7 Things Bisexuals are Sick of Hearing

Eva Sless Eva Sless on 15 September 2016    75 comments
Drawing of three pink love hearts with arrows to indicate bisexuality

Being bisexual can be a heap of fun. There's twice as many people to check out, the dating pool is much larger, and - if you're into them -  swingers events can be a melting pot of bodies and bits to enjoy. There are also quite a few misconceptions around being bisexual, the biggest being that it doesn't even exist (it does), and it can get really tiring having to defend and explain and justify your lifestyle to people who just don't get it. In fact, no-one should ever have to justify their lifestyle to another person. It's just none of their business. Here's a few of some of the more ridiculous, untrue, and just plain  offensive things bisexual people are just sick of hearing, and that you should probably stop yourself from saying if it's ever come up around you.

If your partner is bisexual, they'll eventually cheat on you

This is just dumb. It's assuming that people who are bisexual have no idea of relationships, commitment, loyalty, and monogamy. It's a really offensive assumption to make and, when you really think about it, makes absolutely no sense. Being attracted to people outside your relationship happens to all sexualities and preferences. If your partner cheats on you it's because they cheated on you. Straight, gay, bisexual, whatever. There is absolutely no evidence whatsoever that shows bisexual people being more likely to cheat than any other.

Bisexuals are just greedy

Well, you know what, some of us are and some of us aren't. And that's in all sexualities. Being greedy for sex won't suddenly make you turn bisexual. If you're greedy for sex and you're straight then you'll just find people of the opposite sex to fulfil that. I mean, I am super greedy for chocolate, but I really cannot stand dark chocolate, so even on a mass craving day I won't eat it because I don't like it. It's the same with sex. If I'm not attracted to you, it doesn't matter how much I want sex, I still don't want it with you.

You're just doing it to impress boys

Bisexual girls get this a lot. The idea that you're only with another woman because you want to turn the boys on. Sorry boys, life actually doesn't revolve around your penis and although I am sure there are instances where this is the case, for the most part girls are with other girls because they want to be. They don't care about what your dick wants.

You're just too afraid to admit you're gay

This is one the guys get a lot. The idea that you're so ashamed of being gay you'll sleep with women too, just so you don't have to admit it. No. Just no. Although I am sure there are exceptions to this rule, almost every single gay man I have ever met gets very weird and almost disgusted at the idea of vagina. Especially at the idea of their penis being near one. It's not an anti women thing, it's an “I don't like vagina” thing and there's not a lot you can do to fake it just to maybe stop someone thinking you're gay.

You must have loads of threesomes and stuff

Again, some do, and some don't. Monogamy and polyamory and everything in between crosses all sexualities and all lifestyles. If you're a monogamous person, then you're a monogamous person. Being attracted to more than one gender won't change that. It's like assuming all non-monogamous people are bisexual or kinky. It's just not the case.

All women are naturally bi

This is a really common misconception about girls. I'm sure you've all heard the term “Spaghetti Girls”. The idea that all girls are like spaghetti – straight until they get wet, but this is not true at all. Although bisexual girls are a lot more visual and represented in mainstream culture than bisexual guys, this has far more to do with the societal idea that guys with other guys is gross, but girl on girl stuff is hot. It's far more acceptable for women to talk about it and act on it if they want to. But again, girls are most likely to be with other girls because they want to be, not because it is a turn on for men. 

You can't be bi if you've never even been with a person of the same sex as you

This is such a stupid thing to say. It's the same as telling kids and teenagers that come out as gay that they are just confused or not really sure because they haven't experienced sex yet. No one ever says this to a little boy or girl who wants to “marry” a person of the opposite gender. In fact as humans we just default everyone to heterosexual until they tell us differently, and that's just dumb. Yes we all learn and grow and discover our sexuality as we get older but we usually always have an idea of what side of the sexuality fence we sit on, even if we've never even held hands with anyone before.

