7 Things BBW are Sick of Hearing
Eva Sless
on 19 April 2018
127 comments
There’s not much more that is policed by the general public than women’s looks and their bodies. It’s everywhere. Over 50% of advertising (even the stuff that has nothing to do with women or the way they look) focuses on a pretty, slim woman sexily selling it for you. Almost every movie you watch or film clip you sing along to reminds us that women are products to be looked at. If a woman gains national attention for something (regardless of if it’s positive or negative) you can be damn sure the most common comments from the public will centre on how hot she is and how fuckable or unfuckable she is. If the woman in question is any size larger than a size 12 then you can be sure the majority of comments will focus on her weight. The grossest thing about this (apart from the moral policing of how women should look to make men feel better) is that the fashion industry deems anything a 12 or over as “plus size”, but, when you look at it logically, the average size of an Australian woman is a size 12 so basically we can’t win, we never even had a chance.
When you’re a Big Beautiful Woman (BBW) all of this moral policing, combined with the media’s constant bashing over the head with the skinny stick, as well as all the almost daily unwanted and unwarranted comments about your body, do a lot of damage to people’s confidence and self esteem and, for the most part, is just rude and invasive and absolutely none of their business.
Here are seven of the most common things BBW’s are sick of hearing, so the next time you think of saying one of these comments, regardless of if you think you’re being helpful or just because you’re not a nice person, don’t.
I’m Just Concerned About Your Health
Are you their doctor? Have you taken blood and monitored their heart and vitals? Do you know the exact cause of their weight gain? Do you have any qualifications that warrant your unsolicited advice? And, if you DO have those qualifications, has the person asked you for your advice? If the answer is no, then shut up. Health concerns, huh? Do you realise that making derogatory comments about a person’s weight can have severe effects on their mental health? Or do you not care about THAT health and only the one that you think might be an issue because you don’t personally like to look at it?
Seriously, the pity and scorn hidden underneath the pseudo-concern of “I’m worried about your health” is palpable and larger people absolutely know what you really mean.
Are You Really Going To Eat That?
As someone who was a much larger person when I was younger I would get this comment all the time. If it was anything other than a piece of cucumber I would have people side-eyeing me and asking me if I really needed it? Lining up to get a burger was always a super conscious thing, I could practically feel the searing stares of the disgusted around me. The most telling thing is, since not being a large person any more, I still eat almost exactly the same sort of food as I always did (I am a sucker for a Whopper Burger omg) and yet the comments now are either non-existent or this weird sort of pride that someone small like me could eat a whole large meal and a sundae in one sitting. It’s just rude and relies on the fucked up notion that if you’re big it’s because you’re probably lazy and eat the wrong sort of food.
Have You Considered [insert latest food fad/diet craze here]?
You know what, yes. Yes they probably have. The fact that society drums into every fibre of your being that you are only worthy if you are skinny, and the fact that almost every second ad or internet post is about the latest fad diet or weight-loss craze or super-food, or just a reiteration of the fact that the world values skinny people, means that yes, every fat person has looked at every single one of these commercials and subtle hints and considered it. For whatever reason they have decided not to go on it, or maybe they have and got terrible results, it’s just none of your business. Unless you are a dietician and they have asked you specifically for your advice on a particular diet, it is not your place to recommend any kind of diet or weight loss program.
You’d Be So Pretty If You Lost Weight
Whoa. Back the fuck up here. You see, the thing is, most people actually want to be around people who love them for who they are, not what they could “potentially” be (shock horror I know!) and this sort of back-handed compliment is exactly the sort of warning flag that tells people that you are a) not a particularly nice person and b) you would probably find something else to bitch about if it wasn’t their weight. Women (and indeed men as well) do not need you to tell them they’re not good enough for you. They really don’t. They literally do not care what you think they’d look like sans the weight (or with longer/sorter hair, more or less tattoos, with stubble or clean shaven) it’s actually (another shock here I know) not about what YOU want or like. It’s about how you make them feel and, newsflash, back-handed compliments like this do not make people feel good.
Guys Aren’t Attracted To Fat Women
Well, look, I hate to burst your judgemental little bubble there, buddy, but that is unequivocally untrue. Firstly not every BBW is looking for a man, so there’s that, and secondly men are part of this amazing species called “humans” which, strange but true, are a very diverse bunch of creatures who happen to have likes and dislikes of varying degrees! I know right, someone double check that fact with Attenborough! But in all seriousness this is such a strange and false concept that’s only purpose is to shame and belittle women into conforming to a bunch of unreasonable and unrealistic body standards. It’s also very damaging to men and their psyches to be constantly told the type of women he’s attracted to is wrong or bad and will somehow make him less of a man. Just stop it. If you’re not attracted to larger people, that’s okay. You don’t have to go shouting it from the rooftops, though. Literally no-one cares.
Dress For The Size You Are Not The Size You Want To Be
No. Get fucked. Stop it. I will tell you now that when you are a fat person it actually doesn’t matter what you wear, you’re gonna be fat in it. I know right! It’s almost like the shape and size of a body is still the same shape and size it is no matter what it’s wearing! Yes I do know that certain styles work better for certain shapes but at the end of the day it’s absolutely none of your business how one person chooses to cover themselves. If your eyes get offended by seeing a larger person in leggings or showing off flesh then I’m sorry, but that’s your problem and you need to suck it up. It is ridiculously unfair and selfish to demand a person wear or not wear a particular thing because you personally don’t like how it looks.
