Could an ‘iso buddy’ save you from the COVID-19 sex drought?
Sometimes, life as a single person is difficult. Always being relegated to the “singles” table at weddings. Viewed with suspicion (‘why are you still single?’) And when it comes to the pandemic, practical sex and dating advice for un-partnered people is hard to come by.
The Australian Government has made health recommendations on everything from sporting events to visiting your grandma. But they haven’t told us how to cope when we live alone, or how we can get laid safely. In the United Kingdom, it’s even worse – sex with people outside the household has been declared illegal. Who could have imagined that one day it would be against the law to hook up?
This might sound like a trivial situation (especially considering everything else that’s going on in the world right now) but it’s still important. Sex, intimacy, and social contact are essential for almost everyone. Without connection, singles are more likely to feel isolated, lonely, depressed, and unsupported. Even our own government has acknowledged that the pandemic has caused a mental health crisis. So why aren’t they giving us more info on restarting our sex lives, as restrictions are lifted?
The lack of information is confusing. Adult dating sites such as Adult Match Maker are seeing chatrooms busy every evening as people try to stay connected, and it’s easier than ever to meet new people online. But many of us aren’t sure what to do once we meet someone attractive. Will we be stuck forever chatting, but never meeting?
I think there’s a way singles can start getting laid again: with an ‘iso fuck buddy’ for mutual sexual satisfaction.
This idea comes from the Dutch Government. With their sex-positive attitude, they’re not afraid to talk about the hard stuff (pardon the pun). The Dutch National Institute for Public Health and the Environment agrees that singles need to get off - in a recent statement, they said, “It makes sense that as a single [person] you also want to have physical contact.” Instead of banning casual sex, they recommend finding an ‘iso buddy’ for the duration of the pandemic, so that you can both get your needs met with less risk of catching the virus.
This advice is supported by some of our local health organisations. Thorne Harbour Health says, “If you and a regular casual partner (aka a fuck buddy) are both practicing physical distancing from others, you can have sex with one another with a low risk of acquiring COVID-19.” There you have it, folks…a community health org AND the Dutch Government both recommend pairing up with a trusted friend for hot pandemic sex.
There’s a catch: this situation demands good communication. You need to have an honest conversation with your potential fuck buddy about their level of coronavirus risk. Some useful questions:
- “Have you slept with anyone else recently?”
- “How many people do you have close contact with at home and at work?”
- “Have you had any cold or flu symptoms?”
- “Have you been tested for coronavirus?”
- “Can we agree to only have sex with each other for the next couple of months?”
It’s not about judging anyone for their sexual or social behaviour. But when it comes to managing your health, taking risks isn’t acceptable…and you simply don’t know unless you ask.
Like all personal conversations, this stuff can feel weird at the beginning. I remember the first time I had to ask a guy about using condoms – I felt so awkward! But once I’d had the talk with a few new partners, the words ‘Do you do safer sex? It’s really important to me’ became easy.
I think the same will happen for coronavirus. Soon, asking ‘Have you been isolating?’ and ‘Have you been tested for COVID19?’ will be routine. And hopefully, rather than taking it personally, your partners will appreciate the fact that you’re being responsible.
Trust is important too. It’s essential you hook up with someone you feel you can rely on. It might mean taking more time to get to know them (at an appropriate social distance) before you get sexy together. But I think the effort is worth it. Trust and communication make for better sex: rather than feeling stressed out, you’ll be able to relax and work off all that lockdown anxiety.
There’s no need to shut your sex life down indefinitely, if you’re willing to find the right person and have an honest conversation. Is your perfect iso fuck buddy out there? Maybe it’s time to get online and find out…
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