6 Things Sex Positive People are Sick of Hearing

Adult Match Maker on 28 August 2015    21 comments
Frustrated sex positive woman clutching her head and screaming

Sex positive people are often about as well understood as your average algebra equation.

Let’s start off with what it means to be sex positive. Here’s a hint: The fact that you’re reading this probably indicates you’re sex positive. 

It means you believe sex is a thoroughly enjoyable, pleasurable and healthy activity. It means you believe in consent and safe sex, and it means that it doesn’t matter what kind of sex you’re into (kinky, vanilla, swinging, exhibitionist - whatever),  or how many partners you have, so long as you’re safe and happy about it! 

Some people don’t quite understand this social movement, and it’s often those same people who are quite curious about sex positive people and what they think, in their minds, it means they get up to. So here are a few questions we're pretty sure we've all been asked.

Does that mean you just sleep around a lot? 

“Sleeping around” has quite negative connotations, which is the total opposite of what sex positivity is all about. Also, “a lot” can be quite subjective - does it relate to the number of times we have sex or our magic "number" (which they're probably assuming is triple digits). 

We all have our dry spells - even sex positive people. Sex positivity is a way of thinking more than it is a way of living, so it’s not about being promiscuous. We’re probably having just as much sex as everyone else!

Does being sex positive mean you can cheat? 

Definitely not. If you are sex positive and in a relationship, you may be open to less traditional sex (such as inviting another couple or a third person to the bedroom), or you might even have an open relationship. But it goes without saying that you would be totally honest with your partner about expectations and desires, and if you choose to be monogamous or fluid bonded with one partner then that doesn't mean you're not sex positive. You can choose to be celibate and still be sex positive.

Do you have lots of kinky sex?

Everyone has their own likes and dislikes. Being sex positive means you’re probably open to trying new and kinky things such as bondage or voyeurism, but this is just as much down to the individual as it is for anyone else.

How do you find other sex positive people? 

It's a mindset, not a sexual preference! Obviously if you're on Adult Match Maker we hope that the majority of people in our sexy community live by the mantra "sex positivity is good".  

With new partners you should have an honest discussion to make sure you're on the same page and listening to their language will usually reveal any sticking points. But let's face it, if you meet someone at a bisexual kinky play party (for example), one of their best friends is trans, or they're on the organising committee for Slut Walk, you'd be pretty safe assuming they're sex positive.

Is there such a thing as sex negative?

Yes, there most definitely is! They’re usually just known as prudes, and are basically against sexual activity (aka, anything fun). They see sex as a bad thing, not discussed in polite company, and with a few exceptions against anything other than vanilla sex between a man and wife. Masturbation is a no, threesomes are a no, and BDSM is definitely a no. 

To be honest, if you’re sex negative and are still reading this, you’re doing pretty damn well! 

Don’t you get more STDs?

We wouldn’t be surprised if sex positive people had fewer STDs. It’s hard to track, but the fact that safe sex is such a large part of this social movement may mean that there are more cases of infections in those who aren’t as committed to using protection. Sex positive people love sex, so there’s no point in ruining it with a case of Chlamydia! 

Everyone has things they get tired of hearing. Who hasn’t been that person who gets asked over and over when they’re going to meet someone nice/walk down the aisle/hear the pitter patter of tiny feet? For sex positive people, this just adds a whole new array of repetitive questions and comments. For the most part however, any polite and non-judgemental question will be met with a well-thought out and insightful response. 

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Comments (21)

  • 1DoorMan

    1DoorMan
    Account closed

    Yes I'm sex positive I love sex and its a pleasure to meet others with the same mind set.
    No do not sleep around.
    I never cheated on my other half.
    I we experimented I like it.
    I we go to events posted in AMM or other sites and told about at venues.
    Yes their are sex negative people I keep away from them.
    Finely we are a safer lot I believe than the the average Mr Mrs Jane & Joe Doe.
    >4w
    Reply
  • MissAffection