Oh, You’re Not Fat
Look, okay, we all have a skinny friend who likes to call herself “fat” and we all dutifully rise to the bait to tell her she isn’t, but that’s mostly because we’ve been trained by society that fat is a bad thing and is the absolute worst thing to be. It’s actually not. You know there are far worse things to be in this world (racist, homophobic, intolerant, violent, a Trump supporter) and being fat is super super far down on that list – in fact it actually isn’t ON the list of “bad things to be”, but we still drum it into the world so that when a large person makes the observation that they are indeed fat, cloying protestations that they aren’t just come off as insulting. I mean, a big person knows they are big. Telling them they aren’t isn’t only gaslighting them, it’s also reiterating the notion that fat = bad. It doesn’t. Stop it.
I would also like to add that, although this piece is talking about women, men too get their fair share of body hate and negativity. Yes, there’s been a lovely little shift of positivity towards the “dad bod”, but overall larger people in general are quite often shunned and shamed and treated like second class citizens. They’re accused of being lazy, unhealthy, bad role models, and “glorifying obesity”, and that can lead to all sorts of self esteem and anxiety issues.
We really do need to look beyond bodies, regardless of their shape, size, colour, or orientations, and start looking at the people within. If we start doing this, I truly believe it will make for a much nice, and friendlier world.
127 comments
IVAONE60
More than a month agoAll women are beautiful its society that says they are not. It would be a boring world if we all looking the same.
ReplyZamboon
More than a month agoCan someone define Voluptuous?
I met someone who described herself as voluptuous- she was tall and slim with large breasts - I didn’t think that fitted the definition?
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ReplyAMM.Editor
More than a month agoEvery person's view will be different especially when you take into account different cultural backgrounds. If she described herself as voluptuous then that's how she wants to describe her body. Curves = voluptuous in my opinion.
Mike01974
More than a month agoWoman you are all beautiful. The End.
ReplyMissKatherine11
More than a month agoWow Eva.
ReplyThank you, thank you , thank you, for calling this shit out.
So much sexier to own our frailties, than having to apologise for being human...
Confident chubbiness is so much sexier than apologetic not quite size 8...
myfingers
More than a month agoWell all that nay be - but I am really into the lady with the fuller figure; I find that I get turned on very quickly perving at chubby females and their other parts are so lovely and rounded.
Bring home the BBW girls.
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Replyjo2777
More than a month agoPLEASE the word CHUBBY is also very demeaning
wants2tongue
More than a month agoSorry, I have to weigh in here. Overweight people will be healthier when they loose weight.
Notice that the sexism in our society says
BBW = nice
BHM = uhmmmmmmmm
If you want to be overweight, then go for it. I am sure there is someone just looking for you.
However, for those that love life, get up, get out and get fit.
Waiting for abuse in
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoYes agree fully
Milkshakes99
More than a month agoThis article. Yep heard all those lines. And I really couldn’t give two shits. I am who I am.
ReplyIronically I’m healthy. I’ve done a lot of ocr stuff and continue to be involved in strength sports. There are a lot of “normal” sized people out there that couldn’t do half the stuff I do.
Unfortunately due to what has been advertised through society and what is acceptable it is all based on looks. And that damn BMI scale.
I once was rejected from a job because the BMI scale said no. I turned around and was like you tell me can any of your other employees hike for 12 hrs plus or squat 160 kgs? They couldn’t respond.
I’m comfortable within myself. I’m confident and happy and if someone else isn’t ok with that then that’s their issue not mine.
At the end of the day we are all humans and are attracted to all different kinds of other humans. It is what it is. Just gotta find your match out there. Xx
gentle.dave
More than a month agoIf the desire to be together is there for both, that's all that matters to me.
ReplyCactus874
More than a month agoAnother great Article Eva, you rock as always.
ReplyI really love BBW
motorcade
More than a month agoWhat a rockin good article! Calling it!
ReplyHoneynhard
More than a month agoWhile I’m classed as a BBW, or as some have commented “just fat”, I prefer to think of myself as a SBW... a STRONG Beautiful Woman, if I MUST have a label... which I don’t think I should.
While I’ve got work to do on my body, it’s mine, and no one has the right to tell me what I should be doing.
To all those saying “eat less, exercise more”, have you spoken to a health professional lately?
I’ve been told I don’t eat nearly enough... that my metabolism is dead and needs firing up again.
Since starting my fitness journey, I’ve eaten MORE every day than previously.
I work out 3-5 times a week, plus at home workouts and bedroom workouts.
I do all the right things, and I’m STRONG. I might still be big, but that doesn’t define me.
Enough with labels. We’re just women!
And DeliciousEva.... amen to squats! And bridges, and glute kicks, build that lower body!!!
As for the Haters... Come at me and see thighs that are strong enough to crush skulls!
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoMy favourite workout shirt has "Thunder Thighs to Crush the Patriarchy" written on it.
Haha.
Zamboon
More than a month agoUsed to be that fat people were jolly and I’ve enjoyed some good laughs with them .. I like a size 12 - 16 but I prefer them tall so that spreads it out a bit.
I do thinkk a really skinny woman especially an older woman is as much a turn off as a really fat person, which brings me to the subject - I cannot stand fat marbled wobbling thighs thick ankles, gross back fat and awkward gaits - really fat people smell and some of them battle to wipe their bottoms - forgive me if I’ve insulted anyone but it’s my opinion and preference and yes if you battle to walk and still drink coke then you need to do something for yourself... just believe that you can do it..
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More than a month ago+ 1
Ghost Rider
More than a month agoWell for what it's worth I have always loved big curvy women. As a young bloke influenced by the bloky peer group, I was very conscious about having a "cuddly" girlfriend. However as I got older and became my own man I didn't care. Of course now I'm an old bloke I care even less. I just love a cuddly big tummy. My best sexual experiences have been with curvy, cuddly chicks. Hey, at age 72 it would be very sad if I hadn't had a chick or few in my life. I have also loved older life-lined faces that have experienced life. Plastic surgery to try and look younger is a huge mistake. Laugh lines are lovely especially round the eyes.
