What Women Don't Know About Male Masturbation

Eva Sless Eva Sless on 3 May 2017    23 comments
Man reading a sex magazine in bed

As a feminist sex writer I can tell you I’ve written my fair share of “what men don’t know about women’s [insert thing about women that men don’t know]” articles. I don’t write them to be condescending or rude to men, I write them to inform and educate so that both women and men can benefit and create awesomely sexy and shared moments. I don’t believe anyone knows it all, and we are all constantly learning and growing and, with each new experience we have, we learn something new about ourselves or someone else.

A Tug and a Flick

When it comes to female masturbation and writing about it the blogs and “OMG guys THIS is where the clitoris is” articles are everywhere these days. It’s awesome and exciting for women to finally have such a huge wealth of information available for themselves and more interest and education about their sexual bodies, and I am in no way complaining (hell, I’ve written at least five of them myself), but I’ve noticed a bit of a gap lately in pieces talking to women about male masturbation.

Yes, I know male masturbation isn’t surrounded with the same shame and taboo as female masturbation. Boys having a tug is talked about in so many areas and by so many mediums, and the permission for them to sexually express themselves is sometimes so overt that it seems like we probably don’t even need to talk about it, but I think we do.

Not for the same reasons as I write about women’s masturbation etc, because the focus is different. Men don’t need to be told that it’s okay, that it’s normal, that everyone does it. Men are pretty aware of their down there, but I think it’s important to discuss it with women and to settle certain myths that I see crop up in forums and women’s groups.

Is He Masturbating Because I Don’t Satisfy Him?

This is probably the most common worry I see. Women stressing that their partner isn’t satisfied by them because they have caught them having a sneaky wank in the bathroom or something. Let me assure you THIS IS NOT TRUE! Men could have sex every day for a month and still tug off in the shower. Men can have the most mind-blowing pornstar sex they’ve ever had in their lives, and they’ll still wake up and have a wank before work. They just do! I’d say partly it’s habit (I remember a guy I know once quipped he masturbated in the shower so often he got a hard on when it rained), and partly its just a release. It’s relaxing and feels great, and without the background of the entire history of the universe telling them it’s disgusting and wrong… Well fuck, why wouldn’t they?

He Touches Himself Differently To How He Likes You To

This is another thing that carries on from my last comments. Most of the time, for guys, masturbation is about getting off quickly and getting back to whatever they were doing. Whereas women often state that they like to seduce themselves, turn themselves on, savour and indulge in the experience, mostly for guys (from the ones I’ve been talking to about this) it’s about getting off quickly. It’s often far more vigorous and hard-fisted than he gets you to touch him, and is usually for the sole purpose of ejaculating, not necessarily the seduction and build up that playing with a partner has.

The Girls In Porn Are Not Your Competition

I have had so many women write to me worried about their partner’s porn use. The most common stress being “If he has me, a real life woman, why does he need to watch them? Am I not good enough?” The answer to that is the same answer I give to men who think their partner’s vibrator is there to replace them… Stop worrying, it’s not about anything you lack, it’s purely an extension or enhancement for a particular moment. Like many women who like to read erotica to get off, men absolutely love visual stimulation. It’s hot and sexy and a massive turn on… But it’s pretty superficial compared to the real thing. Yes, there are instances where porn use can be a worry. If it begins to take over every day things and starts to impact on your intimacy together then perhaps it might be an idea to talk to them about it or seek out profession help (although sex/porn addiction is definitely a controversial and dividing topic among sex therapists), but if it’s just something he does when he’s bored or alone or having a personal moment, it’s really nothing to worry about or take too personally. 

He’d Love To Do It Together

Seriously, so many guys get so turned on by watching their partner masturbate, and they really want you to feel the same. This is where a lot of guys enjoy the slower, more sensual masturbation; when they’re “performing” for someone. Mutual masturbation can be an incredible turn on for both partners. Watching someone touch themselves while they watch you touch yourself can be the ultimate in horniness, and can add a whole new dimension to your sex life. Give it a try! Love the fact that your partner is in tune with their body and wants to share their private moments with you. 