Being mindful of other people's life experiences is really important as is accepting them and listening to them when they talk. It is okay to be curious about other lifestyles, and the best way we learn is to ask questions, but just remember to be respectful and non-judgemental about it, even if it is really different to the way you live.

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Comments (75)

  • Luckyme58

    Luckyme58
    Account closed

    I am bi but only safe sex with either gender until I know them properly
    >4w
    Reply
  • Fellator2145

    Fellator2145
    67M Wentworthville, NSW,
     AU

    I think more than likely more men are bi or naturally bi and the others are homophobic. It is quite normal and why should women have all the fun of sucking cock.
    >4w
    • Privateer76

      Privateer76
      Account closed

      Once again with the "if you're not bi/gay you're homophobic"...
      Only bigots/homophobes don't suck cock? You Gaystapo types make me laugh with your certainty over your wrongology.
      >4w
    Reply
  • AntechinusRex

    AntechinusRex
    52M 51F Eltham, VIC,
     AU

    One thats always puzzled me : bi women that refuse to date bi men. Whats that all about?
    If a woman enjoys the unique & wonderful connections possible with both men and women why would she be uncomfortable with her partner doing the same?
    #equalopportunity
    >4w
    • Leolady727

      Leolady727
      Account closed

      Maybe because some bi men indulge in very risky behaviour. A few years ago I had a friend who was involved in AIDS studies and he told me that the biggest proliferation of AIDS was amongst men had anal sex with other men. Face it - men get carried away and are not always thinking about safe sex so, ipso facto, bi men are just not worth the risk.
      >4w
    • AntechinusRex

      AntechinusRex
      52M 51F Eltham, VIC,
       AU

      Holy judgement batman!
      HIV is pretty rare. Condoms prevent its spread, as does PrEP. There is a good range of treatments that mean its not the problem it once was. Many people with HIV never develop AIDs now.
      Want to prevent STD spread? Use condoms. Get tested. Talk to your partners about their risk profile, but don't assume. After all many "straight" men have sex with men too...
      >4w
    • Privateer76

      Privateer76
      Account closed

      LL bringing the RealTalk!
      Good post.
      +1
      >4w
    • Leolady727

      Leolady727
      Account closed

      Well, I'll stick to Bi women, thanks. whatever you might say about condoms (and they sometimes work, IF you use them) - women are generally more careful.
      >4w
    Reply
  • wildrover88

    wildrover88
    Account closed

    Quite a few folks saying "girls fool around, ergo all girls are Bi"
    This is classic penis-centric thinking. Being bisexual is not just about experimenting or fooling around; anyone can have fun but still be intrinsically straight. Bisexuals are physically and emotionally attracted to men, women, and sometimes gender-fluid persons as well.
    As to research that proves all women are Bi - that is rubbish. Western society makes it more permissive for women to explore bisexuality; but generally only for the enjoyment of straight men. Bi men are underrepresented and discouraged due to basic homophobia in mainstream society. Maybe if more men could be like women and be able to just appreciate the aesthetic attractiveness of the same gender without fear of sex, then they and society might be a little less up tight.
    >4w
    • Privateer76

      Privateer76
      Account closed

      Maybe if more men could be like women and be able to just appreciate the aesthetic attractiveness of the same gender without fear of sex, then they and society might be a little less up tight.
      Errr...maybe it's coz...
      Men aren't wired that way.
      Wishing more blokes were gay won't make it so. Nothing to do with "aesthetic attractiveness" or homophobia.
      You've swallowed the SJW talking points whole,no chewing.
      Women are just much more inclined to be bisexual than men. End of.
      >4w
    Reply
  • rubixcube3690

    rubixcube3690
    55M Albury, NSW,
     AU

    As a married guy I know for a fact that a lot of guys my age are happily married but love sucking cock I have had some great contacts from this site and other sites from married guys just wanting to do that I got the urge about 6 years ago I got a fullbodied massage from a naked masseur and when I saw his erect cock in front of my face just inches away I took it in my mouth and sucked it until he came and ever since that day I have loved just sucking cock and I have had some of the best oral sex from guys .
    >4w
    Reply
  • Smoochi

