What guys think women want in bed, but we don't
Eva Sless
on 15 February 2019
27 comments
Yes, this is a very broad generalisation and for every person that doesn’t like something you will find ones who do, so please be aware that this is a very general list and done more for fun and entertainment than anything else.
But in saying that, the most effective way to find out what someone DOES want in bed is to ask them.
Terrible “Dirty Talk”
Dirty talk can be awesome. It can get deep inside your psyche and make you feel things you didn’t think you’d feel or enjoy. But it can also be really off-putting. Just like when Seinfeld embarrassingly asks his new dirty-talking girlfriend if they were “the panties her mother laid out for her” so too can calling a new lover a “dirty whore” be an experiment in disaster if it’s not what they’re into. Also remember the volume of your voice. Too loud and it can be like shouting gross shit at someone, and too soft and it can be distracting with all the “huh?” “what was that?” “sorry?” getting in the way of the flow.
Penis Size
I know, I know. The world has told you that to be good at sex means you have to have a big penis. This is just wrong and, if you read our Big Dick blog posts, you will see that they really aren’t all that for many, many women. Your presence and your attention to our pleasure is what we want. We don’t care if you have a tree trunk down there, if you don’t know how to use your mouth and your hands properly it’s just a wasted appendage.
Stoic, Unemotional Robots
Big boys don’t cry… But enlightened, emotionally adjusted men do. If she’s so beautiful you just want to sing, tell her! If she makes you feel like a big ol’ teddy bear full of hugs and love, tell her. Sex, especially sex with someone you love, can be full of emotion and can make you feel things you didn’t know you could. If you want to lay there afterwards and hold her and tell her how much you love and cherish her and how you get so overwhelmed with happiness sometimes you could just cry… Do it! It doesn’t make you less of a man. It makes you a complete one. (In saying all of this, though, there is something incredibly off-putting about someone crying during sex. While I know it can be emotionally overwhelming for some… Snot and tears, unless part of a BDSM thing, can be a bit of a turn off).
No Warm Up Quickies
Ever gone down a water-slide where there’s no water? Yeah, it’s really not fun at all, and fucking without warming her up first and getting those juices flowing is just not fun. Yes, quickies can be awesome but there has to be some wetness and lubrication first or it’s a quick journey to discomfort, pain and possible infections and UTIs from dry rubbing in an area that should be wet.
Poking In Holes
Now some women can really get off on this sort of stuff, but most, without proper warm up or consent, really don’t, and I’m not just talking about sneaking a finger up her arse without asking first either. The number of men who stick their fingers in mouths or ears is just… Well, as a sex worker I can tell you it was one of the most common WTF moments I’d have at work. No, a wet willy is NOT sexy, why are you wriggling your finger in my ear? And unless I go to put it in my mouth, please leave your fingers out of there, it’s just asking to be bitten.
Like mentioned at the beginning, the best way to find out what someone wants is to ask them, which is all part of communication and consent and should be a regular practice in your sex life whether it’s the first or the fiftieth time you’ve had sex with someone.
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