It's time to Shame the Slut Shamers

Eva Sless Eva Sless on 18 March 2017    92 comments
Photograph of a topless woman holding her hands over her breasts with

Photo from the series “The Feminist Photos” used with permission from the very talented Liora K Photography  

You're not going out in that!!

Okay ladies, raise your hands. How many times have you heard those words directed at you by your parents, your boyfriend, a friend? How many times have you opened Facebook or similar and been confronted by a news story of a young woman being told to change her clothes or go home from school because a bra strap/shoulder/leg/bit of skin was displayed? How many times have you heard a woman or girl being called a slut, a tramp, a whore because of an outfit she dared to wear? And the last one, how many times have you heard the pearl-clutching utterance that “If she hadn't worn that, maybe she wouldn't have been raped...”?

Now for the guys. How many times have you thought that? That a girl in a tight dress is “asking for it”? Or that “I wouldn't let MY girlfriend/wife go out like that.”

You may think you're “protecting” her or showing concern for her well being... But you're not.

You're slut shaming, and it's time we all stopped.

Slut Shaming

So what exactly is slut shaming? The words are thrown around a lot but in the most basic of terms, slut shaming is the practice of shaming and humiliating a sexual woman for being, well, sexual.

It can be as overt as that time all those vacuous news reporters blamed Jennifer Lawrence etc for someone stealing and leaking their nude photographs, or it can be more subtle like those “In a world full of Kardashians be a Princess Diana.” memes. All of these things are designed to make women feel guilty and ashamed for being sexual, whether in public or private, and put the responsibility of assault in the hands of the victim and not the attacker.

The very idea that a woman is somehow responsible for her own attack is ridiculous and I honestly cannot believe, almost 20 years into the new millennium, that people still think an item of clothing is to blame for someone else's choice.

Seriously. Clothes do not cause rape. Women have been raped while being dressed in jeans, In burqas. In dresses. In pyjamas.

Walking alone does not cause rape. Women have been raped while at home. While at parties. While on holidays with family.

Being drunk does not cause rape. Women have been raped while sober. While high. While recovering from surgery.

The ONLY thing that causes rape is a RAPIST.

The choice a person makes to harm and violate another person.

Nothing else!

In fact, as insulting as this is for women I am surprised this sort of rhetoric doesn't make men angrier.

In the context of rape conversations the anger of men is usually very misplaced. Instead of being angry that the idea of a woman “asking for it” basically infers men are mindless animals with no self control or ability to act like a human, men get defensive and angry and cry “NOT ALL MEN!!” which is true, but completely irrelevant. The thing is, guys, it's actually not about you.

You see, as much as it is not all men it is, in fact, yes, all women.

Every woman, at one time or another, has had the experience of feeling unsafe in the presence of men. I am very lucky. I have never been raped. I have, however, been groped on public transport, had cars full of men catcall and follow me down a dark street. I have walked through car parks with my keys in my hand, been called a whore for not accepting a drink from a stranger. I have been ogled and leered at and treated like shit because I have boobs and a vagina. And every single woman in the world will attest to something similar.

The statistics show that one in three women will be physically assaulted in her lifetime. Men are also attacked and raped and must not be left out of the conversations at all, but the overwhelming majority of ALL attackers, regardless of if the attack is towards a male or a female, are perpetrated by men. This is fact. And the only thing to be getting angry about is that it happens. Not that you personally haven't done it. 

Seriously, you don't get praise for not being a rapist. Just as I shouldn't get praised for not being a murderer.

The Problem With Rape Prevention

If you have ever uttered the words “don't go out in that or you're asking for trouble” do you know what you're really saying? You're basically saying “Make sure he rapes another girl.” and that, my friends, is a disgusting attitude to have. You may not think of it in such a linear way, but that's essentially what “rape prevention” education is all about.

It's not about teaching men to respect women. It's not about teaching consent. It's not about breaking down the systems of male entitlement to women's bodies that has been ingrained in our society for thousands of years. It's not about making sure he doesn't rape. 

No. 

It's about making sure he doesn't rape you and, quite frankly, that isn't good enough. In fact it is downright wrong.

Conversations and education around assault need to change. Attitudes to women and sexually active women need to change. The idea that women are sexy only for men and the minute they want to be sexy for themselves they are some sort of whore needs to change.

The analogies of “uncovered meat” and “you'd lock your car up” are not only insulting as hell (women are not cars or plates of meat) they are completely misleading and take away from the human side of it. I have often asked men who say those sorts of things how many women they've raped? They usually get angry and defensive and call me a feminazi whore... But it's a valid question in that sort of context. If my clothes made that man rape me, how many clothes have made you rape?

A far better analogy would be that a man in a nice suit walking out of the bank somehow deserves to be mugged. That a professional boxer walking down the street is just “asking to be beaten up”. That a person who gets car-jacked is to blame for owning a car. These are all utterly ridiculous statements that would be laughed out of a court or police station... But these are the very things courts and police say to women about their attacks. That they are somehow to blame. In fact it was this very thing that led to Slut Walk.

Slut Walk

In 2011 a police officer speaking at York University in Canada told the listening crowd that (paraphrased) “Women shouldn't dress like sluts if they don't want to be assaulted”.

This greatly angered and upset the crowd (of both men and women) and, in the days following, the now global movement of Slut Walking was born.

In a similar act of protest that the “Reclaim the Night” marches began, women and men from all over the world are standing up and saying 'Bullshit!” What we wear and how we act should have absolutely NO relevance to our personal safety whatsoever. The crowds get bigger every year and people wear anything they like from body-paint or bikinis, to burqas or ball gowns. The message being clear: Our clothes are not to blame for an assault against us. 

I have to say, honestly, it feels so weird that I have to even write an article in 2017 that states this. It feels so weird that I am raising a teenage daughter and the mothers of boys the same age have asked me if I've warned her about rape, but get defensive when I ask them if they've told their sons NOT to rape. These twisted ideas about women and their bodies need to stop, and it starts with us.

Slut is not a dirty word!

The word slut is one that has been fraught with shame and distaste and disrespect. It is a word we use to insult and belittle and control women who are "too" sexual. Of course we also have "prude" which is used for women who aren't sexual enough... And it's just bullshit. Seriously.

Women throughout the world are beginning to stand up strong and say "I will not be shamed for my sexual side". Women are taking the word once used as a way to control and tame them, and are making it their own. Basically: "If a sexual woman is a slut... And I am proud of being a sexual woman... Then I am proud to call myself a slut and own the strength and power it gives back to me."

And I for one celebrate this taking back of sexual power. We deserve it. And I'm not the only one.

"I'm a slut and proud of it. I have a few guys that call me a slut or cum slut and I'm quite okay with it. I love sex and cum. It's just a name and you can take it seriously or embrace it as I have!" MsKittyDivineG

"Sluts RULE!!! If you don't agree, read "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. Ladies, let's reclaim the word..." Leolady727

"SLUT...Sexy Liberated Uninhibited Temptress...whats not to love about that. Add the term ethical and there it is. Nobody should have hang ups about having fun." RideNSlide69

Don't be “that person”

The next time you feel like making a disparaging remark about a celebrity who's gone nude, or some chick you know who fucked some guy she only just met... Every time you think to yourself “omg she is not going out in THAT?” about your wife, friend, daughter... Stop it. Stop it and think about where it is coming from.

Yes I know so many dads out there will be saying “but I remember what I was like at 14. I don't want my daughter to have to experience that...” Well yes, true... BUT DON'T BLAME YOUR DAUGHTER! Seriously. If it bothers you that much that you're willing to screech into a feminist's ear that it's “not all men” then bloody go and do something about it. Start a “men to mentor boys” group. Go and speak at your local high school. Teach your sons about consent. Teach the boys in your life to not be the misogynistic shit you were at that age.

We spend so much time teaching girls to be wary of boys, yet the conversations with boys so rarely touch on what is acceptable or not.

You want to change the rape statistics for your daughters? You are where that starts.

We all are. 