    Smoochi
    Account closed

    Perhaps we could simply say, we enjoy sex with both genders...do we have to label everything ?..can we not simply just enjoy ?
    >4w
    • Privateer76

      Privateer76
      Account closed

      Labels are important. Didn't your mum sew your name inside your school jumper so you didn't lose it? Not to mention mingling at a work conference - where would you be without the name labels on everyone. No mingling without those labels!
      >4w
    Reply
  • Leolady727

    Leolady727
    Account closed

    Tell you the OTHER thing bi women are sick of, not so much hearing, as seeing. That's "bicurious" as a woman's sexual identity. Unfortunately usually translates as "my partner wants to see me with another woman, so you can pleasure me but don't expect any reciprocation".
    >4w
    • RiverSweetie

      RiverSweetie
      58F Melbourne, VIC,
       AU

      I put it as my status because I have never had a full sexual experience with another woman and I probably am more often attracted to men. Right now I am single and extremely attracted to one of my female contacts here, but we're still waiting to meet so it is still in the mind for me. Men also use the term bicurious too I notice, maybe less so.
      >4w
    • Leolady727

      Leolady727
      Account closed

      I am aware that people can be "curious" and hoping to explore further. It's just that, as I've said (from the viewpoint of someone who's had a lot of experience in the swinging scene) the term is often used dishonestly (I know, who on earth would think that people on the Internet might be dishonest?!)
      >4w
    • petite.r

      petite.r
      44F NSW,
       AU

      In my humble opinion, I find there is an assumptuon that the label bisexual suggests that a person is attracted with equal strength to both genders. Bicurious can suggest that someone is predominantly interested in one gender more than another.
      As long as people involved in an encounter are honest in sharing their hopes, wants and expectations, why do we need to judge so harshly? Maybe it says more about the fears of the judger than the bicurious person.
      >4w
    Reply
  • TransBambi

    TransBambi
    37NB Brisbane, QLD,
     AU

    The only People to have the abilities to lie to both Genders equally! Most People lie with their Mouths but Bisexuals are able to lie with their Hearts and their Genitals and you will never even see them coming!!!!
    >4w
    • petite.r

      petite.r
      44F NSW,
       AU

      Thats very offensive. How can you speak for hundreds of thousands of people like myself. It's like saying all gay guys love pink shirts. I'm known amongst previous and current partners as being very loyal and honest.
      >4w
    Reply
  • LisaJohn4u

    LisaJohn4u
    Account closed

    Very interesting article Eva. As a matter of fact you have written some great ones in the past too.
    The thing I love about AMM is that I can freely express my sexual thoughts without someone jumping on me from a great height.
    When I was approaching my teens and during my early teens I was definitely bi curious. If I go right back to when I was 5 or 6 my playmate was a girl (of the same age) who lived next door. We used to play 'rudies'. Where the word came from I'm not sure but it obviously came from one of the parents. Perhaps hers because I don't think that it was from mine. We would sit back to back on the toilet and play with each other's bum. Probably other bits too. Funny that this is one of the few earliest childhood memories that I have. Her family moved on when she was in her teens and I remember reminding her of our little game around that time and she didn't want to talk about it.
    Anyway when I was in my teens, a friend at school (a guy) was gay. Now we are talking in the mid 60s here. Not a good time for gays in Australia that I can recall. We did fool around, only fondling and I think it must have been before I could cum. Poor guy used to get called Shirley at school and because I hung around him I was the butt of their jokes as well.
    I had another male friend, another neighbour, who wasn't gay but we used to play around with each other. He could do what I always wanted to be able to do, suck his own cock. I remember before I could cum, he could cum in his own mouth. The games boys play haha.
    At this time I had a crush on another girl neighbour, so I wouldn't say I was gay. I guess after reading this article I am thinking that I may have been naturally bi.
    Going back to when I was (not sure) but possibly 8 or 9, I would go to parties with mum and dad at various friends houses. I remember once being put to bed with a couple of girls around my own age. They were giggling away and the next thing I know is one of the girls had my cock in her hand. I do remember reciprocating and exploring with my finger. Eventually we drifted off to sleep.
    Lastly, yes another story about another neighbour, I knew a guy who lived about 200 metres down the street. I would go and sleep over at his house. I can't remember the details but I ended up in bed with him and two other girls. There was a lot of exploring and fondling going on between the girls and the boys.
    I am only using these examples in my own life to ask the question, are we born with "Innate bisexuality" or a predisposition towards being bi? Google Sigmund Freud innate bisexuality. Or are they just years of learning about the opposite and same sex? Which in a way is the same thing.
    Or is that all too heavy? Haha
    One thing is that I remember it as being a lot of fun.
    Now having said all of this , can you believe that I didn't actually have sexual intercourse until I was married at 23?
    >4w
    • LisaJohn4u

