Sex after a baby: what can I expect?

Q: I'm going to be having a baby soon and am curious about sex afterwards. We've been enjoying lots of sex while I'm pregnant but I'm guessing things will change soon and I'm wondering what I can expect. Have you got any advice for a knocked up nympho?

Congratulations on your upcoming human!

While I'm not going to give you any medical advice as such, that's something you should talk to your doctor or midwife about, I can offer you some sexpert advice from one nympho mother to the next, and hopefully help answer some of the questions I know I had at the same time of my life.

One of the things I didn't even think about, even though it's probably the most obvious, is time. Time to have sex. When you're young and childfree you can have sex practically any time you want. In bed. On the couch. In the shower. After a drunken night out. Three times on a Sunday morning before you've even checked the time. Not enjoying the party? Ooh let's go home and have sex! Making breakfast? Ooh, let's do it on the bench top, and if we burn the bacon we can always make more... Yeah that's gonna change. You will have no time to do anything like that any more. Even if you have the most incredible support system of extended family and nannies and helpers, your time becomes different. Your thought processes change.

Five minutes for a quickie turns into five minutes to finally fold the laundry, finally call your mum, finally sit down and have a cup of tea you don't need to microwave five times because it keeps going cold. Even if you DO decide to grab that five minute quickie you will find you have one ear out for the baby (yes, even if they've gone to Grandma's for the night), one eye on your boobs (are they leaking??) and one foot out the door just in case you gotta run to the baby.

Also please make sure you're having sex because YOU want to, not because you feel obligated to because your partner wants to. While yes absolutely intimacy and connection are important to maintaining relationships, especially ones that are possibly a little strained with lack of sleep and a whole new life to be responsible for, that doesn't necessarily mean sex. Have a snugglecuddle session. Share a plate of delicious food. Watch a movie. Togetherness is important, sex is secondary in these early days...Your body has just gone through one of the most full on experiences it will ever go through and it needs time to recover and heal and revive itself. And it's not just your body. Your whole brain and chemical make-up and hormones and life force has changed. Your focus has changed. Your sleep patterns have changed. Everything is different. It's okay to take time to get used to the new normal your life has become.

No matter what old wives tales your grandmother told you, or even your midwife (trust me, some are more... crunchy... than others) breastfeeding is NOT a very effective contraceptive. While yes, for many women their periods won't start again while they are regularly breastfeeding, this is a pretty big risk (similar to using the rhythm method) to take. Especially if you're only just getting used to a new baby, dealing with another pregnancy and imminent newborn so soon after can be incredibly hard on everyone and everything.

Your orgasms may feel different for a while because of the loosening of your pelvic floor. Make sure you follow your doctor's advice on good ways to strengthen them again, even if you've been a kegel queen in your pre-baby life. This is because, even with the easiest, most non-traumatic pregnancies and births, that area has been through a lot and needs time and work to get back to where it was.

So yes it's different, but it's not necessarily worse. You are tired. You are sore. You are messy. You haven't brushed your hair in a week and you now live in your pyjamas... But regardless of all of that it's an amazing, incredible, fulfilling experience and you're gonna love it, and the little human that's changed your life... Even if you have to put the nympho inside on hold for a little while.