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Comments (92)

  • Mstr.Full

    Mstr.Full
    Account closed

    It can be a term of endearment... but only between two people connected and perhaps looking deep into each others eyes... from my point of view... just do not use the word as it can be misconstrued... in meaning... in our speech we always must be concise.
    >4w
    Reply
  • gpdrelax1

    gpdrelax1
    66M Mount Gambier, SA,
     AU

    People who make judgment are usually weak and insecure. We are all equal and I treat women as my equal so if it is good enough for me to enjoy my body by sharing it is good enough for women. I prefer to be with women who enjoy their body by sharing as they are more honest and usually share what they get enjoyment from and not leave me guessing. Good article.
    All rapists should be castrated.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Randi1

    Randi1
    67M Bellbird Park, QLD,
     AU

    The ted talk explained it beautifully.
    >4w
    Reply
  • NoisyGirl

    NoisyGirl
    60F Aspendale Gardens, VIC,
     AU

    Just the other day I was talking to my daughters and my son about dressing appropriately for each occasion and their surroundings. You want to go to the beach? Wear a bikini/bathers and take a towel. You want to go to the movies in a "suspect" part of town at night-time? Wear jeans and a hoodie and go in a group. You want to go on a picnic in the middle of summer? Wear whatever you like, so long as it's clothes not a bikini look-a-like. You want to go to a swingers club? Wear as little as possible and take a friend to share the fun. (Well I didn't tell them that YET, but I'm sure it will come up once they are older! ) Bottom line was Dress for the occasion. The girls and guys that go out at night dressed in clothes not much bigger than a handkerchief are not dressing appropriately for the occasion or the surroundings. It's not about being a slut, it's about lessening your risk of danger - whether that be an assault or simply a case of the flu. :-) It's a crying shame that we ALL (male and female) have to be more aware of the nutcases out there who think they can leer, catcall, rob, rape, assault, carjack and bash others. It's not just society's attitudes that has to change, it's the lenient laws and sentences that allow them to get away with it, time and time again. Time that respect for others, (no matter what sex or how much consensual sex) was taught, not just at home, but in our courts.
    >4w
    Reply
  • chilli333

    chilli333
    60M Coffs Harbour, NSW,
     AU

    The term slut originally referred to an untidy or slovenly women. Not necessarily a women of "loose morals". Somehow the modern language has hijacked the word to mean a sexually promiscuous woman. At the end of the day it takes two or more to tango so by modern definition we are all sluts!
    >4w
    Reply
  • thesydneycrew

    thesydneycrew
    Account closed

    My wife has had sex with probably 80 men that she only just met at a Party and by definition a Slut is a woman who has sex with a man she has just met or doesn't know their name. so my wife is a Slut and I love her. I think my attitude came from my brother who called girls Sluts because he could never get one and I always had the bad girl friend who slept around as did I . I hate double standards, I am hoping to get the wife sleeping with other men again soon, I am not cuckold as I join in and we just Gangbang her it's so much fun.
    You marry the good Girl but you alway want the Slut!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Jaydenandamb

    Jaydenandamb
    47M 45F Yarraville, VIC,
     AU

    I enjoy the idea that i can be a one of the most elegant ladies at the ball..................!!!!!!!!!!! Then when i choose a guy to cum home with me to help hubby satisfy me its on. Instantly after leaving i become the dirtiest fukn COCK hungry slut who will do anything for hot hard sex!!!!! Asap i drop to my knees and sample my prize, i will never forget him.......Jason had the biggest thickest cock that i had ever had!! 9"+ i nearly orgasmed just feeling it!! We kissed my hand stroking his knob while he had 3 fingers in me and his thumb just flicking my asshole..........im your WHORE tonight all my holes are for you i said as he drove his thumb into my waiting ass!!!! I called hubby and told him we were 10 mins from hotel ......long story short that was when I realized i wanted men to use an abuse me like a cheap dirty slut untill im covered in there CUM and throbbing all over xxx
    >4w
    Reply
  • Maxxum

    Maxxum
    70M Portland, VIC,
     AU

    SLUT. Do we know what a SLUT is?
    SLUT is an acronym:
    S = Sexually
    L = Liberated
    U = Uninhibited
    T = Temptress
    It does not matter whether you are 18 or 69 you can be a SLUT and be proud of it.
    Go for it girls
    >4w
    Reply
  • QLDTwo4fun

    QLDTwo4fun
    63M 52F Indooroopilly, QLD,
     AU

    Maybe I'm self centred, but It's not a term I use to describe anyone. It has always been a partiacheal term, loaded with control. Let individual women/people choose what they want to do, not just in sex but in their whole lives. I have two boys and two girls and I have always tried to give them the same advice on life and sex.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Krazydan77

    Krazydan77
    Account closed

    Good article
    >4w
    Reply
  • cherryblossom68

    cherryblossom68
    56F NSW,
     AU

    Thankyou for a wonderful article. I am mum to teenage boys and have always talked to them about the need to respect women. Ive set them straight on more than one occassion about how they speak about girls and women.
    They understand women have the right to be the person they want to be.
    I hope everything ive said sticks as they move out into the world or they'll have their mother to deal with.
    So far it has. I believe we have to teach our sons from little boys that everbody has the right to be who they are.
    >4w
    Reply
  • 42pupasmurfblue

    42pupasmurfblue
    Account closed

    I have always said how society gets it so wrong, why is it that if a woman sleeps with 3 guys she's precieved to be a slut but if a guy sleeps with 3 women he's a stud !!!! To think that over all these years not much has changed I agree with your article, it's about time we spoke up?
    >4w
    Reply
  • real17

    real17
    66M 65F Maroochydore, QLD,
     AU

    Wow. I am amazed by the variety of comments. Both positive and negative. A small observation that I had when still at school..... just a few years before I knew anything about swinger sites. :) In the school ground, many of the boys would lable the "loose" girls as "sluts!!!. The guys who took advantage of these girls, were Studs!!... It wasn't fair then, & it still isn't fair. Without those "sluts"...the wouldn't have been any "Studs". I am male. I use the term "slut", to describe anyone, usually a female, with the utmost respect. The internet has allowed many women to enjoy the kind os sex that us guys have been enjoying for centuries. Well done girls, it's way past time that you were able to enjoy being "sluts"... I salute you....& me, because I'm one of the biggest "sluts" going..... & loving it!!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Melody2973

    Melody2973
    Account closed

    You don't have to be a ' slut ' just because you are sexual :(
    >4w
    Reply
  • Cougarsandcats

    Cougarsandcats
    49M Byron Bay, NSW,
     AU

    If the whole world knows you banged a football team the whole world knows.
    Most women make the mistake of fucking the local stud because they hear rumour he's a stud, the reality is got a big mouth and invented his own legend, and now your private liaison is getting a detailed rundown in the gym locker, at the local bar and amongst anyone with nothing better to do.
    Most slut shaming is done by women, they seem gossip the most,, men brag, men generally don't give a fuck, but when they find out you've done the rounds you'll find most guys don't want to settle down with you, it's nothing personal.
    My advice is do your thing, avoid big mouths and tell anyone you fall in love with it's under 10, unless you're very confident they're pretty liberal.
    I'm not being a dick, I'm being honest, I am a guy, I know guys, that's how it is.
    >4w
    • Doit2meagain

      Doit2meagain
      57F Adelaide, SA,
       AU

      Maybe guys should become more liberal and less judgemental...thats a better solutuion than a woman having to hide herself with what comes naturally.
      >4w
    • Cougarsandcats

      Cougarsandcats
      49M Byron Bay, NSW,
       AU

      Do it 2 Meagain
      As I said, a lot of slut shaming is done by women, men just bail or never commit if they find out their new partner has racked up big numbers.
      I'm not on here condoning slut shaming or offering to be a spokesperson for either side, I'm just saying how it is currently and giving chicks who want to settle down at some stage a bit of advice.
      >4w
    • Doit2meagain

      Doit2meagain
      57F Adelaide, SA,
       AU

      Women that slut shame are only doing it because of jelousy insecurities and low self esteem...so instead of fixing their own problems they create a bit of heat for someone who would never stoop that low for attention..
      Maybe chicks should give men a bit of advise as well...if men only want to commit to a woman who has NOT done an entire football team then those men should be educated on not being judgemental and start living in the year 2017. Cause seriously its sad to even here you make statements like that....bit like the olden days where men were told to marry the good girl and keep the slut on the side for sex only! Thankyou for opening my eyes and i am sure many other eyes as to how primitive and pathethic some men still are out there.
      >4w
    • Cougarsandcats

      Cougarsandcats
      49M Byron Bay, NSW,
       AU

      As I said, I'm not putting my hand up to be spokesman for chastity!, all I did was give out some inside information which you can use or ignore, I'm sure there are those who would disagree with what I have said.
      I genuinely think it's a lot easier to do your thing, be discreet and when you find that guy tell him under 10 and hope you haven't fucked a big mouth.
      >4w
    • Doit2meagain

      Doit2meagain
      57F Adelaide, SA,
       AU

      Alot easier for who? what a woman does sexually before committing to a man is none of his business!! As you are the spokesman for all those losers tell them.to come.and post.their own comment with regsrds to all of this.and see.what happens....how dare they judge...
      >4w
    • Cougarsandcats

      Cougarsandcats
      49M Byron Bay, NSW,
       AU

      Not at all, I've clearly made my point badly. All I did was tell it how it still is, I agree, your business is your business as you said, I was trying to explain your private business is often not private after you've slept with big mouth guys, of which, sadly there are many.
      >4w
    • Doit2meagain

      Doit2meagain
      57F Adelaide, SA,
       AU

      Then you also advised women to not be open about their past sexual encounters because they would get rejected from some men for being sluts.
      >4w
    • Cougarsandcats

      Cougarsandcats
      49M Byron Bay, NSW,
       AU

      Be as open as you like, I just told you what a lot of men want to hear, I'm sorry if that's not fair, but it's something I've noticed, and still notice. Feel free to do as you please.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Pu55yBand1ts

    Pu55yBand1ts
    59M Hallam, VIC,
     AU

    "SLUTS " Where I LOVE SLUTS .
    SHAME THE SHAMERS wHO ARE THEY ANYWAY . i CAN TELL YOU THEY ARE THE OPPINUNATED PEOPLE THAT SPOIL EVERYONES FUN .
    THE SOAP BOX PEOPLE THAT CANNOT DEAL WITH THEIR OWN ISSUES INSECURITY'S & LACK OF SELF CONFORDENT'S . I'M GIVING THIS A GO . I'M NO OXFORD DICTIONARY . BUT I DO KNOW WHAT I LIKE .
    My interpritation of a SLUT is a person not affraid to express themself with no concern for oppinions of others , THEY ARE CHAMPIONS IN MY EYE'S THE ROYALTY OF BEING WHO THEY WANT TO BE .
    LET'S FACE IT . WHEN WE GET HOME FROM A NIGHT OUT . WHO IS FIRMLY PLANTED IN YOUR MRMOREY WE DON'T FORGET THEM ... LEGENDS I SAY .
    I have plenty more to say on this subject. I have some thing that can no longer wait. But i will return & continue my support for the SLUTS because I LOVE SLUTS
    >4w
    Reply
  • joe2442

    joe2442
    Account closed

    This was a good article, and a lot of insightful points but which most I agree with. Women being sexual is up to them one wonder if the word "slut" should even exist as it makes no sense as a word. A few points of confusion, admittley Im no expert on sex offending/sex abuse. But I ask myself this. Rape cn happen at anytime, not just on a saturday night when alcohol is involved(the man is drunk or high on drugs), but don't often the environments as well maybe contribute sometimes to sex assaults e.g. nightclubs where drugs/alcohol are involved/the corporate male boss taking advantage of his lower ranked female staff members e.g. receptionist(sexual harassment at the workplace)(when i say lower ranked i mean in a job sense, and yes of course women everyday have more senior positions as well at there workplace over men, so nothing sexist there in my comment let's get that clear). Don't certain environments/situations contribute to sex offending.
    Same i'm applying to say rich person driving through a poor neighbourhood. Say a rich guy in a Ferrari wearing an Italian suit drives through a poor neighbourhood(riddled with crime/unemployment/homelessness) and has a rest and gets out of his car to make a mobile-phone call. Yes the poor person has a choice not to mug or not mug him, but wouldn't the environment and there financial circumstances contribute to them making a choice to commit crime and rob the rich guy. The rich guy has as much right to drive through that poor neighbourhood in a ferrari as a poor person has to drive through a rich neighbourhood in a crappy 2nd hand car wearing old jeans and $2 dollar thongs, but I'm saying sometimes the environment may contribute to a situation happening. A woman has every right to dress sexy and walk into a nightclub full of drunk men, but when alcohol/drugs mix just as I used the example of poverty, that environment of drugs/alcohol plus late on saturday night may contribute to a rape happening.
    Like assault, if 2 people don't like each other from there past, but they were forced to become new next door neighbours by coincidence of one moving next door and not knowing that the other lived there, that personal dislike may make an assault on one or both of the parties more likely.
    So i'm making the point that the culture or environment does contribute to bad things happening e.g. Gay bashings for example, happened more in the 1970's than today but way more gay hat crimes were swept under the carpet than today, as culturally many people didn't know about it or didn't care or thought gay bashings were acceptable.
    So women should try to change the culture there in(e.g. be proactive about speaking up about sexual abuse) but like a rich person not going into a poor neighbourhood coz of risks of being mugged, sometimes attractive women should be cautious how they dress when going to some bars/and nightclubs on a saturday night for example.
    >4w
    Reply
  • ilike2try

    ilike2try
    Account closed

    Slut is not related to rape at all.
    I wonder why you think only male are rapist, I heard many stories about mature women raped young boys (about 13 and 14 years old).
    Rapist could be anyone.
    Slut have two meanings (depend on the situation), if we are in sexual atmosphere we would be proud to be sluts but if we are using the same word as swearing it will be an assault.
    >4w
    Reply
  • 1NeverKnows

    1NeverKnows
    57M Kingston Beach, TAS,
     AU

    A rather interesting read I have to say. Of course males are going to be defensive reading it as it puts us in a bad light just as I am sure that if a guy wrote an article with opposing views females would act in a similar way.
    The message should be that rape is wrong regardless of the gender, race or religion of the perpetrator.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Armagedon6512

    Armagedon6512
    Account closed

    What someone does in there personal life is no one else's business.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Petewil

    Petewil
    56M Terrigal, NSW,
     AU

    My teenage daughter and I dream of the post gender society
    Where not only do we not use pejoratives for anyone but where nobody is in fear of shaming. It doesn't take repression to prevent folks from saying or doing the wrong thing, it takes education and open mindedness and empathy so that folks don't think the wrong thing. On the subject of gender equality, I will just throw in that I was raped by a man and a woman together when I was 16 and I am no hypocrite so my daughter can wear what she wants, love whom she wants and fuck whomever she wants of whatever gender. I will always love and respect her. Her morality like mine lives in our minds, spirits compassion, empathy and appreciation rather than in our clothes or demureness.
    >4w
    Reply
  • The comment has been hidden or removed!
    • Sassy.Bitch