      LisaJohn4u
      Account closed

      I should add that I have this recurring dream of being in an orgy with about 50 people. girls with guys, guys with guys, girls with girls. It really turns me on. Something that I have never experienced. I guess bi tears down the boundaries and labels as someone wisely pointed out earlier.
      >4w
    • Privateer76

      Privateer76
      Account closed

      The "Neighbours" script writers should have a word with you.
      Whatever happened to riding bikes and climbing trees? Sheesh.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Pandhforfun

    Pandhforfun
    Account closed

    It's a shame we have to use labels, but they do save time, would have to invent a new one for my sexuality, coz i'm all over the spectrum, a good article, and I must say, I do get annoyed with the "you're either straight or gay" type comments, sexuality is a vast spectrum of thoughts, desires and practises, from the extreme to "vanilla", i'm happy to fall into a category that allows me to wander all over that spectrum, and have had a ball of a time doing it, what i've tried not to do during my time playing this field is judge others based on their sexuality or desires, I haven't always been able to wrap my mind around some of them, but hey, if it's consensual, then live and let live.
    cheers mr pand
    >4w
    Reply
  • DarkLegend

    DarkLegend
    Account closed

    All women are naturally bi ?
    If you do your homework you will see that it has recently been proven that all women are innately bisexual though it might not be prominent in their conscious mind or practice it sexually.
    >4w
    • Leolady727

      Leolady727
      Account closed

      Can you quote any research to support this - I would be interested.
      >4w
    • Privateer76

      Privateer76
      Account closed

      Comment of the day.
      Nearly all the girls I've EVER met have at least kissed& "fooled around" with another girl. The guys? Not so much.
      >4w
    • emily40

      emily40
      56F Hervey Bay, QLD,
       AU

      This is an incorrect way of thinking , I believe.
      I'm not in the slightest bit bi, being 48 it has been
      Offered to me quite a lot and even let a cpl try to
      Entice me over time but with no result . I think also
      That if ppl believe any of your question's then that doesn't
      Mean they're dumb or stupid in their thinking, just different
      To other ppl
      >4w
    • sydneystorm

      sydneystorm
      Account closed

      From my experience, most girls I've dated or had one night stands have been bi.
      Even the straight ones have kissed a girl at least once and are open to the idea of trying bi.
      >4w
    • Melody2973

      Melody2973
      Account closed

      Bullshit :))
      >4w
    • exportme

      exportme
      56M Morisset, NSW,
       AU

      Mate, would love to see where that study came from, as it totally contradicts most other studies on the subject.. I think we all have our own path to travel and what others do or don't like is their own choice.. I would be astounded if more that 30 percent of women are bisexual.
      >4w
    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor
      Staff Account

      @exportme our Under the Covers Survey found that 36% of women said they were bi but you have to consider that it was primarily (not entirely) responses from AMM members who are more open about exploring their sexuality.
      >4w
    • AntechinusRex

      AntechinusRex
      52M 51F Eltham, VIC,
       AU

      There was a researcher who made that claim, based on a small, poorly conducted study.
      His next study claimed that bi men don't exist. So as a bi man I'm sure he has absolutely no idea what he is talking about...
      >4w
    Reply
  • KnockKnockPenny

