The Fine Art of Fisting
Eva Sless
on 21 May 2016
42 comments
Fisting. If you don't know much about it, or have only really ever seen it in porn, I can understand that half of you reading this probably just squeezed your legs together a little tighter and thought “nuh-uh. Not inside me!” And I totally get it.
How does the porn industry portray fisting?
If you look at fisting porn, you'll most often see a rather violent-looking punching of someone's vagina or anus and then some pretty full on gaping and stretching.
It can look very confronting and, as with a lot of porn, if that's all you see and all you have to go on for your education, then yeah, I can totally see why you're not all that keen to try.
I have to say, though, I think the worst thing about fisting is the name. It sounds violent. It sounds crass. It sounds painful.
The Key to Pleasurable Fisting
But, here's the thing, fisting, although definitely something to ease into, is not just a mindless fucking of holes with no regard for the person who owns the hole. It can be an intense and extremely pleasurable connection to a sexual partner. It can illicit feelings and sensations like no other and can leave you feeling wholly satisfied and rather euphoric.
The key to pleasurable fisting is arousal. Lots of arousal. As I have mentioned before, the vagina is an extremely elastic body part. It can stretch over 200% of its original size (and can go back to being exactly the same tightness afterwards), and the more aroused she is, the more easily able to be stretched it is. In fact, during arousal the vagina will automatically increase in size, and is far more willing to be pushed to allow more.
Firstly, though, let's wipe from your mind the image many people come up with when thinking about fisting... The fist.
Although, yes, in some hardcore pornos and situations fisting involves an actual tight fist, the reality is a lot different. It's more like the shape you make your hand when pretending to be a duck: Four fingers on top, and the thumb tucked under. Play around with the position of your fingers, you can rest one or two on top or underneath others to create a more compact shape.
The other thing to remember is to take your time and take it slowly. Don't just go barging in with five fingers and expect her to thank you. Use lots of lube and also warm her up with some oral sex or something you know gets her motor running. Start slowly using fingers, just one, then two, slowly and gently, and let her vagina open up to you. You will feel it. The slower you go, the more her body will relax and ease into it, and you will actually feel your fingers and hand being accepted.
The hardest part of the entering is probably when you get to the knuckles. It can be a bit of a push to get them through but, again, slow is the key. Slow but firm. Listen to her sounds and feel the way her body moves. She will most likely help you by pushing down on your hand, but don't get too excited and start shoving. Let her dictate the speed and the pressure. You may find you need to twist or wiggle your hand to get further in, and that's fine too, as long as you remember to focus on her and how she's feeling.
Clitoral stimulation can really help too. She may want to take over that side of it, and that's great because it will allow you to focus solely on the task at hand (pun slightly intended).
Is Fisting Painful?
When it comes to the idea of pain, which is what turns a lot of people off the idea, the thing to remember is that pain is not only subjective, it is also not necessarily the direct fault of the action. What I mean is even the most ordinary and simple sex acts can be painful or uncomfortable if done wrong or done when the other person is not fully aroused or into it.
When I talk about pain being subjective I mean it in a couple of ways. One, every person has a different threshold and two, what is associated with the pain also has a direct impact on how you feel about it.
For example, I have a lot of tattoos. I love them. Do they hurt? Yes. But the pain is attached to something positive. To new ink! It's exciting and fun and, the more tattoos I get, the more I look forward to that hot needley pain. I almost crave it. The same goes for sex that has an element of pain to it. Spanking, scratching, biting. All that good stuff. It becomes associated with pleasure. Not just simple pleasure either, but intense pleasure and connection. It's amazing.
It also doesn't have to hurt at all! Like I mentioned above, the more aroused she is, the more slowly you take it, the more likely she is to open up and allow that fullness to encompass her. It's all about listening, feeling and watching her reactions and moving in time and conjunction with her.
And, one of the best things? Fisting is a little like a good spanking, for the next little while afterwards, every time you sit down you get a rush of amazing flashback memory that can often leave you a little breathless and horny and excited for the next time you play!
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