Let's talk about Condom Positivity
Eva Sless
on 13 May 2017
38 comments
As someone who spends her days talking about and educating about sex in an open and positive way, one thing that has always struck me as weird is the negativity that surrounds conversations about condoms. Like, I really don't get it. As a society we are slowly becoming more open about sex and sexual practices. Sex before marriage is pretty much the norm for all of us, conversation around polyamory and open relationships has been more widely discussed and accepted, kink is no longer regaled to dark dungeons and gimp masks... And yet this tiny little piece of rubber, a remarkably innovative invention that has led to the sexual freedom of millions, one that could essentially save your life, is still often viewed as an inconvenience or nuisance to the act of sex.
Well let me tell you right now, it's time to stop.
I mean, when you think about it, apart from a couple of things, condoms are your number one must-have item that allows you to have as much sex as you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want! Surely that fact alone should be enough to change your mind about how crappy they are.
But let me elaborate.
Is Condom, Is Good
Condoms can save your life. They are 98% effective in stopping unwanted pregnancies and the majority of STIs (I say majority because unfortunately there are some STIs like herpes and crabs that a condom can't prevent), they come in all different shapes, sizes, colours, flavours and textures, and can be incorporated into your sexy play time without distracting from the moment or dampening the mood.
Considering some of the earliest condoms were made of either thick linen-like material (ouch scratchy) or reusable sheep's intestines (Mmm the smell of rancid meat) I really don't think there's a lot to complain about.
Yes, I know I know... I don't have a dick, how dare I profess to speak about that which I do not have experience in, and I agree with you to a point. However, over the past 20 years I have seen and fucked and played with and discussed and enjoyed more penises than the average person would in a lifetime. Like a hundred times more. I've seen every shape and size, and experienced every sensitivity. I have also heard every excuse under the sun (they pull, they're too tight, I'm not sick, don't you trust me, why would you want to wear a raincoat in the shower, yadda yadda ad nauseam...) but I have also had many many men talk to me, educate me, and show me the ways in which they make condoms an enjoyable and fluid part of sex, which I have then passed on to others and will now pass on to you.
Change Your Thinking
Let's stop looking at condoms as something you “have” to do, and change the mindset to something you “want” to do. The first and foremost of these wants should really be the desire to protect your and your partner's body from unwanted intrusions like diseases and babies. I mean surely that's got to count for something in the positive!
Another great way to change our thinking is to make the act of putting one on part of the sex as opposed to something you take time out of sex to do.
The best way to do this is to get your partner to help with the process. One of the sexiest things I think I ever learned to do was put a condom on with my mouth. It can take a bit of practice to get it right, but it's super fun and sexy working it all out.
Use your and their hands to gently roll it down. Make your movements slow and sensual and deliberate. Use lube to make it nice and slippery. Flavoured lubricants can be a deliciously slurpy way to enjoy rolling it down with your mouth too.
Variety is the Spice of Life
Seriously, have you had a look at the condoms that are available on the market these days? There are so many different sorts that can all add awesomeness to your experience.
Jazz it up with some bright colours! In keeping with the idea that sex should be fun and a little bit silly, these can definitely make you smile. I once had a boyfriend who had a packet of glow-in-the-dark condoms and I have to say we both had a good laugh at the end of the sex when he walked over to the bin to roll it down and put it away... The room was fairly dark and this little green bobbing dick was practically the only thing visible. Okay... So not particularly sexy, but funny and light and gave us a good after-glow giggle.
Flavours are getting better and better too. Although some brands still have a bit to get right, the majority of flavoured condoms these days are far more naturally tasting and can make oral sex heaps of fun!
Ribbed for her pleasure used to be something I laughed at and thought “yeah right, whatevs!” but I have since discovered that certain textured brands can be far more effective than others. Like you can actually feel the ribs, and it does give her pleasure, and if there's one thing I've learnt over the years, most men will enjoy sex far more if their partner is expressive in their enjoyment too.
Sensation-giving condoms and lube are also a great addition to modern condoms with cooling and warming and tingling substances added to the lubricant. These really do have some incredible effects on your bits and I highly recommend experimenting with different ones to find the best for you and your partners.
There are different sizes to fit all penis types, and now so many brands are coming out with super-ultra thin latex that they are almost like wearing nothing at all!
If latex is a problem for you or your partner there are some really great quality latex-free condoms around that can match all latex condoms with their styles, sizes and varieties.