    KnockKnockPenny
    Account closed

    Although I am open to sexual experiences with all genders,including post op Trans, and have had some amazing experiences in small group all open play, I don't consider myself bisexual. I don't lust after a woman or desire to be with just a woman. But I am a hedonist and am drawn to sexually confident, open minded people. Throw in a touch of eroticism and a dash of kink and I'm in pansexual heaven.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Melody2973

    Melody2973
    Account closed

    No interest in women, never have, never will but each to their own :), you are what you are :)
    >4w
    Reply
  • Leolady727

    Leolady727
    Account closed

    I have to say, though, that every truly sexually-awakened woman I've ever known has at least THOUGHT about a F/F encounter - the women I've met (when I was swinging with my ex) who were adamantly NOT interested usually turned out to be not much interested in straight sex, either.
    Please note that I am only talking about women I have met - not every woman. I have met quite a few, however!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Privateer76

    Privateer76
    Account closed

    Do many men do this stuff On the DownLow?
    I'm amazed how many "straight" dudes my gay mate talks about. They are his preferred target market! That's how we met initially - him trying to pick me up in the pub.
    It's tough being a gay icon.
    >4w
    Reply
  • allinmymind

    allinmymind
    61F Wodonga, VIC,
     AU

    Thank you for talking about the issue that "all women are naturally bi". Something a straight is sick of hearing lol
    >4w
    Reply
  • BiMelbNaturist

    BiMelbNaturist
    Account closed

    well said
    >4w
    Reply
  • Tiana1307

    Tiana1307
    Account closed

    Yup. Heard all of those. Rolls eyes.
    >4w
    Reply
  • phoenixio

    phoenixio
    Group Logan Central, QLD,
     AU

    I am bi not gay and a lot of men are homophobic so as far as they are concerned if a guy sucks cock he must be gay, not true as we know. One concern for me is that HIV in Australia is predominately spread by MM sexual contact so you either play safe or with people that you trust implicitly and have testing done on a regular basis. Nothing nicer than a load of cum in the bum but really is a matter of trust.
    >4w
    Reply
  • mac1340

    mac1340
    68M 62F Wirrinya, NSW,
     AU

    G'Day
    Yes we have heard it all before.But we just enjoy our selves with who ever we happen to be with.As long as there is some connection& chemistry its all fun.
    >4w
    Reply
  • BigJon74

    BigJon74
    Account closed

    Coped the greedy and the so you must be gay. No, I just love everyone equally, except closeminded peope(if that's a word. Lol) can't handle them.
    >4w
    Reply
  • gccoastcpl

    gccoastcpl
    61M 61F Surfers Paradise, QLD,
     AU

    WELL SAID.. !!!!!!!
    >4w
    Reply
  • joe2442

    joe2442
    Account closed

    I'm enjoying exploring my bi side, and will have to put up with some annoying things like this that was mentioned. A good article and Bi people have to put up with alot of crap, but it's alof of fun and rewarding but the negative one has to deal with when Bi is annoying.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Leolady727

    Leolady727
    Account closed

    I get the "greedy" comment but, sadly, usually from gay women. Many men immediately think of a threesome. Well, sorry guys, we're more likely to be interested in each other than in you!
    >4w
    Reply
  • sluttiandbad

    sluttiandbad
    Account closed

    Maybe being bi is actually the 'normally adjusted' sexual state, given that being gay or hetero could be each seen as expressing a phobia regarding gender attractions and sex? Gay guys and straight girls could be seen as 'afraid' of yoni, while queer girls and hetero guys often express disgust at somehow coming in contact with cocks ....
    There are of course well proven psychiatric treatments for phobias, such as the fear of spiders or open spaces, so if the idea that another person might be attracted sexually to both women and men 'weirds you out', perhaps consider seeking a diagnosis for your problem? :)
    >4w
    • Privateer76

