5 Things which hold you back from mindblowing sex

Eva Sless Eva Sless on 14 October 2017    16 comments
Woman looking up at the sky with her arms outstretched letting nothing hold her back

Women hold on to a lot of negativity about their sexual selves. It’s been pumped into us since we were little girls that sex is not something nice girls do. That sex is something that happens TO us. That sex is inherently bad for women but we should probably put up with it so as not to upset men… But only our husbands because otherwise you're just a slut if you ever do it for fun, and a million variations of the same contradictory thread.

Negativity and self doubt are two of the biggest things that hold us back from being who we truly need and deserve to be, whether personally or professionally, and sex is no different. It really is time to let go of it and embrace our full sexual selves

Here are five things I think women need to let go of and stop spending so much energy on to finally start achieving the best sex they can have.

1. Let Go Of Bad Body Image

Okay so your tummy folds over when you sit down and your boobs fall like poached eggs under your armpits when you lie down. You have dimply thighs and a wobbly butt and you look nothing like those women all over your TV and magazines… News Flash… NONE OF US LOOK LIKE THAT! Not even the actual models you’re envying. Seriously. I get told 100 times a day that I am a sex goddess… And I literally just described myself in the opening there. Wobbles and bumps and floppy boobs are natural, normal and goddamned sexy. Seriously, the people who want to have sex with you think you’re sexy as fuck and if anyone has an issue with your realness, then fuck.. Why would you want anything to do with them? You deserve someone who thinks you’re the bees knees. Because, girl, you are!

2. Always the Pleaser

Yes it is important to make sure your partner has a good time. Yes it’s important to look after their needs and enjoyment… But it should NEVER be at the detriment to your own. So many women put their own pleasure secondary and it’s time we stopped! It is absolutely okay to say “today I am going to lie here and be enjoyed!” I don’t mean just starfish yourself on the bed and let it happen around you, I mean let yourself be the one who is looked after. No sex for him until you’ve come at least twice! You are a goddess and you deserve to be worshipped. 

3. Faking It

Just stop it!! You are not doing anyone any favours by faking your enjoyment, least of all yourself! There are a heap of reasons why women fake it, but none of them really have anything to do with their own personal sexual pleasure… And hell, again I say, if you’re not enjoying it, what’s the point? Check out my article on faking it to get some tips on how to improve your experience so you don’t have to lie about it any more.

4. Hiding Your Kinks

Want to be slapped on the butt? Tied up and teased with a whip? Want to peg your partner or drizzle hot wax over his chest? Kinks and fantasies are completely normal and you’d be surprised how into them your partner may be if you just opened up and told them! There are ways to do it subtly and in non-confronting ways that can slowly ease you both into new play, and just imagine the new world that will open up once you let go of that fear holding you back.

5. Worrying About Everything

Seriously girl. Yes, you turned off the stove and locked your car. Yes the kids had enough to eat at school. No it doesn’t matter what Mary and Sue told you about Jenny in the school yard yesterday. No, he’s not looking at your unshaven pits and thinking you’re a monster. Yes you fed the goldfish, watered the plants and shampooed the cat… Now please just relax and close your eyes and enjoy the sensations that your lover is giving you. The vacuuming will still be there later, and you can stress about the phone bill after you’ve orgasmed. Life happens to everyone. It’s absolutely imperative to find ways to shut out the white noise from time to time. Take up yoga or meditation or learn breathing techniques. Learn to let go and focus on pleasure. Your body, mind, soul and bits will thank you.

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Comments (16)

  • cowgaluvoldrmen

    cowgaluvoldrmen
    Account closed

    Yeah ok it’s good to be comfortable within yourself butttt some not all men are very very judgemental this site is nor tortious for it ok some of have had kids and can’t seem to be that slim figure ! Where are the ones that like who she is ? As for kinks or anything out of the ordinary lol men run ? I’ll say this I’ve never faked it lol but I’ll say that I didn’t enjoy it , maybe hurt the guys pride but hey maybe he will pick up him game , men cum easier and turned on easier so really he should be working on the woman ! Lol I’m sure if she’s turned on he will be !
    Instead of trying to impress a man like the worlds ending I find it so important for him to impress me tooo
    We women enjoy it if it’s made pleasurable
    >4w
    Reply
  • KinkyGirl101

    KinkyGirl101
    50F NSW,
     AU

    Thanks for the article Eva, so much negativity around female sexuality even said in a well meaning way. Love your articles.
    >4w
    Reply
  • The comment has been hidden or removed!
  • Spontaneous1973

    Spontaneous1973
    51M Knoxfield, VIC,
     AU

    I had an experience some years ago that taught me something that all women should know.
    I was a contractor working regularly in an engineering shop that had three office girls. Two of them were in their forties and married, whilst one was in her early twenties and single.
    The younger guys in the workshop would joke around about her looks but one guy was fixated on her. To the point where he nearly cut his hand off by watching her walk through the workshop instead of watching what he was doing.
    I overheard one of his colleagues say to him "Be honest with yourself. Is she really that hot, or is she just the hottest girl here?" A cruel thing to say, but it does illustrate a point.
    Ladies, you don't have to be the hottest girl in the world, just the hottest girl in the room. When you have your man alone all to yourself, you will be the hottest girl in the world to him. Trust me.
    >4w
    • 88Goddess88

      88Goddess88
      46F Sydney, NSW,
       AU

      And then you'll feel like shit when hes' ogling every other girl in the street when you're not alone in the bedroom with him!
      >4w
    • Spontaneous1973

      Spontaneous1973
      51M Knoxfield, VIC,
       AU

      The point of the article, (and my story) was that women should not be too hung up on what their man thinks of their looks, and believe in their own sexiness.
      The point was not that men find every woman in the street sexy, or that you need to be sexier than every woman in the street to turn him on.
      >4w
    • Blessedbitch

      Blessedbitch
      Account closed

      If we are so hot and desired by our men, then explain why men will perv on a women who isn't as attractive as you and literally go into a frozen state of fantasy over her..
      Its bullshit how men say that they forget about these women 10 seconds later. Believe me a man can a women for 5 seconds and if you ask him 40 mins later what was she wearing he will remember. Then remove yourself from his view ask him what you are wearing and chances are he will get it wrong..
      But your the hottest he's seen ..CRAP
      >4w
    Reply
  • Sxtckittten

    Sxtckittten
    Account closed

    love it wish all the judgemetal males read dis lol fuking aaa its exatly how ive been approaching my life and your so right i get called a slut a hoe. funnie thing is the guy saying that is doing exatly wat im doing lol and he was doing it with me lol ahhhh hypocrites . great wisdom and good advice thankyou made my day!!!!
    >4w
    Reply
  • quivertouch99

    quivertouch99
    Account closed

    In my experience, everything mentioned here is very true. If only my ex wife could have read this before we separated, perhaps we could have had a better intimate relationship with more experimentation and abandonment.
    A you mentioned, a lot of these pressures are put on women by women and I see many with self image issues. Men often don't see the flabby bits or the wrinkles, some of these can even be sexy and make a man feel more at ease.
    For me, it's more about the touch, the chemistry, the erotic bedroom talk and connection than about looking perfect.
    I would like nothing more than a woman to tell me what she wants and how how she wants it done before I get to orgasm. I think this would be true for most men as to be honest, men are pretty useless after they have come and just want to relax. So, helping the lady to orgasm first is alway my priority as there is nothing more sexy than watching her close her eyes while she enjoys the bliss of climaxing.
    Yes ladies, loosen up and enjoy your man and get what you can out of him, he will love you for it.
    >4w
    • Mindfood2

      Mindfood2
      68F QLD,
       AU

      Well said, Mind Body and Soul, clear our mind love our body and enjoy our life and sex plays a big part it..
      >4w
    Reply
  • AnotherGo666

    AnotherGo666
    Account closed

    Cheers Eva,
    Wonderfully written. Now comes the hard part for the large majority of woman in letting those words percolate through the multi layered mind minefield that I have found so many women have as their default position unfortunately.
    Here's hoping that with time and less societal pressure from both men & women, we might see change wear away the years upon years of baggage that women clearly do not need to carry.
    Interesting times are ahead...
    AG666
    >4w
    Reply
  • friskypuz

    friskypuz
    Account closed

    Life is to short not to enjoy the sex,
    No holding back for this chickie babe....
    >4w
    Reply
  • sensual15

    sensual15
    58F 61M Melbourne, VIC,
     AU

    You’re completely correct ! I’m your average professional mature woman (and grandmother) where you wouldn’t give me a second look walking past me in the street,shopping centre,railway station,in the office or chatting socially. But my private life is very different. With my partner seeing me enjoy myself,either on my own or with a girlfriend,I love turning it on sensually & sexually enjoying lots of fabulous bbc when we can find the time to catch up with these beautiful men to pleasure & satisfy one another. We do enjoy so much fun,being a bbc devotee,it’s true what they say about black gentlemen. They make sex all the more enjoyable,you don’t want to go back once you’ve experienced the sexual delights they offer - one reaches sexual highs that I only wish I had found out about when I was younger.
    >4w
    Reply
  • xFunlovingx

    xFunlovingx
    64F Cairnlea, VIC,
     AU

    Very well written. Thank you.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Intimit1

    Intimit1
    Account closed

    All excellent advice, the modern age is in many ways poison to good sex. That mobile phone that keeps you connected is intrinsic in your disconnection. Turn it off, put your attention on yourself, your pleasure & how to get it. Breathe into your body, feel the blood flow, that tingling in your pussy is just the start of what could be a brand new you, a new adventure of fulfillment.
    >4w
    Reply
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