How to Pleasure a Clit like a Pro
Eva Sless
on 7 March 2025
12 comments
Yes, I know most of us here know what the clitoris is. In fact, I'm going to assume every person reading this blog article has heard of it because, to be honest, the alternative would be incredibly depressing. But as an educator I also believe it is important for us to go back to the basics every now and then and undertake a refresher course.
So today we are going to get up close and personal with something every woman and heterosexual man should be well aware of - the clitoris.
What is the clitoris?
The clitoris is an organ of the female body once thought to be just a little "nub" of nerve endings sitting at the top of the vulva, above the urethra. In very recent times (too recent to be believed really) scientists actually mapped the entire organ and discovered it's actually a whole lot bigger and more intricate than first thought.
The entire clitoris is shaped like a puffy little wishbone, and is situated around the vulva with the top of the "wishbone" (the aforementioned nub bit) sitting above the urethra, and the "arms" spread out along the sides to form a sort of archway that runs down the length of the vulva towards the vaginal entrance.
It is absolutely jam packed with sensitive nerves all culminating in the very tip, with what is thought to be around 8,000 nerve endings, all there for the sole purpose of creating pleasure and orgasmic sensations.
How do you find the clitoris?
I've always hated the weirdly misogynistic trope of "where is the clitoris?" It's sad and far too common among people of my age (generation x) and above. And when I say misogynistic I'm not just referring to men. Many, many women hold internalised misogyny in ways we don't even realise. Things like blaming women for the indiscretions of men, or hating or ridiculing sexual women, which includes having shame about their own sexual pleasure, which then manifests into a lot of body ignorance and bad sex. Misogyny hurts us all and it's absolutely time we all re-examine the way we think about ourselves and our bodies, especially in sexual ways... But I digress...
Clitoral ignorance makes no sense to me because I've always been a little bit hedonistic and into self pleasure, and have mostly had lovers who had an interest in my pleasure too, and who understood that being "good at sex" was about far more than just getting their dicks wet. So they knew where to start looking, and I knew where and how to guide them to the right spot if they were a little lost.
Because that's the thing, while bodies and anatomy are all kind of similar, the ways we use them, feel them, touch them, and enjoy them are completely individual and so what worked with one clitoris may not work with another in the same way. This doesn't mean you're not good at doing the sex, it just means you have to change it up a bit sometimes, and you know the best way to do that?
Talk. To. Her.
Clit Communication
Seriously I don't know how many times I have written it, but it doesn't matter, cos I'll write it again again another hundred times, and not because people are dumb and don't get it, but because it's important and important lessons need to be repeated...
So here we go...
Communication is the best way to solve almost ANY problem.
Not just sex ones either!
Talk. Ask questions. Show. Explain. Guide. Be open to learning and trial and error. Be open to getting it wrong and getting it right. Just be open.
Honestly, it doesn't matter whether you're learning how to make a cake, or touch your partner's genitals in the perfect way, the best way to work it all out is to ask the expert and follow their lead.
In this case, the owner of the clitoris.
You really don't need to be clinical and weird with it either.
Some people read stuff like this and feel like I'm expecting you to sit down with a clipboard and a lab coat and list off all your desires and needs in a boring little check list.
No. I really don't mean that, although if that's the sort of communication that works for you, go for it!
What I really mean is asking them to show you what feels good.
"Tell me where you like it."
"Show me how you touch yourself."
Taking their hand and guiding them.
Making noises.
Saying "yes, like that!"
Watching porn together and saying "Ooh, try that on me!"
If you're at the point in a relationship where you're putting your hands or mouth or other bits around someone's genitals then you have to be mature enough to talk about it.
If you're not, then you probably need to take a look at your own insecurities and innermost thoughts and ask yourself why.
It's a disservice to you and your lovers if you can't articulate your needs properly.
Let go of shame.
Embrace openness.
Okay, so you're down there. You've asked all the questions and you've given all the info, but you also want to jazz it up a bit or take some initiative.
Awesome. I love it.
Here are a few tips and tricks to try that can up your finger and tongue game, and make her squirm and squeal and definitely come back for more.
Go Slow
Start with light, teasing touches around the vulva. Stroke up and down the outer lips and gently squeeze together. Slide your tongue or fingertips along her inner thigh... Go everywhere BUT right to the top...
Trust me... It won't be long till she's putty in your hands.
Vary Your Pressure
When you're stroking and squeezing and licking and playing, change it up a little bit.
If you went softly up, go harder down... A gentle squeeze mixed with a firmer one can create all sorts of electric tingles up and down her belly and legs. But absolutely pay attention to how she responds. That will give you an indication of her favourite ways to be touched.
Mix Up Your Moves and Spots
Like I said above, don’t just stick to one technique. Try different motions. Circles, tapping, pushing, or even a gentle back-and-forth. This adds all over sensations and enjoyment and helps you (and her) work out what she loves. And always remember, the clitoris is just one part of the whole experience. Yes this piece is about the clitoris, but don’t forget about the labia and vaginal opening! Many women enjoy a combo of clitoral stimulation with vaginal action, so feel free to experiment and play around and test it all out.
Just, of course, make sure you listen and have enthusiastic consent.
Be Patient
Sometimes it can take a while to get her to that breathless, toe curling, sheet grabbing moment. It can be because of a whole bunch of reasons from the time of month and what her hormones are doing, to being distracted because of that dickhead at work. Most women are incredibly mental lovers, meaning they need a clear and positive headspace to fully let go and enjoy themselves.
It could have absolutely nothing to do with your moves, and everything to do with her head, so be patient and make sure she feels safe, connected, and that you're there because you're into her, not just to get some.
Use Lube!
Lube is the best friend of sex. Of all sex. Vaginal. Anal. Fingering. Toys. All of it. It makes it soft and slippery and feel absolutely lovely. Even for women who like rough, hard, gritty sex, lube is vital, because there is nothing worse than a dry fuck.
It's not anywhere in the realms of "rough sex". It's just uncomfortable and painful. So make it slippery. Even if she's wet and aroused. You can always make it a little more slippery.
Don’t. Stop. Moving.
You know that bit, where her breath gets shallower, and her eyes start to roll back and she says "yes, baby, yes... please don't stop!"
Omg, guys, seriously. If she says "don't stop" please DO NOT STOP! We know that it excites you and gives you that ego rush, but don’t get ahead of yourself and suddenly try and embody Fabio... That is not what she wants or needs at all. Just keep doing EXACTLY what you're doing in the moment she says that.
Don't suddenly go faster. Or slower. Or change your angle or pressure. Just. Keep. Going. Yeah, your hand might be cramped and your neck is about to break BUT JUST DON'T STOP PLEASE!
Seriously it's one of the biggest complaints I hear from women about men in bed.
Look, we're all adults here, and we're all here because we enjoy fucking, so make it your mission to know what your lovers like and need. Make it your mission to tell them what you like and need. Make it your mission to have great sex every time you have sex.
Usually the hardest barriers to cross are our own barriers, so if we can knock them down and keep on going, who knows where we can end up!
Hopefully between her legs getting our ears squeezed, hey fellas?
So until next time, happy fucking, my friends.
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