How to deal with Online Dating Rejection: Suck it up Princess!

Cam Langdon Cam Langdon on 26 April 2012    25 comments
Young man lying in bed looking mournful because he's been rejected

Guys, online dating rejection is not the huge drama you might think it is, and is definitely no reason to give up on your efforts to meet that perfect woman - a friend with benefits.

One of the most important things that you have to learn about with online dating – and that includes adult dating sites where sex is the priority – is that you will be subject to rejection. And if not that, then maybe you will be ignored or blocked or otherwise given the cold shoulder.

I’m not going to trot out some Anthony Robbins inspired motivational piece about dealing with the horrible, emotional trauma associated with the blow to your manly ego caused by rejection.

I am going to tell you to man up!

In the world of online dating, there is no room for crying and moaning about being rejected. It has happened to me more times than I care to admit. At first, yes, I wanted to write a letter to the site administrators complaining about the type of women they allowed to become members – but then I settled down and decided to make the most of it. I had paid money after all! And I wasn’t going to stop trying until I had met at least one girl.

Luckily, I soon learned all the correct tactics to be successful in online dating, and that first goal of one date was soon reached. And then exceeded … by many.

Like it or not, you are going to have to play it like a numbers game. Employ a scatter-gun approach. Write to lots of women, and you are sure to get some nibbles – but only if you are thinking with your head and not your penis when you write your messages. As some of the ladies said in their responses to my previous article – treat women with respect even if they are primarily looking for a sex partner. I’m no advocate of soppy, romantic dating sites, but one of them hits the nail on the head with its very name. Yes, there are “plenty of fish” in the sea. Many grains of sand on the beach. So, don’t give up until you get a result.

In practical terms, look at why are you being rejected and, very importantly, by what kind of woman.

Maybe you are expecting miracles. You might be a middle-aged man with a beer gut, scratching out a living. She is a gorgeous babe with a career that’s going places. Now, you may be the nicest bloke in the world, but she is most likely going to look you over. A woman like this will not respond to you no matter what. Rejection assured. You are much better off looking for females closer to your own age, perhaps widowed. Chubby women are often hot to trot. You get the picture.

I had a guy react to my last article like this: “With 10 times more men than women on here, it doesn't matter how good you write your profile, or how smooth you are at talking, 9 out of 10 men on here are going to miss out, and that's a FACT. What have you got to say about that Cam Langdon?”

Here’s my response to that. I often say to guys who are blaming the man-to-woman ratio for their poor results to compare the situation with a job interview. Most people have applied for jobs where there are potentially thousands of applicants for one position. Say it’s 1,000 apply and one job. If you don’t get the job, it’s disappointing, sure. But you soon get over it and start applying for other jobs. That same philosophy should guide you with online dating.

But here's the other side of the coin: someone DID get that job! The one who put the most effort and time into their application. Try and be THAT person, not the ones who dipped out. And guess what else? I'm betting that the guy who got the job had been rejected before on quite a few occasions - and he learned lessons from those experiences.

I cannot give you a 100% accurate figure on the ratios on AMM, but I’ll admit there are more men than women, which seems to be the case for all dating sites. That means you just have to try a little bit harder. And, from what the ladies have been saying about the approaches they get from many rude and ignorant guys, it shouldn’t be too difficult to achieve!

Once you accept the fact that rejection is an unfortunate reality in online dating, the sooner you will wake up to the fact that you need to be smart about the way you target, as well as casting the net as widely as you can.

PS. Thanks for all the comments on my previous articles, and that includes the negative as well as the positive.

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Comments (25)

  • happy-boy

    happy-boy
    Account closed

    Well said & it's so true. Thomas-:)
    >4w
    Reply
  • paddy138

    paddy138
    Account closed

    You didnt tell us we didnt know.
    >4w
    Reply
  • TooGoodToWaste

    TooGoodToWaste
    Account closed

    This article is a poor attempt at self promotion. The great majority of participants on a site such as this are working under the illusion that the anonymity afforded by a screen will be the panacea for their mis-directed proclivities,energies and relationship failings. Its use is vicarious,fanciful and lacks the integrity of life processes that underscores success. I envisage non-acceptance of invitations as the sign of a healthy mind and excellent judgement by the women involved,who have a selection ratio of between 4 and 6 to 1. This article characterises it as rejection. It should promote the great life skill of failing towards success. The process of relating is an exercise in observation and inference that builds confidence in the quality of the participating individuals. The circumvention of this process,which a dating site promotes, brooks long term failure. Men don't need dating tips. They need to be better men.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Mischeviouslad

