A Labia Tale: The low down on down below
Eva Sless
on 24 September 2016
66 comments
Photo from "Coin Cunts" collection reproduced with permission from the very talented Suzanna Scott
As a kind of well-known sexpert and media personality I get a lot of emails and messages from people all over the world asking my advice on all things sex related. I get them from people who have read my columns or who follow my social media accounts, and I also get them from friends.
My friends know they can basically ask me anything and they'll get a no bullshit, honest reply, and they also know they have my complete confidence and discretion. This being the case, I know some pretty personal details about my friends bodies and sex lives and I asked one friend if I could share her story here.
Am I Normal?
My friend, I'll call her Sally, sent me a message a few months ago. The message itself was brief:
“Is this normal??” and attached to it was a close-up picture of her with her legs open, spreading her labia out in all its beautiful folded glory.
I'll admit I had no idea what she was talking about. I spent some time looking at it for sores, or weird lumps, or something that looked out of place and I couldn't, so I sent her back a message asking her what she meant, that I couldn't see any sores or anything unusual.
“No. I mean my labia. Is it too big?”
“Too big for what?”
Her reply not only surprised me, it saddened me. She'd recently been with a guy who, while going down on her, had commented that her labia was “really big and fat” and that he “wasn't into that at all.”
It had rattled her and upset her because, up until that moment, she'd assumed her labia and all her bits were normal. She had never had anyone comment before and had never really seen anyone else's labia to compare it against. She's in her late 20s too, so it wasn't her first sexual encounter, although since that night she hadn't even masturbated, let alone had sex, because she was so embarrassed and worried that there was something wrong with her. She was feeling unattractive and unsexy.
Labia Are Supposed To Hang
The first thing I did was assure her that she was absolutely normal. Completely! Like so normal I hadn't even looked at the labia when examining her pic but beyond it, looking for something actually wrong. The next thing I did was send her a link to a few amazing websites. One was to a great blog called “The Large Labia Project” and the other to “The Labia Library”. These are wonderful sites created specifically to show women (and men) that labia and vulvas come in all different sizes and shapes and lengths and fatness and even colours. That just like every body bit that everybody has, they're all different and unique and normal.
One of the main reasons these are such important websites is precisely what my friend experienced and went through. There is so little information out there for women and girls about their vulvas, labia, and vaginas that we simply just don't know what they are supposed to look like. Most of the images we see in pornography are airbrushed and trimmed to look “neat” because Australian censorship laws dictate it to be so. The actual wording on the legislation about it is that female genitalia must be “healed to a single crease”. Yes. Healed. Because obviously an adult vagina is broken and disgusting.
You Show Me Yours & I'll Show You Mine
The thing is, women don't often see other vaginas etc. We don't see or examine our friend's genitals because we're not in the situation to do so. Unlike men at the urinal or in changing rooms, our toilets and showers at public spaces like gyms etc are all cubicled. We can't do a sneaky peek, or wave ours around like I've been told some guys do in gym locker rooms, and to top it all off we've usually always been told how dirty and icky lady genitals are, so it would actually seem odd and weird if we asked to see our friends'.
So yes, it's no wonder that so many young women are concerned that they are abnormal and why so many of them are opting for unnecessary labiaplasty surgery (the cutting and trimming of the labia so it is no longer visible outside of the vulva.) The rise in this surgery over the past fifteen years has been exponential and almost every single procedure that has been done is medically unnecessary.
Yes there have been cases where an extremely large labia has caused enough problems to warrant surgery. I have spoken to a few women who have had the surgery for medical reasons and every single one of them sited “pain and discomfort” as the reason they opted for it. One woman had had such a long labia that she couldn't sit in certain positions because it caused extreme pain, and the other women I spoke to were similar.
Now I'm all for people being able to do exactly what they want with their own bodies, if you really feel you would benefit from cosmetic surgery then I have no right to tell you it's wrong... But I do wish that women who were opting for this surgery had better education and around the topic and understood exactly what they were changing and why. If we had more prominent images of genitals in our sex education books and more real and natural genitalia in our pornography people would realise just how normal it is to not look like those airbrushed photographs and probably wouldn't even consider surgery. And this wish also extends to men. So many men get their sex education from pornography and in doing so are often given an unrealistic expectation of what women's bodies (and indeed sex itself) should look like. The guy who told my friend her labia was “too fat” was not only rude and should have kept his mouth shut (except to lick), he also probably hadn't seen that many real genitals in his life and wasn't even aware of what they should really look like. And that is sad too.
