels.
    >4w
    Reply
  • MsCupCake

    MsCupCake
    Account closed

    It’s funny how some people have opinions on things they know nothing about and
    quite sad how many ignorant people don’t understand or refuse to grasp the difference between gender, sexuality and the choice to be an individual and not be stuffed into a box that they don’t belong in.
    I have had inquiries from a few men here and other sites about the meaning of my sexuality.
    Most are happy with my explanation and have broadened their knowledge.
    Our minds are like parachutes, they don’t work unless they are open.... if only closed minds came with closed mouths.
    >4w
    Reply
  • LaughAnytime

    LaughAnytime
    Account closed

    Omg so sick of all the made up sex terms. You like who you like. Why do people need to make Labels for everything
    Such Kardashian like antics Be Yourself isn’t that enough
    >4w
    • Bourboncan

      Bourboncan
      44M VIC,
       AU

      Spot on. Articles like this are absolute rubbish needing to define someone as this or that
      >4w
    • LaughAnytime

      LaughAnytime
      Account closed

      On ya Burb.
      Just can’t stand for Us n Them we’re One species that doesn’t need labels to segregate us no matter what colour, gender or interest. If it doesn’t suit you then move on
      The old Army saying rings so true to even the most slow or ignorant of Label makers
      “Don’t stick your head up if you’re not willing to get it shot off!”
      So basically it’s destructive and disrespecting to others to sayHey look at me I’m different...... wow. Really Big deal ecveryone is. Cause we’re individuals
      Whomever subscribes to the ‘One shoe fits all theory’ really failed social studies and psychology studies at school
      Ie; every person is different & every experience is different so how can anything but Narrow mindedness be the outcome, for pigeon holeing new sexual identifiers As an educator and an openminded sexually experienced experiemental adult I fully appreciate what & why & we should set a much better example of What we leave a a legacy for the adults of tomorrow. Sadly it’s not looking good
      >4w
    Reply
  • Spangledperch

    Spangledperch
    Account closed

    Umm no there aren't more than two genders. Male and female that's it.
    >4w
    Reply
  • ConsentPlease

    ConsentPlease
    43F VIC,
     AU

    When I’m asked what does pansexual mean, I usually reply ‘I’m attracted to hearts not parts’
    >4w
    Reply
  • Kidcas

    Kidcas
    47M Hope Island, QLD,
     AU

    What a load of absolute garbage , just another label for the EMOs to have a place in society .
    >4w
    • Leolady727

      Leolady727
      Account closed

      It's a pity that dickheads like you have a place in society ;-) Still, thanks for outing yourself, so that no-one makes the mistake of thinking you're a decent human being.
      >4w
    • Kidcas

      Kidcas
      47M Hope Island, QLD,
       AU

      That's a great weight off my mind ,the world is obsessed with labels , you have to be identified as a label .
      I really don't give a shit, nor will I judge someone based on there choices . I like women that lick my ass , surely you have a label for me that I don't really give a shit about ?
      I'm not here to agree with everyone , it's an open forum , get over yourself Doris.
      >4w
    • Aloha19

      Aloha19
      48M Melbourne, VIC,
       AU

      Triggering "enlightened "snowflakes... Never gets old. Bahahaha
      Keep up the good work KC.
      >4w
    • Kidcas

      Kidcas
      47M Hope Island, QLD,
       AU

      Don't encourage the old (bi) hack
      >4w
    Reply
  • KinkyGirl101

    KinkyGirl101
    50F NSW,
     AU

    Thanks for another great article Eva. Plenty of humour but also plenty of insight to educate the ignorant and the just plain rude. Disappointing to find ignorance pop up on such a sex positive inclusive site such as AMM.
    >4w
    • KinkyGirl101

      KinkyGirl101
      50F NSW,
       AU

      Did you know that the term "heterosexual" has been around for less than 100 years but of course, you're right, it's also a label because someone felt the need to describe the desire for someone of the opposite sex. In fact it's origins aren't as clear, "The 1901 Dorland’s Medical Dictionary defined heterosexuality as an “abnormal or perverted appetite toward the opposite sex.” More than two decades later, in 1923, Merriam Webster’s dictionary similarly defined it as “morbid sexual passion for one of the opposite sex.” It wasn’t until 1934 that heterosexuality was graced with the meaning we’re familiar with today: “manifestation of sexual passion for one of the opposite sex; normal sexuality.” Whilst pansexuality was used as early as 1917 so as far as "labels" go perhaps the pansexuals are sick of all this heterosexuality bullshit. lol
      >4w
    Reply
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    • Leolady727

      Leolady727
      Account closed

      What I said to the dickhead above goes double for you, sweetheart.
      >4w
    • Aloha19

      Aloha19
      48M Melbourne, VIC,
       AU

      Deplorables! Deplorables everywhere! Won't someone think of the (trans) children?
      >4w
    • MarkfromHD

      MarkfromHD
      57M Humpty Doo, NT,
       AU

      Wow such hostility AMM USER. Can’t get your point across without insults and bullying. You must be so insecure about yourself. I feel sad for you and ashamed for you.
      >4w
    • Fathornymilf

      Fathornymilf
      Account closed

      This way is so much more fun. I could care less what you idiots call yourselves but damn you all bite so well to defend your precious labels. Which by the way you then all whinge about later. Im a person i dont need labels blah blah blah. Attention seeking empty people who need someone to validate their messed up confused minds. I feel sorry for you.. sssaaad
      >4w
  • Leolady727

    Leolady727
    Account closed

    I've always been confused by the term "Pansexual" , so thanks for explaining it, Eva. I identify as bisexual but don't worry about anyone else's sexual identification or what they do - as long as they don't do it in the street and frighten the horses :-)
    >4w
    Reply
  • bambilovebris

    bambilovebris
    Account closed

    yes gender and sexuality have nothing in common, i was a hetero male I am now a hetero trans female, My heterosexuality is a part of me regardless of my gender.
    >4w
    Reply
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