    Mischeviouslad
    53M Lane Cove, NSW,
     AU

    Agreed.... except for the try harder part.
    Try less hard.... but try.. smarter.
    >4w
    Reply
  • matthew6975

    matthew6975
    Account closed

    Thanks for the valuable information, it is so frustrating to meet women it seems I can never say the right things I can never work women out but I will persist and change my approach thanks mate.
    >4w
    Reply
  • loveathon

    loveathon
    57M Oakleigh, VIC,
     AU

    Thanks also for the information. If anything one might be able to take some solace from the fact that when we reach our mid to late 50's and 60's (not a thought we relish I know) the ratio starts to even up a bit. I mean the 'gorgeous babe with a career that’s going places' isn't going to be gorgeous and have her career for ever and perhaps an article will be need to be written for her too.
    >4w
    Reply
  • z00001

    z00001
    Account closed

    Having pre-paid reply's gives people the opportunity to get in contact with you for free,but it doesn't gaurantee you meeting or having the chance to get intimate with those people either.. If a person converses with you on AdultMatchMaker; that person has the choice of either meeting you in person or decides not to meet you at all,and it still doesn't mean you'd will become their friend if you do happen to meet them...
    >4w
    Reply
  • Justintime100

    Justintime100
    71M Newport, QLD,
     AU

    It is hard for lonely men sometimes, so I'd encourage you to:
    1. Research each lady's profile you contact, and tailor your message appropriately. Be cocky and funny - within limits - not silly.
    2. Never come across as a "Sleaze", as it is a complete turn off for many.
    3. Treat the lady with respect, and above all, be yourself. After coffee, "window shopping" is a pastime they love.
    4. If you run out of things to say ... "Would you like a kiss and cuddle" is often what the lady is waiting for, but don't take any "liberties". Hands to self unless it naturally happens, or you are invited.
    5. Don't be "clingy" or needy. Give them space. Only ring every third or 4th day. Don't be Posessive, or Jealous".
    6. If it gets to the intimate stage, look after her needs, so that she finds you a most enjoyable and considerate companion - considerate "afterplay" shows respect, and shows her that she is not just another vessel in which to pour excess body fluids.
    7. To get people to read your profile, so you can write to them, write a story in "Articles".
    8. When you go Fishing, you don't catch the lot ... be content with the occasional one. If you don't get any, go back tomorrow and try again. If you are not successful with a particular one, move on and don't go back there.
    Best of luck ...
    >4w
    Reply
  • joseph469

    joseph469
    Account closed

    Unfortunately, I have found AMM a total waste of time. 99.9% of woman do not respond to your winks or messages, and the only responses seem to be the cliche "you are not my type". You never hear what they want, so how do you find out how to be their type? I am on this site not just for myself but for the woman that I can treat with great respect and fulfil her needs. My satisfaction will be to make her happy. Most woman on this site believe us blokes are all here to add to our list of woman we have conquered. I only want ONE that I can cherish and add some sparkle to her life. Is there anyone out there wanting a fulfilling affair? I have about 25 days to go from my membership and then I am out of here!. joseph469
    >4w
    • allinmymind

      allinmymind
      61F Wodonga, VIC,
       AU

      Girls probably need to be shown what a fulfilling affair is from a guys point of view. The guys seem to have a better vision of this than the chicks. Perhaps AMM could write an article on it.
      >4w
    Reply
  • TooGoodToWaste

    TooGoodToWaste
    Account closed

    Ive had tremendous success on AMM and another dating site. My approach is always about quality with the possibility of fun. A quiet coffee, asking about the girl,no expectations,a strong idea of who i am and what i will and wont accept and the knowledge that Im in charge.Two out of three times, Ive said no to the girl because they were not who they said. I met my last gf of three and a half years on here. I make damned sure that I'm the kind of guy that I would want to date,were I a girl. I work out,dress with style,make sure that humour is a big part of conversations,am genuinely interested in the stories of the people I meet and maintain standards. Im also old school gentlemen. This site doesnt change who you are. Those who believe it will, are destined to fail. Be a better man. Work out. Avoid being needy or clingy. Have your interests and be aware of when to share them. Keep an eye open for information or actions that seem to contradict what the girl has said or implied in her profile. Best of all, see it all as an adventure and be sure not to lose your personal details to scam profiles that do exist, despite the best efforts of the staff,on this and other sites. Good Luck!
    >4w
    Reply
  • ozman81

    ozman81
    43M Sydney, NSW,
     AU

    I too have 100% rejection rate but I don't take it seriously, there is a lot more to life than women :)
    >4w
    Reply
  • oneinamilli0n

    oneinamilli0n
    Account closed

    We're all aware AMM is a business, yeah? Here to make money off a bunch of lonely guys. Maybe we should all man up and get out in the field, instead of sitting behind a computer screen hoping for the best.
    >4w
    Reply
  • lustfulwench