Stretching and Pulling and Oh Too Tight!
Like I've mentioned there are condoms out there to suit all shapes and sizes, so if one really is uncomfortable have a hunt around to find a different brand or size that may suit you better.
A trick I learnt during sex work with a regular client who was not a small man is now something I do fairly regularly, especially with men who complain the rubber pulls against their skin and hurts.
I know this is a real thing. I've seen it. The condom pulling on the foreskin or head and making it raw and sore, it's really no fun for anyone! But all you need to do is put a little spot of lube around the head of your cock before putting one on. Not too much! Too much will have the condom slipping off, but enough to lubricate the area and stop the pulling.
I have never once had a man tell me this trick hasn't worked, with many of them remarking how it felt even better than they thought it would because of the slippy-slidey action their penis does inside the condom.
Different Doesn't Mean Bad
Yes, I get it, there is nothing quite like dancing naked in the rain, and no amount of fancy raincoat will change the fact that it's different... But if the choice is between catching deadly pneumonia or having to feel the pitter patter of rain on my jacket, then I know which one I would choose every time.
Yes it can be different. Sure, it might not feel AS amazing... But compared to the complete non event of not having sex, or the possibility of ruining your genitals with disease, or having an unwanted pregnancy to deal with... Honestly, are you really willing to admit the risk is worth it?
In the heat of the moment we forget to think about these things... But they really are important to think about and weigh up and become second nature whenever we have sex.
Just remember, different is not bad. It's just different. And, as I've shown you above, there are all sorts of ways you can make the “different” something really special.
With recent news highlighting the practice some men have of "stealthing" (taking off the condom without consent or knowledge of the other party) I feel I must say something here. This is NOT okay. It is assault plain and simple and can be prosecuted as such. It is a disgusting, cowardly act of a small man who does something like that. Stupid too. You could end up with all sorts of diseases and illnesses, and I'm not even going to go on about the mental anguish and stress you could put someone through if you do it to them, because I'll just get even more angry than I already am.
Bottom line is it is rape and if you do it and are caught I hope they throw the book at you. Condoms are such an important part of consent and trust that to ignore all of that so your dick gets a little bit more sensation, or even worse because actually want to degrade and disrespect the woman or man who consented to fuck you, is just revolting.
So remember folks, if it's not on, then it's not on! Now go get sheathed, and start having fun!
38 comments
MYKRYPTONITE4U
More than a month agoInterestingly what the BONE HEADS of this disturbing and devious act,is they are opening themselves up for potentially catching an sti from a partner that has requested they wear a condom for that specific reason and more fool them and what an ultimate pay back to the said fools.
ReplyWake up ASSCLOWNS.
Leatherloves
More than a month agoReflections from a Rubberist:
I love rubber!
Seriously, I adore rubber, latex, gummy. - our old username was Rubberloves!
It has been a sensual journey bridging over two decades to the point now I need only to smell rubber and it turns me on.
Ladies and gents, I hear your complaints about condoms... I'm sorry but most of your comments only highlight what ignorant, lazy, immature lovers you really are!
Safe sex is smart sex. And smart sex is so incredibly hot because when your lover grows a deep trust with you the whole sexual journey opens up with unexpected erotic joys and delicious sensual discoveries.
One tip guys - play with someone who chooses rubber and without the shadow of a doubt you have found an incredible, mature playmate who could keep you in extacy for years! The UK and Germany are the latex lovers' centers in the world. Sadly many Australians are the least informed about rubber-loving. No one has even mentioned the "Female Condom" or discussed latex sleeved bike shorts...
Female or internal condoms offer greater protect than conventional condoms particularly against STIs.
Internal condoms can be inserted before you go out on a date so they don't distroy the moment freeing up foreplay...
Sliding into a quality rubber garment is a strong sensual stimulating embrace.
You can shine it with shiner or Armor All and wow - you can even see your own face in the reflection...
Every time I go to Hellfire or S & S someone asks before caressing, fondling and feeling me. Rubber is definately a great conversation starter!
And folks, if you haven't been to the gym for a while it's OK. Just slip on a slighty thicker grade outer piece and it hides perfectly those lose and untoned bits we all have.
You can fuck away in the spar, pool or shower in latex mmmmmm, in fact, it's often best to slip out of your latex in the shower, hang it on hangers for cleaning and drying in the morning.
And, if you remove the internal condom spacer you can enjoy safe yummy anal sex.
