How to relax & enjoy oral sex
Eva Sless
on 4 December 2020
29 comments
Not too long ago some DJ dude most of us had never heard of made international headlines when he smugly proclaimed he didn’t go down on his wife and, for some weird reason, was actually proud of revealing this in such a big way.
For the most part this odd admission of being a pretty shitty and selfish lover was met with both ridicule of him and pity for his wife. Both men and women alike proclaimed their love of oral sex and, in true internet fashion, the memes were on fire. But one thing it also did was to bring out a whole lot of hidden (and not-so-hidden) attitudes and assumptions about oral sex on women that have, for a very long time, held many women back from enjoying the activity and we here at Adult Match Maker think that’s a real shame. So we’ve had a look at some of those reasons and hopefully can dispel any doubts you might have, and offer some tips so you can lay back, relax, and enjoy the ride.
He Wants To Be There
One of the biggest lies told to women (and men) about oral sex is that men don’t like doing it and it’s just a chore. We’ve all heard the tired old misogynistic jokes about foreplay and, quite frankly, we’re sick of them. They are offensive to both women and men and does an incredible disservice to your sex life and, as stated above, is completely untrue! In fact a 2016 study published in the Canadian Journal of Human Sexuality found that while women are twice as likely to go down on their male partners than the other way around, men are twice as likely to enjoy going down on women than women are going down on men. The reasons for that are for a whole other article, but with around 80% of those women reporting an orgasm every time from oral (and only around 15% claiming the same via penetration alone), the jury result is pretty clear. Oral sex is awesome and should be enjoyed often and with enthusiasm from both parties.
You Taste and Look Delicious
Seriously. The sight, smell and taste of your pussy is one of the main reasons he is going down there. He loves it! He gets off on it! He wants to smell and taste every single drop of deliciousness from you and savour it and watch as your body reacts and enjoys his mouth. Forget any of that bullshit you heard in high school (and unfortunately beyond) about smelly pussies and dead fish and loose meat sandwiches or anything else that made you self-conscious about your bits, it’s all (for the most part) fake and designed to do nothing but shame and denigrate women who enjoy sex. Pussies have a unique scent and flavour that can change depending on things like menstrual cycle, arousal, diet, and health, and almost every single scent that comes from it is normal and natural and completely intoxicating for the man going down there. I say for the most part because there are some exceptions when you have pH imbalances or infections like thrush or BV, and all vulvae look different from the tucked up little pockets to more open and fleshy blooms – but they are ALL NORMAL, and he will love it.
Guidance is Good
You know what else he loves? Being shown and told exactly where to touch and taste so that you both get the maximum enjoyment out of the experience. You don’t have to be some demanding dominatrix to get what you want out of it, you don’t even need to use words if you’re not too comfortable doing do. Just using your hands to guide his head and mouth to where you like, or sometimes moving your hips and body to where it feels good can be enough. Movements, noises, and affirming touches all show him you’re enjoying yourself and will absolutely add to his pleasure and ego, as well as your own.
Don’t Focus On Orgasming
Look, I know I said at the top that around 80% of women can orgasm from oral sex, and that’s absolutely true, but the thing is, sex is so much more than just orgasms and climax, and quite often the thing that stops us* from being able to get over that hump (*us meaning all of us, men, women, and all those who identify between the binary) is the overthinking and worrying about the end result, rather than just enjoying the experience and sensations happening in the moment.
Focus On The Moment (part two)
For a lot of women it’s not just the worrying about trying to orgasm that can distract, it’s everything else going on in our lives at the time. What your boss said that morning, why your best friend hasn’t replied to that text yet, what are you going to cook for dinner, and omg did I leave the iron on?? It’s a big ol’ mess inside our heads sometimes and learning to switch that off can be hard, but absolutely necessary for enjoying the moment. Music in the background can help. Focusing on your breathing is good too. Dirty talk (if you’re into it), or just listening to the slurpy sounds of them enjoying your pussy is another way to help distract you from those creeping thoughts. While it may take a bit of practice to switch your head to sex thoughts rather than every other thought under the sun, it’s definitely worth it and will make your experiences even better.
Read, Learn and Love Your Bits
Did you know something like 70% of all women have absolutely no idea what their vulva and vagina looks like? They may have seen pictures of other people’s in text books and magazines but of their own they have no idea. While it’s definitely changing now, young women have never been encouraged to look or learn about their bodies and the idea of doing so is looked at as weird or gross. It’s not. Your body is absolutely awesome and you should know your vulva as well as you know the back of your hand.
Books like The Vagina Bible by Dr Jen Gunter or even (shameless plug) my own sex education book for young women The Teen Girls Guide To Getting Off are essential in helping women understand and love their bodies and should be on every bookshelf in every house where vaginas (or people who are interested in vaginas) may pass by.