I am by no means anti porn, but I am absolutely pro education, and I don't believe you can safely have one without the other. Just like you know your burger isn't going to look like the picture on the wall at Maccas, you really need to understand that your genitals won't look like they do in a magazine, and that it's okay that they don't because just like the burger, it's still gonna taste damn good and give you a lot of pleasure!
What Do You Think?
I'm going to leave you with some quotes from people (both men and women)I asked about their preferences for labia, and just like the comments I received back from the penis size question, the answers are all as varied and as unique as our individual genitals are.
“Mmm! Big, fat, juicy labia that I can suck and slurp and enjoy. The meatier the better. Yum” Thomas
“Honestly I don't care. If she likes me enough to let me put my face there, then I like her genitals no matter what!” Luke
“As long as it's clean, I couldn't give a fuck what it looks like.” Jeremy
“I like them hair-free or at least trimmed because then I can go down without distraction from hairs in my teeth. Size? Never really notice.” Sarah
“I like them cute and neat and all tucked up til they get all horny and open up for me like a flower. But I'd also never turn down one that was different to that. Vag is vag, man. It's all good.” Julian
“I don't really care what the labia and stuff is like, as long as there's a prominent clit I can find and enjoy.” Vanessa
66 comments
deepinsideu700
More than a month agowho cares what they look like as long as there delicious love eating a woman out !!!!!
Replyjustforfun558
More than a month agoI know men who love big labia. I don't worry about it at all. I have never had any complaints, only the opposite really, but if a man doesn't like it, he can move on, and so can I.
Replybeniceeveryone
More than a month agoNever seen one I didn't like but I LOVE big ones
Replypetite.r
More than a month agoThree cheers to all the amm men and women for the body positive comments here. Im ok with my labia but have had comments about not being all bare down there. Im partially waxed with some trimmed fur on top and I like it that way, but am tired of the expectation that I should be otherwise. I think the trend in print and film porn from the full bush to full Brazilian has driven this. I take my guys however they come, and would appreciate that in return! I realise this is slightly off topic but would love to hear what Eva and AMMers think.
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agohi im with you on this one,love a welcome mat out the front
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoIt's an interesting, and very debatable topic, that of public hair and landscaping. The full Brazilian trend in porn seems to be waning a bit. All of the porn I've been seeing lately, from big production houses to the amateur, seem to be reverting back to at least landing strips, if not a bit of underneath bush too.
I'm with you, I take people as they come, although I do prefer it at least trimmed. Purely for the lack of hairs in the throat that wild hair down there can bring. Haha.
I'll definitely put pubic hair on the list for research and a piece.
I'm going to predict a huge range of likes and dislikes and preferences from all genders.
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More than a month agoPubic hair fetishism, or pubephilia, is a partialism in which a person is sexually attracted to, or becomes sexually aroused by the sight or feel of human pubic hair, whether male or female.
Arousal may occur from seeing or touching pubic hair. A person with this fetish may enjoy downy or very thick pubic hair, or have a preference for a particular colour such as red or ginger colored pubic hair. Though it may be considered a fetish, some people may consider pubic hair to be aesthetic and a characteristic of a mature male or female. ( love the "strip" )
Love.Doctor
More than a month agoAlthough this article is meant to be one based on positive body image, I can't help but shake the head at yet another failing of the human race. It would probably be fair to say both male and females don't have the most aesthetically pleasing genetalia.....but they were not designed for that or to be loved. They are simply there for reproduction. We love sex organs because of how they feel and how they make us feel. Attraction and love is based on feel and feelings which creates desires that we ache for when thinking about another person. When we love we are attracted to everything about that person not their sex organs. When we take photos of special moments we take photos of 2 peoples faces, not their genetalia, not knees, not shoulders. Our face is how we recognise and identify with each other as humans...its what we use to communicate...has a penis ever spoken to a vagina and vice versa? lol....of course not. Do you see penises and vaginas as I.D. on driver licences?...nope lol. When we start throwing judgemental and shallow criticism around about our privates, we have really got a low I.Q society.
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoSpeak for yourself.
I personally think vaginas and penises can be very attractive.
Like some noses are cute, and some arms are beautiful, and some backs are gorgeous.
Yeah, we don't use them as id but that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Haha. id photos aren't about looking good or being aesthetically pleasing. They're for identification.
And we communicate in many ways. The most subtle of those ways being pheromones. Which you can't even see. And which come from areas like our genitals.
So I'm not really sure your point?
And, again, speak for yourself. I have captured many a precious and special moment on film that happen to include genitalia.
The only thing I can possibly agree with in your statement is that the criticism and judgemental nature of genitalia is dumb.
JemimaTed
More than a month agoMONA in Hobart has a great display (75 casts) to be compared and enjoyed.