Those who have a latex allergy can chlorinate their rubber.
Rubber chlorination: involved the treating of the rubber piece (commonly dipping it in diluted white vinegar and household bleach) so it comes out more flexible, self lubricated and silky on your skin.
WARNING: quality latex is expensive and needs care to maintain it
An interesting topic - thank you Eva, you'll be a hoot at a dinner party!
Perhaps it's time for me to run Tupperware-like LATEX PARTIES !!!
Folks, there is an incredibly hot whole new kinky sexy world out there that's safe, so immerse yourselves. I promise that you wont look back....except in the mirror as you perve on your hot lover is fucking you senceless...
Anyone with questions about rubber please feel free to message me.
Have fun everyone.
Bri AKA Rubbermaen ; )
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoOmg I am so in with the Tupperware/latex party!!
Haha.
And thank you so much for you comments.
I tossed up talking about dams and femidoms but I wanted to keep it concise and on the topic of the common refusal or negativity surrounding the humble dick condom.
But I will definitely be writing more about all the different sorts of rubbery protection type items out there.
Have a great day.
Let me know when the dinner party is.
;)
Account Closed
More than a month agoEva, you're on invite the list for the Rubber-party!
Regarding dams I've found then clumsy when compared with glad wrap, industrial strength glad wrap. I have had so much fun with a bottle of Moet and a roll of glad wrap!
My latest project is building a vacbed...
The aim was to be positive and there is so much fun to have with rubber, I just don't get this pessimism towards condoms. Stealthing is undermining the trust of women and bottoms the world over. What would fix stealthers is if the names of the men who perpetrate this act were listed on a website. They would never get an intelligent bonk!
Good sex requires good trust but great sex requires even greater trust.
When I'm finished the vacbed project I think it's high time for rubber parties.
Have fun!
B xx
Justintime100
More than a month agoA lady I know won't do "doggy" when she requires a condom - she told me that she can't keep the condom situation under control with "doggy", as she cannot see behind her, hence does not know whether or not the condom has been removed.
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoReally ? the ridiculous you can surely tell if it's not on :)
Womanscrumpet
More than a month agoI get almost no pleasure from having sex with a condom on. But you have to do it to keep your partner happy. Receiving oral on the other hand is bliss - as I understand it there is some risk from STDs but the risk is significantly lower than for intercourse. If i also had to wear a condom for oral I would give up sex - at least give up having someone try and pleasure me.
ReplyHappyCple569
More than a month agoAgree whole heartedly with the use of condoms I have always maintained though, if you don't use a condom or a vaginal dam for oral sex, what is the point of using one for intercourse? Agree, there are many seually transmitted deseases that you can only get from intercourse, but there are also alot of the common ones that you can get from oral sex too. Don't profess to be an expert, but just saying, love to hear from an expert with a difinitive answer to this question.
I have a feeling there is no real way of being 100% safe, just as there is no way of being 100% sure you won't get pregnant, regardless what pretection you use (apart from surgery lol). Oh and just for your info rubytwotimes pre cum has sperm in it too, so it is possible to get pregnant, so if your inside her with out a condom then, expect to be expectring. Maybe a onesy made from condom material might be the go. let the debate begin lol
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoYou're right. There is no 100% effective way to be completely safe unless you never have any kind of sex or even kissing ever in your life.
And even then you could catch a flu. Haha.
Oral sex has less risks in some areas but yes, many STIs can be caught via it. Just brushing your teeth before giving oral sex can increase the risk of infection because of minor cuts and abrasions in your mouth.
Gonorrhoea of the throat is common as is herpes.
Evan a woman with thrush can pass that on to her baby during birth and can cause all sorts of awful infections for the baby.
Condoms and dams are essential for the frisky and non monogamous of us all.
It's all individual obviously, but yes. You're absolutely right. There are definitely risks and people should definitely be aware.
Account Closed
More than a month agoIts basically all about risk management. But also mutual care and consideration.
Bendigomattt
More than a month agoI think my comment wont be approved as ive been critical about one of your writers but thought i would put it here anyway to see if you guys are serious about discussing this subject!!
Condoms make sex a waste of time for me......i never use them as the reduced sensation makes it totally not enjoyable!!
I can't cum using them for the same reason.....i think more people should say what they really think too. Thus here i am an honest man!!
Just being honest, if im asked to use one i wont have sex for me its a total waste of time no matter how you write it up.