Seriously, the more we learn to love and appreciate our bits and what they can do, the more we will be able to allow other people to enjoy them as well, and the more we will be able to let go of all that inner turmoil we’ve been taught forever and focus on the pleasure and fun they can provide us with.
29 comments
Jedshp
More than a month agoGiving oral sex to a woman is the best experience. I have found that gently licking her clit, caressing her will bring her to her first climax quickly. But, it’s important to know this is not the end. When she is at her peak, it’s important to keep your tongue on her, then as she releases out of her climax, you continue the licking. Keep doing this. I have found after the third climax, she will be ready to take an entry and that’s where the yes yes yes starts.
ReplyBlue262
More than a month ago"One of the biggest lies told to women (and men) about oral sex is that men don’t like doing it and it’s just a chore. We’ve all heard the tired old misogynistic jokes about foreplay and, quite frankly, we’re sick of them. They are offensive to both women and men and does an incredible disservice to your sex life and, as stated above, is completely untrue!"
ReplyFor some people, the possibility that the person going down doesn't really like it is exactly what's HOT. Why take that away from them? There can be a power dynamic there that's spicy as hell, being offended by that is entirely your business.
MrJoshua2.0
More than a month agoI love to go down, and one bit of advice (and sorry if it’s a repeat) that I read some where was that if you love it, let her know.
ReplyAn appreciative ‘mmmmm’ or ‘you taste wonderful..’ whatever as long as it’s honest and in your words might also help. I fully appreciate the focus is on the things women can do to help themselves enjoy (and that’s the important part here).
That might squash some of the ‘I wonder if he’s enjoying it’ moments, because a slurp can be misconstrued and I’m sure I have been guilty of enjoying myself so much that I’ve not taken the time to let her know ‘babe, this is heaven’ and hopefully all that high school b.s. is gone in a flash, or a shudder
INFJBrett
More than a month agoHe wants to be there, you taste and look delicious, and guidance is good... yes, yes, yes!
ReplyHungOne71
More than a month agoI adore giving oral, my absolute favourite. For me it’s about giving pleasure, knowing which part of a woman’s vagina she likes my tongue to touch and how. It’s very much about getting to know what she likes and which technique works...as every female is different. Nothing better than getting lost in the moment and making a woman cum from my tongue and mouth, nothing comes close for me anyway.
ReplyBareNakedLady73
More than a month agoOver the years, the mistake I've found that most of my lovers have made, and that I've observed via forums like these, is that 1 size fits all - and nothing could be further from the truth when it comes to oral.
ReplyI'm very relaxed receiving but there's one particular thing I do not like; when the gent in question is more interested in seeing your facial expression than he is in actually enjoying what he's doing, feeling my body move or quiver and my hips raise and my gasps.
That, to me, is a good lover when it comes to giving oral.
Mmmmmmm
It works both ways though and I communicate and educate. It makes for a far better experience!
Belmont760
More than a month agoGiving Oral is my favourite part of sex . The taste & scent of the vagina is a huge turn on for me . I also like the hairy pussy just as much as the waxed / shaven pussy for some reason. Watching her body tremble as she cums gets me off . It's a bonus if they return the favour which they usually do . Just can't get enough !!
Replyyoungfella88
More than a month agoI love giving oral to my wife as much as I love getting it. Since kids though she won’t let me return the favour :(
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoFirst question is how long ago has she had kids? If its within the first years then this is something you may have to just suck up (pardon the pun) because the first few years of being a mother are incredibly taxing on every single part of you, mind, body, and soul...
But if its a few years on, and something she used to love but seems to baulk at now, that can be a real shame, and I use the term (almost) in both ways.
Do you know why? Is it because she thinks she's not supposed to any more because now she's a mother (don't laugh, its more common than you think)? Or because she thinks having a baby has "ruined" her and she thinks you (or her) won't enjoy it any more?
I guess the main thing is you need to respect her choices and her consent, but you can also talk to her about it . We have some really good pieces in the blog about communicating tricky things with your partners . Could be worth a look. X
youngfella88
More than a month agoYeah it’s still within the first few years and I get it for sure. She says things have changed there, (I don’t think so). But we will get there again I’m sure.
Bighorse10
More than a month agoPersonally i prefer going down on a woman after she has been at work for the day or even if she has been out and about.........a more natural scent and taste.That is better than tasting soap or body wash!!!Only ever run into 1 woman who was not keen on receiving oral but she did come to enjoy it after some time,she was a widow that had never received oral sex from her husband......not sure why as she tasted like strawberries.