    MissAffection
    57F SA,
     AU

    For me, being sex positive, is as I put it, "Like talking about the weather"
    I am not ashamed to discuss topics of a sexual nature. The more open people are, the less complications there are.
    >4w
    Reply
  • sjalleb

    sjalleb
    52F NSW,
     AU

    I am totally a sex positive person, open to pleasing my partner and gaining my pleasure.
    There are plenty of sex negative people around, I just find it frustrating the amount of sex negative people on a wonderful site such as AMM. Only recently I was chatting with a person (male) on the site, and after saying I had been a member of the website for a number of years, he told me I wasn't the kind of person he was looking for, as I sleep around too much for his liking (sorry, but the only males liking to whom I would be concerned is my husband, not some stray who is so negative about mutual pleasure). His loss not mine... I like sex positive partners..
    Three cheers for being SEX POSITIVE... Wishing everyone many years of sex positiveness
    >4w
    • sexbomb181

      sexbomb181
      64F 70M Bassendean, WA,
       AU

      Very interesting how women and men are treated differently when they talk about sex, if a women has 'experience' she's a slut and a man is a stud...
      >4w
    • veal44

      veal44
      62M VIC,
       AU

      My sentiments exactly sexbomb181. Double standards !!!!!!!!!!! Why do so many judge. I think all sex is great, guess I'm sex positive, and love it.
      >4w
    Reply
  • oldsoldier410e

    oldsoldier410e
    Account closed

    Hey all, If everyone was to be naked then they would have nothing to hide!!!! Just my opinion TEEE HEEE
    >4w
    Reply
  • Trythesehard1s

    Trythesehard1s
    56M 52M SA,
     AU

    Sex positive to me is also having an open mind when choosing a play mate rather than trying to fit them into irrelevant , narrow minded ideals ....
    >4w
    Reply
  • petite.r

    petite.r
    44F NSW,
     AU

    I find people are curious and ask questions, but often react negatively and make quick judgements. It's as if my comfortability with my giving honest sex positive answers makes them cringe & the way they deal with difference is to express disbelief, make judgements, or say Omg too much information. These people are far more accepting of someone being Lbgti than sex positive.
    >4w
    • 1DoorMan

      1DoorMan
      Account closed

      Hi liked your comments so true when your talking to some one and you tell it straight down the line you can see it in their eyes and squirm in their seat.
      >4w
    Reply
  • intomeic

    intomeic
    Account closed

    I love the term 'Sex positive' Being a sexually switched on woman in my 70's it is challenging to walk a different path to my peers so I don't talk openly about my sex life. It is also challenging to sift through the number of messages I get to discern which men are genuine because many men seem to think that being a sex positive women equates to promiscuity But my cyber friend to you I warn ‘I am not just a safe port in the storm’ And if you think of me as ‘The town bike’ Then my suggestion to you is ‘Go take a hike’
    And please don’t pretend to swoon at my feet Let alone falsely declare you want to meet Then insist and claim you want to date Just so you can merrily masturbate !
    So to to all you deceivers please don’t waste my time And falsely claim you are genuine Because if you think I am ‘Just an easy lay’ Then to you this is what I would say
    ‘I may not condone monogamy or exclusivity But to fuck indiscriminately is sheer stupidity Instead I have my own standards and I have a voice So if you want to know what guides my choice
    Tell me what makes you happy and how you feel And please don’t hide behind a heart of steal But tell me your fears and heartfelt desire As sharing your innersole sure lights my fire
    But please don’t waste time with banal niceties For I don’t believe a false proprietiesBut I do demand to be afforded respect To be treated as a Goddess true is what I expect
    But what really matters to me in the end Is not to play the game of ‘let’s pretend’ For I am not seeking my Knight on a black stead Instead your total honesty is what I most need
    And although I prefer to have a heartfelt connection I am also a realist and therefore do not seek perfection And whilst I do not subscribe to dependency Above all else I value truth and transparency
    Now if this ditty does not give you the blues And you think you could walk a mile in my shoes Then may I suggest that quite soon we rendezvous To see if there is a spark between me and you
    But if I say ‘No’ then please don’t reply with scorn Nor treat me with contempt or act forlorn For we are just like 2 ships that past in the night And alas that special spark we failed to ignite
    >4w
    • bluebell43

      bluebell43
      76F North Parramatta, NSW,
       AU

      well my husband and I have been married just two years and I am still waiting to have sex with him, when I mention it he turns cold for some reason, he chats with other women on dating sites and denies it when I approach him about it.... is he some weird person I love and married
      >4w
    • Zelda69