      Sassy.Bitch
      Account closed

      I call them sexually liberated human beings who know what they enjoy and how to enjoy it.
      >4w
    • possibilities3

      possibilities3
      Account closed

      what would your wife call you if she knew you were on AMM looking at sluts with their legs open ? By the way you say if you were lucky enough to find a woman Have you forgotten you have a wife at home ??
      Not into name calling so I will refrain However it seems you enjoy labeling women Whether or not women are bland or ordinary
      or for that matter sensual or extraordinary is irrelevant because actually all women are sluts It depends if we have the courage and the guts to celebrate and embrace our innate sensuality and in doing so unearth our suppressed sexuality buried beneath layers and layers of mind numbing conformity In our patriarchal society women are taught to subjugate their sexual desires and instead seek a single mate and thus their libido is kept under rigid control However this then in turn leaves women frigid and cold and soon leads to disenchantment Love making is then a chore that's done with resentment But on the other hand if a woman chooses to be liberated and free there is so much disapproval from society because continually we are told 'Keep your legs closed and your sexuality on hold until Prince charming sweeps you off your feet' But I protest this myth has me beat! Even so undaunted I go along the road less travelled for I am determined to let my life unravel despite the many times I have met some very ordinary men who seem to think that sex is all about them because I do not condone exclusivity they mistakenly think this equates to promiscuity Which unfortunately they seem to believe gives them the right to behave like a wombat that cums at night eats, roots, and leaves without so much as thanks and please Then there are the married men who cheat on their wives But then have the audacity to preach to me and my sister sluts how to live our lives But wait! this reply was not intended to load you with trouble and strife so sorry my friend to have burdened you with my complaints about life I just have this compelling need to answer in rhyme and I promise I will be better behaved next time
      >4w
    • real17

      real17
      66M 65F Maroochydore, QLD,
       AU

      Not sure what you are saying Tony. But if you are condemning the women who "spread their legs & show their open vaginas on here", what do you say of the countless guys who have pics of themselves, proudly hard & dick in hand... are they "Studs"?? I think I understand why your profile name is "sexless"...
      >4w
  • icouldbelucky

    icouldbelucky
    Account closed

    It's 2017 and I have always used the word slut but never in the way you depicted , to me it is a positive and something to be proud of and in my world it is a SexyLovingUnforgetableTime .There is a variation to a saying that rings true that most of my girlfriends and the female friends in couple relationships discuss and that is they love being a slut in the bedroom and are proud in public but persons get bitter and twisted because of their own confidence. In my opinon persons disrespect confident women because of jealousy that they do not have confidence and fear their partner gets more excitement looking at the confident woman than when they look at them. Please tell me how clothes make the slut that is wrong beyond comprehension we all know a true slut male or female comes from within with contentment, happiness ,forfillment ,desire and confidence and if people are so small minded about someone who has a better more exciting life than their own they should have a serious look at what is wrong in their own life and fix it and stop hating on us people living the dream of a awesome life and get a life of the own. PS if I offend anyone it is not my intention ,I am loud and proud to use the word SLUT as a term of positive and respectful definition to the beautiful confidence a woman wishes to live. I am a male slut by definition and proud to be loved by my friends.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Doubleornothin2

    Doubleornothin2
    Account closed

    That article is a very well written piece and really hits home to those of us who are lucky enough to be blessed with our daughters, also those of us that have a wonderful relationship/marriage with our partners and enjoy exciting and fun sexual experiences. If us males ( me being the male part of this profile) can't admire beautiful women in any form of character or sexy clothing and not be able to control yourself then you have a serious problem.!! We can all be sexually attracted by skimpy clothing or flirtatious demeanor of the opposite gender but if you can't remember that these women are all somebody's kids/wife's and above all humans then a harsh reality check is in order for you. I'll leave it there for now, thanks for hearing my opinion.
    >4w
    Reply
  • TheGTDoc

    TheGTDoc
    53M Adelaide, SA,
     AU

    Ok Here is How I look at it ..
    AMM is a Means for 90% of people to get laid... Your Joking yourself if your not.. The other 10% that think they will find the true love of their life here are Joking themselves or they may.
    So In Essence 90% of us are all sluts Regardless of Gender.
    Just my 2 cents worth.
    Doc
    >4w
    • DeliciousEva

      DeliciousEva
      48F Reservoir, VIC,
       AU

      Not sure your point?
      Nothing wrong with getting laid.
      Nothing wrong with getting laid a lot.
      Every day. With a different person. Or people.
      Wherever (within legal reason) you want...
      Slut is not a bad word. That's my point.
      Shaming people who are, or blaming them for attacks against them is what the problem is. And 90% of the time that shame is thrown at women.
      Go forth and get laid.
      :)
      >4w
    • Sassy.Bitch

      Sassy.Bitch
      Account closed

      Adult Match Maker is promoted as Australia's largest online adult dating site for singles & couples looking for love or something a little bit naughty.
      ADULT DATING SITE ..... Why is it anyone else's business why anyone joins? Why is it anyone's business how many people are here to find sex, whose looking for love, if they are only looking for erotic chat, or like performing or watching on cam .....
      Why the hell is it anyone else's business? And why should they be labelled for it??
      If someone finds 4 people they enjoy sex with regularly does that make them a "slut"?
      If someone finds the love of their life and they are fortunate enough to have sex 6 times a day does that still make them a "slut" ?
      A few people have gotten off point with this article - as Eva said - her point is that Slut isn't a bad word and shouldn't be used to shame regardless of how much or how little sex one has, how they are dressed or how promiscuous they are.
      That's what the essence of this article is about.
      >4w
    Reply
  • KinkyGirl101

    KinkyGirl101
    50F NSW,
     AU

    Thanks AMM for including the YouTube video - very powerful stuff and loved the analogy. Language is a virus which seeps into society and articles like this which spark discussion and make us look at topics with a fresh pair of eyes are so needed if we are to change behaviours and thought processes.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Tilt58

    Tilt58
    63F Bamboo, QLD,
     AU

    Absolutely pathetic and shallow article. Not worth the time I spent reading it.
    Yes, there are men that are disgusting animals, but there are also women who behave like animals too. Seems to me that some women also, have become the predators that they criticize men as being.
    As a woman I am shamed by my own gender too often.
    >4w
    • JustLookin022

      JustLookin022
      62M Campbelltown, NSW,
       AU

      Lol, well your game, I hope you do not get any negative comments. I think men and women are as bad and as good as one another and very much the same we just go about it differently. I feel uncomfortable as a male even commenting for fear of being criticised. I love these articles whether I agree or not. And although I love your comment I am stunned by the negativity in many. But I guess it does get people talking. Thank you
      >4w
    • Melody2973

      Melody2973
      Account closed

      I agree Tilt45 :(
      I was out at an Over 28's club on the weekend and seriously some of the women there were acting worse than I've seen younger girls act. Throwing it around that's for sure :( younger guys frequent these places knowing they'll get an ' easy root ' so to speak. Their language left a lot to be desired as well.
      I was rather embarrassed and personally who can blame men for thinking they are easy :(
      >4w
    Reply
  • possibilities3

    possibilities3
    Account closed

    Embracing my Inner slut
    I love to be told I do 'Slut with class'
    And I also like to hear that my ass
    Has men gasping in wonderment
    Because for me this is a compliment
    But my cyber friend to you I warn
    ‘I am not just a safe port in the storm’
    And if you think of me as ‘The town bike’
    Then my suggestion to you is ‘Go take a hike’
    Another thing I need to say
    That there is definitely no way
    I want to engage in email ping pong
    Now please don’t get me wrong
    As I am interested to discuss
    Why relationship cause such a fuss
    But if you have a boyhood fantasy
    And sex with a mature woman tickles your fancy
    Pleased don’t pretend to swoon at my feet
    Let alone falsely declare you want to meet
    Also don’t flirt and claim you want to date
    Just so you can merrily masturbate !
    And to all you deceivers please don’t waste my time
    And falsely claim you are genuine
    Because if you think I am ‘Just an easy lay’
    Then to you this is what I would say
    ‘I may not condone monogamy or exclusivity
    But to fuck indiscriminately is sheer stupidity
    Instead I have my own standards and I have a voice
    So if you want to know what guides my choice
    Tell me what makes you happy and how you feel
    And please don’t hide behind a heart of steal
    But tell me your fears and heartfelt desire
    As sharing your innersole sure lights my fire
    But what really matters to me in the end
    Is not to play the game of ‘let’s pretend’
    For I am not seeking my Knight on a black stead
    Instead your total honesty is what I most need
    And although I prefer to have a heartfelt connection
    I am also a realist and therefore do not seek perfection
    And whilst I do not subscribe to dependency
    Above all else I value truth and transparency
    Now if this ditty does not give you the blues
    And you think you could walk a mile in my shoes
    Then may I suggest that quite soon we rendezvous
    To see if there is a spark between me and you
    But if I say ‘No’ then please don’t reply with scorn
    Nor treat me with contempt or act forlorn
    For we are just like 2 ships that past in the night
    And alas that special spark we failed to ignite
    Julie 2014
    To Rape and Pillage with impunity
    You kept messaging me on the dating sight
    But I had a gut feeling all was not right
    So I asked “Can you be real and do you give a toss?”
    But your reply just made me feel even more lost
    I suggested “Perhaps we had different values?”
    But your reply just gave me the Blues
    I informed you “I am into nature and hunting I abhor”
    But your reply I wished I could ignore
    You said “I kill feral pigs for the adrenaline rush and excitement”
    “Really ?” I queried “Surely that reason is a sad lament
    Of a man needing to kill just to feel alive?
    I know for sure that we would not jive”
    You asked ‘Can I get to perve on your body more?”
    But I felt like screaming “You are just a bore’
    So I stated “I may not want you to be my lover”
    But your reply was “Then your body you should cover “
    I declared “I support the fight against CSG”
    And to that you scoffed with scorn “Really!?
    The Greenies have made CSG into a big Boogy man
    Because without mining you need to understand
    We would be living in grass huts eating witchetty grub stew
    And then you would not get to choose who bonks you”
    I retorted back “Yes I will always have a choice
    Because I have brothers and sisters and we have a voice
    And you should know you do not have impunity
    To rape and pillage the land or me
    So I am pleased my intuition is alive and well
    And as far as I am concerned you can go to Hell”
    Julie 2015
    >4w
    Reply
  • Chris5265

