Online Dating Photo Failures Men Should Avoid

Adult Match Maker on 7 August 2013    21 comments
Woman holding a pen to her face while contemplating advice

Gentlemen!

I’m the Profile Diva and I’m here to give you a woman’s point of view on how you can improve your online dating experience, and attract the women you want.

This will be the first in a series of articles that focus on the three key areas that men need to get right to maximise their adult dating success: Photos, Profiles, and First Messages.

First of all, let me explain some general principles that you may or may not know about women and online dating.

  • Women, especially when they are new to a dating site, are literally bombarded with messages and winks from men. It is not uncommon for women to receive up to 1000 messages in a week.
  • Women need more than just a photo to feel attracted to a man, even if they are just looking for something casual.
  • Women are usually not in a rush to meet up and generally like to have an online chat, a couple of emails, or a phone call to feel comfortable.

So, taking these principles into account, the three things you need to master online are:

  • The ability to stand out in the crowd.
  • A willingness to share details about who you are.
  • The patience to take a little time for seduction and building attraction.

Ok, let’s start at the beginning - your photos.

Your photos are your only chance to make a first impression, and considering you may be one of hundreds of others trying to get a woman’s attention, it’s crucial that you don’t fall at this key hurdle.

Needless to say, if you don’t provide any pictures, you’ve instantly shot yourself in the foot, and are not likely to get a woman’s attention.

Even though looks may not be the MOST important thing to women, they still form the cornerstone of attraction. A great photo creates that first initial spark of interest that makes a woman want to know more about you.

So, what makes a great photo? Well that’s a complex question, so let’s start with what DOESN’T make a great photo, and that may help you choose yours more wisely.

After actively online dating for the last several years, I’ve pinpointed the top three mistakes that I think men make when choosing profile photos.

1. No Head

Guys, I know this is an “adult” dating site, and many of you want to use it with discretion for a variety of reasons, but seriously, a photo that is nothing but a naked torso with no head is just NOT good enough.

Maybe you’d be happy to meet up with a woman with nothing more than a picture of her from neck to knees, but most women need a bit more. Remember, it’s all about generating attraction, and a man’s body, even if it is gorgeous, is not enough to grab most women’s attention and hold it.

From my own experience, a very small percentage of men provide pictures of their face, and they always catch my eye simply because they’re different. So if you are comfortable with it - just do it! It will help you stand out from all the headless mirror selfies and attract more women.

2. Cropped Out Ex

This is one of the most common mistakes with profile photos, and one that has the tendency to turn women off in an instant.

Guys, never, EVER use a photo of you and your ex (or any other woman) where you’ve tried (and failed) to crop her out of the frame. Whether it’s just some hair, a bit of her face, or a hand on your shoulder, women WILL notice this and immediately start wondering who that woman is.

They will not be focusing on you and what makes you attractive, which is the whole point of having a picture in the first place.

3. X-Rated Only

I know you’re proud of your body, and you may just be looking for casual, kinky fun online, but I can guarantee that your penis is NOT the first thing a woman wants to see when she clicks on your message or profile.

It’s also not the ONLY thing she wants to see, so even if you choose to include a snapshot of your assets, provide some other more traditional pictures as well.

I’d also suggest that you consider what type of woman you’re trying to attract online. If you’re just looking for purely sexual encounters, you can be a bit more risqué with your photo choices. However, if you want to attract a higher calibre of experience, you should err on the side of caution, and leave the naked photos for another time.

Just like men, women like a little mystery, and you can just as easily describe your manhood in words. This is just as effective and in my opinion, and far sexier than a badly lit bathroom mirror selfie.

If you avoid these three photo failures you’ll be on your way to creating a profile that works FOR you, not against you, and attracts the women you want.

Happy Dating!

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Comments (21)

  • traddie92

    traddie92
    32M Bardwell Park, NSW,
     AU

    Great information. There is only one suggestion. That is that, some woman love the attention and do not actually want anything more than just a few kinky msg's and maybe a photo swap. There is a fine like between a girl interested in you and a girl who is able to manipulate you into thinking your in. Causing guys to start to get more frisky and then if there into you they get turned off. I find that you need to be straight up with them, kind, sexy, and yes mysterious.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Clitlicker848

    Clitlicker848
    Account closed

    Great advice. many men think. women think like men, but of course they don't. The sexiest sounding women still want a little romance. Cock photos mostly turn women off, wait until they ask. You also need to advise the girls. A close up photo of pubes could be anyone's. if you don't want to show your face tell your prospective date you will email photos.
    A profile that lists age and star sign and everything else "not specified" is a no, no. A profile that, at the top says "any age" then lower says, between 35 and40 tells me you are dumb.
    Confining your age range to 5 above and below your own age is limiting your chances.
    A profile with "Not specified" for height and weight, tells me you are over weight. Non of us are perfect and a man who is interested in you will not be put off and you wont get a date from Mr. Adonis either way so be honest.
    >4w
    Reply
  • porsche8869

    porsche8869
    61M Adelaide, SA,
     AU

    Great article, thank you and Oh so true. I think it comes down to common sense for both male and females and as mentioned, leave the penis photos for another time.
    I find most guys are so focused on themselves, it makes me almost ashamed to be a male, honestly the language we use. When was the last time you where truely romantic, telling her how wonderful she is, what she is wearing, opening the car door for her, or any door for that matter. Getting up when she leaves the table, or when she returns. All this has been lost and it shows in the emails/messages we write. Show some respect!!
    >4w
    Reply
  • ProfileDiva

