Let's talk about Condom Positivity
Eva Sless
on 13 May 2017
38 comments
As someone who spends her days talking about and educating about sex in an open and positive way, one thing that has always struck me as weird is the negativity that surrounds conversations about condoms. Like, I really don't get it. As a society we are slowly becoming more open about sex and sexual practices. Sex before marriage is pretty much the norm for all of us, conversation around polyamory and open relationships has been more widely discussed and accepted, kink is no longer regaled to dark dungeons and gimp masks... And yet this tiny little piece of rubber, a remarkably innovative invention that has led to the sexual freedom of millions, one that could essentially save your life, is still often viewed as an inconvenience or nuisance to the act of sex.
Well let me tell you right now, it's time to stop.
I mean, when you think about it, apart from a couple of things, condoms are your number one must-have item that allows you to have as much sex as you want, whenever you want, with whomever you want! Surely that fact alone should be enough to change your mind about how crappy they are.
But let me elaborate.
Is Condom, Is Good
Condoms can save your life. They are 98% effective in stopping unwanted pregnancies and the majority of STIs (I say majority because unfortunately there are some STIs like herpes and crabs that a condom can't prevent), they come in all different shapes, sizes, colours, flavours and textures, and can be incorporated into your sexy play time without distracting from the moment or dampening the mood.
Considering some of the earliest condoms were made of either thick linen-like material (ouch scratchy) or reusable sheep's intestines (Mmm the smell of rancid meat) I really don't think there's a lot to complain about.
Yes, I know I know... I don't have a dick, how dare I profess to speak about that which I do not have experience in, and I agree with you to a point. However, over the past 20 years I have seen and fucked and played with and discussed and enjoyed more penises than the average person would in a lifetime. Like a hundred times more. I've seen every shape and size, and experienced every sensitivity. I have also heard every excuse under the sun (they pull, they're too tight, I'm not sick, don't you trust me, why would you want to wear a raincoat in the shower, yadda yadda ad nauseam...) but I have also had many many men talk to me, educate me, and show me the ways in which they make condoms an enjoyable and fluid part of sex, which I have then passed on to others and will now pass on to you.
Change Your Thinking
Let's stop looking at condoms as something you “have” to do, and change the mindset to something you “want” to do. The first and foremost of these wants should really be the desire to protect your and your partner's body from unwanted intrusions like diseases and babies. I mean surely that's got to count for something in the positive!
Another great way to change our thinking is to make the act of putting one on part of the sex as opposed to something you take time out of sex to do.
The best way to do this is to get your partner to help with the process. One of the sexiest things I think I ever learned to do was put a condom on with my mouth. It can take a bit of practice to get it right, but it's super fun and sexy working it all out.
Use your and their hands to gently roll it down. Make your movements slow and sensual and deliberate. Use lube to make it nice and slippery. Flavoured lubricants can be a deliciously slurpy way to enjoy rolling it down with your mouth too.
Variety is the Spice of Life
Seriously, have you had a look at the condoms that are available on the market these days? There are so many different sorts that can all add awesomeness to your experience.
Jazz it up with some bright colours! In keeping with the idea that sex should be fun and a little bit silly, these can definitely make you smile. I once had a boyfriend who had a packet of glow-in-the-dark condoms and I have to say we both had a good laugh at the end of the sex when he walked over to the bin to roll it down and put it away... The room was fairly dark and this little green bobbing dick was practically the only thing visible. Okay... So not particularly sexy, but funny and light and gave us a good after-glow giggle.
Flavours are getting better and better too. Although some brands still have a bit to get right, the majority of flavoured condoms these days are far more naturally tasting and can make oral sex heaps of fun!
Ribbed for her pleasure used to be something I laughed at and thought “yeah right, whatevs!” but I have since discovered that certain textured brands can be far more effective than others. Like you can actually feel the ribs, and it does give her pleasure, and if there's one thing I've learnt over the years, most men will enjoy sex far more if their partner is expressive in their enjoyment too.
Sensation-giving condoms and lube are also a great addition to modern condoms with cooling and warming and tingling substances added to the lubricant. These really do have some incredible effects on your bits and I highly recommend experimenting with different ones to find the best for you and your partners.
There are different sizes to fit all penis types, and now so many brands are coming out with super-ultra thin latex that they are almost like wearing nothing at all!
If latex is a problem for you or your partner there are some really great quality latex-free condoms around that can match all latex condoms with their styles, sizes and varieties.
Stretching and Pulling and Oh Too Tight!
Like I've mentioned there are condoms out there to suit all shapes and sizes, so if one really is uncomfortable have a hunt around to find a different brand or size that may suit you better.
A trick I learnt during sex work with a regular client who was not a small man is now something I do fairly regularly, especially with men who complain the rubber pulls against their skin and hurts.
I know this is a real thing. I've seen it. The condom pulling on the foreskin or head and making it raw and sore, it's really no fun for anyone! But all you need to do is put a little spot of lube around the head of your cock before putting one on. Not too much! Too much will have the condom slipping off, but enough to lubricate the area and stop the pulling.
I have never once had a man tell me this trick hasn't worked, with many of them remarking how it felt even better than they thought it would because of the slippy-slidey action their penis does inside the condom.
Different Doesn't Mean Bad
Yes, I get it, there is nothing quite like dancing naked in the rain, and no amount of fancy raincoat will change the fact that it's different... But if the choice is between catching deadly pneumonia or having to feel the pitter patter of rain on my jacket, then I know which one I would choose every time.
Yes it can be different. Sure, it might not feel AS amazing... But compared to the complete non event of not having sex, or the possibility of ruining your genitals with disease, or having an unwanted pregnancy to deal with... Honestly, are you really willing to admit the risk is worth it?
In the heat of the moment we forget to think about these things... But they really are important to think about and weigh up and become second nature whenever we have sex.
Just remember, different is not bad. It's just different. And, as I've shown you above, there are all sorts of ways you can make the “different” something really special.
With recent news highlighting the practice some men have of "stealthing" (taking off the condom without consent or knowledge of the other party) I feel I must say something here. This is NOT okay. It is assault plain and simple and can be prosecuted as such. It is a disgusting, cowardly act of a small man who does something like that. Stupid too. You could end up with all sorts of diseases and illnesses, and I'm not even going to go on about the mental anguish and stress you could put someone through if you do it to them, because I'll just get even more angry than I already am.
Bottom line is it is rape and if you do it and are caught I hope they throw the book at you. Condoms are such an important part of consent and trust that to ignore all of that so your dick gets a little bit more sensation, or even worse because actually want to degrade and disrespect the woman or man who consented to fuck you, is just revolting.
So remember folks, if it's not on, then it's not on! Now go get sheathed, and start having fun!
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