Could Swinging save your Marriage?

Chantelle Austin Chantelle Austin on 15 June 2020    17 comments
Swinger couple in bed and woman has her hand on the man's shoulder

I bet you couldn’t help reading this after a title like that… and I bet you want to know what the answer is too.

Well you’ll get your answer shortly, but before I do, I have to tell you this. When we first got into this swinging lifestyle my answer to that question would have been "no way!

I believed that if your relationship wasn't 100% solid then you’d be absolutely nuts to even think about going there!" That was until…

We met this awesome couple that lived on the coast. Just your average couple in their late 30’s who had been together for about 15 years and appeared to be still very much in love. Now after a couple of drinks we all got to talking and sharing our experiences, along with why we got into swinging to start with.

Well you could have knocked me over with a feather when she shared why they started. You’d never guess in a million years and to be honest, even to me it was a shock!

Would you like to know what it was?

She’d had multiple affairs. Not just one!

Shocking, I know! And what’s even more shocking is that he forgave her for all of them! What kind of phenomenal person is he? Some would say a saint, maybe a fool but at the end of the day… he loved her.

Now here is where it will push boundaries for some people; this is why he stayed with her: he knew she didn’t do it because she didn't love him, it was purely a physical thing, just someone new to play with while she was away.

Now, I’m not condoning cheating, I’m just highlighting the fact that you can be attracted to someone else yet still be totally in love with your partner. I can hear your brains processing what I just said from here… and some of you are not sure that’s true…

Think of it this way, there are a number of reasons why someone would cheat; one being that they are just attracted to another person. I agree that some people do cheat for the sake of cheating, but some also cheat because their relationship is lacking something they need…

Now not every need is going to be fulfilled by swinging but if the need is more variety, or if they have a need to explore their bi-sexuality, both of those needs can easily be met by swinging while still maintaining the integrity in the relationship.

So that’s what this couple did! He forgave her and figured if that’s what she needed, that he may as well join in hence they started swinging.

Well now think about that for a second... She still gets to play up with other men but now it’s in full view of her husband; there is no going behind his back for a bit of fun, he knows everything that happens and he gets to play up too, the trust has been built back up as they only play together, and all physical and emotional needs are met!

Hello solution; no need for affairs! They both get to have their cake and eat it too!

I've got a question for you though. I’ve seen relationships that have come and gone because one party cheated, and I wonder now if they cheated because they found someone they were just attracted to, or they just needed some variety, or if they just needed to explore their own sexuality.

So my question is: if they had considered swinging as an option for their relationship, would they still be together?

Could Shane and Simone Warne have weathered his philandering storms had they both agreed to swing?

While that might seem a far fetched statement, imagine this; sometime in the not so distant future, a couple go to a marriage counsellor to help them work out their marital issues and the counsellor says “I have a solution to your problem. You both need to start swinging!”

This probably isn’t an option that counsellors or psychiatrists would outwardly recommend now is it... however, I really feel that for some people this could be the answer to be able to salvage their relationship. No, really, I think it’s possible!

It might only be a small percentage that could do it, but still, it's a percentage that could stay together, save themselves heaps of money in divorce settlements and stay as a family unit if they have children. Happy parents; happy children and the world is a much better place, wouldn’t you agree?

If people could get over their stuff (also known as "emotional baggage"), dump their jealousy, chill out, focus on having fun and living life to the fullest, my feeling is that there would be less divorce and heaps more happy people in this world anyway.

Now, I’m going to make a shocking statement… for those who are under 18, don’t read this next paragraph.

In most cases it's just sex people! Friends with benefits! It’s more uncomplicated than you think because it’s only people that complicate it. I tell you what, BBQs with swinger friends is much more fun because you can flirt as much as you like and everyone is ok with it, in fact, it’s encouraged!

So can swinging save your marriage? Absolutely! Will it save all of them? Hell no, you have to work out what the problems are first and see if a little bit of sex and adventure on the side (together) is what will fulfil the needs not being met.

For us, not only has it sparked up our sex life, it's brought a breath of fresh air into our relationship and created a deeper connection between us. I promise it’s completely true…

It created a plethora of conversations that needed to be had along the way to swinger-dom. This meant more opportunities to communicate and a chance to build a deeper level of honesty and trust; which we all know are foundations for a long lasting relationship.

All it takes is an open mind, a conversation between the two of you and a willingness to experience some new things together. Even if you never actually swing, it could do your relationship the world of good to be a little more adventurous!

Here’s to your sexual evolution!