ReplyMateo1980
More than a month agoHi All BBW..Can i just say as a guy that my most amazing sexual experiences have been with a BBW. ..So to all the BBWs out there..you rock ! Your real ..your Awesome.
ReplylLover of BBW
fuckpal
More than a month agoI absolutely love my curves and being a BBW is positively a turn on and a magnet for a lot of men... I have no body issues (except for finding the clothes I want to wear) which is so difficult when they have such sexy stuff for skinny ladies...I used to be a size 8/10 when I was younger so I've been at both ends of the spectrum. I think I am so much more confident and aware of how to use my curves and it doesn't faze me in the slightest of what I eat because I have such a great metabolism and of course sex is the BEST way to curb those calories! Just enjoy your curves ladies ...men love us at any size!
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Replylifeofpleasure
More than a month agowell said and you have such beautiful curves too
AJperth
More than a month agoTotally agree.
And we do forget curves are a big magnet for many. My self included.
longslowdeep69
More than a month agops make sure you have a sence of humour and take things lightly
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Replysensualplayer
More than a month agoAppreciate the write up and what an eye opener... a little humour and light heartedness would have made it as impactful I thinks. Thanks for this comment :)
Tattedup03
More than a month agoI haven’t really experienced the majority of what is in the article but the biggest frustration I tend to have being a “BBW”, is that men (and I’m sure in men’s situations - women) tend to think that you should be so appreciative that they are even interested in you and if you decline their advances (remember they are the ones initiating the contact) they start the demeaning behaviour that you should have jumped at the chance to be with them as it was going to be like a charity donation if they hooked up with you
And then of course they have to chuck in the line “I don’t fuck fatties anyway” as they continue the tantrum with the several following messages that you still don’t respond to
such as
This site should only be for fit and athletic people
How much do you weigh? If it’s over 75kg that’s just too fat for me
Why would anyone want to fuck you your just gross
I’m pretty sure we are all supposed to be adults here and that everyone should have their own set of standards that they are looking for
Of course everyone is on here judging everyone else as they sift through profiles trying to find someone that interests them but if you are that bitter that when you come across someone and feel the absolute need to message them to tell them what YOU think is wrong with them it’s just a little bit sad that you need to do that to make yourself feel better as you sit there wondering why no one will respond to your messages
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ReplytriXXXi66
More than a month agoIts disappointing that you have been treated this way tatt..those ugly minded people(men) who replied to you in this way are not worth your time! You are waaay better than them anyway! Good luck to you.. and all of us Ladies who are more than average... who wants average anyway?! Lol... Trix
Lexecutie
More than a month agoI'm more critical of myself while reading a profile, thinking how lucky I'd be if "I was good enough" for a girl to message me, out of the blue, then start thinking about everything a women expects beyond respect and just plain decency. Thats where the real clencher is, not being a sugar daddy, not having 5k per week to shower you with *cough*"stability"...then I just shrug and move on, thinking about why I get "friend zoned" by every girl, while trying to get to know them. Because being respectful isn't enough, but its plenty enough when you need a fuckwitt boyfriend dealt with by a friend right. So now i won't pursue, at all, because I've already heard every reason to turn me down flat & women already have a shitty attitude towards men(mostly through bad experiences) and dealing with predetermined rejection based from assumptions got old a long time ago. So maybe women could say pursue men, as equals(once you figure out that "type" you like)
nortithoughts
More than a month agoNot sure this article does much to help the cause. BBW's and BBM's (if anyone acknowledges it) don't need to be labelled at all as BB's at all. Somehow this just reinforces the concept that doesn't exist other than in the minds of people who make a living form promoting or denying it.
Replysoreadytogo
More than a month agoyou are what you eat ,if your too obease your life span will be shorter (fact) reality is that if your fit ,healthy and not overweight you will live a better quality life. No excuses to anyone no softness to over indulgence, what effort you put in to life and fitness will pay you back. no pain no gain
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ReplyLexecutie
More than a month agoDefine quality of life
triXXXi66
More than a month agoGood one stretch... everyones life is different and cant be quantified..
Account Closed
More than a month agoI agree with soready,sounds harsh but it’s true!
Mustlovebbws
More than a month agoSays you while you smoke cigarettes, use drugs and drink alcohol...lol...shutup
Piercedandfun
More than a month agoNothing like a normal size woman that has boobs and ass. If I wanted to go out with someone that looked like a stop sign, I'd go out with a stop sign but I'm not into stick insects. You can be too skinny also and that is unattractive to me. We all have our own tastes and preferences and if we didn't, it would be a boring world.
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ReplytriXXXi66
More than a month agoPffft.. a “normal” sized woman rarely has tits n arse mate! Well.. ones that are of any good size... except for maybe falsies! Lol
bladerunner65
More than a month agoi love the bbw's.
ReplyDrFeelGood1
More than a month agoI am a extremely big admirer of BBW women and find curvaceous larger a much more appealing & sexy! I only offer kind words to attract and make feel special and sexy whilst in my company.
ReplyMany seem to enjoy exploring their fantasies and kinks moreso and with more passion.... which have led to many mutual mind shattering experiences. I have noticed most are really open minded and like trying various methods and toys to help ignite their wild simmering sexuality.
Experienced in sharing many fantasies and kinks I enjoy meeting new adventurous BBW women who are ready to try new things in a consensual and respectful manner whatever they maybe.....
