Are You Guilty of these Seven Deadly Sex Sins?

In ancient times, the early Christian church named its seven deadly sins – so heinous and unforgivable, that only God himself could pardon them.

When it comes to modern-day relationships, let’s look at common sexual misdeeds, committed by both men and women - after all, it takes two to make truly spectacular sex. 

And while these sexual sins won’t send you straight to hell, we can all take time out to perfect our game, in order to be at our best in the boudoir. Life’s too short for bad sex!  

Are you a sinner or a saint?

1. Lack of confidence

Is a lack of confidence holding you back from living your best life and being at the peak of your sexual powers?

For women, outdated gender roles might see you scared to initiate sex or to let your partner in on your deepest sexual fantasies and desires, for fear of not appearing ladylike.

Similarly, for guys, your fear of rejection might be preventing you from taking life by the balls and expressing your true feelings, lust and desire for your partner.

The fix? Successful people feel the fear and do it anyway. Everyone has insecurities - if zero self-confidence is yours, it’s time to take the opposite action to what you’d normally do.

Ladies, why should guys be the ones to initiate sex all the time? Turn the tables and notice how happy your partner is when you fully own your wanton inner sex goddess - sweep him off his feet for once. Women can be just as sexual as men, if not more so.

And guys, there’s nothing a lady hates more than a half-hearted, timid bedroom encounter - get in there - be the man. Do not timidly ask for her permission to kiss or touch her, when she’s clearly given her consent and is waiting, hoping, dying for you to take the plunge - just do it, already! Many women like to be seduced.

Let your partner in on your inner-most insecurities - hopefully, you can both laugh at how ludicrous they are and your sexual and emotional connection will deepen.

2. Bodily insecurities 

I’ve worked with enough male and female models in the fashion and beauty industries to know that even they - with their perfect symmetrical facial features, long gazelle legs and perfectly pert body parts - are as similarly plagued with bodily insecurities as the rest of us. 

The key is to not let these bodily anxieties negatively impact your sex life. Don’t like your thighs? Hate your stomach paunch? Get over it - love yourself first and you have a much better chance of finding a mate for whom you are their perfect flavour. Most people don’t spend half as much time analysing our imperfections as we do ourselves. You are your own worst enemy.

And if you’re always waiting for the right time to have sex, when your hair/make-up and body are good enough, you’ll have lost the moment entirely. Stop thinking and worrying about how you look - everyone has weird orgasm faces, anyway.

If you’re so busy obsessing about your body insecurities, you’ll cheat yourself out of much joy and many, many orgasms. Breathe and concentrate on the sex act - stop letting pride and conceit get in the way of sexual pleasure.

How many times have you heard a woman say: “I can’t do XX until I lose 5kg!” Bollocks to that, I say. If septuagenarians can still have hot sex, saggy bits and all, so can you. Fate loves the fearless.

3. The Cinderella syndrome 

Do you know what makes your hair blow back? Are you in touch with your big turn-ons? Or are you always waiting for your partner to do all the work and putting him/her ultimately in charge of your sexual satisfaction? Fail.

Life is not a fairytale - get in the driver’s seat of your own sexual pleasure. You’ve got to own your own sexual energy - no one else is responsible for your orgasms but you. Get to know your body and what triggers your orgasms. Do you like your nipples tweaked, hair pulled back or arse slapped hard in the heat of the crucial moment? Tell your partner. 

Each person’s sexual desires are different - do not be dependent on your sexual playmate to get you off - he/she isn’t a clairvoyant. Come to the relationship already armed with that knowledge and sexual fireworks are sure to ensue. Repeat after me: no one is in charge of my happiness and/or sexual pleasure but me.

4. Accepting mediocre

Nothing kills a good relationship like sexual boredom. If you find yourself making excuses for why you can’t have sex - “the fish is on the stove; “I just had my hair done; I forgot to floss,” - give yourself a little upper cut. Take personal responsibility - look at why you’re bored in your sexual relationship and take action to fix it. Why wouldn’t you?

Lack of effort and imagination is no way to live. You wouldn’t accept mediocre at the office, so why would you ever be OK with it in the bedroom? 

• Don’t like sex in the same, predictable and unexciting positions? Study the Kama Sutra until your eyes bleed.
• Can’t reach your mountain high? Go sex toy shopping or role play the fuck out of each other to help scratch the itch.
• Hate your man’s boring undies? Buy him some leopard-print lycra sparklers, whatever turns you on, baby - sex should be fun and enjoyed with great gusto.

Never accept laziness in your sex-life - either in yourself or in your partner.

5. Failure to experiment

I married “late” - in my mid 30s - and happily dated lots of different men prior to that, after the epic break-up of a long-term relationship in my late 20s. During that time, I saw many old friends marry young, “waiting for the right one”, barely out of their teens. 

It’s certainly been my experience that if you don’t take time out to sexually experiment, date many different people and really test your singleton sexual powers, this often puts untold pressure on partnerships down-the-track, ultimately spelling doom for many.

How can you commit to a future with someone else, when you’ve barely lived?

Stop waiting. Have you got out of your comfort zone? You do not have to marry the first person who asks you. 

Learn to be independent, become mindful of what you want in the bedroom and beyond and enjoy sex on your own terms. There is nothing wrong with being a sexy single man or woman, with no immediate plans to marry. It’s 2017 – not the 1950s. Old-fashioned sexual roles are so last century.

6. Ignoring the mindfuck

Never assume you know what turns another person on –ask. Find out what your partner likes, whether it’s oral, visual, or mental - get inside their head before you get inside their pants. Good communicators make the best lovers, after all.

Does he want you to talk dirty in Spanish, while masturbating to ACDC?

Be really curious about your partner - find out what blows their hair back and why. Don’t simply turn up with a bunch of porn, a ball gag, giant paddle or a cheerleader outfit and expect him/her to go for it, if you haven’t taken the time to even ask them if this is really their thing. It’s simple - have the courage to really explore your partner’s sexual wants, desires and fantasies for a deeper, better connection and ultimately mind-blowing sex. Does she like to have sex on all fours, while wearing a rubber catsuit? Find out!

7. Poor hygiene

This may sound basic, but taking good care of yourself shows you have great respect for both you and your sexual partner. Take a shower and use deodorant and a fragrance before you expect someone to go down on you - this goes for both guys and girls. Make an effort, please!

Got dirty fingernails and smelly armpits? Sort that stuff out well before you enter the bedroom and/or expect anyone to come near you - again, this goes for both sexes.

Pubic hair is a minefield: if she likes you shaved-down, give it a go. Similarly, if he/she prefers your lady garden to be trimmed, or full bush, loving compromise is key. Communication, give-and-take and cleanliness are paramount.

Also learn to let your own pride of appearance and natural beauty shine through: ladies, you don’t have to look like a Kardashian contouring clone, with six inches of make-up or fake, 5cm eyelash extensions to attract a mate. 

Guys, you don’t have to have a sleeve tattoo or the perfect, muscle body to be sexy – find someone who likes you for you, who doesn’t need to rely on all that superficial shit to find you sexy. We all age, after all. What’s in your heart, mind and soul?

Do you want someone who’s attracted to the fake you, or the real you? Get earthy and real - now, that’s sexy.