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoThe Wall of Vaginas is amazing yes!
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More than a month agoAs NLindsayFan commented
Sweetangelic3
More than a month agoOh ok... I was told that the wall of vaginas was taken down. it was one of the things I wanted to visit when over there last year? Good excuse to go back though
trusted8
More than a month agoHeres to all those people out there that have what they have....and if those bits and pieces aren't perfect (and who determines what is?) As long as it works and you get to enjoy the pleasures of stimulation and play with themselves or with another..."Make the most of what you have". I never stop being amazed of how beautiful the female body is, neat and shapely, sexy and inviting. Normally, negative comments will come from someone who has their own issues, justifing other reasons to cover the truth of their feelings and shortcomings.
ReplyEmbrace your inner you, and find another who helps you do so...
tomskippy
More than a month agoHe must prefer cocks as 99% of womens libia's are different. Give me one to lick & suck on all day anytime, big, fat, in or out.
Replymac1340
More than a month agoBeing a nudist couple as well as swingers we have seen more than most of naked people.It does not matter whether its labia. tits or dicks.There is NO normal they are all different & sexy in their own way.Then you add the age factor to us all.There is the lumps & bumps & scars that we all carry thru life.So just enjoy it all.
ReplyMtgShadow
More than a month agoFrom the male...mmmm inny or outy well to me it doesn't matter when I eat pussy it's like Viagra to me but my preference is the outy as i find lookin at innies they look too tidy but very sexy... all the same where as an outy looks like something sculptured, sexy and busy. AWESOME LOL
From the female....Innies look neat and sexy on a nice shaved pussy but outies look more real and are much more fun to lick suck and gently nibble on when not teasing the clit but equally they are both nice to pleasure as long as they're healthy and clean.
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoAs a woman with an ' innie ' I don't think I've ever had any man say ' outies ' are more fun :)),
Mine looks very real, my clit is well proportioned and my ' pussy ' is kinda perfect :)
Here's to all the women with ' innies ' :)), just as nice ......
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More than a month agoMelody = ME, ME, ME, ME, ME! Tickets!!
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More than a month agoWhoa SummerShimmer, you don't even know me but you've assessed me aren't you clever :))))),
Maybe keep your ' flaps ' and your nasty comments to yourself :), you have no idea who I am so you gave me a good laugh :)
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoOn a blog about reducing shame... Let's try and keep the comments to ones that don't shame, eh?
Seriously.
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More than a month agoIt's the second or third time I've commented on one of these posts and some woman has had something shitty to say. I'm a bit over it that's why I said something. Honestly I've never struck such nasty pieces of work, that or they just don't have a life :)), I couldn't care less what they think but I'm not going to tolerate it :)
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More than a month agoPossibly because people don't like to see your smug "body-shaming" comments. Innies, outies, they're all beautiful - having a neat cunt doesn't make you a nice person!
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More than a month agoAnd she strikes again :))
Honestly LeoLady727, you never cease to amaze me :))
You really are so pathetic :)
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More than a month agoSummer - I'm sure you're not even a "blimp" on Melody's radar - lol
etep169
More than a month agoMelody, you are very nice proportioned, I loved
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More than a month agoLeoLady727 - so much respect. You are a voice of reason and articulate what most of us are thinking in such a wonderful LeoLady727 kinda way! X
pimpnhoe
More than a month agoThe longer and more it hangs out....the better!
ReplyDrHard197Oro
More than a month agoAs long as they are natural , who cares what they look like! It's what they taste like that is the big thing, and they all taste great to me!
ReplyTHORGODOFTHUNDE
More than a month agoBIG LABIA? B I G G E R THE B E T T E R !
ReplyLove to suck those lips into my mouth mmmmmmyum
FreeHeart2481
More than a month agoI want them all !!!
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More than a month agoWe totally agree.
nautycol
More than a month agoAin't it a shame that the church and people with very narrow minds put such a negative slant on our genitalia and the act of sex
Hotemp
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoAbsolutely. Religion has a lot to answer to to the strange and damaging ways we look at sex, bodies, sexuality and nudity... Among a myriad of other things.
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More than a month agoErrr...which gospel deals with labia-shaming? I must have missed it. Maybe you're thinking of the Religion of Pieces? FGM?
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoDo you mean Pisces?
And no. There is no specific line in the bible about labia.
If, however, you really really don't understand how the bible has shamed and oppressed female sexuality over the past 2000 or so years... Then you have perhaps been living under a rock.
Or, here's a thought, you just couldn't help yourself once again, and had to jump in to something I have written to counter it with rubbish, just to be contradictory.