Dr FG
Fatmilf4cock
More than a month agoI'm fat and I am ok with that after losing 60kgs. There are variable healthy weight ranges depending on different body types and cicumstance. I am still losing weight slowly but I refuse to be insulted or feel bad for still being considered Bbw considering where I was a few years ago. Fat,skinny, whatever as long as YOU FEEL good in your skin. Its none of your business what other people think of you just as its none of their business what size you are.
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Replyexportme
More than a month agoSexy is in your mind not I. Your dress size
It's the. Mind you connect with
tradieforfun
More than a month agoReally a disappointing article
What exactly deems a bbw woman
Are you really going to eat that ?
Really who says that
I’m just concerned about your health
Well I guess there is a point where some might say that but really prob not the best thing to be saying
Have you considered xyz
Yeh nah forget that one
You’d be so pretty if you just lost weight
While that is prob true for a percentage of the population , you do have to know when to keep your mouth shut
Guys aren’t attracted to fat women
Well some guys are and depends on what you deem as fat
Dress for the size you are not for the size you want to be
Yes that statement is 200% true and if you disagree then there is something wrong with you and the writer of the article has obviously no idea of what clothing is out there that covers all sizes in the world , there is fashion designers for larger forms
Oh you’re not fat ,
Prob not something you would get into , but really most people know if they are fat or not and quite frankly if more people in world were given some home truths then we would have less issues
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoAh yes.
Here comes a man to weigh in (geddit?) on what doesn't happen to women because he knows so much more than not only a woman... But a woman who was very overweight for 20 years and who received every single one of these comments and more and who also spent time talking to other bigger women in the lead up to writing this to see what were the most common crossover comments...
But please, do dazzle us with your deep knowledge of what women face, and your extensive experience in this area. It's fascinating. Really.
tradieforfun
More than a month agoThanks for your response
Since you haven’t made any real points instead of an overall one it’s hard to respond
I stand behind what I said
I have had my fair share of sizes of women including women that have been at between 60-100kg and enjoyed them at either end of their weight spectrum
It’s a shame if as you state you have received neg comments
Good luck in your future writings
LovePassion116
More than a month agoBBW's voluptious are great!
Replycowgaluvoldrmen
More than a month agoYep good article ! I’m size 20 im curvy and fit ! Yes there is such thing I’m a country gal and like to stay active , how can someone judge by a few words really ! That shits me , get to know someone by chatting not by looking at one , there is nothing wrong with men with a bit of weight either ! Way to many judgemental ppl now days !
Maybe some ppl are trying to loose that weight to but it sure as hell don’t sum up a persons personality
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ReplytriXXXi66
More than a month agoVery true... i agree
jadedream
More than a month agoMissed a couple there ;) "I love large women", "mmm BBW fuck so much better", or my personal favorite "90kilos, you must by so nice and soft and round". Having been both a fat over 100kilos and now a very stocky but fit and only muscle 90kilos, it's frustrating to both be made into a fetish or assume by honest weight on profiles that I'm big and round. Now I'm both too small and too large haha. Too small to be a fetish and too big for the average bloke lol. At least from the quality of messages one receives lol. Might just be easier to pick up in the gym!
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ReplyJustSomeGuy.
More than a month agoI think you're super hot...
ZisIzFiz
More than a month agoThis is the typical "Healthy at any size" argument. It's ridiculous and it's already been disproven. It's a FACT that if you're morbidly overweight or in the obese zone you are more prone to diseases such as cancer, cardiovascular disease. For women it can also cause infertility. These are but the very FEW negatives of a massive list that is correlated highly with obese people (Ie BBW's)
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoYeah.
Except a size 14 or 16 or even more isn't necessarily morbid obesity.
And anyway, even if they're a size 50 it's still not your place to comment.
Account Closed
More than a month agoActually Yes I can, that's called free speech. Just how years ago everyone was condemning anorexia, we can condemn obesity.
It's not in your place to try and dictate what free speech is, get lost. Stop promoting obesity. Your promoting something that kills millions of people worldwide.
If you want to turn a blind eye to the massive health negatives of being overweight or obese and insult people and try and silence them who are against this problem, go cry me a river. Don't u dare try and revoke free speech from anyone just because their opinion differs from yours.
KinkyGirl101
More than a month agoI think you need to go and re-read the article! It's not promoting obesity, it's saying don't be an insensitive dickhead and comment on people's weight, height, or the size of their dick. It may be something they have control over, it may not be. Regardless, it's no one's business but theirs.
Account Closed
More than a month agoOf course it is his place to comment . This is an open forum. If you did not want others to comment about your biased, fat worshiping article, then you should not have posted it on here.
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoYeah... "not your place to comment" was in regards to making unnecessary comments to people about their bodies, not about commenting on this article.
Account Closed
More than a month agoYou two are both stupid. I made that argument because the people that say being obese is healthy say the EXACT SAME THING AS U 2 DID. that's why. Don't need to be an insensitive dickhead and comment about peoples appearance? HELLO? everyone does that all the time in society, thats what makes a society healthy, where people are allowed to comment on ur appearance and give u criticism.
No ones saying bully a fat person cuz of their weight, I'm saying we should be allowed to give harsh criticism, especially when obese people start getting benefits just for being fat.
UDeliciousEva and kinky u both clearly dont know wtf ur talking about so go and get some common sense before trying to silence someones right to freedom of speech
KinkyGirl101
More than a month agoYou have missed both the point of the article and the fact that every woman reading your latest comment will wonder what harsh criticism you will direct at her. NFI
Account Closed
More than a month agoI read the article and I understood it's point and urs very well. And I maintain that point that both are completely untrue
Account Closed
More than a month agoHaha - the guy's 18 years old. I'm sure all of us were experts on everything at that age. Perhaps when he loses his virginity he might relax a bit ;-)
Account Closed
More than a month agoThat's what someone says who doesn't have any arguments. You insult me by calling me a virgin and saying I'm not chill.
