How to be curvy and confident in the bedroom
Eva Sless
on 27 June 2019
65 comments
When it comes to the messages we receive about sex and sexiness, it’s usually pretty one-sided. Magazines, advertising, porn, all of that stuff is mostly full of slim, taut bodies with nary a wobble to be seen or an imperfection to be found. While deep down in our heart of hearts we know this is just the bullshit world of advertising, when you fall out of that category it can be a little bit trickier to untangle yourself from the “I don’t look like that” web and find your own confidence and sexiness in what you do have.
We know from the comments, messages, and surveys we do that there is no “favourite” or “ideal” body type when it comes to sexual preferences, and that if someone wants to get down and dirty with you then they already find you pretty damn sexy, but we also know that that doesn’t stop the niggling thoughts at the back of our heads… So to combat that we’ve come up with a bunch of tricks and tips you can try to help you feel and look as sexy as the person you’re having sex with already thinks you are.
Follow Your People
Seriously. Just type BBW into Instagram or Twitter and you will find millions of pictures, profiles and people who are larger in body size and even larger in ego, confidence and beauty. Stop buying shitty magazines and mainstream pornography and holding yourself up to that as comparison, find people who look like you and have made it into the world of fabulousness. Not only will these amazing models show you just how gorgeous a larger body can be, they will also have links and suggestions to businesses and designers that make gorgeous, sexy, well-fitting underwear, lingerie and clothes that will have you loving your shape and wanting to show it off to your lovers.
It’s Okay To Dim The Lights
In reading a few articles about body and sexual confidence I kept coming across this one “tip” which was “Turn on the lights! Learn to love your body!” And look… While this is all very well and good on a surface level, in the harsh light of reality, hardly anyone wants to have sex under the bright lights of the bedroom, regardless of if they love their body or not. Sex is, for the most part, a sultry and sensual affair, and having the brightness of the bulb highlight the washing pile in the corner and the wet towels on the floor isn’t the most conducive to a sexy session. So dim those lights, light a few candles, let the flickering of light gently caress your curves and help you to feel like the goddess you are.
Spend More Time Naked
As someone who spent almost 25 years hating her body I can tell you that I hardly ever looked at it. If I did it was to make an “ugh” face and walk away in disgusted hurry. I am here to tell you to stop it! Spend more time looking at, and admiring your naked body. Yes it’s not easy, especially if you’ve formed the habit like I did of self hatred, but the more you do it, the easier it gets. Start with just not making the bad face. Start with saying hello to yourself in the mirror after your shower. If you’ve followed the above advice and are now getting amazing BBW pics on your social media pages, start looking at yourself in the way you look at the models. Oh wow, look at those dimples, and the soft way your belly curves, and the fullness of your breasts… Start smiling at yourself, giving your reflection a wink, a nudge, a “hey good lookin’ whatcha got cookin’...” Yeah it feels a little silly and forced at first… But, while the silliness factor will always be there, the more you do it, the more the forced nature will go and be replaced with habit and comfort at your own reflection.
Experiment with Pillows
Being a larger person can have its obstacles when it comes to certain sexual positions, which can then create feelings of inadequacy and self loathing because you feel like you’ve failed. You haven’t, you just need to find another way, and pillows and specific sex cushions can be the answer you’re looking for. Depending on where you place the pillow, under your butt, legs, back, wherever, you can now comfortably, and far more easily, achieve some of those positions your body may not allow for in other instances. This also goes for those of us with dodgy knees, low mobility, smaller penises, chronic illnesses that leave us exhausted… All sorts of reasons! It also helps you stretch and angle your body to minimise certain areas you don’t love, and highlight those you do. It’s all down to playing around and experimenting, so get going!
Ditch The Dead Weight
No I’m not talking about going on some ridiculous diet… When I say “Dead Weight” I mean the people in your life that make you feel bad about the way you look. If you have a lover who makes you feel ugly, fat, gross, unsexy…. Anything that you don’t particularly want to feel, then that person is dead weight and has no right sucking up your energy and confidence and time. These sorts of people are all around us, and when they are the people who are supposed to be the ones who love and support us unconditionally, it can have hugely damaging effects on our mental health and self esteem. Someone who fucks you should like you, and someone who likes you should not make you feel like shit. You are absolutely, 100% worth more than anything someone like that says, and while I know it’s hard to extrapolate yourself from toxic relationships (or even recognise them when you feel so down about yourself anyway) there is help and there is support, and there is a light at the end… And that light is your self worth, your confidence, and someone who wants to fuck you because they think you are the most amazing, beautiful, sexy creature they’ve ever seen.
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