    Chris5265
    Account closed

    This kind of talk really needs to stop. Some women also judge other ladies who wear sexy clothing by saying they work in the sex industry or they're out to get laid & other things like this, when nothing could be further from the truth. My theory is they wear these clothes simply because they like wearing them. Guys: When you see a lady dressed in sexy clothes, she is NOT giving you the "come on" signal. I have often seen ladies dressed in such clothing & I do compliment them. As for calling them "sluts", this is judgemental. You have no right to do this especially when you know nothing about them!! I stopped a guy raping a woman once. This happened at the local hotel in the town where I was living. There are guys who just don't know how to approach women. This slut shaming & stuff really needs to stop.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Edeninchaos

    Edeninchaos
    Account closed

    Nothing wrong with the word ... Slut!
    I love and respect "slut woman". It take a lot of confidence , personality, self-esteem to dress, act, walk, talk..etc like most people would call slut. I like and support such a courageous woman (courageous in regard of the world we live in) as it reflect their free spirit and well being and make the world around us a lots more sexy. It is and has been an up hill battle for them.
    I have observed that man calling a woman a slut, feel generally over powered by that woman personality, they are of course attracted to the woman, but they also feel (truly or wrongly) that this woman is out of their league so to speak, and will lash at them the slut word, or worst just because this woman seems out of reach instead of trying to conquer her softly, unfortunately their narrow minded brain cannot understand a woman got the right to feel good (thanks to our medieval society).
    >4w
    Reply
  • Tailgunner77

    Tailgunner77
    Account closed

    'Bullshit!” What we wear and how we act should have absolutely NO relevance to our personal safety whatsoever.
    This is the chilling part which I hear often from Feminazis and their enablers.
    Accepting No Responsibility for your own safety? Good plan! Only a child could come up with this kind of "logic".
    Any fathers out there think this is a good idea to tell your daughters? Lol.
    Men know about modifying our behaviour depending on the situation - because we understand that actions have reactions. We understand because we have been in physical danger/fights/brawls throughout our lives. Taking beatings is no fun,amiright? So we learn and become aware of danger and when to fight and when to run.
    If I was to walk through a US ghetto 'hood flashing cash/iphone/bling without a care in the world, and then get jumped,beaten&robbed would you say I was "asking for it"? Or that we should teach the homeboys Not To Rob?
    Lol.
    >4w
    • DeliciousEva

      DeliciousEva
      48F Reservoir, VIC,
       AU

      Mate. The fact that you compare women's bodies to items like phones and gold chains that can be owned, stolen, taken and possessed just proves not only the necessity of articles like this, but also the fact you don't get it.
      Shame.
      Cheers for you in input, but.
      >4w
    • Petewil

      Petewil
      56M Terrigal, NSW,
       AU

      Not real happy with this one mate. To compare women to stuff or to compare America to any civilised country or to insult men by implying that we have no control us pretty bad. I can and have slept and socialised naked with folks of most genders without it being in any way sexual. Rape is not sex ever asexual act. It is an act of a turd with little self worth. Trying to make himself feel better by hurting another.
      >4w
    • MarkfromHD

      MarkfromHD
      57M Humpty Doo, NT,
       AU

      Well I agree with you Tailgunner. EVERYONE should take their responsibility for their own safety personally. If you go swimming in Shark infested water your asking to be bitten.
      Now do t get me wrong. I love sluts. My wife is a slut. I'm a slut. We both enjoy the lifestyle that it brings. But there is no way in hell either of us would enter some establishments simply because it would not be SAFE to do so. We take responsibility for our safety and play in environments that appeal to us. Also if she is playing with a new partner( whether he knows about me or not) I won't be far away in case things get "out of hand". AGAIN, taking our safety into our own hands and being responsible.
      Sure it would be great to walk around in a world that is safe and protected. Without a care in the world.
      When you find such a planet Eva. Let us know. Because no matter how hard you try it will never happen here in Earth. So be safe out there people.
      >4w
    • KaifraDuet

      KaifraDuet
      Account closed

      And not all of us have spent our lives brawling and fighting. Some of us have learned what it takes to get along with our fellow humans.
      >4w
    • Tailgunner77

      Tailgunner77
      Account closed

      Way to miss my simple point,Eva.
      I love your below the line rants - hilarious!
      Please quote where I "compared a woman's body with an iPhone".
      I was illustrating my point about individuals taking some responsibility for their own safety in different surroundings.
      But then you take missing the point and have turned it into an artform.
      Keep up the good work!
      >4w
    • Tailgunner77

      Tailgunner77
      Account closed

      Careful, Bringittoyou, you'll be banished to the "you don't get it" club with me in a minute!
      The wrongology and denial of facts in this thread is absolutely mind blowing. These people are allowed to drive cars&vote...unreal.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Love.Doctor

    Love.Doctor
    Account closed

    The article seems to be side tracked by blaming variables in order to justify slutiness when concentrating on biology would be the intelligent angle.
    Women are biologically programmed to search for a mate for reproduction. If women didn't feel the urge to let a man in we wouldn't have a population. Its a known scientific fact that a female peaks sexually in the 5 days up to menstruating and up to about 5 days after. During the remaining time frame women tend to be in a more sedate, nurturing and vulnerable state of mind. During the peak period women tend to be more raunchy, brash, daring and aggressive displaying an open availability or a stronger urge to have sex regardless of the purpose. She may not have a man in mind (it doesn't matter) she is just naturally going with the flow of self arousal - hence the glamour upped women you see going out every week. Some are going for a random hook up while others would be happy to find someone permanent if he was there.
    Instead of using opinions, views or stereotype stigmas to discuss this issue wouldn't it be easier and intelligent to just stick to the issue itself? There will always be a section of society that will rape regardless of the woman there or the clothes she has on. There will always be views and comments regarding "manmeat" as well as "female plates of meat". There will always be views and comments re "oh he is just looking for a root"....."look at her she just wants it".
    It isn't intelligent attempting to justify natural biological behaviour with outside factors - it isn't necessary. Men are programmed to mate (spread the seed) that is it. We don't care who it is and while men obviously don't want to get 5 women pregnant each week (most of us don't) the natural urge is to plant ourselves into a woman. Women are programmed to search for a soul mate - with that comes alluring, provocativeness, mystery, enticement, suggestiveness because biologically a woman is in a natural sexual desired and heighted state mentally and physically. She is in 2 worlds - one of enjoying herself so its a private relationship of feeling how a woman natural feels plus another world of wanting the lust and desire of a man and for him to tell her she is special then do the physical things to her that take her to another orgasmic level. Women can do this themselves but would rather the real thing to take them there.
    What i'd like to see is questions asked to women re women on this topic. What do women think? Do women say "look at what she is wearing, she is obviously out to get some" or do women think "oh she is just feeling happy about herself and is expressing it I know the feeling".
    >4w
    • BiBellaV2.0

