How to Give Your Erotica a Happy Ending

When you communicate an account of intimate sexual or sensual encounters (real or imagined), with a general intention to arouse the audience, you’re writing erotica. We’ve moved beyond the restrictions of old-school R-rated porn and romance novels - modern day erotica is open for sharing through (and on) a variety of platforms. We send sexy texts, email lovers, create attractive profiles, and often negotiate with potential partners online. 

Words are power; I believe this as a writer, reader, listener, speaker, and as an individual. Knowing how to use them is important. Over the last ten years, I’ve focused predominantly on erotica, producing work for print, film, and online. I also run writing workshops aimed at encouraging other people to find their erotic voice. Think of this as an online guide to exploring yours. 

If we take the titillation angle away, and look at erotica as a writing process, what we ultimately find is sexual self-expression in its purest form. What you write need never be shared; what you conceive is yours. Erotic writing works as a way of by-passing your brain, and letting your thoughts and fantasies make themselves known without a filter. Sure, you’ll surprise yourself; you’ll probably wonder where some of the ideas come from. Whether these fantasies belong to you or become something you want to share, you’re on the path to improving your ability to express. Just by being honest with yourself…

Enhancing your skills in expressing the erotic is a great way to improve communication skills in your personal life. For those of us using adult dating sites like Adult Match Maker or any social media for hook-ups or meets, words are the way we present ourselves. How do YOU want to present? Using the sexy, fantastical headspace you access with your erotic writing, you can glam-up your profile, elaborating on your passions, skills, and wants with language that SHOWS your audience who you are, as opposed to simply ‘telling’ them. 

Couples can also use erotic writing to their advantage. Imagine you want to try something new, and you’re really not sure how your partner might feel about it. What better way to approach the territory than with a super-sexy description of what you’d like to try and why? Perhaps you just want to open up about some of your sexy thoughts without having a verbal discussion? Chats and eye contact, and holding hands while sharing thoughts is wonderful; don’t get me wrong. Part of that very wonderful experience is in some of the tangents and ideas we develop when bouncing off other people. Sometimes we just want an uninterrupted opportunity to pour out some thoughts (and remain in control of any tangents!) and this is where writing just wins.

Now, let’s say you read some of the very saucy Erotica section on Adult Match Maker and find the inspiration to share your own erotic experience or fantasy. How can you do that in a way that truly celebrates those thoughts or experiences? How can words capture the goosebumps you feel, and how are those feelings transferred to your audience? If you wanna captivate with your writing, follow these tips, practice and persevere, and before long you’ll write smut sexier than you even thought possible, and you’ll rate better than ever with your readers.

1. Know your intended audience:

Before you even begin to write, identify your audience. Is this for the eyes of a lover? A group you belong to? A personal blog? Your own therapy? Once you’ve established your intended audience, think about ways to engage it, eg. if your audience is an online swingers group, think about your story from the point of view of that community. The better you know your audience, the more likely you are to write something which will engage them.

2. Who is your Narrator?

This is often dependent on how much ‘reality’ you want in your writing. Is this a true story, or do you want it to read as such? Is it pure fantasy experienced by an imagined character? Or a fantasy you simply wish to share? 

Any story can be written three different times just using a change of perspective, so choose the one you believe is best for your particular audience. 

First person: someone presenting their story. ‘I walk toward…’ 
This can be really handy for establishing a sense of intimacy. Biggest trick here is avoiding too many ‘I’ references throughout your writing. 

Second person: the reader becomes a character in the story. ‘You walk toward me…’ 
This is an extremely effective way to convey the immediacy of an experience, and almost ensures your writing is kept active. 

Third person: an ‘outsider’, or ‘omniscient’ point of view relates the story. ‘He/she/they/it walk toward…’
This option gives you the most freedom to change focus from one character and/or interaction to another. As the narrator is not a character in the story itself, they have the ability to give extra information and insights that first and second person storytellers rarely do.

3. The Writing Voice: 

Your writing voice is simply the inner voice you transcribe from yourself when you write. It conveys things like tone, emotion, and style, and adds personality to your writing. The voice you choose will ultimately lead to a lot of your language selection, so get a thesaurus out and be prepared to learn some new words – words that can carry your voice.

4. Show don’t ‘Tell’:

If you take ONE tip away from this relatively short list, it needs to be this. Write it on a post-it note and stick it to your monitor: ‘Show, don’t tell’. 

When we tell people what we’ve done, we generally talk in the past tense, while describing and summarising an experience to our audience. There is little opportunity for the audience to engage or invest, as they are basically just receiving information.  

On the other hand, ‘showing’ allows us to guide the experience of our audience by tapping into their imagination - giving them the information they need to build the world of your words. Here’s a very quick example:

Telling: I got a great spanking the other day.
Showing: My arse feels so deliciously tender thanks to a great spanking.
Be specific in your writing, and ‘showing’ becomes quite manageable. Plus, you might find more to say than you initially thought.  

5. Active Vs Passive Voice:

Learning this technique is vital; it enhances your readability in some very significant ways, and allows for many more options when it comes to word choice. Now, this does a get a little more complex, so without getting into the linguistic logistics, let’s try and keep this simple.

In an ACTIVE sentence, the subject performs the action, eg. The zombie bit the man. 

In a PASSIVE sentence, the subject receives the action, eg. The man was bitten by the zombie.

If your writing is peppered with ‘were/was’, ‘have/has’, ‘to be’, or if your sentences are ending with a lot of verbs (doing words), or are reliant on ‘ed’ endings on verbs, you are more than likely in some passive writing traps. 

Activate your writing by making the sentence subject DO the action. If you are finding a lot of your characters are being acted upon, rather than doing the action, change things around. A good deal of further information is available online. Try starting your search with phrases like ‘active vs passive language’, ‘writing active text’, or ‘show don’t tell’, and go from there. 

Whether you share your words or not, this venture is ultimately about you, and what’s inside you. Grammar and spelling aside, writing from your authentic self ensures you keep in touch with your needs and your desires, and enhances the ability to communicate clearly with others. Through language we grow our life experience; the more words we know, the more delivery methods we learn, the more our world expands… And if that’s not just a little bit sexy, I’m not sure what is.

2 comments

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• 

  Zamboon

  More than a month ago

  Great advice thankyou- it’s so easy to move from first person to third person which detracts from the narrative;)

  Reply
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  Freespirit252

  More than a month ago

  Thanks, very helpful

  Reply