      Zelda69
      Account closed

      hi intomeic - I feel like I just saw my future - and I love it!
      >4w
    Reply
  • Iween1

    Iween1
    Account closed

    One needs to be careful and discern those we admit our lifestyle with I dared to go outside of sex positive friends from AMM and was met with a most disappointing reply 'DTF'. I had to google that acronym!! :( Glad I didn't take it to next level.
    Meanwhile this article has made me feel better about being ok for being not only consistently and safely active, but AMM membership of two years is also ok. It is about quality and not quantity after all. My best friends in all this world are fellow sex positive people. Fellow bright, Confident, happy people indeed. I've got it made!!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Marceline

    Marceline
    Account closed

    LOL We told a few friends about our occasional random sexlife and the first questions from their mouths were 5 of those 6 mentioned.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Biker67

    Biker67
    57M Swansea, NSW,
     AU

    I enjoyed this article and well you may have guessed I am sex Positive too, I enjoy meeting people who are in the same mindset, tho in my area many must be of the negative field lol, I enjoy hearing a persons conquests when we are together, even in casual conversation it doesnt threaten me or disgust me it turns me on, and no way would i ever think your a slut thats just wrong in in my opinion there is usually a hint of jealousy in there somewhere or a strong religous undertone if that is their perception of you, I guess there are some who pretend they are into things too or hide their true fascintations, i say put it out on the table, why hide your bisexual if you love or get turned on by a person of the same sex. Your missing out and well I dont wanna miss that amazing experience, sex is good its fun and totally enjoyable it's only dirty if you dont have an open mind.
    >4w
    Reply
  • curiousbabe78

    curiousbabe78
    Account closed

    I can totally relate to the comments about double standards. Even on here some males have the audacity to think us females are promiscuous and "easy" because we like and enjoy sex. To me AMM is still a dating site, the sex part is just emphasised because we are indeed sex positive people :) And to be quite honest, I am glad I get to know someone's sexual likes and dislikes before entering into any kind of relationship. I have been stuck in too many vanilla ones already! Hurray for openness and honesty.
    >4w
    Reply
  • rodney1249

    rodney1249
    65M Sunshine West, VIC,
     AU

    im sex positive and a baby boomer 66yrs was married years 47it took a while to get my head around it but im up to speed and agree totally if its fun and feels good??
    whats wrong its just sex .and healthy, when j was married@18 with baby anther world
    i love life now because where taught sex is not love getting rid of the guilt
    girls woukd say ill only have sex if you say you love me DUR?
    >4w
    Reply
  • Playfulkind

    Playfulkind
    46M Perth, WA,
     AU

    So sleeping around is not sex positive but sex negative is a prude...WTF?
    >4w
    Reply
  • downundermumma

    downundermumma
    68F Mildura, VIC,
     AU

    reading the other comment on a woman having a lot of sex is deemed a slut but if a guy does the same he is revered as a stud, brought back a memory of a woman in a chat room who according to the room had sex with most of the men in there and they would abuse her. I was astounded at their treatment of her...were they not consenting adults having sex with her? yes they were....so why the abuse. Yet another woman would also frequent the room and made no bones about her being a prostitute and would do anything men wanted...the men drooled over her....men are strange creatures and people are too judgemental....I say if you are not hurting anyone in the process of having wild abandoned sex go for it
    >4w
    Reply
  • feeltinytits61

    feeltinytits61
    Account closed

    Hi I am a sex positive person and I enjoyed reading all about it thanks
    >4w
    Reply
  • FullMast

    FullMast
    56M Northcote, VIC,
     AU

    As far as I'm concerned, sex is perfectly healthy and normal, and that doesn't need a fancy label.
    I sometimes wonder whether people that need labels are actually NOT that totally comfortable with themselves. We sometimes use labels to give ourselves an identity or to make ourselves feel part of some special club?
    I don't like the term 'sex positive'... just the mere existence of the term is a bit sad.
    Sex is one of the most natural and enjoyable aspects of life for any person. The only label I have for it is 'normal' . Anyone who thinks otherwise is missing out.
    >4w
    Reply
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