BDSM Basics: Shining a Light on Kinksters who Switch

MisKnickers MisKnickers on 16 April 2020    9 comments
Light switch on a brightly painted orange wall

We always see kink and BDSM celebrating Dominance and submission, but rarely is that large middle ground covered – the world of the switch. But thanks to a question from an Adult Match Maker member, we’ve tackled the topic, shining light on the switch.

What is a Switch? 

Used in a BDSM context, a ‘switch’ is a person with both Dominant and submissive tendencies. It is a fairly common term within the kink community, and just like ‘Dominant’ or ‘submissive’ is used to quickly label an inclination; the way an individual practises switching will vary person to person. Some people choose it as the way they always want to be identified whilst others use it in flux between their Dom and sub roles.

How do people Switch things up?

There are of course as many ways of switching as there are switches to switch, but there are a few general practices.

  • Some people switch for gender reasons, eg. a person who only Doms men and submits to women, (or vice versa).
  • Many switches change roles for play reasons, eg. being in a Dom in a main dynamic, but submitting to flogging from a play partner (or secondary partner).
  • It’s not uncommon for service-oriented personalities to switch, as both their Dominant and submissive sides can be used in the service of others, utilising the dynamic required for the best outcome. 
  • People also switch for the same reason they submit or Dominate – a deep desire, a feeling they want to express – so for many switches their role evolves naturally, and interdependent of the person they’re involved with. Switches can be moved to submit or Dominate depending on how a person makes them feel. 

The Stigma of being a Switch

True, it’s not as problematic as it once was, but the lingering idea that D/s is binary, and switches have no place is still alive and kicking. Reminiscent of ye olde bisexuality, it was assumed switches just couldn’t make up their minds, or wanted the best of both worlds and a bigger playing field – it’s the whole ‘just pick a side’ rhetoric. This form of erasure results in misinformation, problematic communications with other kinksters, and difficulty in finding trusted resources. And if someone is exploring and identifies as switch on their way to Dominance, neither label is invalidated – it just means the person has changed. Keep in mind, these dramas generally play out more on social media, where options can be limited in terms of describing one's role. In your real life encounters this shouldn't be a problem; but most identified switches know the stigma still exists.

Regardless of what the old school says, the switches are here and they are ON!

The Benefits of being a Switch

Not only does switching allow people to explore more than one side of themselves, for the new player, or those who just enjoy some roleplay, there can be some really great benefits.

For those with a versatile nature who are new to kink and beginning to explore BDSM, switching could be a natural fit. It allows you to explore your kinks and get to feel things out before definitively deciding how you want to play. It may be as simple as finding you feel submissive around people with a particular personality trait, and Dominant around people taller than you – that’s fine. It’s still switching.

Switches often talk about how much they love experiencing both sides of D/s, and how playing one role improves their understanding of the other, and makes them more empathetic players in general. Empathy allows us to engage and actively listen to others and communicate with them on their level. With trust and communication being so vital to any healthy D/s relationship, an empathetic partner can be a huge blessing.

Switching it up in the Bedroom 

So if you don’t feel that you identify as kinky, but when you’re having sex you can take on a Dominant or submissive role depending on your mood and the partner you’re playing with, are you a switch? The answer is yes but the term used in this context is versatile - where someone identifies as being able to be the top or the bottom, ie. the giver or the taker.  

Switching may not be for you, but it IS a thing for some. You may not understand it, but simply acknowledging switching exists can be a valuable form of support those who practise it. It shows them they’re seen, helps them feel heard, and subtly validates their D/s identity. 

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Likes & Comments

Comments (9)

  • QueenV4Venus

    QueenV4Venus
    Account closed

    Good article. I am a switch and simply love the variety in being one. Xx
    >4w
    Reply
  • Dirty.Martini

    Dirty.Martini
    50M Thornbury, VIC,
     AU

    Great article, but interesting to hear that there are prejudices and an insistence on binary choices in kink as there seem to be in other aspects of life.
    I just naturally identified as a switch as it seemed that to do otherwise was to deny a host of opportunities and experiences, and also to deny that there are more dimensions to our personalities and the way we express them than can easily be categorised or contained in a single box.
    >4w
    Reply
  • CharlieMichaels

    CharlieMichaels
    Account closed

    Variety is the spice of life. Being one way or the other seems a bit restrictive to me. Why limit yourself? Switching is so much fun!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Kinkmakesmetick

    Kinkmakesmetick
    49M Greenacres, SA,
     AU

    As a relatively new cummer.
    I love the thrill of a well delivered smack to a bound (or unbound) subject.
    And nothing makes you harder than watching skin redden and goosebumps appear not to mention feeling your subject quiver with each blow delivered.
    But then again I did have a partner turn the tables with her strap on and some restraint and punishment.
    And I’ve never had the need to label myself but maybe this makes me a switch
    And both sides of the coin are sexy af......depending on mood.
    Then there’s always nilla which can be awesome with the right person too!
    >4w
    Reply
  • badthoughts63

    badthoughts63
    54M Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    Love being a switch! How can you dom properly if you don't try being a sub too?
    >4w
    • KinkyGirl101

      KinkyGirl101
      50F QLD,
       AU

      Yes! This! I spent one afternoon with a Dom just seeing what all types of floggers felt like including single tail even though that's something I would never attempt just to have an understanding of how things felt, the rhythm, the weight, the heat. I am also terrified by fire by fascinated by fire play. I don't like it but I tried it, again, just to understand. I am very much the dominant but I like trying things on for size.
      >4w
    • badthoughts63

      badthoughts63
      54M Sydney, NSW,
       AU

      Thankyou kinky girl
      >4w
    Reply
  • ConsentPlease

    ConsentPlease
    43F Dandenong, VIC,
     AU

    As a switch, I’m very picky with who I switch with. I go through a really through line of questions to ensure that both parties are on the same page, same with all my risk assessments. If the planets align, then it’s a possibility.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Unicorn123

    Unicorn123
    Account closed

    So... Q? To cuff your partner or restrain him/her and give him/her pleasure and do whatever "I" please until he/she begs and pleads for release and then I will only release until I feel I am wet and want them ..... and then when I do I know without a doubt I will be ravaged and will fall into submissive roll... is that "switch"? Because in all other context I fall within sub brat mode
    >4w
    Reply
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