Do I have to be like a Porn Star in the Bedroom?

Chantelle Austin Chantelle Austin on 12 November 2010    24 comments
Woman wearing a fur jacket, latex swimsuit and stripper heels in a provocative pose

Some are, but most aren’t! I admit that I worried about this when we first started swinging, I wondered how good I actually was in bed; I even got a little “performance anxiety” because of it and chickened out of my first threesome with another guy! Yes, women do get that occasionally too.

I thought I had to be a highly sexed woman who loved to suck dick, could deep throat, orgasm a thousand times a night and loudly, loved anal (which I didn’t at the time) enjoyed cum anywhere and everywhere, and could wow a man with her sexual prowess in the bedroom! Now who the hell was I comparing myself to? I’ll give you two guesses and the first one doesn’t count… porn stars!

Sorry, but I still don’t like cum on my face, I was completely against the idea of anal until a year ago, I don’t orgasm a thousand times a night, some days I’m louder than others and although I like to suck dick, I still gag if I try to deep throat! Does that make me no good in bed? I’m not a model porn star but according to our toyboy (which every couple should have) and various other playmates we’ve enjoyed, I do quite fine.

We’ve met people who are multi-orgasmic, and loud in the bedroom, others that are subtle, quiet and don’t orgasm at all and everything in between but we’ve had fun with all of them. There is a whole lot less judgement going on than people think.

You can do your own head in if you get caught up comparing yourself to others or how you think you should be. Everyone is different and most people aren’t focused on how much fun you look like you’re having, only that you are actually having fun and enjoying what they’re doing to you or you’re doing to them

Besides, you will likely find that by being around those who have more porn star qualities that you may become a bit louder, a bit more adventurous and you may try things that you previously steered clear of, but these are all good things!

I’m happy to report that I got over this worry/fear/concern early on as I realised that most people are pretty normal and just like me in many ways. I have even stopped worrying about many of my body flaws (scars, flabby bits, “pudge”). Seriously, why we put this kind of pressure on ourselves is beyond me!

The other factor is that it’s harder to focus when there is so much going on, sometimes this can work for some or make things more difficult for others. I know I get too distracted and it makes it more difficult for me to orgasm but I still have fun! Do the other couples think any less of me if I don’t orgasm? No, because they still got to enjoy the other things I did, or joined in on. Mind you, they also see this as a challenge for next time so that can mean more fun

Don’t take playtime too seriously! If we spent as much time enjoying the moment as we did worrying about it and how we looked doing it, I think we’d all be more orgasmic! So get in, play, enjoy, try new things if you want to, just sit back and watch, or take the pictures of the shenanigans going on around you. Whatever you do, relax, its just sex!

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Comments (24)

  • rboy01

    rboy01
    Account closed

    Hi, I think if people would like to live out there fantasy they can act like porn stars or who ever they like to be at the time ( in bed having sex ) but I think they must set the mood ie buy having sex out side by the pool or in the garden, maybe in side on the lounge room.
    well that's my little say.
    >4w
    Reply
  • DaveOrb

    DaveOrb
    Account closed

    Very well expressed Chantelle. I'm sure your words will be music to the ears of many.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Touchntaste339

    Touchntaste339
    Account closed

    It's great to recognise that we are all different and unique! One of the attractions in meeting others with like minds is that it provides variety. Because we are individual we all approach sex in different ways - different techniques and lots of variety. A bit like eating at a smorgasbord (yes, I know they still exist!). Some dishes appeal because they look good, others because they smell good and others because they taste good. We can't eat everything on offer at the one sitting so it's good to look forward to something different next time we approach the feast. Immerse yourself in the pleasure and forget about "is it the right way to do it or what will the others think" and just enjoy - because that is what they are doing - viva la difference!
    >4w
    • DDdelite

      DDdelite
      Account closed

      Three cheers! I love your "smorgasbord" comment - it's SO true!
      My daughter jokes that I am both a magpie and a goldfish. ((I get very bored if I don't try new things and am distracted by the shiny things - pretty young men mostly)) but completely happy to stick to a winning formula too hehe.
      >4w
    Reply
  • TheMare

    TheMare
    61F Rosebud, VIC,
     AU

    I think that makes a lot of sense.. Enjoy the moment and be confident with your own body image.. My body is far from perfect but I love it anyway... Confidence is the key..
    >4w
    Reply
  • Fallenangels574

