How to join the Mile High Club

It's here! It's finally here! The borders are open, the world is recovering, and flights are taking off around the world again! This means all sorts of fun activities are possible again, like visiting nude beaches in Spain, going to fetish clubs in Germany, and of course the kinky little side treat of renewing your membership to the Mile High Club on your way to above said fun activities.

Now before we begin we do need to remind you public sex is illegal (even private public sex in an airplane bathroom) and, depending on where, who, and which airline you choose to play on, the consequences could be quite serious, so please be aware of the risks you're taking, and don't say we didn't warn you.

Big and Long is Best

No, I don't mean penis size, that's totally subjective. What I mean is the size and length of the plane and flight itself. Short flights on little regional planes are not your best mile high setting for a number of reasons. Firstly the size of the plane itself means everyone knows where everyone is, so sneaking off into the excruciatingly small bathroom with someone else will absolutely be noticed. Secondly those flights are very short. In fact some of them basically take off, level out for a minute, and then land. There's barely enough time to eat the crappy little tub of yoghurt and apple slices they serve you, let alone sneak off to get your jollies off. You could possibly drape a blanket over both your laps and have a sneaky mutual hand play session, but anything more than that I'd recommend you wait for a longer flight, with more time to casually sneak away. 

Night Flight

According to those in the know (flight attendants and club members) the best time to join the club is on a long haul overnight, or red-eye, flight. This is because most of the passengers will be using the night flight to sleep, and the cabin crew will be less likely to be walking around as much, giving you more opportunity to sneak off and get your gold wings. 

Strangers In The Night

In a few different interviews and chats with flight attendants something that came up quite regularly was the fact that the majority of people they seem to bust joining the club are strangers. Random people who ended up sitting next to each other on a flight, having a couple of drinks, and thinking hey, why not!

This is, according to those who know, probably the reason they get busted more than actual couples, because of the whole spur of the moment thing, and the fact they haven't really thought through the logistics of a sneaky fuck in what is essentially the middle of a very crowded area. The way to avoid getting busted, although there's always going to be that risk, is to plan for it.

Mile High Itinerary

Planning for your holiday is smart. You want to know where you're staying, what's nearby, what attractions you're going to see, what local excursions you're going to take. You plan what you're packing, when you're leaving, and all the little details you can, and taking part in the Mile High Club should be part of that planning.

Be subtle and unobvious. Don't giggle loudly and draw attention to yourselves. Don't walk to the bathroom together. And don't be loud and bumpy when you do get into that little space together. The thing is, no one wants to know what you're doing. Your sex life, as exciting as it might be for you, is no one else's business and making them aware of it is, in some ways, a breach of consent and, in other ways, a great way to get caught. An open minded air steward might be able to turn a blind eye if they're the only one who knows what's happening, but others being aware could lead to complaints and then everyone in authority may have to get involved. You don't want to be that person being escorted off the plane by airport police, so just remember to have decorum and be aware of those around you.

Mile High Official Flights

In researching this piece I discovered something kind of cool. Actual flight companies that offer Mile High Club membership on special private flights that are set up specifically for doing the deed thousands of feet off the ground. 

They have cabins set up with beds and wine and all the trimmings, and, while not as cheap as a budget airline to Bali, could be something to save up for a special occasion.

Whenever you're planning on having sex somewhere you probably shouldn't be, the main thing you need to be aware of is the comfort and consent of those around you. Don't rub your sex life in other people's faces, and, if you are caught, be humble and apologetic and don't make a scene. Having sexy, sneaky, naughty sex is excellent and fun and super exciting, but it does come with certain risks and responsibilities and all of those need to be understood before you embark on the journey. So with all that in mind, have a safe flight and a great holiday, and don't forget your passport and toothbrush!

2 comments

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• 

  qick-e

  More than a month ago

  had the pleasure of this club on a couple of occasions, on eremites long haul flights ,
  between Melbourne and Dubai business class A380
  its a lot of fun, do it if you ever get the chance

  Reply
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  omnicplmelb

  More than a month ago

  We’re happy to be members of this illustrious club.

  Reply