Are you a grower or a shower?

Amie Wee Amie Wee on 20 July 2018    38 comments
Two men, one tall and thin, one shorter and plump holding shiny red apples to hide their genitals

Dear Amie: I’m a ‘grower’ not a ‘shower’. Does that matter to the ladies?

Okay look. When it comes down to it, men can be pretty precious and paranoid about their schlong dimensions. I mean, I can hardly blame them. Mainstream porn drills it into us that you have to be an ever-ready thrusting Mandingo with a rock-hard donkey dick for a cock. The mere thought of that coming towards me made my cervix involuntarily pack a suitcase and leave home. 

When it comes down to it, there are two types of guys. Showers and growers. Showers tend to have dicks that don’t get much bigger when they’re hard, whereas growers start off relatively small when flaccid and redeem themselves when erect. Sometimes the difference can be huge. Growers can start off with a 2.5inch penis and grow it to 9inches - Inspector Gadget style – when excited. 

There’s a myth amongst men that being a grower is a bad thing, which honestly puzzles me. 

Whether you’re a shower or a grower has nothing to do with how shit hot you are in the sack. Plus, as a grower, your cock’s not impressively big when you don’t need it and more than adequate when you do. Being a grower is the way to go, if you ask me. Not only do you have the element of surprise on hand at all time, can you imagine how awkward it would be to be a shower and have to house a giant dick in your pants at all times? Imagine trying to go for a jog and have that thing flapping around your trackies. Or maybe don’t imagine that. I don’t know. 

With that being said, I can definitely sympathise how a grower could feel anxious about his size when about to get busy with a woman – especially if he’s not erect due to nerves or alcohol. But know that being a grower is more normal than being a shower. According to an international Men’s Health survey, 79 percent of men are growers while only 21 percent are showers. If you’re a grower, you are perfectly average. 

There’s also a myth that showers have larger penises than growers. That’s simply not true. According to Dr. Shteynshlyuger, a urologist in the United States, “It just means the shower's penis doesn’t stretch as much as the grower.”  

The thing is, most women will not care if you are a shower or a grower, it’s the motion of the ocean that we care more about. If you do catch a flash of disappointment in a woman’s eyes upon soft reveal, once she sees that you are up to the task, it’ll be a different story. If you are really that paranoid though, up your foreplay game (you should probably prioritise this anyway). Get busy with your hands and tongue during the period between exposure and erection and she won’t even know or care about the size of your package. 

Happy fucking!

Since this article was published a study has been released about this very topic. You can read about it here.

If you have a question you would like Amie or one of our sexperts to answer, use the new "Suggest a Blog Topic" feature which is located in the right hand panel on desktop or below the blog posts on mobile.

Read Next Article

Likes & Comments

Comments (38)

  • Friscosingh

    Friscosingh
    54M Brisbane, QLD,
     AU

    Grower
    >4w
    Reply
  • KinkyGirl101

    KinkyGirl101
    50F QLD,
     AU

    The majority of men I have met have been growers. Who cares, as long as they know what to do with it when the opportunity arises (pun totally intended).
    >4w
    Reply
  • Thickay888

    Thickay888
    Account closed

    i use to worry about being a grower but then i see there facial expressions and reactions when it gets hard. it was such a turn on seeing her amazed my how big and thick it got every time she blinked lol.
    definitely a proud grower!!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Discreteplayful

    Discreteplayful
    Account closed

    Why does this even matter? Never heard of it, and I feel even less enlightened after reading this. There must be more important things to enlighten us on, surely.
    >4w
    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor
      Staff Account

      Please keep in mind this is an actual question from a member on this site and very relevant for those men who are concerned that their junk doesn't look as impressive when flaccid. Which is why Amie chose to answer it.
      >4w
    • Zamboon

      Zamboon
      66M Bridgeman Downs, QLD,
       AU

      Lighten up mate , or should it be harden up lol , and unless that’s a coke bottle in your undies then you’re obvipusly a shower !
      >4w
    • Blue.Rose55

      Blue.Rose55
      52M Geelong, VIC,
       AU

      Zamboon, here's the best reply for somebody who tells you to Harden Up ... "That's not what your mother said" :)
      >4w
    Reply
  • friskypuz

    friskypuz
    Account closed

    Never really thought about it.. As long as it gets there, does it really matter?
    >4w
    Reply
  • Hotwired35