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Comments (17)

  • Photos in private gallery

    Polypair4fun
    50M 48F Inverell, NSW,
     AU

    So true. Your piece captures our own experience perfectly. An enjoyable and affirming read.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Ifuwannadome

    Ifuwannadome
    61F Hobart, TAS,
     AU

    It will either make or break a relationship
    >4w
    Reply
  • MsBelle67

    MsBelle67
    Account closed

    Thank you for this article. I am in complete agreement x
    >4w
    Reply
  • freetogive

    freetogive
    40M Rockhampton, QLD,
     AU

    I am a single guy who is currently playing with someone in an open swinging relationship. My experience has been that if everyone is open and knows everything it can be great. It only works because they have a strong marriage and there are no secrets.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Zamboon

    Zamboon
    66M Bridgeman Downs, QLD,
     AU

    Interesting read - I know a married couple who swing and they’ve been together for ages , not without their own problems ofcourse - the main comment from her was they battle with other regular couples and she said that with most couples one partner is more committed to swinging than the other especially once the initial phase has passed and the unknown and the excitement has gone - another couple I knew were into swinging and then could meet others outside their relationship - she met more than he did and she often bragged on here that she did whatever she wanted and he was ok with it - 4 months later he left her for someone else so I guess he wasn’t that ok with it - and she was devastated .. I guess it’s very mature of people to do that and if it works for both then that’s wonderful - cheers..
    >4w
    Reply
  • Mickford

    Mickford
    Account closed

    You both must really trust each other. Otherwise it won't work. I have know couples who have split over it.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Wayno888

    Wayno888
    48M 47F Gold Coast, QLD,
     AU

    I joined Amm to investigate swinging but feel that trying to save your marriage this way is rather dangerous, but hey everyone is different in their needs and I'm guessing there's lots of different reasons why people join the lifestyle.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Simon72Mel76

    Simon72Mel76
    Account closed

    Hi Rach. Wow so great to read the thoughts of a true SEXpert! My husband and I very much share your views.... We got together in 2000, married in 2004, coming up to our 16th wedding anniversary & still deeply in love with each other. We are soul mates. And best friends.
    Si was 28 when we met and I was 23.
    Early in our firsty year together, Si encouraged me to fuck a friend of his. I was unsure, I had been monogamous in my past relationships. Si spoke to his mate and me so frankly and honestly about his desires and expectations With his permission, I put aside my doubts and myself go.
    In that pivotal moment, just a few weeks into our relationship as a 24 year old, I began to accept and appreciate 'slut'was not nessesarily a dirty or derogatory word. My man referred to both of us sluts. Because we both love sex! And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!! From that time on I began the process that I now believe all women should undergo. That of embracing my inner slut. My sexual evolution has been an ongoing learning experience these past 20 years. I am a slut. I am proud. I love sex. I am a highly sexual being and feel no shame about making these admissions.
    Within 12 months we were regularly swinging with other couples. Full swap, same room initially, progressing to "vanilla with a twist". A couple we know came up with this phrase. We liked it so much that we couldn't help but use it.... Our definition being ... Full swap, straight sex- Separate rooms- Preferably 'bareback.
    Our swinging lifestyle has brought the both of us joy, lust, trust and intense intimacy throughout our courtship, our marriage, the raising our 4 children (8-15yrs) and has brought us closer than any other couple we know. So in conclusion, our experience in living the lifestyle of swingers, has promoted intimacy between us ( trust and communication being key to success of an open relationship). Allowed each of us the freedom to express our sexuality - both highly sexed individuals. We have indulged our desires for variety in sexual partners in a truly transparent fashion - we are happy, in love and trust implicitly in each other.
    To any who are curious about the lifestyle we lead we liken swinging to being partial to biscuits.... We both love a biccie!. Our all time favourites being TimTams. We will have a TimTam or 2 every day- they are the BEST. But we are self confessed biccie lovers so enjoy a Wagon Wheel, Mint Slice or even a Milk Arraroot too. We could pig out every now and then enjoying several different biscuits. But our all time Faves are and always will be TimTams.
    Our happiness has a flow on effect to our children.... We have a wonderful union and a secure, content, loving family.
    That said, Simon and I would agree with your conclusions Chantelle Austin that Swinging could indeed be a way to save marriages .
    My hubby wrote a blog on a social media site several months back on this very topic entitled " SWINGING. Open Relationships, a way to save modern day marriage? 50 % of Australian marriages end in divorce....." Honesty with self and partner = happy couples and a strong marriage.
    Dishonesty = guilt, shame, blame and breakdown of marriages, resulting in divorce with devastating effects on Aussie families. Keep up the awesome and worthwhile content not only for this site but society as a whole.
    >4w
    Reply
  • StraightSwap4u