I'm very chill, i gave explanations and neither you, kinky or Delicious have made any good responses, get lost. It's not a matter of what I know, it's what the facts say. you shouldn't even be on here granny. (insult my age i'll insult yours)
Account Closed
More than a month agoAaaaaand he's taken his bat and ball and stomped off home :-)
Account Closed
More than a month agoI don't see how he's wrong. Plus whats him leaving got to do with his point? Doesn't seem unreasonable to me.
Reddybay.
More than a month agoI dont care if your 60kgs or 160kgs if i think your attractive ill have a go at ya..
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agohave a go at ya? nice.....*rolls eyes*
uneventful
More than a month agoJudgemental people make me sick. Not just on body build but also on politics. Totally uncalled for
ReplySweetkiss502
More than a month agoIve always thought bbw are very sexy with curves in all the right places and theres me im trying too put on weight .
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ReplyPlayfulthing69
More than a month agoI'm with you, trying so hard to put some weight on, it's not all one sided
FlirtyDuo
More than a month agoLots of skirting around the issue, as expected, in the comments.
Why avoid the “fat” word ? Being overweight & obese is not about having too much muscle or “meat” , or being large or curvy or chubby as so many of you refer to it . It is about having too much fat . That yellowish white stuff.
How many of you have seen what fat looks like during a surgical procedure ? It’s not red meat like a steak, but rather like the fat on the edge of a steak. And it’s not pretty.
Certainly not healthy.
Eat less crap , in favour of healthy foods, and get more exercise , then you would not have to coin phrases like BBW just to cover up the facts : that is that you are fat / overweight
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ReplytriXXXi66
More than a month agoYep right... coz you two are perfect.. uncalled for comment really.. we are not all dumb.. we do know about nutrition and exercise! We also know about respect and choices.
tradieforfun
More than a month agoWow if you are 5’5 85kg and know about respect and choices then maybe you should know better
Prettypinklips2
More than a month agoSo many of these articles comments are always great but if theres so many guys into us chubby girls, why do so many bigger girls struggle to find decent guys?
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ReplyDesmo75
More than a month ago67kg would exactly call you chubby , maybe a few more pics might help your cause ;)
Account Closed
More than a month agoWhen youre like 4ft tall youre chubby at a size 12 lol
tradieforfun
More than a month ago4ft tall , my favourite
BlackGuy2020
More than a month agoSome chubby girls (esp. on this and other dating sites) prefer fit and athletic guys.
Its not have one person on the chubby side.
Lexecutie
More than a month agoI'll suggest you look in your 'friend-zone'
Norty4tease
More than a month agoif someone is excessively fat (morbidly obese) to say there are no health problems associated with that is just wrong. if this person is excessively sensitive to someone saying your not fat in attempt to be kind and not offend the larger serson i dont believe the friend who is attempting to be gentle to someones feeling has done anything wrong. in fact it would seem the larger person has body image issues and is not as happy in their own skin as some may portray. these body issues (self worth issues) along with the very obvious health issues are a good example of why we should all try and stay health and exercise. not to mention the obvious advantages of being fit in the bedroom. i am not trying to shame bbw. i hope they are all feeling good about themselves but this article is a load of rubbish.
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoI never said there weren't health issues, just that the fat itself is not necessarily the issue. It could be a side effect of a billion things, and without a complete run-down of their medical history you have no idea so why say anything uninvited at all?
That's mostly the point.
If you're not asked, keep your opinions to yourself.
I do love how you managed to say around half of the things that were mentioned as things not to say. That takes a special kind of talent...
uneventful
More than a month agoFat it’s self can be the health issue in a big way. Depending on the style of the fat ,where it is deposited, and how it was acquired.
hawksbane
More than a month agoWell for my 2 cents worth, I am one of those who very much like bigger women. But it is amazing the ridiculous comments other people make if you are going out with a bigger woman, including from other women. I've even heard "You're not fat, why are you with HER?" Really? Surely that's my business.
For me, there is a big difference between a sexy bbw (yes please) and bad dietary habits, eg if I see someone eating an entire Vienetta, that's unattractive and unhealthy no matter who is doing it, big or not, man or woman. I'm not saying that overweight people all do this either, that's just another ridiculous myth. I'm saying that behaviour and body image are separate things.
Unfortunately health does come in though for me. When I'm in a serious relationship, of course I do care about the health of my partner. But weight is just one aspect of that and it's not helpful to load pressure on about it. Other health issues aren't stigmatized like this, why weight? However, it's still important, but as a health issue, not a body image issue. So when I first meet someone, not my business! But if the relationship gets serious, it becomes more so, just as my health would be more my partners business.
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoSo now I want a Vienetta...
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More than a month agoYeah me too!
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoI'm actually not joking.
I could totally eat one. And I'd attempt the whole thing.
And I'd love every bite.
Why not?
Sure, if I did it every day it might be a bit gross and excessive... But a big old ice cream binge til you feel sick is, in my opinion, an occasional necessity for living well. :)
Not my issue if you don't want to watch me eat it. Haha. Just means more for me.
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More than a month ago(I deleted my original comment because of the swipe of it that made me feel I was commenting out of turn..when I wasnt)
I wasn't joking either when I said I now wanted both what Eva mentioned (Whopper) and the Vienetta...when those cravings hit they hit...(and just because you say you 'want one now' (because of the suggestion of it), that doesn't mean you're going to smash it all down right then and there (although as Eva said, the occasional binge is fine as long as its not all the time) - it might just mean you're craving it in your mind, at that moment).