And women have no idea how much it reduces the enjoyment of sex to virtually nil!!
Have you any male writers and if so dont you think its their domain to talk about this?
Hearing it from a womans perspective is like asking a guy "what is a period like"!!!
And on my profile i have ticked the NEVER box for safe sex so im totally honest about it and mislead no one!!
Each to their own i reckon and as long as people are honest about it all too
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoI am with you on that.
Some lube and a handjob beats condom sex.
Account Closed
More than a month agoLol yes so many people are afraid to say what they feel as it's become politically incorrect to say anything about not using condoms. Obviously they reduce the chance of transmitting disease and that's great. But there is a catch, first the sensation for the guy is reduced, its like wearing a glove, the wearer will lose contact and as swingers, we are very aware that for long hard action they can cause severe soreness for the lady, we can not have prolonged sessions before she has to stop in pain. We compromise by always using condoms with couples we meet for the first time always use condoms with any couples who normally don't The exception is with friends, who we know seldom or never swing with anyone else without, or only swing with us. Yep not perfect but our choice, were swingers, we love it and we make our own choices.
NoHarmInAsking
More than a month agoI'm on here looking for someone to have children with, so, if I ever find her, we won't be using condoms. :-)
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoWell that's an entirely different conversation.
And probably, unless all you both want is the kid and no actual relationship, I'd assume the first few times at least in the "getting to know whether or not this person is someone I want to be forever connected to by another person we have created together" I'd say condoms are still necessary.
Good luck in your search.
DrJekyll.MrHyde
More than a month agoIf 'it's' not on.....it's not on!
ReplyDo_it_4_Fun
More than a month agoHonestly for me i don't like using condoms for oral, As for sex if your swinging you just have to use condoms its simple, you can still get creative with where a guy(s) are going to finish which keeps it fun for everyone. And i agree putting on a condom with your mouth is a sexy skill!
ReplyStealthing - YUCK Advice guys this shouldn't even be a thing! never experienced anyone trying to do that to me, if they did i honestly think id punch them! creepiest thing ever!
bcp1972
More than a month agoI would regard stealthing as rape. If she has asked you to wear a rubber and she knew you had taken it off she would say stop and if you continued is that not rape? So taking it off without her consent to me is the same thing. It also disgusts me that anyone would be so disrespectful to another human being.
ReplyHenmvy2
More than a month agoPlease put it on before you put it in. Before you wiggle it around. Before you rub it up and down.
ReplyIts actually very sexy for a woman to be treated with that much respect and kindness.
luvaflogger
More than a month agowould you play Russian roulette?!!
It's the same as not using a condom
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoSpot on!
I vaguely remember a safe sex campaign from somewhere (UK maybe?) that used the same analogy.
GentlemanWolf
More than a month agoI find the latest thin condoms nearly as good as bare...I think ppl may have a negative mindset about condom use. Their experience will then reflect that thinking.
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month agoThankyou GentlemanWolf.
Its good to know there are gentlemen out there..
SweetDesirezz
More than a month agoI've had a condom left inside me, without my knowledge, until I got severe pains, awful discharge, fever and very ill a couple days later. Guys... If the condom comes off, let your partner know and put your fingers in there and remove it! Don't do a runner and leave her to deal with an incidious infection because you're too embarrassed or arrogant to say it's come off!
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoOmg how awful for you!!
rubytwotimes
More than a month agoWe've sort of been forced to use condoms since we had a bubba and Ruby had enough of the pill. I've (mr) never been a fan and always found the interruption a bit of a buzz kill and a tight ring around my cock when finished but we've since found that thinner condoms and the next size up have helped immeasurably; it's been good for us to be forced to try something different every now and then. We usually start without a condom and when I'm ready to orgasm we'll slip it on, sometimes. Other times we get creative where I finish and we've both enjoyed that :)
ReplySo, we'd say definitely find the right one for you.
Nightrod67
More than a month agoSimply just another great read, informative,practical,sensible,sexy and sensually written by the wonderful Eva.
I personally have learned so much from these well thought out and constructed articles,so well done to the authors and AMM very educational indeed.
Just a note on this horrendous thing that is " stealthing" it's a criminal act in my mind and so premeditated and the perpetrator should be locked up for a long time and hopefully subjected to the same hideous treatment whilst in the big house.
I have had a relationship with a detective/police prosecutor and sexual assault is a hideous thing to even hear about let alone go through and it's a bloody blight on society.