      BiBellaV2.0
      46F Melbourne, VIC,
       AU

      I'm always happy to observe a body confident and sexually confidant woman, who has managed to shake of the social conditioning that many are victim to.
      Ps - this is possibly the most spectacular example of mansplaining I have ever observed also . Well done on finding a vague piece of "science" that justifies your view though.
      >4w
    • Love.Doctor

      Love.Doctor
      Account closed

      Thanks for you comment Bella. I'm happy to discuss feminism and leave my views based on fact and history.
      Feminism has and is crippling women. Its an artificial stigma created by women in an attempt to create an elitist advantage. Very sad, immature and unintelligent. Who are women trying to fight? 99% of men love women and want to spent their life loving 1 woman. The main purpose of feminism is to allow women to have and say whatever they like regardless of the ethics, principles and morals involved. Its an attempt to allow women an exemption from error and criticism. We have a legal system for a reason which has anti-discrimination laws and gender laws in place to provide equality for all. The definition of equality is just that...100% equal. Men are not better than women, women are not better than men (there are only 2 sexes on earth why would it be a competition). There is no need to place an artificial stigma on top of legislation its very arrogant. There is no masculanism movement by men. Men don't attempt to exempt themselves from societies laws nor believe they are entitled to privileges that undermine decent ethics, morals or principles. Again, this stems back to our biology which isn't bad or good or anyone's fault - its an issue individuals need to take up personally with god lol. Men don't compete with each other we don't care (we don't have the vulva so don't have the children) One man could wear a singlet with a gut holding a beer while another man could wear a suit and look fit...so what, we don't compete. Women compete with each other its raw female biology and the reason why reproduction. Women are all fighting each other for the top 5% of genetically lucky attractive guys. Women are more visual based than they like to betray. This isn't bad, good, wrong or right its just natural biology. Feminism is a sad movement that has women fighting each other. The fact that women can't even agree with each other means the entire invention is one based on false pretense. Ask 100 women what they think about feminism and 50 will put it down and say its ridiculous while the other 50 will agree with it and support it. As a man I find it pretty sad the way women cripple each other. One thing a woman can't stand and that is giving attention to or discussing another woman. Its like watching a stand off or the battle of the estrogen. One language is sisterhood the other language is talk to the hand, fighting, battle of territory, leaving the room etc.
      All in all it comes back to our biology and women are - nurturers, confident, ambitious, vulnerable, strong, independent, susceptible, doubtful and all the other traits that make up women mentally and chemically. Its not wrong, right...bad or good or just there. Its about respect handling life and what we are the best way we can.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Tailgunner77

    Tailgunner77
    Account closed

    The end goal of feminism is to maximize female sexual agency with no constraints,while demonizing&constraining male sexuality to the maximum extent possible.
    For what reason?
    Destruction of the West. To be replaced by what though?
    Hmmm...looks like the replacement is to be an actual misogynistic religious society. A caliphate - what fun!
    Wanna see the future? Do some research on Sweden. It's bloody ugly for women there now. Forget SlutWalks,Swedish chicks are now afraid to walk the streets alone. Why? It's a mystery..
    Remember this, gentle reader,the Left is in the process of destroying the richest,most egalitarian civilization ever known in human history.
    Feminism is like the world's biggest shit-test. And Western men are failing this test miserably. Sack up,it's gonna get messy before this is all over.
    Eva - are you familiar with the term "useful idiot"?
    >4w
    Reply
  • 64Andrew

    64Andrew
    61M Orange, NSW,
     AU

    Don't just point the finger at men, women are harsh judges of their own and I have heard just as many disparaging comments about how another woman is dressed as I have from the lips of men. Slut shaming is not an exclusive male behaviour by any means.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Sassy.Bitch

    Sassy.Bitch
    Account closed

    My favourite part of the article ....
    "Don't be “that person”
    The next time you feel like making a disparaging remark about a celebrity who's gone nude, or some chick you know who fucked some guy she only just met... Every time you think to yourself “omg she is not going out in THAT?” about your wife, friend, daughter... Stop it. Stop it and think about where it is coming from.
    Yes I know so many dads out there will be saying “but I remember what I was like at 14. I don't want my daughter to have to experience that...” Well yes, true... BUT DON'T BLAME YOUR DAUGHTER! Seriously. If it bothers you that much that you're willing to screech into a feminist's ear that it's “not all men” then bloody go and do something about it. Start a “men to mentor boys” group. Go and speak at your local high school. Teach your sons about consent. Teach the boys in your life to not be the misogynistic shit you were at that age.
    We spend so much time teaching girls to be wary of boys, yet the conversations with boys so rarely touch on what is acceptable or not.
    You want to change the rape statistics for your daughters? You are where that starts.
    We all are."
    Shortly before reading this article I watched a 1 minute video clip about how society perceives the differences between women and men and the comments made in certain situations.
    The young boy playing catch with a female child - his dad in the background yelling at him " Come on son, don't throw like a girl."
    The little girl cleaning up the mess on the floor because the boy she was following out the door slammed it in her face, the female adult behind her saying, "You're ok, he just did cause he likes you." as the boy walks away smirking.
    Teen aged boys at a party taking snapshots of a girl and leering over them as she sees them do it.
    It then leads onto more aggressive behavior towards women further into the clip.
    The message behind this video clip -
    Violence against women starts with disrespect .... the excuses we make allow it to grow.
    Violence against women ..... let's stop it at the start.
    It starts with us - we should be teaching our children how to respect others, not only women, but every gender!
    You may call us feminazi's for standing up for our equal human rights - but in the long run - you know we are right, no matter what you label us. :)
    >4w
    • TheMichaels

      TheMichaels
      76M 65F Nambour, QLD,
       AU

      Totally agree, teach young men respect and common decency toward women. The critics chair is the easiest one to occupy. Have a good look at your self before sitting in it.
      It is not a competition nor is it about supremacy or power. It is about tolerance and acceptance.
      Learn to love it is beautiful.
      >4w
    • KaifraDuet

      KaifraDuet
      Account closed

      Well said Sassy. Boys rarely get the "don't get her pregnant", girls get the female equivalent. A standard defence is boys will be boys. What defence do girls get?
      >4w
    • DeliciousEva

      DeliciousEva
      48F Reservoir, VIC,
       AU

      That ad always gets me. It's so powerful and so true.
      It shows that trickle from subtle sexism and abuse to full on assault and how pervasive it is.
      It's such a shame, reading some of the comments here, that because the link can be so vague like this and not a linear in your face connection, that so many men get angry at the idea it's true, than they actually get angry at the fact it happens.
      Sigh.
      All we can do is keep on keeping on.
      Thank for your comments xx
      >4w
    • allinmymind

      allinmymind
      61F Wodonga, VIC,
       AU

      "Don't be “that person”
      The next time you feel like making a disparaging remark about a celebrity who's gone nude"
      I agree. I find that fact that some criticise Mily Cyrus on a site like amm seems rather strange.
      >4w
    • Sassy.Bitch

      Sassy.Bitch
      Account closed

      Thank you MrandMrsM for your response. :)
      You're welcome Eva, I thoroughly enjoy your articles. Thank you. :)
      Thank you NLindsayfan. :)
      I totally agree Ally, so many people on here complain about subject matter that is displayed on other peoples profiles.
      There is a filter option that we have been given to use at our discretion if we do not want to see any "Adult" content.
      My advice to those that whinge about guys having cock shots on public display - stop bitching and use the filter or sign up to a more conservative site where you don't have the option of seeing what you are getting.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Mstr.Full

    Mstr.Full
    Account closed

    Well said... abuse is abuse... rape is rape... consent is consent and respect is respect...
    It would be great to see some of this published where the non converted will read it... OH... they probably don't/can't read.
    >4w
    • Mstr.Full

      Mstr.Full
      Account closed

      Oh ... and I forgot to add that I admire a lady who knows herself well enough not to be concerned about being a "slut" because she knows what she is... irrelevant of what others may say or think... head held high beautiful ladies.
      >4w
    Reply
  • PlayfullPair72