    StraightSwap4u
    39M 39F Wagga Wagga, NSW,
     AU

    I would discourage a couple from swinging activity in order to 'save' a broken marriage or band-aid problems.
    For us, our encounters have brought us closer together, by way of opening our communication right up and taking our adoration of each other to another level. I'm pro marriage enhancement, as opposed to marriage reparation through swinging.
    >4w
    • Photos in private gallery

      Milomilk78
      46M Liverpool, NSW,
       AU

      Would love to see a video of you playing with your self would love to meet you with my wife and take you to a beautiful motel I’ll be in packing you and my wife would be inside and my wife would tell you soon as one of this bags come in it’s full of sex toys my wife would tell you to lay on the lounge and relax I would want in with the first load and my wife stars at me and I tell her don’t worry I got your bag first injoy why you can because I’m going to chain yous both up and lick you play with all the toys I don’t no if you like anal but my wife loves it can’t get enough of it you no any blokes with a cock a lot bigger then mine you would ask why and I would tell you I want to see here get smashed with a big arse hard cock I would grab you and push you towards my wife and start yelling kiss my wife stick your toung in her mouth my wife would grab you and say go and muck my man cock and balls with that toung ring my wife is going to get on next week so if you don’t mind so dirty kinky sex I would love it can you send me a video of you playing with your beautiful pussy and the big tits
      >4w
    Reply
  • beadmaster

    beadmaster
    62M VIC,
     AU

    Hi guys
    My wife and I started swinging with couples at first it was just a night out and went from there
    Then we got into party’s
    Great times But you can’t be jealous that’s we’re it comes into play
    Your marriage is that
    And swinging is just fun have to keep that separate
    But swinging with the right couples is great fun
    >4w
    Reply
  • phoenix1323

    phoenix1323
    50F Canberra, ACT,
     AU

    “So my question is: if they had considered swinging as an option for their relationship, would they still be together?”
    Some relationships, yes. But I think the main issue is that the majority of relationships haven’t been exposed to what swinging is about.. it’s just sex people!
    Centuries of people, having affairs. Some partners turn a blind eye, some are surprised out of the blue. How much easier would life be if those couples had enough trust in each other and their relationship, to work past what can be devastating, straight from the word go?
    A relationship, whether it’s a couple, throuple, or more, is based on a connection and feelings that you don’t tend to have with people you “swing” with. Swinging is about enjoying each other, and others, physically, and there’s a social aspect to it as well. I’ve played as a single for many years, sometimes with a FWB, but not as a couple before my current relationship. I’ve had relationships where they’ve had affairs, and yes, that was ruining at those times, because I had no idea of what a swinging relationship could be. I had no basis to learn about what could’ve help save those particular relationships.
    In my current relationship, we both had been in the scene previously, it’s how we met. We communicate all the time about what we want, desire and need, future possible plans and I have to say, this is the most honest relationship I’ve ever been in. We aren’t worried about the other having affairs, because we have the freedom to be with who we like, and trust the other. Our relationship is strong, because we’ve both put every single card on the table. That’s something I personally haven’t done in previous relationships, because the expectations of society dictated how my relationship should be, and I’d been scarred by my previous relationships.
    My personal belief is that in an ideal world, swinging would become part of the natural order of life. It’s taken decades for LGBTQI to become accepted by society ( despite those that still oppose ).. I hope that different kinds of relationships can become accepted as well. Yes, there’s a place for those who want monogamy.. but we deserve our place to enjoy life as we do also. Phoe
    >4w
    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor
      Staff Account

      Nicely said. We're seeing a shift towards more open, poly and evolving relationship styles, even the term relationship anarchy is being used more often. Chantelle also wrote a great article "What if swinging was the norm?" which I think you'd enjoy.
      >4w
    • phoenix1323

      phoenix1323
      50F Canberra, ACT,
       AU

      @AMM.Editor I see the shift also, but it’s more common in the swinging and kink communities. We are a long way off “society”’s acceptance to live and let live.
      I’ve been doing a lot of reading on the site, and tend to agree with most of the authors in their articles. Having an open mind and considering others opinions should also become a societal “norm”.. but I won’t hold my breathe lol. Thanks for the reply.
      >4w
    • AMM.Editor

      AMM.Editor
      Staff Account

      We have a new writer coming onboard, a fab poly girl from Melbourne, who has already written 2 articles for us (but not yet published). She'll be delving into and explaining a lot more about non-traditional relationships and the shifts we're seeing.
      >4w
    Reply
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