To the men that think this is funny your not men at all, I would gladly like to spend five minutes alone with you, trust me I don't need all of the five. Enough said.
Thanks Eva and keep up the great work.
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ReplyDeliciousEva
More than a month agoThank you!
I'm so glad you are not only entertained but also educated by my writing.
Life goal right there!
Achievement unlocked!
Have a great weekend!
:)
indibichick
More than a month agoSafe sex is always a must for us when with others , the range of types of condoms and flavored lubes are just getting better and better these days and adds to the fun unlike the old days when condoms were like wearing a rubber glove and the only lube was KY Jelly
Replygoosebumps75
More than a month agoJust condom up and have fun. It's that easy, like brushing your teeth every morning and night.
ReplyHappy Rubberdome!!
chatterbox369
More than a month agoWell for one who can't feel anything with one on - sex isn't pleasurable so the only way i can play is when i know both are 100% clean and we both haven't played with anyone else in over the 3-6months. Which means i don't play very often anyway, specially not from this site...
if i had a gf I wouldn't have to worry about it...
Edit.
(Have tried different ones, my problem being my sensitivity is in the head, not the shaft and with the foreskin covered it doesn't work - and why i'm on here is that i've found a gf here in the past - not everyone on here is purely looking for hookups... and i'm here for my own reasons, not to be judged by anyone else)
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Replyindibichick
More than a month agoMaybe you need to try a few differant brands to find one best suited there are some pretty thin ones out there now , As for playing with someone thats 100 percent clean and not been with someone over 3 months how would you ever know , truth is you would never know and wonder if would not play with anyone from this site begs the question why are you on here ?
Nightrod67
More than a month agoWell what your doing is protection in itself to a degree.
But to have fun on this sight as you say, its safer to tarp up or get a girlfriend like you say but that's a dilemma to achieve.
I hear your pain but that pain could be far worse.
I wish you well.
Account Closed
More than a month agoAhhh an honest man! Good to see
Condoms make sex a waste of time for me......i never use them as the reduced sensation makes sex a waste of time and totally not enjoyable!! I can't cum using them for the same reason.....i think more people should say what they really think too. Thus here i am another honest man!!
Just being honest, if im asked to use one i wont have sex for me its a total waste of time no matter how you write it up.
I found this article totally un informative like im not 11yrs old.
And women have no idea how much it reduces the enjoyment of sex to virtually nil!!
Have you any male writers and if so dont you think its their domain to talk about this?
Hearing it from a womans perspective is like asking a guy "what is a period like"!!!
Nightrod67
More than a month agoHey no judgement here,i was wishing you well in the pursuit of a girlfriend.
Obviously if you have both been tested and no unprotected sex has transpired between others,then you are both 100% percent clean to get dirty in a sexy way :)
Good luck
Just a note about BendigoMattt's comment I understand your pain but I don't think it matters who wrote the blog male or female and it's not based on just a man's pleasure,it's about safety and sexual health not pleasure on its own.
I think communication is key and honesty between both parties but that's not a given at all, so I put to anyone would you have unprotected sex with anyone you knowingly understand to have an STI, I'm sure the answer is no,so why have unprotected sex with someone when your not 100% certain, so I'm perplexed at this mentality.
I love unprotected sex like we all do but if your not 100% sure it's safe put a helmet on, I don't ride my bike without one and it's not because of my pretty face. Hahahaha i just want to protect half the brain I have.
Stay safe everyone
Cheers.
Account Closed
More than a month agoSex doesn't always have to be about penetration... Mutual mastubation/toys are a fun way to get each other off. As someone who doesnt cum through vaginal penetration, I'll say to the men hell bent on no condoms: learn other ways to please one another then!
I have the preference for no condoms, but unless I'm in a monogamous relationship, oh hell one's going on, even if it reduces my own pleasure! (Hence, toys, porn and mastubation!)
Melody2973
More than a month agoIt astounds me how many men and women have if required about using protection :(, most men I've encountered are happy not to but I prefer to :)
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ReplyAccount Closed
More than a month ago'IF REQUIRED' puts pressure on the woman to set the boundaries. Man up guys. Show you are mature and respectful. Get it on without having to be told to.
Men here are always saying how respectful they are and how much they love to give pleasure. Using a condom is a big display of respect, and kindness. Its very sexy. Women are going to be more relaxed if the prospect of pelvic inflammatory disease is off the menu.
Just put it on before you put it in.