Debunking the "Keys in a Bowl" Swinging Myth!

Chantelle Austin Chantelle Austin on 18 August 2016    21 comments
Woman wearing a pink bra holding an antique key

In basic terms that we can all understand; Swinging is couples having sex for fun, with other people and their partner. It’s not couples seeking other people to be in a relationship with (that would be “polyamorous” and a whole other article), it’s all for fun and adventure.

When we started into the lifestyle, I didn’t think of us as swingers because somewhere along the line I remember seeing advertising or hearing stories about swingers and how they put their keys in a central bowl, then picked who they were going off with! I don’t know about you but I wasn’t signing on to that when I could end up with someone I was NOT attracted to… mind you, if I was guaranteed a 6 foot tall, dark hair, blue eyed, sexually brilliant, Adonis then I might change my mind.

I’m happy to report that swinging isn’t like that anymore although there are groups of swinging friends that do that for something different after having been playmates for some time.

At the beginning I was also under the mistaken impression that it was couples only having sex with other couples but it’s not. It can just be inviting one extra person of either sex to join you and your partner, or it can be enjoying sex with groups of other people. Some couples prefer just adding one and others prefer having as many options as possible, it’s a personal thing, like being in the mood for Italian food over going to an all you-can-eat buffet.

There are 3 different styles swingers adopt

I used to think that swinging was completely swapping partners and having sex with them, but it’s not just that. There are different types of swinging:

“Soft Swinging” is when couples don’t have sex with anyone other than their partner and they usually always stay in the same room. Some just watch what’s going on and use it as stimulation for the 2 of them. Others will just kiss the other people/person there, and some will engage in everything but the actual penile penetration.

“Hard Swinging” is couples having sex with a completely different partner (or partners) in either the same or different room.

“Open Swinging” is couples having sex or playing all in the same room and “closed swinging” is couples going off to different rooms to have sex and play. These terms aren’t used as much but it’s interesting to know.

What kind of people swing?

Some people are surprised when they realise that most swingers are not super models and erotic dancers; they look like everyday people and that’s because most are! They are pretty normal; married, kids, house, car, work… that’s normal, right? So like some people who have a taste for the finer things in life; fine wines, gourmet dinners, some have a taste for the naughty fun and adventure they can have with other people.

You’ll find that most swingers are easy going and just fun to be around. They’re so easy going that on the day it doesn’t matter if you can’t keep it up, or if you don’t have an earth shattering orgasm, and sometimes no actual sex is had, it’s just about exploration and having fun. In fact, often you’ll hear just as much laughing as “oh my god, just f#@k me!”

Oh and you may have heard, or had the perception that swingers are “sex fiends” or “deviates” and into some hard core sexual activities. Well it’s true, some are into pretty wild and kinky stuff but the majority of couples aren’t into anything hard core, they’re just exploring who they are and what they like sexually while adding a little spice and adventure to their relationship.

Whatever they do, many couples report that their swinging experiences make their relationship stronger and their sex life the envy of their other couple friends… Now that can’t be a bad thing, can it?

Definition: “Swinging, sometimes referred to as the swinging lifestyle, is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated much like any other social activity that can be experienced as a couple." - Bergstrand & Williams

For swinging couples we've updated our profile features on Adult Match Maker and you can specify "How We Play" to make it easier to find like-minded couples or playmates.

To update your profile choose Edit Profile and then choose the Overview section and you can edit the new How We Play, Relationship and Experience sections. 

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Comments (21)

  • sweetseraphina

    sweetseraphina
    Account closed

    Just went to my first swingers party and made my own fun. I was one of only two women who dressed in heels and lingerie and actually made an effort which I was surprised about. The other woman looked like she hadn't smiled since 1973!!! The lighting was all wrong, some women wore track suits and men could barely string a sentence together. That is probably why there was a TV on in the lounge can you believe it? Thankful I was at least able to have a mmmf encounter otherwise it would have been a waste of time...;)
    >4w
    • Curiouscj

      Curiouscj
      62M 64F Cornubia, QLD,
       AU

      Yes there are some "awkward" swingers parties around. Over the years we occasionally host couples only special event parties. Ladies dress daringly & the men are more than respectful. Very much a nightclub feel, all couples parties how they choose to & all couples keep coming back for more !! Haven't done a keys in the bowl party yet :)
      >4w
    • Privateer76

