How to relax & enjoy oral sex
Eva Sless
on 4 December 2020
30 comments
Not too long ago some DJ dude most of us had never heard of made international headlines when he smugly proclaimed he didn’t go down on his wife and, for some weird reason, was actually proud of revealing this in such a big way.
For the most part this odd admission of being a pretty shitty and selfish lover was met with both ridicule of him and pity for his wife. Both men and women alike proclaimed their love of oral sex and, in true internet fashion, the memes were on fire. But one thing it also did was to bring out a whole lot of hidden (and not-so-hidden) attitudes and assumptions about oral sex on women that have, for a very long time, held many women back from enjoying the activity and we here at Adult Match Maker think that’s a real shame. So we’ve had a look at some of those reasons and hopefully can dispel any doubts you might have, and offer some tips so you can lay back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
He Wants To Be There
One of the biggest lies told to women (and men) about oral sex is that men don’t like doing it and it’s just a chore. We’ve all heard the tired old misogynistic jokes about foreplay and, quite frankly, we’re sick of them. They are offensive to both women and men and does an incredible disservice to your sex life and, as stated above, is completely untrue! In fact a 2016 study published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality found that while women are twice as likely to go down on their male partners than the other way around, men are twice as likely to enjoy going down on women than women are going down on men. The reasons for that are for a whole other article, but with around 80% of those women reporting an orgasm every time from oral (and only around 15% claiming the same via penetration alone), the jury result is pretty clear. Oral sex is awesome and should be enjoyed often and with enthusiasm from both parties.
You Taste and Look Delicious
Seriously. The sight, smell and taste of your pussy is one of the main reasons he is going down there. He loves it! He gets off on it! He wants to smell and taste every single drop of deliciousness from you and savour it and watch as your body reacts and enjoys his mouth. Forget any of that bullshit you heard in high school (and unfortunately beyond) about smelly pussies and dead fish and loose meat sandwiches or anything else that made you self-conscious about your bits, it’s all (for the most part) fake and designed to do nothing but shame and denigrate women who enjoy sex. Pussies have a unique scent and flavour that can change depending on things like menstrual cycle, arousal, diet, and health, and almost every single scent that comes from it is normal and natural and completely intoxicating for the man going down there. I say for the most part because there are some exceptions when you have pH imbalances or infections like thrush or BV, and all vulvae look different from the tucked up little pockets to more open and fleshy blooms – but they are ALL NORMAL, and he will love it.
Guidance is Good
You know what else he loves? Being shown and told exactly where to touch and taste so that you both get the maximum enjoyment out of the experience. You don’t have to be some demanding dominatrix to get what you want out of it, you don’t even need to use words if you’re not too comfortable doing do. Just using your hands to guide his head and mouth to where you like, or sometimes moving your hips and body to where it feels good can be enough. Movements, noises, and affirming touches all show him you’re enjoying yourself and will absolutely add to his pleasure and ego, as well as your own.
Don’t Focus On Orgasming
Look, I know I said at the top that around 80% of women can orgasm from oral sex, and that’s absolutely true, but the thing is, sex is so much more than just orgasms and climax, and quite often the thing that stops us* from being able to get over that hump (*us meaning all of us, men, women, and all those who identify between the binary) is the overthinking and worrying about the end result, rather than just enjoying the experience and sensations happening in the moment.
Focus On The Moment (part two)
For a lot of women it’s not just the worrying about trying to orgasm that can distract, it’s everything else going on in our lives at the time. What your boss said that morning, why your best friend hasn’t replied to that text yet, what are you going to cook for dinner, and omg did I leave the iron on?? It’s a big ol’ mess inside our heads sometimes and learning to switch that off can be hard, but absolutely necessary for enjoying the moment. Music in the background can help. Focusing on your breathing is good too. Dirty talk (if you’re into it), or just listening to the slurpy sounds of them enjoying your pussy is another way to help distract you from those creeping thoughts. While it may take a bit of practice to switch your head to sex thoughts rather than every other thought under the sun, it’s definitely worth it and will make your experiences even better.
Read, Learn and Love Your Bits
Did you know something like 70% of all women have absolutely no idea what their vulva and vagina looks like? They may have seen pictures of other people’s in text books and magazines but of their own they have no idea. While it’s definitely changing now, young women have never been encouraged to look or learn about their bodies and the idea of doing so is looked at as weird or gross. It’s not. Your body is absolutely awesome and you should know your vulva as well as you know the back of your hand.
Books like The Vagina Bible by Dr Jen Gunter or even (shameless plug) my own sex education book for young women The Teen Girls Guide To Getting Off are essential in helping women understand and love their bodies and should be on every bookshelf in every house where vaginas (or people who are interested in vaginas) may pass by.
Seriously, the more we learn to love and appreciate our bits and what they can do, the more we will be able to allow other people to enjoy them as well, and the more we will be able to let go of all that inner turmoil we’ve been taught forever and focus on the pleasure and fun they can provide us with.
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