    Hotwired35
    71M Rockdale, NSW,
     AU

    After undressing at a swingers party I saw the hostess giving my manhood the 'checking you out glance' suffice to say she was unimpressed. Later we began chatting and she began to fondle me, less than a minute later she said "If that's what you've got you'd better come with me". At the next party no sooner had I undressed when she jumped me. Sometimes it's the little 'present' that can give the biggest surprise.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Photos in private gallery

    Loveyou4ever
    56M Frankston, VIC,
     AU

    Well i married a Chinese woman, she liked me to show her and try to get me to masterbate laying beside her, i never did felt uncomefertable, my next woman i probably will now when i think of it
    >4w
    Reply
  • AugustusSeizer

    AugustusSeizer
    Account closed

    I'm sorry that a woman who gives practical and supportive informed advice on matters important to other ordinary decent people feels compelled to hide her face. NOT a criticism of Ms Wee but a reflection on how the (let's be blunt) the uglies, the crazies, and the judgemental busy-bodies are allowed to influence every day lives of good people.
    >4w
    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor
      Staff Account

      She's not "hiding her face". If you read her bio she is a performer and organiser of a Sydney based queer performance club called Rule 34 and we actually chose that image from the ones provided because it's the most recognisable photo of her in her performance mode as a pornstar clown. She's actually a stunningly beautiful woman (and already taken).
      >4w
    • AskAmie

      AskAmie
      38F Camperdown, NSW,
       AU

      ... That is my face.
      >4w
    • AugustusSeizer

      AugustusSeizer
      Account closed

      WONDERFUL. I've become sensitive to the "conservative" pressures being applied to people to be other than who they really are. *sigh of relief* :-)
      >4w
    Reply
  • motorcade

    motorcade
    61F Melbourne, VIC,
     AU

    One of my best lovers had the smallest dick I've ever seen. He used his fingers, his eyes, and his tongue in ways that have not yet been matched. And I'm not talking inout inout frantic, I'm talking sensual and erotic.
    >4w
    Reply
  • chrisxl78

    chrisxl78
    47M Corio, VIC,
     AU

    I realise I can't speak for grower's but as what would be described as a "shower" I've never had any insecurity about size and ability to please.
    Being larger than most erect men when flacid my partners have always known straight away that they will be satisfied at least. As you point out there are definitely downsides to being a "shower" being bullied as a kid at swimming for getting an erection even though you're flacid, growing up with underwear that don't fit (before boxers were common), sport..... only thing that sufficiently keep it all safe are speedos, being looked at weird in public because you have a visible bulge in your pants, being accused of stuffing your pants etc.. There are definitely pros and cons for both, would i want to change? Yes and no.
    >4w
    • Leolady727

      Leolady727
      Account closed

      "Satisfied"? If you think a big dick is all it takes to "satisfy" someone, I feel sorry for your partners ;-)
      >4w
    Reply
  • RosieAnne

    RosieAnne
    64F Edmonton, QLD,
     AU

    To me its not the size that count its how they use it
    >4w
    Reply
  • Blue.Rose55

    Blue.Rose55
    52M Geelong, VIC,
     AU

    I used to work with a Vietnamese guy, who always said, "It's not the size of the wand, but the magic that's inside"
    >4w
    Reply
  • waty79

    waty79
    45M Narre Warren, VIC,
     AU

    I’m definitely a grower the small bic lighters are bigger. Had an ex I dropped my pants and she told me that it’s small I then replied u ain’t seen nothing yet. Less then 5 mins it was a big banana well over average but not a gonzo size her shock turned to a cheeky grin
    >4w
    Reply
  • JustSomeGuy.

    JustSomeGuy.
    48M VIC,
     AU

    I'm a grower, and have had self esteem issues arise from it (no pun intended). I over compensate for my self assumed lack of manhood by spending much more time performing oral sex and massage to my partners.
    >4w
    Reply
  • BluePowerade383

    BluePowerade383
    Account closed

    Im a grower but a shower and a go go goer! ;)
    >4w
    Reply
  • Surf2Qld

    Surf2Qld
    Account closed

    Definitely a grower here!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Goodcook1957

    Goodcook1957
    107M Meldale, QLD,
     AU

    I am a grower and love it!!! To see that disappointed look on a woman's face as we climb into bed and within a couple of minutes she has turned the light back on saying where the fuck were you hiding that? Just priceless! Never had a complaint and the women can't wait to get it inside them!
    >4w
    Reply
  • MiguelCDLOGAN