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More than a month agoThanks for the apology (your intention may not have been to 'swipe' but after you joined in with 'me too', and then said what you did immediately after I commented along the same lines, that's what it was, to me). "Please comment as you like"...absolutely, I will.
Your personal/private opinion is yours, and that's fine we all are entitled to them, (I do understand where you're coming from in that respect re opinions - but I don't go around sharing them with others as I see fit - especially if its disrespectful to do so) - as we are to all of our individual food choices (and the reasons behind those choices).
I was in a very serious crisis last year...you can bet I indulged in some comfort food when I literally wanted to escape my life (and came close to it) - if anyone had commented their personal (not educated, as a part of my personal care team) view on any of my 'less than healthy' choices at that time (or at other times I indulge)...it would not have ended well for either of us, I can tell you that right now. You just never know what someone is going through...and how an uninvited comment/opinion can push someone in not a very good way.
Our choice, our life - this is not for anyone else (apart from as I said our care team etc), and certainly not a stranger, to tell us how we should live it.
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More than a month agoFirstly, this post was never about 'comfort eating' (read the title)..,.you brought it up - including mentioning dietary habits in your first comment (which others have, too)....again, which this post was never about (I followed up with giving a real-life example, in the context of maybe, hopefully, educating someone reading my comment, in how it is just, not on to....(as to keep to what the article is about), what "not to say" to someone about this.
You basically told me 'how to behave' when you swiped my words, in my (now deleted) comment. You're (along with so many others here) also doing this, with not keeping to the topic of the post, and instead commenting on, as I said, dietary habits, and choices. That's directly the second point of the article on 'what to not say'.
"My understanding is that we are on a discussion forum set up specifically for people to voice their thoughts and opinions". Yes, on the topic at hand (ie. the topic of the article, in this case, what not to say to BBW).
"I completely agree with you that in a different setting, unwanted opinions can be damaging as well as being plain obnoxious."
I did not say 'different setting' at all. I specifically said, personal/private opinions are fine, we all have them - but we don't have to share them, especially if it will be disrespectful towards someone...and especially if its in the context of telling another grown adult 'what they should, or should not, do in their personal life & choices'. In *any* setting...unwanted (especially when randomly given or not asked for - this article never once asked people to 'share their opinions on BBW or their choices', it was written for awareness and to educate - but many have flown in and done just this) towards others choices and behaviour, can be very damaging, and yes its just plain obnoxious. This doesn't change, whether they're given on a sex site...or in a food court in a shopping centre. Unwanted, with no respect towards the person, opinions - and especially towards strangers, is just not on.
Re Eva and my comment. We were just simply commenting on the food named (saying how it now made us..as you did too...want that food)...that was all. Nothing more. (My 'thanking her' was just a good natured comment, as if to say (giggle) "gee thanks Eva, now you've imprinted in my mind that I want that food" - as we all know the 'power of suggestion' and how it tempts us). Hence my, 'whoa, hang on a minute' reaction in my mind, when I read your followup comment.
(I have no 'feelings' towards you personally...its your behaviour/words which I am responding to....which I will no longer do).
VHeywood
More than a month agoPretty interesting read, thanks : )
ReplyMandy12121
More than a month agoBelieve it os not slim women get body shamed too. I usually get “I can’t believe how much you’ve eaten, you’ll go & throw up now, won’t you ?” and there’s “I’ll shout you lunch, you look hungry” and there’s lots more that are just as insulting
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoYes Mandy its a pretty sad time, when some people can only feel better about themselves once they have put someone else down
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoYep.
I don't think we can win either way sometimes.
Too fat, too thin, too loud, too quiet, too sexual, not sexual enough...
It's enough to send you batty.
Lexecutie
More than a month agoEven had that as a man, being a bean-post and eating 3-5 servings, to get glares and stares, always a tape worm comment or a "you off to have a spew?". its not our fault food is so damn tasty, and we need to eat every day, and there are millions of meals better than a salad. Is it not moderation to eat a different meal every day? I say live the 'see food' diet, if it looks good eat it and if you like it eat it again. Nothing better than a girl with an appetite in my opinion, its a shame there are rude people out there and its a shame we have to hear that crap when we're trying to eat!
I think we're all just sick of rude people's crap, on every level and if they could just be quiet everything would be much better.
triXXXi66
More than a month agoI actually was under the impression that a size 14-16 was “average” in Australia! And who wants to be just Average anyway?!
I really cant even handle it when men refer to me as a BBW... thats in whos eyes? Certainly not mine or my partners!
Just because I have meat on my bones I am put in a certain category... and speaking of categories... the choices for females to put themselves under on this site are interesting.. aint no way im choosing cuddly... i will always be voluptuous!
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoYou make good points! Self image is subjective, of course. But especially on a site like this, it's a bit of a meat market, everyone judges everyone else, and it's necessarily superficial to start with because we really don't know each other, we only see a profile. You can't stop people having their own categories they'll put us in regardless of what we put in profiles! Sometimes irrational or inconsistent as well, there are plenty of damaged people on these sites. But having said that, if people don't like what they see, that's really their problem! Cheers
tradieforfun
More than a month agoAverage.? Yes what is average ? Do you want to be above or below average ? Meat on bones , Ive always been offended by that statement , there is a big difference between meat on the bones or fat on the bones , really which is it?
Lexecutie
More than a month agoSo long as its more than skin & bones its fine by me, nothing wrong with some padding or fat or what ever you call it. I wish I had some padding :)
sweetbbw68
More than a month agoWow...this is an article i never thought Id see.... thank you ....Im far from being a size 12 ... im still a great person and happy being me..... take every one for being themselves .... life is tooo short to judge and be negative.... Im not going to appeal to everybody and Im fine with it.... share the love and smile... (one of the things still free)
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoCouldn't agree more!
