Don't let your sexuality box you in

Eva Sless Eva Sless on 4 September 2021    5 comments
Woman inside a cardboard box

What's on the box?

Labels can be a pretty necessary and useful thing. They can tell us how to use a product safely, how to prepare a meal properly, what size something is, and a whole lot of other important information to keep us safe and get us through our day to day lives.

Labels can also be useful for people to use for their more personal stuff too. We have names and nicknames, job titles and professional labels, and we also create labels for ourselves on more intimate levels. Things that show off who we are on the inside. Like the stuff we like to do; geek, gym junkie, bookworm. Or our styles; hipster, goth, surfie, bogan. And, of course, we have labels (upon labels) to describe and identify our sexuality; straight, gay, bi, pan, etc, and our sexual lifestyles swinger, monogamous, polyamorous, asexual, etc.

For the most part, all of these labels and identity tags can be a helpful way to connect with specific social circles and like-minded people, and help us to find friends, partners, and communities to share and experience life and similar lifestyles with.

It's how humans work. We find clans and groups that match us and support us so we're not alone in the big, bad, scary world and also so we know that it's not just "me" who thinks, feels, or fucks in a certain way. It's a comfort and a necessity, but it can sometimes come at a bit of a price.

Boxed in

All community groups and social demographics come with their stereotypes and outside perceptions and there's not much you can really do about it. People are going to think what they're going to think and they will often categorise you and pop you into a box with their own labels on it, regardless of if they're accurate or not, and often get weird if you fail to live up to the stereotype they've boxed you into.

A gay man who was once married and has children? Can't be that gay. A bisexual woman who's never had a girlfriend? You're just saying that to excite the boys. A sex worker with a loving family? I bet she's lying! etc etc.

Like mentioned above, there's really nothing you can do about those sorts of misrepresentations or misunderstandings of your stuff, but it's super important to not let yourself fall into the same trap and box yourself in. 

The great unboxing

While labels and identity tags can be a really great way to find your niche and your community, it's important to remember that people and their stuff aren't just one size fits all, even in their own lives and selves. We, both as individual humans as well as societies and communities in general, are constantly changing and growing, learning and experiencing. 

The things we once liked, loved or revered can fall away to new and different things, just as things we once found unappealing or distasteful can become something positive and desirable later on in our lives. It's an evolution that happens with every new experience we have, both good and bad, and it's constant from birth to death.

Just like how at 10 years old you wanted to be an astronaut, and at 15 you we're going to be a rock star, and your 6 year old self swore black and blue that you'd never ever eat an avocado ever in your life ever... So too can the people and things we're attracted to change over time. 

Serving suggestion 

Life, love, desire, everything is fluid and sometimes, with all of the changes and new experiences life brings, we find that the label we originally stuck on ourselves doesn't quite match the contents any more, and for a lot of people, that can be a really conflicting and daunting moment. The realisation they're attracted to someone of the same sex as them. The questioning of one's own gender. Someone's growing curiosity about non-monogamy. Whatever it is, whether it's small-yet-confusing, or life-changingly huge, it can be a jarring moment to realise that you are not what is written on your packaging, and it can cause a little bit of an identity crisis and self doubt. The thing is, though, you've forgotten to have a look at the fine print. The little writing under the picture on the packet: Serving Suggestion. 

Even the most obvious of packaging has that little caveat on it and it's there to let you know that while sure, it's a box of cornflakes and most people put them in a bowl with milk, that's not the only way to do it and if you want to mix them into your ice cream and top it with BBQ sauce then, hey, who are we to stop you!

Write your labels in pencil

The key to being the very best you you can be is to be able to give yourself permission to explore, change and grow outside of your own expectations, just as it is also super important to be able to make mistakes, fail, and get back up again. Okay, so you thought it sounded interesting, but after you tried the cornflakes and BBQ sauce, you found you really didn't like it... But you discovered that sweet and sour sauce is absolutely delicious on Coco Pops and you'd never have known that if you hadn't taken that initial step of curiosity.

There are so many cool, interesting, and exciting things out in the world of sex and sexuality, and there should be nothing stopping you from exploring the ones you're curious about, even if they go against the original ideas you had about yourself. 

Remember, you are an ever-changing box. An intricate TARDIS if you will. Far bigger and more interesting on the inside than any labels can ever describe, and worth all of the experiences and moments that these new discoveries might bring.

Read Next Article

5 comments

Have your say! Login to comment.
Copyright © 2024 Eva Sless It is illegal to use any or all of this article without the expressed, written permission from Adult Match Maker and the author. If you wish to use it you must publish the article in its entirety and include the original author, plus links, so that it is clear where the content originated. Failure to do so will result in legal action being taken.
The content posted on this blog is intended for informational purposes only and the opinions or views within each article are not intended to replace professional advice. If you require professional relationship or sexual health advice you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist.