David Bowie redefined sexuality for an entire generation!
Emma Sachsse
on 22 January 2016
7 comments
Last week David Bowie died. In 1969 his character Ziggy, was a bisexual alien, changing the public image of bisexuality forever. He brought bisexuality out into the open, making it seem cool and glamorous. Unfortunately, just because Mr Bowie identified as bisexual, he didn’t make it mainstream, and for years, those who identify as bisexual have had to contend with derision and misplaced envy all rolled into one.
"It's true, I'm bisexual. I suppose it's the
best thing that ever happened to me." ~ David Bowie
I once had a boyfriend who didn’t tell me he was bisexual until we were months into our relationship and even then he first only admitted to having sex with one man, then over a few more weeks and a few more glasses of wine he admitted it was a number of men. My first response, despite having had sex with this man on numerous occasions and having met his ex-girlfriend, was to assume he was gay. Mind you we had also had an argument about which musical was better, Wicked or Les Miserables, so I wasn’t basing it only on the sex with men thing. However, he wasn’t gay. He was bisexual and learning to accept that and deal with that was really difficult for me. Having conversations with my boyfriend about which men we found attractive was fun but a bit weird. I had an easier time accepting that my female friends were truly bisexual than accepting that my own boyfriend was. I was always questioning whether he was in fact gay. My gay friends were positive he was gay, not bisexual.
The old joke about bisexuals are just doubling their chances of sex on a Saturday night shows that we are all a bit confused about how exactly being bisexual works. And to be honest having spent a week reading all the latest research about bisexuality I am still as confused as when I started. It seems to me that there is not one type of bisexuality and not one way to be bisexual. Hence when why there are more bisexuals on AMM than in the general population as our "Under the Covers" survey would indicate, 25% as opposed to the expected 2% I have trouble answering that in a simple scientific manner.
There are more people who identify as bisexuals in general than there were 15 years ago. That is also true of a number of sexual orientations and sexual interests. But the way bisexuals are classified is still not clearly defined and so the numbers keep changing depending on which study you read. And yes, there are numerous studies that show that most heterosexual women react physiologically to both sexualised photo of both males and females, but this just shows innate sexual fluidity not a bisexual orientation.
Maybe the problem is, as always, that the labels we use are too categorical and not nuanced enough. Many people who identify as straight have had same sex experiences. That doesn’t make them bisexual. Many gay and lesbian identifying people have had sex with members of the opposite sex and that doesn’t make them bisexual either. And straight men who loved to be fucked by pre op transsexual women… still straight.
It would be lovely to do away with labels altogether but it isn’t that easy, especially as some of those labels have been fought for. Bisexuals have a right to be recognised as legitimate orientation and for the rest of us to believe that that is what they are. They should not be dismissed as women who are just being adventurous in their university years or men who haven’t come out as gay yet. Bisexuality is a real and fixed orientation and there is plenty of research to back this up. However, there is also an element of sexual fluidity in the world as well which can confuse the issue for those of us who like to put people in boxes and keep them there.
Bisexuals often have it harder than gays or straights because both communities tend to distrust them or write them off as not having decided yet. Instead we should be validating their sexual orientation as real and fixed (the research on bisexual men and women shows this to be the case). My theory about why the AMM community has more bisexuals than the general population is because this community is open and sexually progressive. Here, people can be honest.
We should cherish the freedom to explore our sexuality until we work out who we are and what we want and being okay with the fact that what we enjoy sexually one point in our lives may be very different to what we enjoy at another point, especially if we are lucky enough to feel free to play and explore with open minded, generous lovers.
7 comments
69SassyOne
More than a month agoGreat read and certainly confirms that everyone is an individual and need not worry about the confines of what others might think...if you are genuine, considerate and mean no harm.. then whats the harm
ReplyEmbrace your sexuality for it the most wonderful in thexworls.
indigopearl
More than a month agoHad to check if I'd checked the box. I haven't. It's far too limiting. Most people can get off on a broader range of stimuli than many allow themselves. Excluding children and animals for good reason - there are both sexes, trans-sexes, furry characters, leather chaps, mechanical and vinyl aids, etc. etc. I'm pretty open. I love a girl in bunny ears and a little cotton tail. Although I did have to turn down a gnome - not to be confused with gmilf - last week. There are limits.
There are modalities of gay it seems. You can get a head job - and not give it - and you're not gay. Maybe the line is kissing. Sometimes the line is convoluted. You can give a guy a hand job in the shower while rubbing your cock up his arse crack but not put in in and he isn't gay in his own head. I'm pretty sure sexuality is naturally protean - and the limits are superficial and socially inculcated.
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Replyallinmymind
More than a month agoAMM is full of people who say they aren't gay or bi, when others might say they are.
allinmymind
More than a month agoIt would be nice if it was explained why pre-op transexual women makes a guy still straight. Also what is innate sexual fluidity?
I don't think amm is open and sexually progressive. I was lucky enough to have a bi male friend on facebook and think I am really good with bi men relating to them without issues. However, my understanding about bi girls is that amm started off with a lot of bi women, it is amm's history. Also the stats for amount of bi girls on amm was a lot lower in the article on orientation statistics a few months ago, a huge amount lower.
The last paragraph about who we are and what we want would be related to relationships not just sex?
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ReplyAMM.Editor
More than a month ago@allinmymind can you clarify which article quoted different statistics? The survey which Dr Mars conducted found 36% of women & 22% of men surveyed identified as bisexual - and out of all respondents 25% identified as bi.
NoHarmInAsking
More than a month ago"Do what ya wanna do, be what ya wanna be, yeah !"
Do you know that at any time you check on here, there are more men seeking men online than there are women seeking men online. Also, there's at least 4 times more men join here each week than women. Everywhere in the world there is becoming a huge oversupply of men. So gay and Bi become an option. Being a Psychologist, you'd know that people can re-programme themselves to be any way they like (that's if they want to, and if they know how to do it). There is no genetic cause for sexuality (or personality), it's how someone has become programmed right from birth. The mind is dynamic and plastic (forever changing and can be moulded).
"Do what ya wanna do, be what ya wanna be, yeah!"
But me, I'd really like to stick with essentially hetro !
Just one woman, where are you, are there any left out there ???
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Replyallinmymind
More than a month agoA more modern song reference I enjoy is Miley Cyrus We Can't Stop.