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Comments (23)

  • longhornie

    longhornie
    46M Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    I wonder if the article would have been substantially different if it had been a male author writing about male masturbation (and thus able to add personal reflection/experience to the expose')
    >4w
    Reply
  • Zamboon

    Zamboon
    66M Bridgeman Downs, QLD,
     AU

    When I was young I masturbated to train myself to last longer - masturbating until I was about to cum and then stop and after a minute carry on - that was fun and sometimes I managed 4 times till I squirted really far ..
    I never had a problem with masturbating in front of women and once again when I was young I realised that it was very new to a lot of girls and most of them were fascinated - and got really turned on.
    Through the years I have not been able to ejaculate during sex - Im not sure why but I certainly lasted long enough to satisfy my partner and then I would stand over them and masturbate - this had some mixed reactions as a number of women felt perhaps they weren't doing enough to make me cum inside them - however after dispelling a few of those untruths I found they accepted it and even enjoyed it - one lovely partner used to have tremendous orgasms while I was inside her but she really loved me wanking over her and ejaculating over her breasts - she said once that she orgasmed again when that happened ... its great fun - solo or together ...
    >4w
    Reply
  • SharingPolyDuo

    SharingPolyDuo
    Account closed

    Be interesting when the stigma of a man engaging in anything that happens around his anus, whether masturbating or having sex with a woman (I exclude homosexual men because the stigma is largely not present there), is removed or lessened as we open up more about sexuality in the west :D
    >4w
    Reply
  • SweatlyHot

    SweatlyHot
    46F Melbourne, VIC,
     AU

    Hmm..I think men deserve a little bit more than this stereotypical perception of them wanking for a ‘quick release’.
    In masturbation release is an outcome but it’s not the journey. And whilst it’s possible some men will simply agree and say they just need to tug n cum, I have yet to talk to a man that once given the confidence to genuinely open up about his masturbatory joys, hasn’t revealed a fascinating, exciting inner realm of fantasy.
    When an article about male masturbation has to include a separatist point of view that men are somehow privileged because they don’t carry the same burden of judgment as women, I think it immediately suggests a confusion of intent. (and I’m a woman!)
    >4w
    • Lingam63

      Lingam63
      Account closed

      A very insightful young woman . Well stated .
      >4w
    • DeliciousEva

      DeliciousEva
      48F Reservoir, VIC,
       AU

      Men DO have that privilege.
      It's a fact of life under a patriarchal society.
      That you don't see it or understand it doesn't mean it's not the case.
      Thanks for your comment
      :)
      >4w
    • SweatlyHot

      SweatlyHot
      46F Melbourne, VIC,
       AU

      Delicious Eva..
      That's a somewhat misplaced response to my comment and says more about you than it does about my comment. My comment ends with a question about writer's intent! - not an argument denying the ills of a patriarchal society!!!! Try reading it with a little less subjectivity.
      >4w
    • Zamboon

      Zamboon
      66M Bridgeman Downs, QLD,
       AU

      Youre a highly intelligent lady - which is also a very sexy thing ..
      >4w
    • DeliciousEva

      DeliciousEva
      48F Reservoir, VIC,
       AU

      Perhaps you could restate your question?
      I don't see a question, just a comment/statement that the writer (myself) is somehow using separatist language or ideals to make my point which I am not in the slightest.
      I am merely making the point that although there isn't the societal burden of shame surrounding male masturbation there are still stigmas and myths that need to be dispelled, which is then the body of the article.
      So yeah... Again... What is your question?
      >4w
    Reply
  • Pleasureman2u

    Pleasureman2u
    73M Seaforth, NSW,
     AU

    I have got into the habit of masturbating every morning and sometimes during the day. I check out AMM for any nice tits to ogle as I wank or select a good video to watch from the various subject matter (depending on my mood) in my large porn collection.
    It is a sexual release for me and that blast of endorphins gets me up and going for the day.
    If I have seen someone horny on the street or down at the dog park or say a back packer has come to the door selling something, then after seeing them off I go out into the sunny back room and have a lovely wank as I imagine rooting them of playing with their tits. My only excuse (if I need one) is that I’m a horny old goat. Harmless but horny.
    My partner didn’t used to like me masturbating in front of her as I think she saw it as unnecessary if she was there to have sex with, but I have now asked her to strip tease for me and I wank as I watch her and I think she likes me to do it now as it makes her feel desired. I usually can’t restrain myself and don’t finish the wank before attacking and having my way with her which she loves. I like to masturbate as I watch her showering. I only see my partner on weekends and so masturbating is necessary for my sanity during the week. On weekends I just rub up against her leg like a randy dog.
    Watching women (or guys for that matter) masturbate doesn’t do much for me, but a few women I have been with over the years have liked to watch me (and men in general) masturbate. They get a visible thrill as they see the ejaculate spurt.
    You’ll have to excuse me now as I have something to attend to.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Lokilokiloki