    MiguelCDLOGAN
    65NB Loganlea, QLD,
     AU

    There's something be said for size. There are times when a little, or not so little, pain is very erotic. That also goes for the residual feeling ladies feel for a few hours and sometimes days afterwards. The latter only happens with guys that should be doing porn where hurting the ladies seems to be the thing.
    If only guys knew... Just like guys don't hurt themselves when masturbsting, neither do women and guess what... They orgasm!
    A powerful man, one that is strong enough to put an arm around the small of a woman's waist and lift her off the bed is a bigger turn on for them that one that pounds away with a big drill as though trying to break concrete.
    That powerful man having gentle hands and the knowledge of where to touch, how hard or soft, what rythym to use, that spells a good time for a lady. It releases what I call the love endorphins in her. She loves a caring guy that doesn't think its all about the money shot for the session to be out of this world.
    The same goes for a man that knows all the areas a tongue needs to reach.
    In the end, seriously guys, if you can't make a woman orgasm two or more times without screwing her, you've a long way to go.
    Your tools are not just between your legs. They begin with your eyes, then your tongue... Its not just what you say, that has to be positive but true, but it also matters how you say what you say.
    Sex for a woman begins at the invitation for dinner if you know how to use your first two tools.
    In the end, the tool between your legs is the cherry on top. How satisfied would you be with lots of cherries bu never tasting ice cream of all different flavours?
    >4w
    • FiftyOneShades

      FiftyOneShades
      Account closed

      I absolutely agree with all that you said. The only thing is, the question put to us in this column was simply whether we are showers or growers. Just because we've answered the question asked doesn't mean we're unaware of the importance of foreplay, the article isn't about that, so while I agree with everything you said, I do wonder why you chose to make them in this specific thread.
      Being either a shower or grower, big or small, cut or natural really doesn't make any difference as to a man's skill as a lover.
      >4w
    • MiguelCDLOGAN

      MiguelCDLOGAN
      65NB Loganlea, QLD,
       AU

      I chose that angle because of some of the comments below. You, "I'm a grower, partner was disappointed by then, wow! Where were you hiding that?"
      The fixation along the string is on size...
      The article itself, I think, raises the insecurity of some and my point was to shift the focus. Unless you've been truly been dealt a cruel blow, (button dick that grows little if at all, or the index finger type dick), you are most likely an average guy struggling to be larger than 6". That's considered a small dick by the misguided imagination of some..
      The thing is... It should matter little if at all.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad
    53M Lane Cove, NSW,
     AU

    Insert self-appraising comment about the magnificence of my penis >here<
    >4w
    Reply
  • FiftyOneShades

    FiftyOneShades
    Account closed

    I'm actually a bit loathe to say it, given the somewhat hostile reception to showers in this thread, but I'm a shower who also has a bit of growth.
    Why are only the growers getting the love on this thread? We're all different and I can't help being a shower any more than some other guy can help being a grower, so please don't be rude to me just because I am.
    The question was asked, please don't favour one group and bash the other, otherwise who's going to bother answering unless they're a grower?
    After all that hoo-hah, I probably won't get any comments anyway!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Pinky4700

    Pinky4700
    Account closed

    This maybe off the topic but I have found with my sexual fun that Solid to husky build blokes are growers and do know how to make a girl girls very happy. The showers know they have a big willy and think the size will make me happy but some not all are root like greyhounds and what you to give them the thumbs up or comment on how the dick is in you. So Growers all the way. And unshaven is hot!!!
    >4w
    Reply
  • cowgaluvoldrmen

    cowgaluvoldrmen
    Account closed

    At the end of the day
    Can he use it ?
    Or does he actually know how to excite and please a woman !!!!
    Lol I’ll have to use this as a pick up line
    >4w
    Reply
  • RONtastic73

    RONtastic73
    Account closed

    A grower
    >4w
    Reply
  • SingleDadLife

    SingleDadLife
    Account closed

    I am kind of both according to girls
    >4w
    Reply
  • prettyg123

    prettyg123
    41T Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    Well, i don’t see there’s a problem on AMM because all the pics I see here are all showers and growers. Lol
    >4w
    Reply
Copyright © 2025 Amie Wee It is illegal to use any or all of this article without the expressed, written permission from Adult Match Maker and the author. If you wish to use it you must publish the article in its entirety and include the original author, plus links, so that it is clear where the content originated. Failure to do so will result in legal action being taken.
The content posted on this blog is intended for informational purposes only and the opinions or views within each article are not intended to replace professional advice. If you require professional relationship or sexual health advice you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist.