How to date multiple people without feeling guilty

Adult Match Maker on 9 August 2015    28 comments
Young couple dating and sharing a coffee

Of all the beliefs around sex and dating, the idea that you can only date one person at a time is one of the most ridiculous.

Dating is a trial run 

Dating itself is simply the act of getting to know one another. You can go out to dinners and movies, meet each other’s friends, enjoy fantastic sex every night, share Netflix passwords and still not be considered serious.

The whole idea of dating itself is that it’s a trial run before you commit to each other and update your Facebook relationship status. And when you have feelings for more than one person at a time, it becomes even more important to know which one you connect with better if you’re looking to become more serious.

Hollywood has a lot to answer for here. If you see a man dating more than one woman at once (it always seems to be the men), he is portrayed as the bad guy. If on the rare occasion we see a female take this role, she is considered a man-eater.

Let’s remember now that in Hollywood people go back in time, ride broomsticks for sport, and never let a single queef slip in any of the sex scenes. Plus, the films almost never show the all-too-common situation where a character genuinely has feelings for two or more people at once. It’s all bullshit, and we all know it, yet many still buy into the monogamy storylines all the same.

Myths and science

The myth: Men are designed to rove; women naturally prefer monogamy.

The science: In 2013, PhD psychologist and author of ‘Sex at Dawn’, Christopher Ryan, presented a TED talk on monogamy. He argues that men and women are designed in the exact same way in that we all have sex for both pleasure and reproduction.

The truth: Monogamy can be hard work and damn near impossible for many of us. Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship can testify that after years of being in a relationship with the same person, it can become difficult to not fantasise about a new partner.

The key is being honest

The key to it all, of course, is honesty. Dating multiple people is only truly fine when all parties involved are truly fine with it. That means ensuring you all have clear expectations of one another, and that if at some point someone becomes uncomfortable with the situation, they can opt out.

Once you have made your position clear, there is no reason to feel guilty about dating more than one person, even if you’re sleeping with both of them (safely, of course).

In this age of adult dating websites like Adult Match Maker, multi-dating is becoming the norm for twenty somethings and more mature newly singles who are not ready to settle down or want to explore their sexuality and find out what they've been missing out on. Not to mention, dating multiple people can essentially mean sex on tap even when you’re technically single. What’s not to love?

Of course there is the chance you may fall in love with one of your partners and decide to make the commitment - But in the meantime, let go of the guilt you may have around dating multiple people at once. As long as you're open and honest with your partners and practice safe sex you should feel free to date as many people as you like.

What are your views on multi-dating and has it worked for you?

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Likes & Comments

Comments (28)

  • THORGODOFTHUNDE

    THORGODOFTHUNDE
    Account closed

    Just be honest, it's as easy as that.
    >4w
    Reply
  • HungrySucker

    HungrySucker
    56M Rockdale, NSW,
     AU

    I totally agree...
    >4w
    Reply
  • sweetangelic2

    sweetangelic2
    Account closed

    I wish people understood that this type of thing is acceptable... Honesty though it can be brutal, is always the best policy.... My lovers are always told that i am playing with others. I get regular checks and expect the same of them... At least we don't have to worry about being cheated on.
    >4w
    • hotchastity

      hotchastity
      68M 66F Campbelltown, NSW,
       AU

      I agree with sweetangelic2. My situation is slightly different. I am married, but have been in 2 long term relationships. One with a married lady since 2008 and one with a divorced lady since 2012. I love them and they love me. My wife is aware and understands that you can be married but also be in intimate loving relationships with others
      >4w
    Reply
  • Sylw.I.Fanylion

    Sylw.I.Fanylion
    Account closed

    This article is an illustration of the difference between morals and ethics. Morals tend to come from conservative values and be prescriptive of conservative (sexual) behavior. Morals and guilt tend to be closely associated. Ethics on the other hand is simply doing the right thing by people. A discussion on exclusivity is all it takes to be honest. Maybe you want to share all the details, maybe not, but as long as the people involved are making informed decisions, and people are agreed/on the same page, all is above board. Something like that :-D
    >4w
    Reply
  • curiousbabe78

    curiousbabe78
    Account closed

    Finding it difficult enough to find one person to date, not to mention two! I hear about this all the time yet in my 22 years of dating I have never even come close to dating more than one person at a time.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Doit2meagain