    PlayfullPair72
    52M 46F Bentleigh, VIC,
     AU

    I find this article absolutely discracefull. What era or society do you think we live in? The author seems to be under the impression that woman are living under the constant threat of being raped at any moment and men are nothing more than drooling neanderthals with no impulse control and ready to start hurling abuse at the first site of women wearing provocative clothing. As a father of a daughter I would never call my daughter a slut, I never heard my father call my sister a slut and have never heard or seen my friends or other fathers ever once try to humiliate their child in such a way. Now of course there'll always be some idiot out there that may behave in such a mannor but it's certainlly not the cultural norm and to suggest otherwise is just intellectually dishonest. This article is just another example of the narrative being pushed by 3rd wave feminists at the moment, that all women are victoms and all men are the evil oppressors, a view that quite rightfully most women reject, as it is actually quite sexist and demeaning to the very group it pretends to advocate for. If you have to use false statistics and non sequitur arguments to make a point then this usually is a sign that there is not much substance to your argument. 1 out of 3 women will be sexually assaulted? really? I mean just common sense will tell you how implausible that stat is and there is just no data to support it. The UN's findings of sexual assualt in Australia, a finding thats fairly consistent with most other credible studies have it at 1 in 1000, still to many I would agree but its a far cry from 1 in 3. I would also like to dispell the myth that men think that if women wear provocative clothing they are "asking for it" and they are to blame if they get raped, NO ONE thinks this. That being said if i was to drapp myself in gold and silver, put on my most expense gold and diamond rings and basically wear every bit of bing I had and then go for a stroll dont a dark alley way at midnight in the seediest part of town and got mugged would that mean I deserved to get mugged? no, Cant i wear what I want when I want? of course, however I think most people would probably say to me, well it just wasnt a very smart thing to do. We'd all like to do what ever we wanted when ever we wanted but thats just not how the world works. I think we need to fix society before we advise young women to forget about safety and just put themselves in dangerous situations just based on your principles of what it is to be an enpowered woman in todays society. And sure you can suggest that getting drunk and wearing a skimmy outfit has no bearing on whether you may get sexually assaulted but it would probably be the most ignorant argument I think I have ever heard made. Are you unware of the effects of alcohol? It impairs your judgement, slows your reaction times and greatly reduces your ability to assess the situation your in and no I'm not suggesting that therefore you should get raped but it maybe a situation you could have avoided had you had your wits about you, this is true for both men and women. This article shows how little you actually care about the issues women face, it underminds the work that real feminists have worked so hard for in the past. Women that actually put themselves out there, often in harms way or the risk of social ridicule, the women that have allowed you to have equal rights and total equality in the eyes of the law, women that didnt see themselves as victoms. But I know, thats actually pretty hard work and you really have to believe in your cause and have the strenght of charactor to stick to it, its far easier to just churn out crappy articles about problems that dont really exist or a least exist in the context you have described. The only shaming going on here is men shaming and the use emotional BS neither backed up by fact or any really understanding of society to push your own self motivated interests. I suggest you do a bit more research next time and perhaps a new set of friends because if your impression of men is like what you have described in your articule then you must be hanging out with some really assholes
    >4w
    • traverse3

      traverse3
      63M NSW,
       AU

      thank you for your words - the article is clearly out of touch with the education programs in modern schools that are actively targeting male behaviour - yet disgustingly enough only male behaviour and not the self-righteousness that is becoming endemically worse every day amongst girls, and making boys/men hate themselves which eventually comes out in other forms. writers need to stop dragging out the 1970s feminist drum that wore out years ago and work WITH men - not against them
      >4w
    • DeliciousEva

      DeliciousEva
      48F Reservoir, VIC,
       AU

      Hey, cheers for taking time out of your busy day to hurl abuse at a woman for writing an article that made you feel uncomfortable.
      Perhaps if you took the time it took to write this to do some research of your own you'd see that all my stats and all my comments are based in actual facts. The 1 in 3 statistic is about assault. Thats everything from a grope or slap to rape.
      And it is 1 in 3.
      Sorry that makes you uncomfortable. But that's your problem. Not mine.
      Have a great weekend now.
      Don't let the anger take over.
      :)
      >4w
    • KaifraDuet

      KaifraDuet
      Account closed

      I think you may be missing the point. If you went to a nightclub and got pissed and some other pissed hoon king hit you, would you be condemned for being pissed at a nightclub? No. While it was still fashionable we got hours of crocodile tears about wonderful young men doing what boys do and being thumped by other young men who were also doing what some young men do. I've not heard much verbiage about wonderful young girls being raped simply for doing what a lot of girls like to do, i.e. playing dressups and having a good time.
      >4w
    • PlayfullPair72

      PlayfullPair72
      52M 46F Bentleigh, VIC,
       AU

      Again with the victom card, so just because your a women, the fact the your write a completely inaccurate article filled with falsehoods and inaccurate stats your not allowed to be criticised? Sorry but if you chose to put your opinions out for display I and anyone else has the right to call you on them. It also didnt take much time out of my busy day at all, a simple 30 second google search and a check on the Australian institute of criminology crime statistics and you can clearly see that even with changing it general assaults it's still only 140 per 100,000, so sorry for being out by 0.4%. So please reveal your sources. Your article didnt make me feel uncomfortable, I was simply amazed that someone could be so willfully ignorant and out of touch with reality, its not me that has to keep the anger at bay but it seems that it has completely consumed you to the point you can no longer think rationally. . Who is this article aimed at exactly? Look at the site you have choosen to publish it on lol, I would think that 99.9% of guys on here love sluts. I bet you thought you were in some sought of safe space her and everyone would just drool over you with admiration for "telling it like it is". The problem is your article is so disingenuous, so misleading and so willing to point the finger at men being the sole problem knowing full well that there is often very little option for men to offer any other insights or opinions as they will be labeled sexist or misogynist which essentially shuts down the dialogue. If I was to follow your logic I could make the same case the we really need to stop women from abusing children, women need to be re-educated thats its not ok to abuse their or other children, dont believe me? well I have all the stats to back it up. If you take into account all forms of abuse such as neglect and emotional abuse then women out do men. I could even quote you the stat the 14% of men in prison are in for child abuse where as 34% of women in prison are in for child abuse, so its clear there is an epidemic of female child abusers out there, sound ridiculous? well thats cause it is. Even though those stats are correct it doesnt accurately tell the whole story. This is exactly what you have done. You have cherry picked out a handful of examples and said "there's the proof, look at this bad this thats happen it proves all men are bad, it proves I am a victom and therefore i get to say what I want and nobody better dare challenge me" You're your own worst enemy. Who knows you may even of had some points that were valid but when you surround it with so much hysteria and misinformation your whole argument is rejected. So good luck with your slut walk, stay safe cause I fear the majority of people that will be there to watch you will be the rapists and misogynists you seem to think will be some how re educated by this protest. The rest of us couldnt really care what you wear, we've moved on from those attitudes a long time ago, as long as you wear what is respectful to the situation your in I think you'll find people couldnt careless. I hope you find your way back from the dark world of hate and anger you live in and catch up to the rest of us, you might actually find that there really isnt anyone trying to opress you, well that is except for yourself.
      >4w
    • KinkyGirl101

      KinkyGirl101
      50F NSW,
       AU

      What era are we living in? Apparently one in which a US Federal Court Justice, who has since apologised, asked a rape victim why "if she truly had not consented, couldn’t you just keep your knees together?”. This is why these articles ARE necessary and discussion IS needed.
      >4w
    • DeliciousEva

      DeliciousEva
      48F Reservoir, VIC,
       AU

      Uh huh.
      Goodbye now.
      https://www.ourwatch.org.au/Understanding-Violence/Facts-and-figures
      >4w
    • PlayfullPair72

      PlayfullPair72
      52M 46F Bentleigh, VIC,
       AU

      Hi kinkygirl101, I couldnt agree more, I never suggested anyone should be silenced, quite the contrary, I am all for an open dialogue. I was simply disputing the evidence that was offerred as fact in the article. I'm not familiar with the cazse you are referring to so I wont comment on it at this point. I am all for an open discussion in this area. This topic is rarely an option for men to discuss and even though its a topic that effect both genders its usually only one side that gets heard. I would say though about your point about the judge, that fact that you know about it and it happened on the otherside of the world and he has appologised means that it made internal headlines and was met with the outrage it deserved says to me that this type of behaviour is not accepted in society, its not the norm and people that behave like this will be made to suffer the consequences. Its not the old boys club it used to be, no one finds this acceptable. So to shame young boys into beleiving that they are born these horrible creatures, that they are responsible for everything bad in the world is not going to help anyone. So please lets discuss and if you find i have said something inaccurate call me on it as i will do the same.
      >4w
    • Felurian

