The Art of Seduction

“As soon I put the kids to bed, we are going to have HOT SEX!” 

Rewind the clocks back to two nights ago, when I’d not so subtly hissed this at my husband through clenched teeth, after our respective hard days at work and wrangling two small people had left us both highly stressed and craving sexual intimacy, wine and that sweet, oxytocin release - orgasms.

“Great!” came my husband’s eager reply, “I just have to roast the vegetables first!” 

Welcome to modern relationships in 2018, when you’ve often got to fulfil your work, family, friends and pet obligations -  hell, even the bloody plants and dinner need looking after - before you can even think about sexual pleasure for yourself and/or your partner. Why do we so often put sex and romance at the bottom of the list?

We all know the fine art of seduction is important - the more you put in to your relationship, the more likely your partner is to put out. But when your work/life balance is out of kilter, as it is for so many of us, it can be hard to remember the playful and sexual niceties that will see you both heading to orgasm-town later.

Not to mention the fact that the rigours of parenting and small kids are both massive passion killers and it can be very hard to fill up your spouse’s cup, so to speak, when you yourself are run ragged. It is for this very reason that my husband and I plan kids-free date nights at home as often as we can (thank you, angel grandparents) and go on opulent, romantic, short-stay getaways by ourselves, whenever time and budget allows, just to reconnect and keep the spark burning brightly.

For the better your sexual connection with your partner, the happier and more contented you’ll be in all other areas of your life. Plus, don’t you find that those little, niggly and inconsequential things you hate about your spouse/work mates/neighbours don’t bother you so much when you’re getting plenty of quality orgasms and feeling loved, respected and admired by your partner? These elements are just as important and essential for your happiness and well-being as good sleep, if you ask me.

If you’re a sexy singleton, there’s plenty you can do to brush up on your seduction techniques too - we’re all still evolving and striving to be our best selves. Who doesn’t want to learn how to be more attractive to others? Ultimately, a lot of the art of seduction comes down to plain, old good forward planning; thoughtfulness; a flair for spontaneity; a kinky, adventurous mind and spirit and some serious confidence. You’ve got to seriously back yourself if you want to emerge a winner in the seduction stakes.

So, here are my top 5 power seduction moves to bringing your sexy back:

1. Foreplay starts at 7am

Masterful lovers know sex starts from the moment you wake up together. Pay your partner a compliment; pull her hair gently back and surprise her with a damn good goodbye pash and playful slap on her arse when she leaves to go to work; nibble his ear and deftly and quickly run your hands over his back, bum and junk as he’s making the breakfast coffee; and I promise you you’ll leave your partner wanting more and they’ll be thinking about having sex with you all day long. Of course, a good quickie would also make a fine morning wake-up call, but that’s not always possible, so take your partner’s breath away with some sexy, early-morning foreplay and fulfil the promise of sex later. Do the important relationship maintenance - seduction 101 - to keep the love and sex alive: ask your partner about their day; pick up their favourite dessert or wine; or light their favourite candle before they get home. Take the time to do the little things that show your partner you care for and appreciate them, both emotionally and physically, and your natural progression to sex will follow.

2. Self-care is sexy

I’m putting this one high up the list because it’s an oft-forgotten and important part of any lover’s seduction prowess - you’ve got to get in touch with your inner wanton sex beast first before you can truly and wholeheartedly let yourself go and properly pleasure someone else next. So, first do all the little and important self-care rituals that make you feel more like yourself, super confident and ready to rock your lover’s world. This could include taking a soothing hot bath/shower; getting well-groomed; using a lusty fragrance/aftershave; bringing out your best lingerie; grooming your beard (upstairs and downstairs); dusting off the mothballs on *that* sexy little black dress that makes you feel frisky and makes his eyes water with lust - whatever it is that makes you look and feel good, bolsters your confidence and fires up your mojo. Self-care is hot and shows your partner that you respect yourself as well as them. Go get em, tiger!

3. Words + technology = power

If Casanova – allegedly one of the greatest lovers of all time - was alive today, he too would undoubtedly enjoy the power of a good sext. Nothing quite puts a smile on your lover’s face and turns them on uncomfortably throughout a routine, mundane work day like some unexpected explicit sex talk; a random, sexy pic of your pink bits; a lewd list of things you’re going to slowly do to them later; or a checklist of sexual favours you will require as soon as you get home. A word of warning - you might want to exercise caution here, in case your significant other is in a god-awful, all-day seminar with colleagues and/or a meeting with their boss - a simple “Sexy stuff coming your way” or a “Not Safe For Work (NSFW) Warning” text will suffice. But back to the words - a big part of seduction is word play, so use them wisely. If you find it hard to talk dirty in person, practise your form via technology. Message your lover about: your favourite body part of theirs and how you’re going to make them explode with need later; what makes them beautiful and smart; what you want them to do to you in the shower; remind them of that time you had hot alfresco sex and all the neighbours heard - you get the idea. Firstly, your partner will get a nice pep in their step, and secondly and more importantly, by the time you both get home, clothes will be shed and naked bodies will be grinding faster than Superman on Viagra.

4. Set the mood

I’m a bit believer in this one - learn to ignite your partner’s five senses - the faculties of sight, smell, hearing, taste and touch - and they’ll be eating out of your hand (literally, if you like). So, just some examples are: turn the lights down mellow and low and wear something hot that accentuates your best assets; light some beautiful fragrant candles around your house; put on some seductive music you both like that’s soothing and not too distracting; prepare your partner their favourite meal and/or get inventive with food + sex play afterwards; put on blindfolds then get naked and/or enjoy a slow and sensual massage or a feather tease before you actually do the deed. Sometimes, the slow, tantalising build-up to sex can be just as good as the actual thing. And if food is big on your list of seduction techniques, treat your partner to some proven aphrodisiacs like oysters, chocolate and a bucket-load of champagne (my personal faves) - it sure as hell can’t hurt - no great sex act was committed while sober, I’d wager.

5. The element of surprise

Sometimes, a gal (or guy) just really wants to be swept off her feet and senselessly ravished, OK? Rare is the person who doesn’t like their partner to make a fuss over them. Take the recent example of tennis superstar Serena Williams, whose Reddit founder husband Alexis Ohanian whisked her away on a spontaneous trip to Venice, Italy - post-Wimbledon finals - because she had Italian cravings for dinner. Sigh - talk about relationship and seduction goals! But you don’t have to be a millionaire to take your lover’s breath away. Simply think hard about their passions and get planning. You could make like Ohanian and surprise your partner with a romantic night away (camping can be sexy, so I’m told); buy them some high-end (never tacky) lingerie and/or new sex toys you can try together; give them a thoughtful, little gift, like much-longed for book, DVD or a pair of earrings; wine/dine/69 them via a lavish meal at a fancy restaurant; bond through a high-adrenalin sporting experience like hot-air ballooning or skydiving - think anything out of the ordinary which they will not be expecting from you. Spontaneity can be wildly sexy and an intensely powerful aphrodisiac - make your partner feel admired, adored and appreciated and they’ll inevitably be giddy with desire and gratitude and repay your good deeds in the boudoir.

Life, events and people can grind you down - put some magic back into your relationship with a little adventure, fantasy and a few seductive power moves. You can thank me later.

What is your favourite seduction technique? Share your hot tips with other members.