      Privateer76
      Account closed

      Are you sure it was a swinger party you attended
      and not an AA meeting?
      >4w
    Reply
  • donkeykong2011

    donkeykong2011
    60M Katherine, NT,
     AU

    Being a life long nudist and swinger it all started for me years ago when I went to a nude beach. Everyone there was friendly and I suppose had nothing to hide so honest and open. I got invited back to a couples house for my 1st gangbang - 8 guys and 1 female....wow!
    Since then I developed a taste (pun intended) for kinky sex and was on the look out for more. Visiting nudist resorts I met a lot of nice people, couples, families and singles. When I got married I introduced my wife to the life and a whole new chapter opened up.
    We started inviting our nudist friends back to our place for parties, nude of course and well ..... good friends, drinks and atmosphere and before we knew it everyone was just comfortable and the sex just happened openly. We have a big party once a year now around xmas time with up to 25-30 people. It is a big fuck fest where everyone joins in around the pool or in the living room. All consenting and no holes barred. To be able to have sex with anyone when you feel like it, have 1 or 2 others join in with you is a great life.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Kinkytan

    Kinkytan
    59F Albert Park, SA,
     AU

    thank you for your article it was very informative and good to know as I have been invited to a Swingers Group and wasnt quite sure what was involved so next time I might say yes
    >4w
    • mrwolfe1961

      mrwolfe1961
      64M Lilydale, VIC,
       AU

      It can be more than a bit daunting for first timers. The idea of strutting your stuff in something skimpy in front of a group of total strangers is scary to say the least! I had no idea what to expect the first time I went to a swingers party (it was when I was in the USA, years ago), I even thought I might end up buried in a shallow grave somewhere!
      What I found was a group of fun, caring, friendly people who were just looking for a little spice in their lives.
      There are a couple of things to keep in mind, because not all parties are the same:
      No means "no, thank you"
      - You don't have to do anything (or anyone :) you don't want to - although it can be lots of fun to try new things! - a book and its cover and all that. If someone says no to you it doesn't mean they think you are a toad, it just means they are looking for something else at the moment, which brings me to :
      Limits
      - Everyone has different limits. Some just want to watch, some want to dive in. Some like girls, or guys, or both, some are more reserved. Respecting other people's limits is pretty important and failing to do so is the most common source of friction (and not in a good way) in a swinging environment. Just because someone is at a party does not mean they are there to be a fairground ride.
      Dressing up/down
      - Swingers clubs/parties vary on this one. Some insist that you bring something skimpy and sexy to change into, usually after a couple of drinks but not always, with others it's up to you whether you do or not. I personally love dressing up but my wife does not. It's always best to check when you call to book in. Do what's comfortable for you (although I think putting on something that makes YOU feel sexy is fun and gets you right in the mood!)
      Mingle.
      - Most people like to get to know each other a bit before they get down to the business of gettin' it on. A swingers party is just like any other party - chat, have a few drinks, flit a bit, dance maybe, except that it's perfectly OK to wander off to the bedrooms and play.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Darkstud

    Darkstud
    53M Brisbane, QLD,
     AU

    Went to my first Swinger Club..............was a special day as it was their 5th Birthday. Had a great experience with a couple where the male liked to sit back and instruct and watch me please his female partner. The lady was nice and cooperative and seemed to enjoy every moment.
    Was a satisfying night for all of us. I am looking forward to similar and more erotic explorations.
    >4w
    Reply
  • allinmymind

    allinmymind
    61F Wodonga, VIC,
     AU

    I bought a lovely old bowl in an op-shop and displayed it on a small cupboard in the entry and yes ended up using it for keys. Then I remembered. :/
    It is nice that there are lots that understand the no penile penetration thing, which is basically where I am at.
    >4w
    Reply
  • allinmymind

    allinmymind
    61F Wodonga, VIC,
     AU

    Soft swinging can be achieved with one of the partners meeting someone else for coffee and have some slap and tickle. Saves the formal going out thing and the stress of that, which could be more satisfying.
    >4w
    Reply
  • s.zilla

    s.zilla
    61M 55F Darlinghurst, NSW,
     AU

    This is one of things that has been "On Again" "Off Again" for a couple of years now. For every good story there is a corresponding poor experience.
    It is something we would still like to experience but not sure the "right" way to go about it. Would like somewhere non committal first in case Lyn not ready to play. Being more voyeuristic not such a problem for me. lol
    >4w
    Reply
  • Iween1