    ProfileDiva
    Group Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    Hi Guys, thanks for the great comments. Good to know my advice is hitting the mark with some of you out there. Tradie92 - I think you're right about there being a lot of girls just in it for the attention, especially in your age bracket, but there are ways to detect them and not fall into the trap of wasting too much time with them. Maybe I'll have to write an article about that!
    >4w
    Reply
  • BigFat21

    BigFat21
    32M Potts Point, NSW,
     AU

    I like
    >4w
    Reply
  • Iwantyou1984

    Iwantyou1984
    Account closed

    I was once that girl that never met up with men and the reason is I wasn't encouraged to just be me. I thought my body wasn't good enough (even though it was only 5 kgs heavier than now). Men need to seduce women into coming out but there's more the victim mentality and "poor me syndrome" happening on AMM at the moment. I've met up with several men in the short time I've been on here, ladies, most are sane, just meet in a public place.
    >4w
    Reply
  • ProfileDiva

    ProfileDiva
    Group Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    Thanks Iwantyou1984 for joining the conversation. It helps to have some feedback from a woman to help men understand what women need to feel attraction. Women's insecurity about their bodies is a HUGE deterrent to them feeling sexually confident, and when men focus so heavily on the physical, many women shy away fearing rejection. Seduction doesn't mean romance - it just means taking some time to make a woman feel special, attractive and desired.
    >4w
    Reply
  • SexyBBWLooking

    SexyBBWLooking
    Account closed

    For me a picture is not essential, it's a nice to have. If a picture is included then it needs to follow the above rules, a bad picture is worse than no picture.
    Personally I think the profile is key, there are so many profiles out there that have no real information, are really short and not worth reading. Women do searches too, so your profile could be the first thing we see, one that's half complete and tells us nothing will see us move on to the next one.
    Since first messages can also be the first thing we see from you these need to be good. Make sure you tell us something about yourself and use the opportunity to show you read our profile too, most don't and you'll stand out in a good way.
    If you send a message that says little or nothing then save yourself the message and don't send it, personally I don't even respond to these anymore and I don't look at the profiles either.
    The men I've met off here had good profiles and excellent first messages, if you manage this you'll get a lot more interest.
    Women are outnumbered on here almost 10 to 1, you need to make a good or great first impression.
    >4w
    Reply
  • ProfileDiva

    ProfileDiva
    Group Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    Great insight SexyBBWLooking! I couldn't agree more. Stay tuned for my next two articles that address Profiles and First Messages. Doing what I can to help guys get the message that they need to make more of an effort to be successful online.
    >4w
    Reply
  • pitchblue

    pitchblue
    Account closed

    Most of this is common sense, but it's no easy to put a nice picture and keep the privacy at the same time. I don't mind to put a clear picture of myself into the private gallery, but not much use for a trial member like me. Maybe I should try something more artistic :-).
    This article confirms what I suspected, that winks are not very useful as women receive too many and probably just ignore them. Apparently there are many men that believes bombing everyone with winks will increase their chances, when reality is that there are ruining everybody chances to use this system.
    Also I found very few woman (I don't know about men) with an upgraded account, witch means I have very few chances to receive a message from any of them. So I believe for a man is almost mandatory to upgrade the account in order to get any chance (especially for an average looking one like me :-S ).
    Anyway, I keep polishing my profile. Thanks for the article, it's always nice to get the point of view from a smart lady. By the way, I cannot believe some people use pictures where they obviously crop their previous partners out, I saw that a couple of times, lol.
    From no head man :-p
    >4w
    Reply
  • Zara101

    Zara101
    59F Cambridge Gardens, NSW,
     AU

    I have been updating my profile over the last week.I do not consider myself a prude but I think leaving a little to the imagination in the sexual interests, may be something some men may want to reconsider.I personally find it a little disturbing how many guys just expect to hook up for a quick encounter with out even a phone chat and then get offended rude and abusive if you do not have pics of your naked bits in your gallery. I have also been told on many occasions that this is purely a sex site so I should not be on it. What the ? There is the relationship option.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Aussielover2010

