BDSM Basics: Shining a Light on Kinksters who Switch

We always see kink and BDSM celebrating Dominance and submission, but rarely is that large middle ground covered – the world of the switch. But thanks to a question from an Adult Match Maker member, we’ve tackled the topic, shining light on the switch.

What is a Switch? 

Used in a BDSM context, a ‘switch’ is a person with both Dominant and submissive tendencies. It is a fairly common term within the kink community, and just like ‘Dominant’ or ‘submissive’ is used to quickly label an inclination; the way an individual practises switching will vary person to person. Some people choose it as the way they always want to be identified whilst others use it in flux between their Dom and sub roles.

How do people Switch things up?

There are of course as many ways of switching as there are switches to switch, but there are a few general practices.

• Some people switch for gender reasons, eg. a person who only Doms men and submits to women, (or vice versa).
• Many switches change roles for play reasons, eg. being in a Dom in a main dynamic, but submitting to flogging from a play partner (or secondary partner).
• It’s not uncommon for service-oriented personalities to switch, as both their Dominant and submissive sides can be used in the service of others, utilising the dynamic required for the best outcome. 
• People also switch for the same reason they submit or Dominate – a deep desire, a feeling they want to express – so for many switches their role evolves naturally, and interdependent of the person they’re involved with. Switches can be moved to submit or Dominate depending on how a person makes them feel. 

The Stigma of being a Switch

True, it’s not as problematic as it once was, but the lingering idea that D/s is binary, and switches have no place is still alive and kicking. Reminiscent of ye olde bisexuality, it was assumed switches just couldn’t make up their minds, or wanted the best of both worlds and a bigger playing field – it’s the whole ‘just pick a side’ rhetoric. This form of erasure results in misinformation, problematic communications with other kinksters, and difficulty in finding trusted resources. And if someone is exploring and identifies as switch on their way to Dominance, neither label is invalidated – it just means the person has changed. Keep in mind, these dramas generally play out more on social media, where options can be limited in terms of describing one's role. In your real life encounters this shouldn't be a problem; but most identified switches know the stigma still exists.

Regardless of what the old school says, the switches are here and they are ON!

The Benefits of being a Switch

Not only does switching allow people to explore more than one side of themselves, for the new player, or those who just enjoy some roleplay, there can be some really great benefits.

For those with a versatile nature who are new to kink and beginning to explore BDSM, switching could be a natural fit. It allows you to explore your kinks and get to feel things out before definitively deciding how you want to play. It may be as simple as finding you feel submissive around people with a particular personality trait, and Dominant around people taller than you – that’s fine. It’s still switching.

Switches often talk about how much they love experiencing both sides of D/s, and how playing one role improves their understanding of the other, and makes them more empathetic players in general. Empathy allows us to engage and actively listen to others and communicate with them on their level. With trust and communication being so vital to any healthy D/s relationship, an empathetic partner can be a huge blessing.

Switching it up in the Bedroom 

So if you don’t feel that you identify as kinky, but when you’re having sex you can take on a Dominant or submissive role depending on your mood and the partner you’re playing with, are you a switch? The answer is yes but the term used in this context is versatile - where someone identifies as being able to be the top or the bottom, ie. the giver or the taker.  

Switching may not be for you, but it IS a thing for some. You may not understand it, but simply acknowledging switching exists can be a valuable form of support those who practise it. It shows them they’re seen, helps them feel heard, and subtly validates their D/s identity.