7 Things Single Women are Sick of Hearing
Eva Sless
on 31 October 2017
38 comments
Whether you are single by choice or circumstance it can come with a whole bunch of stigma from the people around you. Every person and their dog seems to think it’s okay to comment on your love life and status and sometimes the things that are said can be downright offensive and upsetting. If you know a single person, unless they bring it up, just leave it alone. It’s none of your business, and if you DO feel you have to mention it, please try and avoid these sorts of questions or statements.
Why Are You Single?
It may seem an innocent question. It can often be slotted in to some sort of back-handed compliment; “But you’re so pretty! Why are you single?” or “How come someone hasn’t snapped you up yet?” but it is actually a really personal, super loaded question that has answers you can’t possibly predict. You don’t know someone’s circumstance. You don’t know their history. For some people being single is about self preservation and protection, and for others it can be a source of great personal self-doubt and self-loathing and some people are perfectly happy, satisfied and quite content on their own. It is not your place to bring up things that could trigger someone’s deepest fears or anxieties. Just leave it. They have their reasons. They don't owe you an explanation.
You Must Get Lonely
Well yes, maybe they do, but what possible positive outcome do you think that sort of statement could make other than to remind someone they are alone? It’s a redundant statement that does nothing but bring forth certain emotions that might not want to be surfaced. Unless someone specifically brings up their loneliness to you, leave it alone. On the other side of that some people absolutely thrive on being alone. They don’t need or want others so intimately in their lives and are perfectly happy living without that sort of companionship. This, again, is none of your business and it can be rude and triggering to bring up.
I Feel So Sorry For You!
Why? Has the person expressed they are sad or not in a great place? Have they asked you how you feel about their situation? Does this statement say anything constructive, helpful or positive? You really need to stop putting your own feelings onto other people. While you may hate being single, or not understand how someone else might not hate it, it’s actually not that unusual at all for people to enjoy their own company and think positively about being un-matched. Don’t feel sorry for someone who doesn’t want or need your pity, it’s a wasted emotion and one that can shift the way we interact with our friends.
Let Me Set You Up!
Unless someone asks you to help them find love, it’s best to just leave them to their own devices. Organising blind dates or inviting your single male friends to a dinner party in the hope of setting them up together without the consent of the people you’re wanting to pair can lead to awkward situations and uncomfortable moments. Yes, I think it can be okay to mention to a single friend you have a friend they might like, but leave it at that and let them dictate whether they want you to go further and organise something. And while it’s all very exciting and fun having friends date friends, just remember what can happen in friendship groups when relationships don’t work. Do you really want to be responsible for the possible breakdown of your friendship circle? Tread carefully in these situations. People’s emotions and lives are not games for you to play with to suit your own agenda or ideas of what should be.
If You Dressed Better/Wore More Make Up/Tried Harder/Acted Sexier…
No. No it is not up to you to tell someone they are not good enough for, or deserving of, a relationship because they don’t act or dress like you think they should. First and foremost in the whole scheme of finding love you want to find someone who loves you for you, and not some strange perception you’ve created. I mean, the truth always comes out in the end and if you’ve wooed a lover by false pretences, then they’ll eventually come into contact with the real you and that can be utterly heartbreaking for all involved. Yes, again, if they ask you specifically for advice on things like the way they dress or present themselves, then constructive criticism and feedback can be justified and warranted, but if they haven’t said anything and you’re just chucking your two cents in, don’t.
But What About Sex?
What about it? Do you think a) it’s your business and b) it’s important they tell you? Some people just don’t like sex. Some people don’t need or want sex with a regular partner. Some people get plenty of sex without being in a relationship. Some people would prefer to masturbate than ever let another human touch them. Some people are just different to you and that's not only okay, it’s perfectly reasonable and normal and completely up to them how and what and where and who they have sex with. Stop being so nosy and interested in other people’s sex lives. It’s creepy!
Your Biological Clock Must Be Ticking!
OMG just don’t. Seriously! This is a question/statement you should never say to anyone ever. Regardless of their situation. Don’t say it to partnered women, don’t say it to single women. JUST. DON’T. SAY. IT. The choice to have children is a very personal one, and in a world where women’s value is often put on either how good they look or how many children they can produce, it is a hugely stigmatising and incredibly loaded expectation that needs to be stopped. Maybe she is desperate for children and you’ve just reminded her it may not happen, or maybe she never wants kids ever and you’ve just reminded her that society deems her worth on it. Just shut up. Unless you are her partner and you are having the discussion about children, never ever ever bring it up. Ever.
The main thing to remember when talking to your single friends is, unless they bring it up, unless they specifically mention it, or ask your advice, just don’t say anything. It’s not your life. It’s not your relationship. It’s not your business. Trust me, your single friends will thank you.
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