    Aussielover2010
    Account closed

    Well said Zara. I find that men are trying to 'utilise' women on this site in the same way they would an escort service ( that's IF they had the money or weren't too stingey to spend it. I don't have anything against men who don't have money, the latter however...) Anyway, I am perfectly happy catching up with the right person on a casual basis but I will not degrade myself in the process. My self respect comes first. Always. A little normality goes a long way. Just because this is a sex site doesn't mean people have to be gross. And I am continually amazed at how men just don't get that. For example there is a guy in the above thread who has had a bit of advice for other men. He calls himself "Clitlicker". Lol - that's an instant block in my books. I mean really? A good username is SO important. If it isn't half respectable, it doesn't matter how hot your photo is, it has given me an insight into your character and personality where I can't hit that block button fast enough. And then for him to suggest that other people might be 'dumb' just makes me shake my head in disbelief. And forget his advice about emailing pics, that's what this site is for. It provides that service for us. Switching to email all the time is too time consuming. So just bite the bullet and put the pics up. And the most basic advice from a female who has utilised this site for a few years now, is just to be normal, charming, funny and cheeky. If you wouldn't say it to someone in a cafe, then don't say it online in the first 5 minutes. Save it for when you get to know the person on an intimate level as they're more likely to accommodate things that are a bit more out there AFTER they have got to know the 'normal' side of you first. If you say it straight up with a username like "clitlicker" the female is likely to think you're just a sleaze. There are VERY few men who can say certain things straight up and get away with it. It is an artform mastered by few. So advice is leave it to the Casanovas of the world and just be yourself. ( Unless you're practicing therefore don't expect to get laid )
    >4w
    • missjazz

      missjazz
      48F Gordon Park, QLD,
       AU

      I so agree with what your saying, especially the comment about if you would not say something degrading and plain offensive in an every day setting, what decent person would think it is ok to talk cheap crap just because it is an online service. Luckily there are great guys out there with respect but sadley it seems like one in every 20 or so.
      >4w
    Reply
  • Leolady727

    Leolady727
    Account closed

    Aussielover2010 - great comment. Men don't seem to think about profile names - I know some turn ME off instantly. And, for pity's sake guys, using "69" in your profile is not unusual or witty - do a search some time and see how many there are.
    Another profile name that turned me RIGHT off was one called "bangitin" now, doesn't THAT sound like a man who respects women - NOT
    >4w
    Reply
  • Leolady727

    Leolady727
    Account closed

    Photo fails, in my opinion, are:
    Wearing sunglasses - PLEASE show your eyes!
    A photo of your undies - what's that about?
    >4w
    • funready2

      funready2
      71M Sydney, NSW,
       AU

      Didn't share my face since I am known in certain circles and can't take the risk ... but I did show my eyes (the window to the soul it is claimed) and my lips/mouth since that is such an important part in any relationship (what comes out and what goes in).
      >4w
    Reply
  • Leolady727

    Leolady727
    Account closed

    Men really need to read this article - still so many with NO photo at all. I'm afraid that, unless the accompanying message is extremely well-written and witty, you've lost any chance with me.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Trythishard1

    Trythishard1
    55M Paralowie, SA,
     AU

    This site caters for people who enjoy posting and viewing explicit pics . Other dating sites do not . So if people don't want to see them , is that not their issue ? Plenty of girls do like seeing them ( as long as you have a decent variety of face and body pics in your private gallery , which I do ) . I enjoy being an exhibitionist , it turns me on that people are looking at my cock . To suggest I take them down would give people a false impression of me and what I am here for . I believe honesty is better than presenting yourself how you think other people want to see you . Isn't that dishonest ? For me , what you see is what you get , take it or leave it !! . The people that decide to take it always get what they expect . :-)
    >4w
    Reply
  • missjazz

    missjazz
    48F Gordon Park, QLD,
     AU

    very good advice. As a women may I add do NOT go on about how horny you are in the very first conversation. It makes a girl think you care only for yourself
    >4w
    Reply
  • Love.Doctor

    Love.Doctor
    Account closed

    In general the above covers the obvious but its more detailed than that.
    For men its difficult to get even 50% of the rules correct. We are the ones on show similar to the animal kingdom where the old peacock displays his feathers to potential females. On top of men having to stand out from the crowd, females get to set their own rules when it comes to picking and choosing. Women base searching on the physical (as much as most will deny this) so want to see a mans body despite claiming the contrary - so the gym buffed up guys get exempt from this articles rules they are automatically in and classed as hot. You see this in everyday life and even here in the chat rooms. So while women like to set standards they are selective in applying them. I agree in general not only for a sex site but just human decency - so no pics of an erection next to a coke can (pretty stupid)....no pics of your mouth wide open while holding a beer (not exactly attractive). I do believe nude pics can be done in a respectful decent way as it depends on 'intentions'. It is a sex site and as women get to choose there are some decent men (i'd like to throw myself in that group) that try to display those mature decent attributes which I'm sure most women pick up on. We are saying "hello, this is me...I will leave it up to you whether you'd like to take it further or not". Like I mentioned, if you're one of the genetically lucky guys no rules are applied to them and this article doesn't apply.
    In relation to the headless photo...I actually worked in the same office as a woman on this site and while she did have part head shots in her gallery I matched her dress sense and body posture to the pics. Didn't bother me she was on this site, in fact the type of pics she took along with her personality made her more attractive. Unfortunately there are people out there that are not as easy going, simple and accepting as myself (or her) which prompts a lot to have to hide their identity in the initial stages, as being open and honest can be used against you by the not so tame.
    >4w
    Reply
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