    Doit2meagain
    57F Adelaide, SA,
     AU

    About time people started to realise that monogamy is only a myth
    >4w
    Reply
  • bicuddly

    bicuddly
    Account closed

    This article is so true. As long as all involved in any type of relationship know that there is no exclusivity, and they accept that, then there is no problem with how many guys/girls you date.
    Honesty is always the best policy. Problems only happen when one party thinks they have been deceived. I, (the female half) use to date multiple guys when i met my current partner. He was made well aware of the fact that he was not the only guy I was seeing. Once we decided to move in together i stopped seeing others without his knowledge. Now we both have fun with a few of the guys who are bi that I was seeing before I met my partner and we all have a great time. It all works fantastically as long as it is all done honestly.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Suki69

    Suki69
    Account closed

    Great article , honestly is the key
    >4w
    Reply
  • Buxombabe68

    Buxombabe68
    Account closed

    Would love to find just one but would be happy to date multiples if it is all put out there honestly
    >4w
    • crazy_pixie

      crazy_pixie
      Account closed

      look for the under 30 may help though I've met a few over the ones that really happy being a call up are the ones in there 20s
      >4w
    Reply
  • LadyDoc

    LadyDoc
    Account closed

    As a new member, have been surprised by the gentleman I have met on this site - pleasantly surprised. We, after all are people in need of touch and to feel.. The way we choose people can be a chance game but so far, I am not giving any of them up. Truly yummy experiences..
    >4w
    Reply
  • 6footStu

    6footStu
    52M 35F Thornbury, VIC,
     AU

    Honesty, yes, and communication.
    There is a very rich, nourishing field of social adventures available to those who are not committed to just one, and it is rewarding for all involved.
    The Romantic era, then later Hollywood, does have a lot to answer for in making monogamy the expected norm, giving people false hope that an exclusive coupling will work for everyone, and that if it doesn't, then the other person was flawed.
    Everyone is flawed. Stay open and we don't have to judge and resent them because of it.
    >4w
    Reply
  • SmokinHot74

    SmokinHot74
    Account closed

    Why feel guilty? I have no husband ..no kids .. no worries.. explains my life. I choose to be single .. to see who I want .. when I want .. Simple :) Married Men who approach me .. not interested .. they can go cheat with someone else.. xx
    >4w
    • easygoing309

      easygoing309
      62M Geelong, VIC,
       AU

      I agree why feel guilty. I play with a women she is married we have sex and we chat and I have a lady friend and that's what we do also so all cool must be they keep coming back lol
      >4w
    • JustR8ted

      JustR8ted
      Account closed

      @easygoing309,Does the husband know?
      And does the married woman and the lady friend know of each other?
      >4w
    Reply
  • eXStra

    eXStra
    52F Brisbane, QLD,
     AU

    Too bad most people find honesty impossible.
    >4w
    • Havinalookforu

      Havinalookforu
      52M Warrnambool, VIC,
       AU

      So true.I totally agree with you."honesty is better than sugar coated bullshit"
      "Don't expect respect if you can't provide honesty"
      "The truth only hurts once but a lie hurts every time you remember it"
      >4w
    Reply
  • Melody2973

    Melody2973
    Account closed

    I know someone he's dating three women, of course they don't know about each other.
    I think it just means no one is getting the best of him so to speak :)
    I'm not interested in sharing, I'm enough on my own for one man :)
    >4w
    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor
      Staff Account

      Isn't that the whole point of the article? Dating more than one person is fine as long as everyone in that arrangement is aware of it and happy about it. Do these women think this guy is their "boyfriend"? If so then he's just a cheater.
      >4w
    Reply
  • TEN4YOU

    TEN4YOU
    Account closed

    Is this article talking about ethics in the fucking scene ....please stick to the fucking advice ,you're better at that !
    >4w
    Reply
  • JustR8ted

    JustR8ted
    Account closed

    Being monogamous myself,i did consider the idea of seeing two women last year.
    All above board,ground rules,no cheating,no lies,both women knew about each other,no attachment,just two friends with benefits scenario.
    BUT,when it came to the crunch,i couldn't follow through with it,it would personally do my head in,one is enough!
    In hindsight,a fantasy...but in reality and for me,personally,i feel it's not right nor fair on both parties and not to mention,the mind games of playing with two people.
    Mutli-dating is not for me,i'll stick with one at a time.
    I suppose it depends on mindset and how much you can stomach,mentally.
    >4w
    Reply
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