BDSM Basics: Who's Who in the BDSM Scene
It’s time to introduce you to some of the most famous names in the kink community! This quick guide of who’s who in the BDSM scene will help you get to know the most common kinky characteristics of people playing in the kink world.
The Dominant
These are the personalities inclined to control a scene, and ‘give’ the sensations. This can include a sexual role, but is generally more focused on establishing a foundation of trust to which a submissive can feel safe fulfilling the Dominant’s requirements.
The submissive
Often identifiable by accessories denoting ownership or protection – collars, chokers, cuffs, harnesses – the submissive craves relinquishing control, while having someone trusted to care for them. They are the ‘receiver’ of the play.
The Switch
Chameleonic and quite prevalent, switches are people who enjoy participating in both sides of Dominance and submission. The dynamic shift with switches is generally dependent on their relationship with a play partner or the type of play, but is a very individual decision. There is no hard and fast ‘way’ to switch, simply people who are inclined to do it.
The Master/Mistress
If you see them at an event, they will always look phenomenal – they literally wear their kinks on their sleeve. In BDSM tradition, these titles were used by those Dominants who had ‘mastered’ themselves enough to take on the responsibility of mastering another by taking a slave, however these days it’s much more common that those using the Capital M are either known and respected long-term players, new players uneducated in the significance of the title, or pro-Dominants.
The slave
Like the submissive, slaves can be quite easy to spot – sitting at the feet of their Master/Mistress, not speaking unless spoken to, or performing acts of service. The slave persona is a submissive one, but rather than wanting to be controlled, a slave wants to be wholly ‘owned’; consenting once to slavery, and trusting their Owner to use that consent in the slave’s best interest.
The Femme Domme
Due to the world at large assuming that dominant was ‘a boy thing’ (cos, y’know, men have to be in charge) it became necessary for women who enjoy the Dominant role to distinguish themselves. The term seems to be coined around the late 1970’s, by combining the French word for woman (femme) with a common French feminisation to the spelling of the English abbreviation of ‘dom’ (domme). A Femme Domme is simply a female-identifying person who enjoys a Dominant kink role.
The Dominatrix
If you have the opportunity to connect with a Dominatrix, chances are you will be paying for the privilege. This is another specifically female title, and is most commonly used by non-male-identifying kink professionals and sex workers who offer BDSM services.
The Sadist
Be they armed with a sports bag full of impact toys, equipped with a box of needles and latex gloves, or simply chuckling amongst themselves, the sadists are the ones devising and desiring the giving of pain (to a willing partner, of course). Sadists are not definitively Dominant, although they do often take a Top (or Dominant) role in order to enact their kink.
The Masochist
A canvas to the sadist, the masochist is someone you’ll see actively enjoying the pain inflicted upon them, be it physical or psychological (eg. humiliation and degradation). Similar to the sadist, the masochist does not necessarily have to be on the D/s spectrum, but being the receiver of pain does tend to put them in the submissive position.
The Sado-Masochist
Just as the switch varies their position of the D/s spectrum, the sado-masochist indulges in both sides of the sadist and masochism equation. Also similar to the switch, the sado-masochist changes their role depending on play and partners, but can also indulge both sides within the same scene.
The Fetishist
These are those who are drawn to kink based on a very particular sexual desire for something that is not generally seen as being sexual. Fetishists are often extremely committed, and in public play spaces some are quite easily identifiable by their adherence to a particular material – like rubber/latex or leather. But many fetishes are much more subtle and private, and are only revealed once trust is established.
The Kinkster
There’s a bunch of people who like variations to ‘the norm’ within their sex life or relationships outside of mainstream monogamy, but unless they embrace the open mind of the kinkster, they’re just having kinky sex. Kinksters play (and often live) by the code of ‘Your Kink’s Not My Kink, and That’s OK’ – aka the very clumsy acronym YKNMKTOK. Kinksters are often all-rounders, tending to indulge in a range of play, but choosing to remain somewhat detached to a particular pattern of play.
The Hedonist
These are the pleasure seekers of the kink world; those who enjoy for the sensory, psychological, and/or sexual high that only comes with indulging in that which gives the most personal satisfaction. This is not to say hedonists are selfish lovers or partners. On the contrary, many hedonists find great personal joy in seeing pleasure in others. Hedonists are considered a part of the kink world, as their fundamental drives can tend toward non-monogamy, and a deep need for sensual exploration.
The Primal
With drives very similar to the hedonist, Primals are people who enjoy sexual and sensual intimacy in ‘animalistic’ and purely instinctual expression – often with a ‘predator and prey’ dynamic that can also double as a D/s relationship. Although Primal play can be a rough and physical work-out (wrestling, fucking, biting, growling, escaping… more wrestling, yelping, fucking…etc) but there is also a softer side, with lots of snuggles, licks, and appreciative squeaks.
As you continue your exploration of kink you will find that there are subsets within the roles we’ve listed and people may have multiple roles. Someone may be Dominant and also take on the role of being a Mentor to some, Protector to others whilst owning a slave or having one or a number of submissives. Those we’ve listed are the core players you will encounter and are fundamental to the “structure” of the scene. And of course this should be a handy reference if you’re reading a profile to determine if someone using one of these titles is someone you want to connect with, if they are aligned to what you’re looking for. However you choose to identify within the bdsm community always remember to respect that other people may choose roles which you don’t identify with or even understand and that’s fine too. The complexity of relationship dynamics within the kink world is possibly why the kink community attracts so many people. As you continue your kink journey you will start to appreciate the rich complexity and interplay which will allow you to be whoever you want to be.
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