      Felurian
      Account closed

      I've been sexually assaulted four times. Three of those times was at work, in an office, while wearing jeans and a tshirt and doing my job. (Not that that is relevant but god forbid you suggest I was drunk and asking for it by not protecting myself) 1 in a 1000 you say. I call bullshit to that statistic.
      >4w
    • KinkyGirl101

      KinkyGirl101
      50F NSW,
       AU

      Part of the issue is that you probably, like me, hang around with a group of swingers / kinksters / sex positive people. I was looking at the world thru rose coloured glasses, ie. we're much more accepting, sex positive, educated. Then last year there was a post about trans and I read the comments from the general public (Aussie) rather than my friends. I cried. I realised I am living in a sex positive bubble with lovely people who see the world as I do. That post made me understand we're such a long way from a sexual utopia of consent, respect, and sex positivity. Even @traverse3 comments about sex education in modern schools WTF I know a sex educator in elite private schools but typically we have people fighting for sex ed which isn't anti-STI / condom focussed. Do our schools teach about pleasure, masturbation, not that I've heard. We have educators advocating for it but the education system isn't ready to teach about "sex" as it needs to be taught. In some Europe and Scandinavian countries yes, Australia no.
      >4w
    • PlayfullPair72

      PlayfullPair72
      52M 46F Bentleigh, VIC,
       AU

      Felurian, you think the stat is bullshit look it up yourself, I stated what my source was, if you disagree go take it up with the government. Or you can lookup the link DeliciousEva's leftif you want to have a good laugh. That site which is a far far extremist left fake news site, they seem quite happy to supply any random number as long as it helps support there narrative. I'm sorry to hear about your experiences at work but even you would have to admit that is a highly unusal scenario, very few women have been that unlucky. So was this 3 times at the same place, same person? or all different jobs? I assume you reported this to the police and had the SOB's fired? Im a little confused about your remark about the clothes and if you where drinking, is this something you were accused of?
      >4w
    • Felurian

      Felurian
      Account closed

      I have a feeling that you'll stay in firm denial about the prevalence of sexual assault by men regardless of how many alternative sources I provide, but here's a few reasonably well known ones just in case you decide to open your mind to the reality that women face every day.
      You may have heard of the United Nations: http://www.un.org/en/women/endviolence/pdf/VAW.pdf
      "It is estimated that, worldwide, one in five women will become
      a victim of rape or attempted rape in her lifetime."
      This CNN article quotes the World Health Organisation, who are also a fairly well known bunch:
      http://edition.cnn.com/2013/06/20/health/global-violence-women/
      "One in three women experience sexual or physical violence -- most likely from their intimate partner, according to a report from the World Health Organization."
      Even news.com. Rupert isn't exactly a leftie now is he? They quote it at one in 6 in Australia:
      http://www.news.com.au/national/australias-sexual-assault-shame-one-in-six-women-a-victim-putting-australia-way-above-world-average/news-story/46e88d9ceac5b354f9a8d1d6e055b2dd
      You stay in your happy bubble where the vast majority of men can afford to be because they won't be subjected to sexual violence. Women don't have that luxury.
      >4w
    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor
      Staff Account

      This discussion thread is closed for further comment.
      >4w
    Reply
  • perennielle

    perennielle
    48F Korumburra, VIC,
     AU

    Jennifer Lawrence I believe, not Garner.
    Otherwise a fantastic piece with great points.
    >4w
    Reply
  • KaifraDuet

    KaifraDuet
    Account closed

    Well written Eva - What are blokes who go around with bare torsos and bulging budgie smugglers asking for?
    >4w
    • traverse3

      traverse3
      63M NSW,
       AU

      unwarranted insults, public humiliation, jeering, mothers quickly pulling their children away from them, open aspersions being made over their sexuality - have been on the receiving end of all of these from people who didn't know ne at all...
      >4w
    Reply
  • funcoastcouple1

    funcoastcouple1
    60M 64F Nowra, NSW,
     AU

    Not all men. Yes that is correct. But then not all men steal. Not all men murder. Not all men drive dangerously. Focus minds on the negative and that is what you will get. You want us to teach our boys that they are rapists that must control themselves. This is so self defeating.
    Teach our boys (and girls) to respect everyone, to always consider their actions, not just to the persons that they are with but also of the wider community. Teach them that they can achieve their goals by helping others achieve theirs.
    How does this stop rape (and other crimes) ? Your son will court his chosen partner, discover her needs and wants, become the man that suits her and that she can trust. Does this work? For my sons it has.
    They will understand what is right, and when things are wrong will step up and be counted to stop those wrongs. They will become part of the community, become volunteers, help the old lady across the street.
    Or should they feel like outcasts too scared to talk to anyone for fear of being branded a potential rapist. Frustrated to the point of becoming exactly what you are trying to stop. This is what you want?
    For the girls tell them they are beautiful every day. Teach them as a society there are some expectations. As much as I would not go shopping in a clown suit, clothing she chooses should respect those around her. No one is an island.
    >4w
    • KaifraDuet

      KaifraDuet
      Account closed

      I don't think that's what we are teaching young boys - it is respect being taught, I believe. And most younger men are for more respectful of girls - and in a much healthier way - than my generation was. Our respect was supposed to be based on the fact that they were weaker, defenceless and submissive. If a girl got pregnant she was always in the wrong and had to bear the shame. That, thank old bloody Harry, has changed.
      >4w
    Reply
  • ImHerbieG

    ImHerbieG
    68M Mitchell Park, SA,
     AU

    I agree the only person responsible for rape is most definitely the RAPIST
    >4w
    Reply
  • sensual15

    sensual15
    58F 61M Melbourne, VIC,
     AU

    I love wearing sexy underwear,lingerie,clothing & heels. It makes me feel incredibly sensual,and I love expressing my sensuality. People,including my partner,compliment me on how fabulous I look. And I love that - not only for me,but that other people think I look great too ! That empowers me to be able to express who I am - a mature woman who embraces her sensuality & sexuality in the way I wish to dress,depending on the occasion.
    A few people,however,seem to enjoy putting women down who are able to wear sexy clothing by trying to denergrate those who wish and are confident to wear such outfits. If it's another woman,it's generally because she feels she can't wear the clothing I can,and do,and look as good as me. If it's a guy,it's generally because his female partner "wouldn't be seen dead" wearing what I do,or that he's so jealous because he wishes she would !
    Some of these people whisper quietly to me (or my partner) saying - "I look absolutely gorgeous",or "they wish their partner/wife looked as hot & sexy as I do",just to name a few. But it's the nasty words that comes out of some people's mouths,to either vindicate why they (or their "other half") don't wear clothing and look like me,that is quite hurtful. I wonder why these people would wish to try to persuade me from dressing as I'm happy to do ?
    So do I wear what I like and enjoy,or what some people want me to wear,and look like them ? I hasten to add that I'm probably not the prettiest woman on earth,I probably haven't been blessed with the best or sexiest figure as a woman,I'm short and haven't got long legs,or long hair. But my partner loves me for who I am and all I do,including the way I dress - I do make the most of what I've got. I'm able to look pretty good,and pretty sexy,I'm able to express my sensuality and my feminism,I actually like how I can look,and how that makes me feel.
    So do I change to suit those uneducated and ignorant people who aren't emotionally intelligent. I like being true to myself,not worry what other people may think,and enjoy exuding my sensuality & sexiness,even at my mature age !
    It's an interesting topic of conversation, but probably a blight on our society in the year 2017.
    I hope this resonates with women & men who understand and appreciate a woman expressing how sensual & feminine she feels,what she wears and how she likes to dress.
    >4w
    Reply
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  • Newgirl1989

    Newgirl1989
    36F Melbourne, VIC,
     AU

    Fuck yeah . Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this article
    >4w
    Reply
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