    Fallenangels574
    78M 76F Bairnsdale, VIC,
     AU

    Hi Chantelle. I have a lady friend and we both enjoy our time together. No one is expected to perform. we just enjoy the long journey together and the relaxation after our playtime. I also endorse the previous comments.
    >4w
    Reply
  • porsche8869

    porsche8869
    61M Adelaide, SA,
     AU

    Oh so true Chantelle, imagine lying on your death bed, saying "if only". It is just sex and to be explored and enjoyed no matter what.
    >4w
    Reply
  • curiousandsxc

    curiousandsxc
    Account closed

    Lets face it,just because you may not orgasm doesn't mean your not enjoying everything thats happening. Its just harder for some ppl to let go even though they want to. Sex is fun and should be explored. Variety is spice.
    >4w
    Reply
  • cigam67

    cigam67
    Account closed

    And play time is exactly what it is and the only time I am really in "flow".
    >4w
    Reply
  • devilschild0876

    devilschild0876
    48F Langwarrin, VIC,
     AU

    I am one who believes that sex should be enjoyed, explored and experimented with and I thoroughly enjoy discovering the ooohs and ahhhhs of new partners. I can have a tendency to be a vocal sexual partner, but in this I let you know what feels good and what I want. As Chantelle could probably attest, communication, exploration and have a laugh! Our bodies are renowned for making unplanned sounds at all the wrong moments. Don't get embarrassed. It happens & it always makes for amusing pillow talk afterwards. I believe the porn stars have blooper reels for these. I am totally blessed with the group of people that have chosen me to swing with them, we have comfort and a sense of humour. I love them dearly. We all have our body insecurities and flaws, mummy tummies, orange peel butts, gravity. But that is what makes you different from the next person. So as the very beautiful Mrs Austin would say, "Relax, It's just sex". Have a ball..... or two or four xxx
    >4w
    • DDdelite

      DDdelite
      Account closed

      So eloquently said devilschild0876. Thank you for making me feel better about my 'mummy tummy' - one natural, one Caesarian, and at my age - DD cups - Gravity is a bitch!
      Thank you x
      >4w
    • Vic.surfer

      Vic.surfer
      Account closed

      Such a great attitude, how could you not have fun if you bring communication, honesty and a sense of humour.
      >4w
    Reply
  • phuk4hrs

    phuk4hrs
    50M Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    I agree with all of the comments made and with the article above,but I fuck like a porn star and I lv it...I can do it because I'm relaxed and enjoy women who lv to have long adventurous sex....
    >4w
    Reply
  • Camille202

    Camille202
    Account closed

    Maybe people are confusing being a porn star with being erotic. Eroticism irequires us being involved and engaged. Being a porn star just means lots of aerobic exercise and body fluids... Dull
    >4w
    Reply
  • allinmymind

    allinmymind
    61F Wodonga, VIC,
     AU

    wow it is great there are so many comments. :)
    oh dear chickening out of a threesome is not much fun. :(
    I tend to agree Camille.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Penny.Trator

    Penny.Trator
    Account closed

    I agree totally with your comments, just relax and go with flow and have fun :)
    >4w
    Reply
  • wonderingbi97

    wonderingbi97
    Account closed

    Very true that is, more concentration on people less on appearance,shallowness is pathetic.
    >4w
    Reply
  • wonderingbi97

    wonderingbi97
    Account closed

    Being erotic is a fantasy that should be experienced by us all, being shy should be overcome and the opinion of others should be ignored.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Looklustlick

    Looklustlick
    Account closed

    I totally agree, while an agile lover is good, a relaxed, confident,enthusiastic lover is the best, someone who knows what they want and how it works and if it doesn't work it's a good reason to do it again we are all human an no one is infallible
    >4w
    Reply
  • boaty92

    boaty92
    66M Riverwood, NSW,
     AU

    no you don't have to be a porn star just a woman that is very sexy to and like to have sex with a man to
    >4w
    Reply
  • foursomeplease

    foursomeplease
    Account closed

    I love this article.. thank you Chantelle..
    we are very new to the swinging lifestyle and no matter how long we continue this for I will never allow cum on my face! ( purposely)
    You point out many truths we all worry about.. Tonight I'm going to relax and just have fun.. perfect timing for this article..
    >4w
    Reply
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