Careful, Privateer... It's starting to look like you have a crush on me.
:)
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More than a month agoI'm always getting crushes on inappropriate women...
And I agree - Christianity is a horrible, repugnant belief system. And it's followers are living in Medieval times. What with all the FGM,stoning adulterers, honour killings,throwing gays off tall things.
Oh wait...
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoI used the word Bible to match your phrase of the gospel. But almost every single religion out there oppresses women and women's sexuality. Don't be such a pedant. You knew exactly what I meant.
As for honour killings etc... I would argue that the huge number of women murdered by men (most often their partners) in Australia are a form of twisted honour killing (you dishonoured me by leaving, by talking back, by not doing whatever it is I said you could or couldn't do). The point is, most religions are male dominated and male led. And they are very very responsible for the screwed up attitudes towards sex and sexuality. Both for men and women. But the shame... The shame is always put on women.
allinmymind
More than a month agoAmerican views have spilled over to Australia with the church hating thing. Christians are sex positive people. Lots of them read 50 Shades of Grey, was in a published academic journal.
I have an outy though I think it varies. Also there is gaping which kinda means turned on more than not.
LibertineLovers
More than a month ago"Christians are a sex positive people" - that's the funniest thing I've read in ages! Compared to what - muslims? Okay, Christians can be sex positive people just as they can be anything. Christianity is not what I'd call sex positive. Christianity does not encourage sex for the sake of pleasure, and certainly not having sex with anyone but your spouse. I'm a lapsed Catholic who was "taught" through parents, church sermons, published books and pre-marriage counseling that: sex outside of marriage is a sin; sex for any purpose other than procreative is a sin; pleasuring each other (manually or orally) for any purpose than foreplay to procreation is a sin. Oh, and of course, it's a wife's duty to 'submit' to her husband (even if it is a sin!?). Thank god, it's not like the medieval days when it was a sin to have sex on holy days, and sundays, and during menstruation, and during lent - though at least that way wives didn't have to submit very often!
Yes, very sex positive!
alfa159
More than a month agoWow its crazy, trimming the Labia!! Why, its beautiful, the bigger and juicier the better.
Honestly I prefer and am searching for a woman with nice big labia lips, love to have em in my mouth and run my tongue through em, delicious. Some natural bush above is nice too. Very womanly.
Please girls know your body is gorgeous, any real man knows and loves you!
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More than a month agoAhhhhhhh so so sweet! Jxxx
KaifraDuet
More than a month agoIf you're ever in Hobart, go to MONA and check out the (60 something and growing) collection of plaster casts of real women's real cunts. It's interesting in that more younger women are taking notice - the age group in danger of being convinced there's a standard vaginas and breasts and everything else - standards that are destroying women's ability to feel comfortable in their own bodies.
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ReplyLucyjuice725
More than a month agoI have seen this and its a great display
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoIts fantastic!
NaghtyBartender
More than a month agoI want to meet you summer shimmer!
ReplySeriously i can't believe this poor girl that asked the question felt so embarrassed about her glory box! And what a fucking dick head "öh i am not into that at all" Dont say shit like that you dummy....you will fuck it up for us real dudes who dont care about trivial crap.
By the way any of you ladies got a pussy that you think looks "wrong" let me give you a second opinion! :)
Caprihornalways
More than a month agoCan't believe some idiotic things some of us blokes say, FFS accept we are all different otherwise the word variety would have no meaning.
ReplyDarkLegend
More than a month agoEveryone's likes and dislikes are different. Personally, I'm a labia lover ! it the sexiest part of a vagina, along with the clitoris of course. To me, pussy without a significant sized labia is just a hole. i love big labia !
ReplyViva La Labia !!!
TheDonCartagena
More than a month agoLove all the different shapes and sizes and makes it interesting to know how each and every woman responds to you playing down there..
ReplyProblem is there is some out there who are quick judge the size and shape of a males genitals without hesitation too..
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoWhat wonderful, body positive comments.
ReplySeriously makes me a bit proud of the work I do, and the education myself and many others are giving.
Yay to labia. Yay to women and men loving them.
:)
VaginalDischrge
More than a month agoI pissed on my best mate a few weeks ago, as I've always wanted to piss on someone, as it turns him on, when l did so, he was like 'Fark, what's that! Are they your pussy lips?' Then he asked me if he could tie them in a bow. Then, I had a lover who asked me if he could plait them. Both these comments came within a week from each other, yet no one ever commented on my labia before like that. I LOVE my pussy lips!! I can cum just by rubbing them alone. I remember going down a my girlfriend once and felt so sorry for her as her labia lips where SO SMALL!! Why TF would you want to cut off your pleasurable bits?!?!! Makes no sense to me. My body is mine and visitors should respect it when l let them in. Plus some cultures tie weights to pussy lips to make them longer as its sexier, then others, like in our western porn focused world go the other way. Your friend just dated a douche bag, who showed her no respect and doesn't know much about vaginas at ALL! Next!!....