ReplyMale half commenting here
MiguelCDLOGAN
More than a month ago"Music in the background can help"; you wrote.... Think warm summer evening lovers, Cool music, not the headbanging or rap type. Harmonies and a rhythm that makes you want to dance, the type of dancing that where your partner's body makes love to you and you're not even having sex. It's cheek to cheek. it a gentle jitterbug, it's the lady being spun and drawn back into her lover's arms. Think Under the ON BROADWAY – STAND BY ME – UNDER THE BOARDWALK – THIS MAGIC MOMENT – FANNY BE TENDER... Yes, it's THE DRIFTERS, an old band, old music from a time when women were wooed by their lovers.... That music! Oh boy! if you don't get a second date you need help with your technique with women. That music works on both parties, relaxing pressure off, like being with your lover on a tropical island beach one sultry evening. What else is there to do beyond watching the moon and the shimmering moonlit breakers ? Making love is the inevitable result.
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoYeah nah.
I mean cool for you! That's awesome... But if someone was to be getting down n dirty with me and they chucked on Under the Boardwalk... I would laugh so hard it would absolutely ruin the mood.
Give me dark, gritty, heavy, dirty beats and lyrics and funk.
I dont wanna "make love" . I already got love. I wanna make fuck.
:)
Everyone is different. Music is completely subjective... One person's Everly Brothers is another person's Puscifer which is why I said non specific "music".
MiguelCDLOGAN
More than a month agoFair call. I just think, there are the fucks you have and the sex you remember. I prefer thr latter
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoJust cos its down and dirty doesn't make it any less memorable.
The idea that one sort of sex is better or more valid than another because that's your preference is literally why I do the job I do.
Nutshell: It's not. It's all good.
:)
MrJoshua2.0
More than a month ago@DeliciousEva- ‘making fuck’. I haven’t heard that in years...
How am I going to work that into a sentence?
Hey, I think I just found my New Years resolution. J
Hopefully487
More than a month agoGiving oral to a lady is fantastic, I love it when she is straddling your face and your tongue can enter her easily, I can do it for hours, I have only had 2 ladies refuse to receive oral, I can get nearly every lady that I have given oral to climax, it’s great, Ken
ReplyIVAONE60
More than a month agoGiving oral pleasure to a woman is so good. I love giving the pleasure and seeing their reaction to feeling so good. If you take you're time while giving her oral she will want it more and more. I am a lover of giving oral pleasure to me it's the best type of sex.
Replywickedcat
More than a month agoI was taught many, many years ago by my first wife that there are a few secrets to getting a woman to enjoy oral sex .... the primary one being able to take her mind off the daily events, and changing her focus to the sensations that I can elicit from her body by means of exploration .... searching for those little 'pleasure switches'.
ReplyAs every woman is different, this can take some time ... but once these switches have been activated, the fun can begin in earnest as the woman is then more in tune with the pleasure she is receiving, thus leading to a much higher level of enjoyment, which in turn can lead to very intense orgasms as my tongue savors all the delicate and sensitive areas of her pussy.
Over the years, all of my sexual partners have been very appreciative of my abilities, and the fact that I was taught the fine art of "pleasure giving".
badthoughts63
More than a month agoIf I can’t eat pussy then I’d rather die
Replyqick-e
More than a month agoawwwwwwwwwwww yes its my favorite giving oral to a lovely clean sweet smelling pussy ,
never had any problems with ladies not excepting and enjoying it
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ReplytriXXXi66
More than a month agoThe mere fact that you had to go and mention - clean and sweet smelling pussy... really! All women who are about to receive oral sex make sure that they are clean im sure... and a natural smell is better than fake smelling products that can irritate our sensitive bits.
I think maybe more men should think about the area of hygiene when expecting oral sex! Maybe you have had an unpleasant experience... as have I... lol
qick-e
More than a month agoMaybe you have had an unpleasant experience
yes i have lol
allinmymind
More than a month agoIf you have to teach women on a sex site about enjoying oral sex there is a slight problem don't you think?
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoYes.
And those problems are literally stated in the article
;)
AMM.Editor
More than a month agoIf you do a search on women looking for men who have put that they like receiving oral sex in their sexual interests you get 390 pages of search results, take out the oral sex and you get 705 pages of search results. That's a massive gap of women who don't enjoy it or don't enjoy it enough to want to add it to their profile and I hope the article goes some way towards changing their minds. It's such a shame that for whatever reason, and I'm sure a few which Eva has outlined in her article, women aren't enjoying a fabulous form of foreplay.
MissMasBeach
More than a month agoIt's the best part of sex!
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoIt's one of my favourite acts of pleasure as i like the ladies reaction to it being very favourable & hot steamy sex follows
Fuckudeep129
More than a month agoI absolutely luv giving oral for ages and have been told I'm good at it, i haven't met anyone yet who doesn't like it, but each to their own i suppose,
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