    Iween1
    Account closed

    I have enjoyed a few local Tassie Swingers Parties. Some better than others. The best are where there has been time taken to prepare the venue - oil pools, spa, bedrooms done up, a nice supper. Paying $25 and BYO and I go as a single female. Most ppl are easy going - make fab friends there, which is a win win situation. One can do as much or as little as you like these parties. Knock on closed doors. No means no rules. Simple. Is a party atmosphere and a lot of fun and definitely value for money. Can go to observe and chat only if you like. Try as there are every day lovely ppl at these parties. Many couples bring spice back to their relationships by having 3sums and so on. Though not too active now, I have enjoyed so many sexual combinations without regret.
    >4w
    • tassieswingers

      tassieswingers
      Group Hobart, TAS,
       AU

      Why thanks Iween !! It is our pleasure to provide great parties (not average).
      Hasn't the oil pool been a ripper of an idea.
      Of course we have the Sybian at every party for people to have fun with and don't forget the chocolates! We always have chocolate. Sex, chocolate and strawberries are a great mix.
      The keys in a bowl myth is just that. People must have some spark with others to enjoy some play time with them. Imagine heading off to a room with someone that you did not like or find in the least attractive? In our world at Tassieswingers respect, attraction, kindness, entertainment and sexiness are the keys to our parties being loved. Keys in a bowl? Never!!!
      >4w
    • bebe003

      bebe003
      Account closed

      We've been to the 'better' Tassie parties and agree they're always a fantastic night.
      If anyone is curious about swingers parties but a little unsure, we're organising a casual meet and greet night in Hobart which is ideal for newbies to meet others in the scene in a no-pressure atmosphere. You can ask us for details.
      >4w
    Reply
  • beniceeveryone

    beniceeveryone
    48M Camberwell, VIC,
     AU

    I have been to a few swingers parties and they can very in terms of people. I prefer the smaller parties say 3 to 4 couples as there is usually a more relaxed, respectful and friendly atmosphere
    >4w
    Reply
  • mrwolfe1961

    mrwolfe1961
    64M Lilydale, VIC,
     AU

    It's long been an idea that I like, although I think it would be difficult, if not impossible, to do with a group of random strangers for the reasons pointed out here by yourself and others. Guys tend to be more comfortable with the idea of a "lucky dip" than girls, I think (or maybe that's just me :).
    I think it's do-able, although you would have to assemble a group of friends who had all played with each other and are comfortable with the idea.
    >4w
    Reply
  • willinged666

    willinged666
    59M Sunshine, VIC,
     AU

    hi how do I get up the courage to attend a swingers party
    any advice or help
    >4w
    Reply
  • Veryhorny775

    Veryhorny775
    54F Winton, QLD,
     AU

    When I lived on the Gold Coast I went to a couple of swingers parties with a girl friend of mine and we were made to feel very welcome.
    As we were both bisexual and advertised the fact that we were, by occasionally holding hands, we soon had suitors.
    Your article is correct they are just sexy normal people and we had a ball, besides other body parts.
    We even watched other couples together and was encouraged to masturbate.
    Willinged666 just go and see for yourself at least you will get to talk to other sexy people and the second time will be better.
    A large amount of the ladies are bi sexual, or would like to be, and some like being watched.
    There are also a lot of bi sexual men so if you get the chance just relax and be fondled I guess, I did and loved it.
    Sally
    >4w
    Reply
  • funlover521

    funlover521
    Account closed

    The first time I was invited to join a couple I was thinking what happens if the guy goes off at me while I am playing with his wife. BUT what I did find out was that it was a most wonderful experience and we had such a great time. Actually I have become addicted to the swinging life style. Yes I am that single guy that gets invited. I would love to have a partner and enjoy been a couple but that is not to be at the moment. I now have a few couples that we have became great friends. So yes swinging is a great life style and there are many wonderful couples and people out there. I would recommend it to anyone that is secure in there relationship. Steve
    >4w
    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor
      Staff Account

      Thanks for sharing Steve. It's refreshing to get a comment from a single guy as so many men complain that they don't get invites. You obviously have the right attitude. Keep having fun! Would love you to write a Testimonial about your experiences.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Darwinewbies

    Darwinewbies
    Account closed

    I have been swinging on and off with people we met on amm with my soulmate whom I met on amm. After going through a bad experience with my ex hubby I wasn't sure it was for me. My partner/soulmate and I have had 3somes with mfm & fmf also we done the same room and different room. We've had different experiences some good some bad and I believe you need that attraction or chemistry there to get it right. I also believe that before any couple does this talk about what you want out of it and make sure your both on the same page, be open and honest with each other. Don't do it just because your partner wants you too or your afraid they will leave you or go out looking on their own cause that just leads to bad experiences which could be avoided if you talk about it first.
    >4w
    Reply
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