BBWmature
More than a month agoAgreed.....looking beyond the body is what we should be doing!
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoAbsolutely! But haven't we given ourselves a challenge on a site like this where you only have a profile and a few pics to start with!
Matchless650
More than a month agoI agree whole heartedly! I had the misfortune of being diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes about 10 years ago. 1 of the side affects is putting on weight. I was sent to a Diabetes Educator who turned out to be the most unprofessional person I have ever met! He knew nothing about me, my history, my 'health probs'
yet he sat there with a smug look on his face and said, and I quote: "You fat people are all the same, you don't want to lose weight" I couldn't believe what I heard!! I told him to get fucked & left his rooms. I went to see my GP, told him about what had happened ... he rang some professional body,
put in a complaint about that person and they fired him! If I never see him again it will be too soon!
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoGood on you for complaining and making a stand!
Too often we let it go, especially with doctors etc...
I'm so sorry that happened to you.
FullMast
More than a month agoNot sure who the target of this article is, as I suspect that most of the comments described in this article are more likely to come from other women.
As with so many body image issues, there's a term to describe women but not one to describe overweight men. Men are just 'fat', and have to cop whatever abuse society decides to dish out.... and there's certainly not an obvious sub-section of women that crave the sexual attention of overweight men.
Overweight women on the other hand at least have the comfort of knowing that there is a group of men that will genuinely find them desirable, and there's plenty of evidence of this on AMM. Overweight men ... no chance.
In my experience, men are quite capable of looking beyond body shape. Let's be honest. With couples on here, how many times is it the woman that needs to find a male 'attractive', whereas men are far less affected by women's physical appearance. Men are attracted to self-confidence. Women are overwhelmingly more critical of looks and far more prone to hasty and sometimes cruel judgement.
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoFullmast.... lots of women appreciate and like to see a man with some meat on them .... although its mainly an adult site..... it should be more about the person themselves not just the chassis
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More than a month agoThe 'target' or focus of this article is anyone (man or woman) who treats people in the way described, because of this reason...or other reasons which make them, in societies eyes 'less than magazine/societal/sexually ideal, or pleasing to their eye'.
Both men and women cop, as you put it 'abuse society decides to push out' for this. No one 'has' to cop it (yes we are forced to, in the moment it happens) - but we can make a stand - either on the spot by standing up to them..not reacting to them (which is part of their motivation, to get a reaction)...or through articles like this (which yes, focuses on BBW, but can be about what men cop as well) which helps in creating awareness...and maybe, just maybe might educate some in that, they don't have to, and are not entitled to, treat someone this way, just because of the way they look. Believe me (for me, in my experience/life...although I do acknowledge that, from what I've read, some/many BBW's love it that they are found attractive, solely because of this), its no 'comfort' knowing that you've been put 'into a box' (in this case BBW) in order for someone to find you desirable because they crave whats in that 'box'. Yes its lovely knowing that some do find you desirable - we all know that feeling, and its amazing...but people should be able to feel desirable no matter what, or because of who they are - not just because they're in a certain 'box'. (Incidentally, an ex of mine was a 'big boy', he was absolutely very sexually attractive to me - not 'because' of his weight...but because of who he was as a person, and how he treated me - and how he was in the bedroom. Im not a (to coin a term lol) BBM(male) craver - I just found him desirable from the very first day we met. So yes, there are 'women out there' for them.
"In my experience, men are quite capable of looking beyond body shape" - in my experience, as a woman who is, as I said earlier, in societies eyes 'less than magazine/societal/sexually ideal', that may be your opinion - but its not a fact. Far from it. My experience on this site, and when I'm out socially, is absolute proof of this. Some men, absolutely...but your statement isn't a fact, across the board.
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More than a month agoGotta agree here, there's a lot of judgements on these sites, as there has to be, but if you look around a bit, there are a lot more women with lists of 'requirements' on here than men. I feel that it's more socially unacceptable for me as a man to express a list like that, even on this site, than it is for a woman. Maybe that's just me.
Lexecutie
More than a month agoAh, the old "Objectification" vs "preference" dilemma.....men aren't allowed to do this, that's why we don't, because we don't have the right to expect women to fit into any of our preferences because that is objectification. But its completely acceptible for women to do it, why, probably because there hasn't been decades of men everywhere complaining about it, to the point that women aren't allowed to choose us based off the size of our peni, I mean...Assets.....where as women however have complained for said decades, so we don't do it, at all ever ;) or risk the wrath of all women kind.
meandutime
More than a month agowe all are different that's what makes life fun, how boring it would be if we were all the same, that goes for body shape as well, we were always told as children if you can't say something nice don't say anything!, I don't get why we have to say anything at all regarding size and shape, we are always being told to except peoples sexuality the same should apply for body size, I find bigger ladies look so much better in lingerie than skinny ones but that's just my choice,
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoThat's what I also don't get - why do people feel compelled to say anything at all, just because they don't 'approve' of the way a person looks. Look away, its that easy....
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More than a month agosometimes i think people only say those sort of things to make themselves feel better, or they think they are better, they hide behind the "healthy lifestyle" they think that makes it all right to call some one fat
genuineniceguy2
More than a month agoI have definitely found that beauty comes from the inside. As stated in my profile, I think all women are beautiful : )
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More than a month agoso true
sweetseraphina
More than a month agoOh Really? I’m a size 14-16 and don’t ever use the word Fat to describe myself. It’s a horrible word. It denotes some sort of pathology. I’m from a family of buxom, curvy and fuller figured women. But Fat? Fat is a shitty word. I don’t want to change my body shape. And the so called societal pressure is not a reality in my world can we stop fucking talking about the “societal pressure” I’ve probably missed something? Oh ~perhaps you are referring to the advertisers in women’s magazines? The insecure people in Hollywood who have not been laid since 1973 or the 20 year old boys who watch too much porn to appreciate that the desirability and sex appeal of real woman has nothing to do with a dress size... more her generosity of spirit and how comfortable she is in her own skin.
