Don’t Assume we’re Swingers!
Eva Sless
on 18 July 2025
7 comments
Okay, I'm going to say this very bluntly, and nice and loud, for the people in the back who don't bother to read profiles.
Just because you see a couple on Adult Match Maker, it doesn’t mean they're swingers.
No, really. It doesn’t.
Now, don’t get me wrong... We love swingers here at Adult Match Maker. Swinging is great! We go to parties and events all the time. We truly believe the world would be a much sexier, happier place if more people were as open and respectful and party-positive as the average seasoned swinger couple. But the truth is, not every couple looking for some extra fun fits into that particular little pineapple-shaped box, and it can be incredibly offensive and off-putting when couples are automatically put into that category just because they are a couple.
Like so many sexual identities, “swinger” is a term that has a very specific meaning, and so, like I said above, when you use it as a catch-all for anyone who’s part of a couple and up for something a bit spicy, it does a real disservice to everyone, including the actual swingers!
So let’s clear things up, and break it down into easier chunks.
What is Swinging?
Traditionally, swinging involves two couples who agree (enthusiastically!) to swap partners or play together in a group setting. It’s often a very social event - swingers might go to events, parties, or clubs, and there’s usually a lot of mutuality. That means everyone is involved or welcome to be involved, and there’s a strong community vibe that creates great bonds and trust between players.
It’s a very specific flavour of consensual ethical non-monogamy (sometimes referred to as ENM). But it’s not the only one. Not even close.
They might be looking for a Threesome
Plenty of couples are on the site hoping to find a third to join them in the bedroom. It could be for one night or even for ongoing play. It could be MFM, FFM or a whole glorious range of gender combos (you can actually specify under looking for on your profile). It might be about exploring bisexuality, or simply adding something new into the bedroom. Sometimes it's even the prelude to the couple exploring the swing lifestyle. But it doesn’t make them swingers. It makes them curious, adventurous, and very good at calendar planning, but a one off (or even regular) threesome or moresome group play doesn't mean the players are swingers, or that they would identify as such.
They might be into Hotwifing or Stag/Vixen Dynamics
As we've talked about before, this is where one person in the couple (usually the woman in “hotwife” dynamics, but not always) has sex with someone outside the relationship, often with the full knowledge, support, and even involvement of their partner who will sometimes be watching, directing, or simply just turned on by the idea. It's often connected to voyeuristic or submission kinks, and, like swinging, is a very specific relationship dynamic.
Regardless of how it may look to an outsider, it’s absolutely consensual.... it’s definitely fucking hot... And it’s completely different to both swinging and cheating.
They might be in a D/s Relationship
Many of the couples on Adult Match Maker are part of the kink community and they might be looking for an extra submissive to join them in play. Or a Domme to share the power with. Maybe they're a Master/slave pair looking for someone to serve, be served, or engage in a specific scene dynamic with.
Often in kink play it’s not about sex at all and, even if you have multiple players, it’s definitely not a swingers party. It’s structured, intentional, and deeply negotiated. You don't just rock up and take control.
They might be Polyamorous
For some couples, being on Adult Match Maker is about more than sex. Couple profiles that talk about polyamory are not just looking for a quick fix play. They're more looking to form separate relationships outside of the one they're in - emotionally, romantically, sexually, or all of the above... It means they're on here looking to date other people, not just shag them in a group setting. And it’s all very consensual and openly known by all people within the relationship.
They might be "Open"
I've put open in inverted commas because that's probably the one "identifier" that's the most ambiguous. It doesn't really offer too much detail or specifics except that the people within the couple are open to ideas beyond just regular monogamy. You might see "open" written more on single male or female profiles which typically indicates they have a partner who is fully aware and ok with them playing alone. Of course, the only way you're really going to know what they’re into and what they want is to do what I've said in the intro, and will continue to say.
Ask them. Politely. And with the maturity to listen and respect boundaries, preferences, and limitations. So, you know, the way you should approach all encounters and relationships.
They might just like flirting!
So many couples are here to utilise our awesome chat and erotica features, and explore their fantasies in a safe and respectful environment. They want to share sexy stories, read other people's erotic fantasies, and connect online with others in an erotic space. They might attend swingers parties but not play with other couples, they’re into flirting rather than fucking and Chantelle wrote about this in an earlier article. They may never meet anyone in person, they may never want to or need to, but online play like sexting, dirty talking, and webcam play can create incredible bonds and connections within relationships and make their own personal sex lives deeper, stronger, and more exciting.
Activities like mutual masturbation over webcam and telling secrets and dirty desires to strangers online is all just as valid and exciting as attending a party. It’s all just subjective and personal to all of us.
So, why does any of this matter?
Because words matter. Clarity matters. Identity matters.
When we can fully (or at least try to) understand the different ways people explore sex and relationships, we can then create space for better conversations, clearer boundaries, and way more fulfilling experiences. It's as important a distinction as any in a nuanced space, and just calling everyone a “swinger” because they’re not monogamous is like calling tomato sauce a fruit smoothie just because it's blended, pourable fruit.
Technically true? Well, maybe... But also deeply missing the point and won't win you any friends at the milk bar.
Ethical Non Monogamy or ENM is becoming more and more common and, as you can see from the different types I’ve explained above it comes in a whole lot of flavours.
So the next time you see a couple on Adult Match Maker who aren’t specifically identifying as swingers, don’t just assume they haven’t worked it out yet or missed the checking box... Maybe they’re here for something else entirely.
Wanna know the secret to finding out? It's a doozy!
Ask. Listen. Learn.
And if in any doubt, read their profile! It's there for a reason.
Until next time, happy group play, my friends.
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