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoI love this comment so much.
Thank you.
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More than a month agoI should add, l was extremely flattered that one wanted to tie them in a bow and the other wanted to plait them. It's a compliment to the length of my lips! :)
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More than a month agoPleeeeeeeeease put them on your profile pictures xx
SirLancealot69
More than a month agoWe are all come in many different shapes and sizes.
Some guys have big cocks, and other poor guys little ones.
It is what it is. Some women have big tits, others have small tits.
One should never hang it on another about their shape and size in the genital area, it's how we were all born, and you can't really change it. We all like different things, and I for one am not your usual stereotypical guy. I like large Labia, small tits, and a bit of fur on my pussy.
fun4two_or_more
More than a month agoAt the risk of sounding as though I am climbing onto the politically correct band-wagon, I totally agree that large labia are truly gorgeous !
Quite some time ago I was seeing a lady who possessed this all too rare gift. And, upon seeing her quite large labia for the first time I almost squealed like a surprised child who had just won the golden ticket to Willy Wonka's factory.
Sex with her was wonderful and phenomenally erotic. Watching her long gorgeous pussy lips clinging onto my cock would almost make me cum without any control. Yes, all pussy's are beautiful, but hers was truly majestic !
Sadly she had been told by several men (included her former husband) that she was unusual and odd. And as a result, she had a low opinion of her genitals and was seriously considering surgery. After hearing this I was so angry at these stupid guys for their cruel and pathetic comments. As far as I was concerned she possessed a pussy that I literally dreamed about. And, as a guy who worships women with large labia, I pleaded with her to do no such thing.
Fortunately ... after she had had another lover who also felt like me, she was eventually convinced to drop the horrid notion of surgery. It makes me shudder to know that there are Labia-plasty Surgeons out there who prey upon these women (& their self-doubt) so as to make money.
As a parting comment (no pun intended), let me assure the ladies with large labia that they are Gods-gift to the select few men that they allow into their bed. And, as far as I am concerned, large-labia is an all too rare trait amongst the ladies ... and "if only" many many more women had this same gorgeous gift ; )
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoWhy thank you for the compliment ;)
ab.fab
More than a month agoI too love a big labia. Turns me on and I love fondling them.
ReplyIt's a turn on to see a woman standing with her legs slightly apart and seeing the labia hanging.
Passnplay
More than a month agoI agree I love large labia
Replydeep.blue
More than a month agoA trim or shaved pussy - helps revel the true shape of the outer & inner lips. All so kissable, exposed lips - of all shapes and sizes, even hanging lips - wow what a turn on. Love to push my lips on to those wet protruding lips to suck, lip & kiss. Love to look & explore the lips, sorry going hard thinking about it now. If you think you have large or protruding lips, it just adds to the excitement of face to lips contact, great eye candy. Yum Yum ....
ReplyMelody2973
More than a month agoAs a Beauty therapist I've seen hundreds of women's ' bits ' whilst waxing them probably more than most men. They most certainly are all very, very different. I say rock your own and be proud of it, having an operation to change its appearance etc is just plain scarey :( I couldn't think of anything worse. Like all surgeries etc, pressure to look ' perfect ' means young women are signing up to this :(. If it's for medical reasons so be it, other than that I think you'd have to be mad to do it.
I personally don't have a large labia, mine is all tucked away and very, very neat. I've had men comment on just how lovely it is. It is what it is :)), even if it wasn't I wouldn't get surgery there is just no way. Just like I probably need Botox, I'm yet to do it :), we have to own what we have and be proud of it :)
I hope your friend gets over this because she's missing out and he's just clueless :)
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoExcellent comment Melody..
And bottom line, if you're with a woman and you feel the need to comment about her anatomy in a negative way , then remember, this will always say so much more about your character than her "physical unattractiveness"
Some guys can be pure douches
* Disclaimer, yep it works both ways, for both sexes.....education is the key
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More than a month agoyes, you are very true.
Mkyguy43
More than a month agoLarger labia looks sexy as hell imo
Replymitchell7
More than a month agoI love big meaty labia , anyone out there with this please come my way .
ReplyIt's a real turn on for me .
Cheekiness99
More than a month agoMmmmm, love large labia!! Yum!! A turn- on!!
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