    lustfulwench
    57F Tarragindi, QLD,
     AU

    Hello, some words of wisdom from someone who is female: A smile is worth more than a cock shot any day. What you have to say and how you go about saying it are both important....always be positive in the way you present information. Humour! Everyone loves humour! Let your sense of humour shine through. When I wrote my profile I wanted it to attract the right people, which it does...and I think because what you read is me, that is, when I meet someone there is congruency between myself and my profile words/description, I have success. Add some depth to your profile, a couple of lines about liking 4WD, footy, beer and mates isn't going to cut it....talk about what you like in the bedroom...what you'd like to explore...what are the things that turn you on? Be expressive. Another tip, be strategic in your approaches..and yes, look outside your local area. Lastly, manners maketh the man (sadly, some women have none). Be careful of gold diggers...never mention your financial status/position..you will only ever attract the wrong sort of women. And that's all I have to say about that. PS I always look at rejection as a saving grace.
    >4w
    Reply
  • BigSoftBlonde

    BigSoftBlonde
    54F Burpengary, QLD,
     AU

    Did I read this guys article wrong or was he suggesting guys who don't want to be rejected should try BBW's because they are hot to trot. Maybe that explains why I get a lot of winks? And I thought it was bc I was a top chick!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Sydguy014

    Sydguy014
    Account closed

    The girls meet who they want to meet
    >4w
    Reply
  • juicypussy

    juicypussy
    Account closed

    Happy-Boy - spot on!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Afresh80

    Afresh80
    Account closed

    Thank you for saying what we don't have the opportunity to say. Well Said.
    >4w
    Reply
  • cravin4pussy

    cravin4pussy
    Account closed

    Given the fact that a lot of guys (around my age group - 50+ !) have spent their hard earned cash on this website in the hope of conecting with a lady or couple, It is very close to an insult to be telling them to "suck it up " and stop whinging !!! Fact of the matter is this --- a great deal of women & couples are only on this site to tease,play around,chat or collect pics & positive comments !!!
    >4w
    Reply
  • Clickable

    Clickable
    53M Carlton North, VIC,
     AU

    Re: response I got from a recent message.
    I never assume someone is interested just because they look at my profile. I can only go by what is contained in their profile, the description of who they are seeking and if it is interesting enough, and may inspire me to send them a genuine message.
    I do however expect a modicum of respect in a reply, a simple....."thanks but your not what Im looking for is fine"
    ....not "I don't intend to lower my standard just to chat with you" forgive me, but that does come across as rather insulting.
    Not the rejection, I can handle that, it's just the nature of the reply as it lacks respect.
    If the person sending you an email doesn't meet your expectations, that's fine, I do have certain requirements too in the person I seek. I respect that and so should they.
    Thanks
    >4w
    Reply
  • serg685

    serg685
    Account closed

    Is always a chance to meet a woman depends if they like what they see and how they feel about your profile,in my experience is not many chances to guys as it is for women so if they like to contact me,,cool if not I am not going to lose sleep over that is a lot of other thing I can enjoy and is no need to have a female companion to do so.
    >4w
    Reply
  • B.LGuyOz

    B.LGuyOz
    Account closed

    If only profile views meant people wanted to meet then i wouldn't be pissed off that much and just recently contacted someone who i fell within their criteria age and gender they were looking and the person responds "sorry you don't fall within are age group", your profile says 21 to 45 or whatever and i'm 25 and you tell me this bullshit as someone said i'm not going to lose sleep over this. If all fails at least i'm sure there will be a silver lining somewhere.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Slimshaddy

    Slimshaddy
    Account closed

    When you have an avalanche of men to choose from; womens standard naturally go spiralling north; why scrap the bottom when you can have the cream; years ago the ratio : men to women; was a little less; know with the invent of other free apps; women actively using AMM has declined; so our chance or odds have greatly diminished. This is my second stint on this site; the first time i had a pleasent experience with a few stunning women; this time round it seems Ive lost my touch.
    >4w
    Reply
  • Bartender84

    Bartender84
    45M Potts Point, NSW,
     AU

    Your first objective on a online site is to realise that variety is the spice of life.
    If you only have one specific type you going to be lonely.
    When i joined i thought...ah cool every woman is going to want to fuck! Yes they are but not every women is going to fuck you. Plain and simple.
    Chat rooms are great to chat and shoot the shit...but the real hero is private chatting...send a request see what happens....success and failure rate is very skewed to the latter so dont get discouraged and also send messages....lots of messages. I have been online for 6 years and i havent ever got a message from a woman. The only time they nessages is when you are exactly what they want and that happens very seldom. All this is just my experience not gospel! Keep on plodding brothers! Also try couples and maybe men! Its sex and fun doesnt have to be thought about so much.
    >4w
    Reply
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