    Lokilokiloki
    Account closed

    Phewww! And here I was thinking it was just me! ... not really lol
    I love watching my partner (m or f) play with themselves till orgasm! I love the look on their face, the movement of the body and hands, love knowing that their lost in the own lil world temperarily and I am privy to that most intimate moment. Then I get to lick them clean hehe
    It's such a natural thing, if we could get religion and society standards out of the road, I think masterbating would be much more excepted and people would realise just how healthy it is
    >4w
    Reply
  • Lingam63

    Lingam63
    Account closed

    Mmm. , yes especially mutual masturbation , fingering my lovers pussy and stroking her clit , while she uses massage oil and long slow strokes on my cock . Really great to cum in her hand while my fingers are pleasuring her pussy .
    >4w
    Reply
  • Easypleasure69

    Easypleasure69
    Account closed

    Even after the most intense couple of hours sex with my lady, I often want to cum again and masturbating is a nice quick way to cum another couple of times.
    >4w
    Reply
  • luvvies

    luvvies
    71M 71F Valley Heights, NSW,
     AU

    My wife and I love masturbating together and always vary the position - either do ourselves, swap hands and do each other or she does us both and I play with her breasts - its all and always good.
    >4w
    Reply
  • SugarnSPICEY

    SugarnSPICEY
    Account closed

    I agree masturbation for men and women is an essential part of our lives and good for us. Great for releasing tension and oxytocin the feel good hormone.
    However one thing I have not seen mentioned for either men or women, when masturbating too much over long long periods of time when you don't have a current partner who is there or willing. Men and women get so used to pleasing themselves that they can not climax with another partner trying to please them.
    With women we have mind blowing orgasms with our toys, after a period of time of constantly using these toys some of which can get you off within 30 seconds, it's very hard for a mans tongue, fingers, penis to have the same speed and intensity and can become impossible for their partner to get them off without the aid of a toy.
    With men who pull themselves off the same thing applies with their hand, they get used to that intensity and will often need to give themselves a hand during sex with a partner. I would love to see some articles on this and ways to over cum (come) it :).
    >4w
    Reply
  • SirMature

    SirMature
    63M Pyrmont, NSW,
     AU

    Enjoyed reading article about masturbation, must say pretty much part of most people's lives both men and women. We all need some release and no better way of achieving this when you orgasm.
    I also think masturbating too much by yourself can tend take away the need to have sex with other people and a risk to be just self centred and become reliant.
    Masturbating with other people can break that cycle and I have on quite a few Occassion just masturbated with mainly mature ladies where we watch each other get turned looking at each other leading to a usually massive mutual explosion together!!
    Also like to use fingers, tongue and toys on ladies as they lay on my massage table while they are fully exposed is a magnificent experience and I am always seeking new ladies to give this erotic enjoyment too.
    Pete
    >4w
    Reply
  • chesswiseagain

    chesswiseagain
    Account closed

    When mutually masturbating I like to put my fingers gently on hers and feel her rubbing and getting to a climax. I also at times enter my finger in her vagina as she is rubbing her clit. Then it's my turn and she tickles my balls as I pump!!! Good article, thanks.
    >4w
    Reply
  • GentlemanWolf

    GentlemanWolf
    Account closed

    "...usually for the sole purpose of ejaculating..."
    Agree =D
    Its quick, releases stress and feels great...why wouldnt we.
    >4w
    Reply
  • wildOATSsexyMOM

    wildOATSsexyMOM
    65F 61M The Entrance, NSW,
     AU

    Yep totaly agree
    Fem responding here
    I started wanking off as a child and haven't stopped since
    its basic biology really
    good book to read is that bod language pair Allan &Barbara Pease's
    "Why men want sex and women need love"
    Physiologically men are just hardon machine's built to thrust the next generation into being.
    when morality comes in and the plethora of religious doctrines that try to control sexuality is when trouble starts
    fortunately in my current relationship i can masturbate freely with and for my partner. Something i never had b4
    >4w
    Reply
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