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoIt's completely subjective.
I know a bunch of women who refer to themselves as fat. They want to reclaim it as a descriptor because they don't see it as a bad word, just a thing that is.
As for societal pressure, show me one billboard/editorial that has a woman of a larger size on it that's not an add for "plus size" clothing or done with the specific, self congratulatory "look at us using a plus size model aren't we progressive this week, ooh but don't forget to turn to page 3 to see how all these celebrities lost their baby weight three hours after birth, and on page 10 we'll take invasive, close up shots of a pop star's gross cellulite and try and guess if this woman is pregnant or just ate a sandwich! But you're perfect the way you are... Especially with our starve-yourself diet on page 15"
It's everywhere whether you notice it or not.
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More than a month agoWell said! You sound awesome. You also sound really well adjusted. If only more people could think like that all that stupid advertising would be ineffective. I genuinely admire your outlook.
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More than a month agoI hear you there, sexy is all attitude, not what someone looks like and I don't get how they call a size 14 big to me it looks more of a normal size.
Lexecutie
More than a month agoI have to say, your attitude is too damn sexy ;)
SirMature
More than a month agoEnjoyed reading you article and for myself I much prefer and attracted to BBW ladies. I luv to pamper and oil up a larger lady and massage her luscious body slowly and sensually... they look fantastic all naked smothered in oil and relaxed on my massage table and really does turn me on!! I have also keenly noticed that they have more very intense orgasms when the effort is given by a BBW lover like myself....
Very open to meet more BBW ladies all ages when I can.
Pete
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Replyuneventful
More than a month agoWell said
SirMature
More than a month agoThank you my sexy lady!
FlirtyDuo
More than a month agoWe find the whole term BBW to be rather bizarre. Had the term been coined to make overweight , fat women feel better about themselves? Do that they don’t feel guilty? It smacks of an insecurity complex in our opinion.
What if a sexy slim woman were to refer to herself as SSW? The whole BBW brigade would call her a stuck up skinny superficial bitch would they not?
Obesity is unhealthy. And Australia, according to the medical fraternity, is the nation with the second highest obesity rates. Second to the USA.
We have never before heard the term BBW before moving to Australia.
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ReplytriXXXi66
More than a month agoAmerican men.. well those with a BBC... tend to say to the ladies who are BBW...that they love our THICK THIGHS! Uggghh.. i find that an insult... im no stick figure but i sure as hell dont consider my thighs thick.. and i dont take it as a compliment... check our pics and get back to me if you think im OBESE... because on the BMI scale.. thats what im classed as! Im over all these acronyms... LOL.!
tradieforfun
More than a month agoSo American guys that love your shape and you are offended by that , so really who has the problem ?
DeliciousEva
More than a month agoOh see I love the term thick thighs.
I love mine. They're strong as fuck.
Squats baby!!
Mustlovebbws
More than a month agoGood for you, then go back from whence you came! Fact is there are big women that are beautiful, guess what I'm one!!!
I take steroids for a medical condition that have piled weight on me...as far as your comment reads, I should hide in a corner and feel disgusted with myself....you want to call yourself a ssw....go right ahead...but just make sure you don't drink alcohol,smoke or do drugs....because ALL of those things come with the same health risks of being overweight...oh but wait....theyre socially acceptable hey?!
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More than a month agoMustlovebBWS
You wrote “ you don't drink alcohol,smoke or do drugs....because ALL of those things come with the same health risks of being overweight”
Where did you get that from ? Where is the proof ?
We don’t smoke nor do drugs. If we consume alcohol, it is in moderation - a glass of wine once a week with a healthy meal.
Drugs are not socially acceptable. Certainly not in our social circles.
At the end of the day, we all have our preferences. Some prefer fat people, others prefer slim, fit, healthy & energetic people . Some drink beer and others prefer champagne . We are all entitled to our personal preferences. Your profile name however suggests that people MUST love BBWS, and you are probably biased & in denial and most probably have issues with your own body.
Darkstud
More than a month agoBeing big and curvaceous is beautiful..........love BBW who are nice to cuddle
ReplyLexecutie
More than a month agoI love BBW, i would love them more if they could have the world change just for them or just learn to not be offended by small minded people. What would i know, i only stopped getting offended by stupid people as a child, while being picked on by fat girls for being a cripple(a thing outside of my control) but that's different isn't it. Complaining unfortunately never made bullies stop, only growing up did.
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoSounds like you've got some unresolved issues there...?
But yes. People can be cruel. It's wonderful you can deflect harsh words... Wouldn't it be nicer, however, if we could stop those harsh words before they're said?
Which is, surprisingly, the point of this piece.
:)
Lexecutie
More than a month agoHonestly, yes I do wish that people could just not be offensive and everyone didn't have some inadequacy in how we build self esteem as we grow, that seems to make the human animal inside feel a need to be an arsehole to people worse off than themselves. I really wish that was so.
My mum coined a term while at Uni, UTD, Utopian Theorist Disorder. Seems to be a common thing for people living anything different to the "normal" people, but unfortunately, even with every decent person thinking the same thing doesn't change the viewpoints of arseholes, or their need to be an arse.
If everyone could just get a thicker skin, uniformly(including the arseholes), then everyone can be immune to that childish crap ;) and nobody will tolerate it.
The end.
If only