      Privateer76
      Account closed

      "Maybe being bi is actually the 'normally adjusted' sexual state"
      Lol - Evolution would like a word...
      >4w
    • sluttiandbad

      sluttiandbad
      Account closed

      Dear Evolution : Thanks for evolving most animals and all normal human beings to be happy to be bi. Great for population control, and excellent for bonding within social groups to ensure best chance of survival. :)
      >4w
    • Privateer76

      Privateer76
      Account closed

      Wrongology isn't contagious is it?
      >4w
    Reply
  • renew098

    renew098
    Account closed

    Nice article. I'm about to offer my own perspective on my sexuality. Have a lack of understanding when it comes to bi sexuality and just expressing my own preference.
    I find being a male who is bi curious has different levels of complexity when explaining my sexuality. Its hard to explain. I use the blanket term bi curious.
    The way i explain it as I'm just comfortable with what i enjoy. I'm not actually attracted to males, more attracted to penis. Love the idea of playing sexually with a male, dont like the idea of kissing or being in a relationship.
    So while i have never been attracted to another male... i could definitely see myself and my partner enjoying sex with a bi curious or bi sexual couple.
    Bit weird? Hahaha, guess we all have our little quirks
    >4w
    • Milana09

      Milana09
      66F Dandenong, VIC,
       AU

      It's not weird at all in my opinion. I read a lot about this complexity... where guys, straight, bi, gay or otherwise, are fascinated by cocks..and love to look at them..even more than women as it turns out... in a book called "A billion wicked thoughts" it's written by a couple of neurologists who analysed the data from various internet search engines to draw some remarkable conclusions about people's sexual desires and orientations..
      I highly recommend it..and no I'm not related to the author :)
      >4w
    • renew098

      renew098
      Account closed

      Thank you for the insight. Maybe should get in touch with the author... nice plug hahaha. Will consider the read :)
      >4w
    • Privateer76

      Privateer76
      Account closed

      Don't worry about it. Some think it's the normal sexual state for homo sapiens.
      >4w
    • curscpl

      curscpl
      Account closed

      I understand fully what you are saying, while the mrs is happy to go full on F/F im more interested in the dangly bits lol. Have no desire to kiss a guy or go any further than touching or sucking dick.... I dont look at a guy and go damn he's hot or anything its all about the dick lol.....
      >4w
    • AntechinusRex

      AntechinusRex
      52M 51F Eltham, VIC,
       AU

      I love the word heteroromantic. I seem to be that way too. I'm bi, love being with men and women. However when it comes to serious relationships they've all been with women
      So I'm bisexual and heteroromantic. :)
      >4w
    Reply
  • tvlcpl13

    tvlcpl13
    69M 60F Townsville, QLD,
     AU

    Why limit myself to half the population , girls are so much fun.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Cruisers001

    Cruisers001
    Account closed

    Great insight to the whole bi scene. We are both bi, love the fact that you do have a choice and you can have fun with both sexes!! And yes, we are very happily married, have been swinging for over 10 years and have had the best of times with both men and women, so being bi is a plus for us. We are always surprised though at the closed minds of people when people read that my man is bi, they just shut down any further contact. It appears that women are the worst, they like the idea of them being bi, but a man enjoying sex with another man!! Just not on, in their minds. Such double standards, from my own sex no less. But, we enjoy the freedom this side of us gives us when we play, it does open up so many more opportunities!
    >4w
    Reply
  • hotbisexguy

    hotbisexguy
    38M Image Flat, QLD,
     AU

    well said
    >4w
    Reply
  • Stacey4444

    Stacey4444
    50F Victor Harbor, SA,
     AU

    Another one that annoys me is that men think I must have a catalogue of other bi women just gagging and tripping over themselves for a 3some with them. No...just no. I do know other bi women, but I have no way of knowing if they are going to want to sleep with a guy
    >4w
    Reply
  • funlover521

    funlover521
    Account closed

    I love being bi you get the best of both worlds. And I have made a lot of friends in couples and remain close. Its a win win to me.
    >4w
    Reply
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